


The Founder's Tale

by gryffindorcutie



Series: The Founder's Tale Series [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Awkward Flirting, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Hufflepuff, Hufflepuff Common Room, Hufflepuff Pride, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Pureblood Politics (Harry Potter), Purebloods (Harry Potter), Remus Lupin Lives, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Sirius Black Lives, Slow Burn, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Young Remus Lupin, tonks who?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:07:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 122,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22898482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gryffindorcutie/pseuds/gryffindorcutie
Summary: A Hufflepuff on a quest to find a legend befriends four crazy Gryffindors. Okay, five including Peter.  But she's not exactly fond of that one.Marauders Era.  Circa 1971-1978.Or, Remus Lupin doesn’t want the girl he loves to know that he’s a monster.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marauders (Harry Potter) & Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin & Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin/Original Character(s), Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Marlene McKinnon
Series: The Founder's Tale Series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868227
Comments: 280
Kudos: 186





	1. The Pureblood Squib

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello & welcome to The Founder's Tale. This book is rated mature for future content in the series.

**August, 1971**

Though she was only eleven, Samsara knew her life was already over. She couldn't really make up her mind about what life would be like as a Squib, but it was a future that she had resigned herself to. School would start in two weeks and she didn't have any signs of being able to use magic. 

Her older sister had left for Hogwarts four years prior, and each summer she came home more and more powerful. Samsara had long awaited her turn to see the castle for herself. Unlike her sister, however, she hadn't been an early bloomer. In fact, if she was magical at all, she might be the latest of all late bloomers. She was gutted when August 17th came and went, leaving her powerless at the eligible age for magical education. 

The very thought that she might never see Hogwarts and prove herself to her sister, Summer made her feel utterly hopeless. Still, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Her father was a squib, after all. He lived in the magical world, though he couldn't participate in all of it, and he was doing alright. She knew this, of course, but in her mind it was still the end of the world. 

The Burton family of Centerport, New York were an unusual pureblood family. Daisy and Fred Burton were lovers of peace and freedom and did not support the wars, magical or non-magical, that is. Fred Burton was a squib and Daisy Burton was a former pureblood socialite. Of course, that's how the world saw them, but to each other, they were the center of their tiny universe. And the universe blessed them with two beautiful daughters.

In their early years, Samsara and her sister Summer felt their father was a stranger. He was always working, or disappearing for weeks at a time. When he was home, he often withdrew into himself, lost in his own world. The trauma from the second world war that he had fought kept him up at night, often drinking to dull the pain. He had been actively against the wars in Vietnam, and Korea. He protested against anti-muggle sentiments, and often submitted his writing to the local magical newspaper.

The prestigious VonAugbert pureblood family had long since cut Daisy out of their will for not marrying a husband of their choice. However, they still kept in touch to keep tabs on their granddaughters. They spared any cost to spoil them with their affections in hopes they would rectify their legacy some day. The Burtons came to the agreement with the VonAugberts. Summer and Samsara would each receive a sum of the inheritance that once belonged to Daisy when they would come of adult age. Their only wish, in return, was that when Summer and Samsara were of magical age, they would attend Hogwarts, rather than Ilvermorny. Hogwarts had been the alma mater of the VonAugberts for centuries. This would be the only acceptable correction for Daisy's poor choice in marriage. After graduation, they could gain access to their entrusted funds. 

When the VonAugberts moved to the United States in the 1920s to expand their business, they had been shocked at the strict magical laws and wayward magical education in America. The esteemed magical bloodline of the VonAugbert family, whose lineage connected to Merlin himself- or so the rumors said, would not be allowed to mix with the riffraff of Ilvermorny. Daisy and Fred easily accepted their terms, if only so that their children could take the money and use it to better their future. The girls would only need to be escorted to London each fall to attend the most esteemed wizarding school in the world, and as purebloods they would have the money and connections to do so. 

Summer and Samsara Burton had been thick as thieves their entire childhood, up until two years prior. While Summer was four years older, she had always included her sister in everything she did. She shared her dolls, her clothes, and waited patiently for her younger sister to catch up when she ran around the yard. When she received her letter from Hogwarts, however, she was sad to realize that her new adventure to the UK was something she couldn't share with her little sister. Then when Summer headed to Hogwarts, everything had changed.

When efforts to pack herself in her older sister's trunk failed and her grandparents had taken her sister before she could properly say goodbye, Samsara cried into her pillow for days. What was worse- when her sister came back, all she would talk of were her new friends and the magic she got to do. She never told Samsara much about Hogwarts or anything at all. Eventually, she would ignore her entirely. The only time she spoke to Samsara was when she made rude comments on her lack of magical abilities- in front of their father, no less. 

Samsara often felt thatshe had lost her best friend. Homeschooled, she threw herself into books, reading everything she could get her hands on to ignore her loneliness. When her mother went to work full time, she spent more time with her father. 

Summer Burton, as the eldest, loved being doted on by her grandparents and showed off plenty to them over every Christmas and summer vacation. See, in America, magical laws allowed underage practice of school-learned spells in the privacy of one's home with parental permission. It was the second amendment of the magical constitution, after all. Only when she went back to the UK did she have to pocket her wand and wait until school started to use spells again.

Since her sister had left for school four years ago, their father had begun therapy. When he helped her homeschooling, Samsara saw a side of her dad open up that Summer never got to know. It was a joyful, funny side of him He taught Samsara a great deal about No-Maj inventions, and she had no shortage of curiosity for everything he showed her from non-magical cars to microwaves.

On one sinfully warm Long Island summer day, Chelsea and Robert VonAugbert were visiting their granddaughters as they did each year before the term at Hogwarts began. They escorted Summer to London just before school began. Fred, who had come home from a recent treatment at St. Jouge's, was at the grill, cooking for everyone. He had relapsed in June, but had come home a few weeks later feeling much better. He tried to find ways to bond with Summer, whose life he had already missed a great deal of, but she shunned him the same way she shunned Samsara. He chalked it up to her being a teenager. He and Samsara had a different bond. They were both kind, curious, and hard working. In Samsara's eyes, he could do no wrong. He was as close to a best friend that she had. She didn't hold it against him when he was having an episode. She and her mother simply cherished his happy, carefree moments that were few and far between. Part of the bond with her father came from a love of book. He had shared a few of his childhood favorites with her. Samsara was reading one of the books he gave her under a shaded tree when her sister approached.

"Aww Samsara, what's this? Reading another No-Maj book?" Summer taunted her sister, laughing. 

Samsara glanced up from her Box Car Children book to raise an eyebrow at her sister. For a newly turned eleven-year-old, Samsara showed an aloofness beyond her age. She considered herself to be above petty meanness, believing as her grandmother had always said, "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar."

"Of course a squib like yourself would read something like that." Summer continued, in a voice low enough that her mother and grandparents wouldn't hear. "Guess you should get used to that, huh?"

Samsara frowned, not wanting to give her sister the satisfaction of a reaction. It felt like a punch in the gut, though. Her birthday, August 17th, had come and gone and she hadn't done any magic or received her Hogwarts letter. Biting her lip, she started reading over the paragraph that she had left off, forgetting what it had said. The words still didn't register in her mind the second time around, and a pit formed in her stomach.

"Helloooo," A hand with green fingernail polish waved in front of Samsara's face. "Listen, Squibby Sammy, when I'm talking to you."

Samsara ground her teeth but maintained a neutral expression when suddenly her book was ripped from her hands and levitating in the air.

Samsara mustered as much of a glare as the sweet-looking 11-year old could manage at her sister who waved her dark, riveted wand in the air.

"Summer, Give. It. Back" The young girl stood from where she sat.

"Make me, Squibby Sammy," Summer smirked down at her. "Oh, wait... You can't."

Samsara closed her eyes, reaching a hand out to the book, willing it to come to her hand. She willed herself to feel energy humming, warmth, or anything really. Any sign of magic she would have welcomed.

Summer laughed loudly, breaking her sister's concentration.

"Oh, Sammy. Magic doesn't work like that," She said between fits of fake laughs, "Wow, you really are a Squib, aren't you."

"Am not!" Samsara was fuming.

"Are too!" Summer spat, "You're just like daddy."

"Well, dad's wonderful," Samsara stepped forward, "You would know that if you gave him a chance. So, stuff it! you... you... Communist!"

Samsara winced at her words. She had already failed her experiment in "killing with kindness." Communist was a bad word, she had guessed. Her father had said it once or twice while yelling at the television as he watched the news. She didn't really know what it really meant, but in context, she decided it was an insult.

Summer sent a withering glare at her little sister who stood her ground.

"What... did you just call me?" Summer stepped closer so they were toe to toe. "Don't speak to your superior that way, _Squib._ "

Samsara had never felt hatred before, but it was definitely an ugly feeling. It was a burning feeling in her chest. A feeling she had never expected to feel towards her sister, who she had always looked up to.

She wished she could just sock her sister right in her smug face for saying bad things about their Dad. Samsara wondered if Hogwarts was what had made her like this, just so... mean. If it were true, she didn't want to go there. A place full of prissy show-offs? No thank you.

Although, the only thing that would have been nice about going would be finally getting a pet to take with her. She had dreamed of getting an owl and was surprised when Summer had picked a cat over a more useful familiar.

Snapping back to the present, Samsara decided she had enough of her sister's taunting. She wound her fist back to make a punch when suddenly the book dropped to the ground with a thud. Samsara and Summer paused, looking at it. It twitched a couple of times before going still. Summer's wand was lowered, and she looked as if she had seen a ghost.

After a beat, Samsara reached a hand out tentatively to pick it up, when it jolted suddenly off the ground into the air again, flapping its pages like a bird's wings. Aggressively, it flapped its hardbound cover at Summer's head who shrieked, running away. A page folded into a sharp beak and began pecking at her. Samsara stood shocked still, watching with her jaw hanging open. Her sister screamed again, and Samsara craned her neck around the side of the tree to see who had cast the spell, her mother or her grandparents- but they were blissfully unaware of it all. They were chatting away happily, completely unaware of their daughters' spat. That is until Summer went running to them, crying to her grandparents, and pointing at Samsara.

Chelsea VonAugbert flicked her wand and the book stilled, lowering to the table and folding neatly. She looked to Samsara who was still partially hidden behind the tree with a sly smile and raised a hand to wave her over.

"Samsara, dear, come here." She commanded softly.

Samsara cringed, walking over to her grandmother quickly. Chelsea was a fearsome person whenever she was angry or displeased, which was often.

"Samsara, is this your book, darling?" She asked, her face not giving any signs of emotion.

Samsara didn't see the point in lying. She nodded. Her grandmother raised an eyebrow. Samsara knew that look. Oh no. "I-, I don't know what happened." She looked to her sister who was pouting in the arms of their grandfather. Their grandfather was doing his best not to look thoroughly amused by the situation as he patted her back affectionately. Samsara fought the urge to roll her eyes at her sister soaking up the attention.

"Darling, this is... a wonderful thing," Her grandmother extended an elegant, manicured hand to place it on the girl's shoulder. "You did it... magic. You're a witch!"

Samsara looked on in awe as her grandmother's eyes began to tear up. She had never seen her cry, well, not in happiness at least. Rage, certainly, but never joy.

Daisy clapped excitedly from the side, standing to hug her daughter. It was her father, however, that Samsara looked to, who reassured her with a tentative smile.

"I... I did?" Samsara wasn't entirely convinced.

"This is a cause for celebration, our granddaughter is a witch!" Chelsea VonAugbert clapped her hands together, before reaching into her enchanted handbag and retrieving a handkerchief which she used to delicately dab at her eyes.

Summer glowered at her sister, and then stormed inside. Her grandfather shrugged, sipping his cocktail in his seat again. Samsara didn't know how to feel, just then. Did this mean she could go to Hogwarts after all? The term started in less than two weeks. She went to bed that night clutching her stuffed-animal owl, Bert. Her father's mother had sewn it magically for her, along with a matching one for her sister. It had two large, flat beads for eyes, and it was a bit worn from use. It was stout, fluffy, and the only thing that could comfort the young girl at a time like this. Samsara hoped everything would work out alright as she fell into a fitful sleep


	2. A letter and a Portkey

Samsara sat at the kitchen table, staring at the letter in disbelief.

**Dear Miss Burton,**

****

****

**We regret to inform you that you have not been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.**

**Hogwarts does not accept squibs.**

**Yours Sincerely,**

**Minerva McGonagall**

**Professor**

She looked up from the letter and saw her mother in tears. She turned and saw her father, shaking his head at her with a deep-set frown on his face. 

"My daughter, a squib! what a disappointment." Daisy wailed, agony plain on her face. 

"Squibby Sammy..."

Suddenly her sister and grandparents stood around her, chanting at her

"Squibby Sammy, Sammy the Squib..."

Samsara jolted awake, suddenly feeling very clammy. She checked the bedside clock, which read 3:40 A.M. It had only been a dream. She rubbed her eyes and stretched, deciding to grab herself some water from the kitchen before settling back into bed. She had just shut her eyes when a sharp sound rattled her window. Something was tapping against it. In the moonlight, she made out the silhouette of a modestly large bird. An owl. She shot out of her bed, yanking the window open. The owl fluttered around her room before dropping an envelope on her mattress and settling next to Bert, the plushie owl. It ruffled its brown feathers and looked at the stuff-animal with curiosity before pecking it gently. 

Disregarding the envelope for a moment, Samsara reached out a hand tentatively to touch the sweet-looking owl. It stilled but did not appear apprehensive, so she stroked its head softly.

"Why, thank you." Samsara cooed to the owl, "Did you have to come a long way?"

It stared at her with large eyes, poking its beak to the envelope.

**Ms. S. Burton**

****

****

**14 S. Willowby Dr.**

**Centerport, Long Island**

**New York**

Samsara dropped the letter in excitement just as soon as she had picked it up, jumping to her feet once more. 

"I could kiss you." She proclaimed to the owl, who seemed to be contentedly resting after its travels. Samsara wondered if it had come from the Ministry or all the way from Scotland

Carefully picking the envelope up from the floor, she turned it over, revealing a red wax seal with the Hogwarts crest. She almost didn't want to open it so she could preserve the beautiful seal and after some thought, ran to the kitchen to find a letter opener. She carefully opened the envelope from the side to forever preserve her treasured letter, before sprinting back to the room. 

"Okay," She breathed out, looking at her small visitor once more, "Ready?"

The owl looked briefly at Samsara again before resuming its affectionate pecking at Bert.

"Alright," Samsara nodded at the creature as if it were listening eagerly. "Here we go."

She pulled out a piece of parchment, silently admiring the elegant curling script of the letter. 

She grinned to herself as she read the words out in a whisper.

**Dear Miss Burton,**

****

****

**We are pleased to-**

Samsara squealed, scanning through the rest. She grinned to herself and bounced in excitement. It was all finally happening for her, she would get to attend Hogwarts just like she had dreamed of all summer long. She thanked the owl again, petting it again. The brown owl pecked at helpless Bert one last time before spreading its wings and leaving.

She decided to wait until morning to tell her parents, and could hardly sleep a wink. She read the last chapters of her Box Car book by flashlight and when the sun rose, she clutched the letter to her chest in excitement. 

When her family woke and gathered in the kitchen for breakfast, she excitedly slammed her letter on the table. 

Her mother congratulated her, and her father did too, although his smile didn't quite meet his eyes. Nothing could dampen Samsara's mood, not throughout the remaining days until her departure. Even the stink-face her sister made upon finding out she was in fact a witch and not a squib. Before she could really process everything, the summer was over and her grandparents had come to take her to London by portkey.

Her sister hugged her mom goodbye and ignored their father, before stepping outside to stand near her grandparents. Samsara said goodbye to each of her parents with a hug and a smile. Her mother reassured her she would meet lots of friends and grow up to be a bright young witch. Her father smiled at her as she enveloped him in a tight hug. She could tell his smile didn't reach his eyes.

"Goodbye, Dad," Samsara said, "I will write to you and tell you all about it!"

"Mhmm." He grinned. "Sure, that's what your sister said."

"I mean it." She said, earnestly. Her father smiled at her and gave her one last hug.

"I know you do, Sammy." He said, "And that's why I want to send you off with a little something."

He pulled out a small parcel, in a very familiar shape.

"IS THIS?!"

Samsara pulled the paper off excitedly, and when she saw the stack of books, she squealed happily. In her hands, there were at least five new books in the Box Car series. Though she was beyond the reading level, it meant a great deal to her to have something that once belonged to her father as a kid. She looked up at him, positively beaming.

"Thank you, dad!" They hugged one last time, before saying their final goodbyes. Samsara joined her grandparents and sister, who stood around an odd black gentleman's hat, with a red feather. 

"Ready girls?" Robert VonAugbert asked, gesturing to the hat as he picked it up.

Summer nodded. At the count of three, they all grabbed it and were whisked away. 

Samsara felt particularly nauseous upon landing in an alley in London. Her sister too had had a bit of a rough landing. Her grandparents, however, were graceful as ever, walking on air until they strode softly to the ground. And they kept walking. 

"Do keep up, dears." Their grandmother called to them over her shoulder.

Summer smirked for a moment at her sister, before frowning and stomping off to their grandparents. Samsara, the smallest of the bunch had to run to catch up.

The family arrived at a dodgy inn called The Leaky Cauldron where Samsara watched, bewildered as her granddad tapped his wand on a series of bricks. Before her eyes, the stones rearranged themselves into an opening and they stepped through. When she looked back, the wall was shifting back again. Samsara had seen her mother do magic, but nothing like this. She felt a giddy feeling in her stomach. 

The family went into Gringotts, collecting funds for school purchases and treats. They booked two rooms at a fancy hotel up the road in Diagon Alley. Then, they spent the day shopping for school supplies, as they only had days to spare before the term would start

After collecting her robes, wand (10 and a half inches, willow, dragon heartstring core) , and an adorable tawny owl with huge eyes, Samsara and her sister followed their grandparents to Florean Fortescue's Ice cream parlor for some dessert. 

While the entire day had been filled with firsts for Samsara: from choosing a wand to seeing magical folks and creatures of all kinds, she was unprepared for this. A magical ice-cream parlor. Immediately upon entry, she was awestruck by the sweet smell of the frozen dessert, the pastel pinstripe wallpaper, and enchanted decorations and lights. She was so awestruck, that she hadn't chosen a flavor, or even spared a glance to the menu until it was their turn to order. Her grandparents and sister chose quickly and looked to her, and she furrowed her brows in panic. 

"It's only Ice Cream, you know." Came a voice from behind Samsara. 

Samsara turned with a raised brow to discover a boy with short sandy-brown hair behind her. Catching her eyes, he gave her a cheeky grin, before pointing to a flavor behind the glass.

"You'll want the Chocolate Frog Crunch," He said assuredly. "It's the best flavor in here anyway."

Samsara gave him a once over, noticing cuts on his face and arms. His bluish-green eyes were surrounded by dark circles, but he had a bright smile on his face. She couldn't help but smile back.

"Is that so?" She asked, raising a brow at him. His smile widened. He nodded at her, easing her uncertainty.

He seemed to her a bit odd, but she considered herself odd as well.

She supposed he meant to be friendly, rather than rude, so she shrugged and ordered his recommendation. Her grandmother paid and she found herself looking over her shoulder again to find him as she picked her dessert up from the counter. When she turned back, he was at her side already. She jumped a bit in surprise. 

"I'm Remus. Remus Lupin." He held his hand out and she took it with her free hand.

"Samsara, um, Burton." Samsara bit her lip. He smiled, nodding

"American?" He grinned at her, "Going to Hogwarts then, are you?" He asked, and Samsara noted that his accent sounded like one of the Beatles that her dad liked. No-maj music was his favorite. The accent was a sort of mix of Scottish and English. Samsara was a bit fascinated with how everyone sounded here.

"Yeah. I'll be a first year, and you?" Samsara asked politely

He nodded. He nodded his chin behind her and she turned to see her family waiting for her.

"See you around, Samsara." He smiled again, winking at her before exiting the shop.

Samsara joined her family and was not blushing at all, thank you very much. She figured English boys might just be like that. A bit weird, that's all.

Soon, it was September 1st. At King's Cross station, she bid farewell to her grandparents after loading her trunk. Summer disappeared into the train and Samsara wandered along looking for a place to sit. She eventually found a compartment with just one girl who was knitting by herself. She had short, shoulder-length dirty blonde hair. 

Samsara cleared her throat.

"Mind if I join you?" She asked the girl.

The girl looked up and smiled.

"Not at all, I was thinking I would have to spend the trip alone."

Samsara felt relieved.

"I'm Samsara Burton. What's your name?" 

"Louisa Barnes," She answered, "I would shake your hand but i'm a bit preoccupied."

She held up her knitting needles. Samsara nodded.

"No worries." 

They were silent for a moment. Then they spoke at the same time.

"Are you a first-

"What year are-

The girls burst into giggles. After about five minutes, they were fast friends. She was also a first-year, Samsara hoped they would be in the same house. They chatted about being a bit nervous about the sorting and found both of their older siblings were at Hogwarts. Louisa's older sister was a Ravenclaw, and Samsara shared that Summer was a Slytherin. They both agreed to stay together, at least until sorting.

After a bit, Louisa and Samsara were trying out one another's accents and laughing at the poor attempts when the door to their compartment slid open.

"Look, mate, this one's got room. Just ask them." A tall, curly hair boy nudged his shorter, pudgier friend. The two boys stood awkwardly in the doorway, glaring at one another, and the girls exchanged an amused look.

"Yes, can we help you?" Louisa called to them, interrupting their stare-off.

Samsara bit her lip to hide her smile.

The shorter boy exhaled, before looking at the girls finally.

"Yeah, err. Can we sit with you two? Everywhere else is full."

"Hmm. I don't know Samsara, what do you think?" Louisa grinned at her new friend with a mischievous glint in her eye.

Samsara played along.

"Hmm. I don't know. And be the last resort? Doesn't sound very promising." She looked to the two boys, ignoring the look of irritation from the one in the back.

"Perhaps we could be bribed."

"Yes, with chocolate frogs.

They looked to the boys hopefully.

"Sure." The shorter one agreed, sitting quickly next to Samsara. The girls exchanged a triumphant smile.

The tall, curly-haired boy pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. 

"Yes, yes fine." He nodded. "Oliver, you can buy them you twat, as it's your fault we were late and barely made the train."

Oliver shrugged bashfully.

"Sorry, mate."

The tall boy plopped down next to Louisa, who appeared to become a bit shy.

"I'm Gregory Bird." He said, "And this absolute knob, is Oliver Knox."

"I can introduce myself fine, thanks." The boy replied, indignantly.

Louisa and Samsara smirked, shaking their hands. They were all first years. Oliver and Gregory had been friends for years. They were neighbors and only children. None of the four seemed to know which house they belonged in and felt much better knowing the others were a bit apprehensive. Gregory admitted he would like to play Quidditch someday though. Oliver had brought a game of Gobstones and patiently taught Samsara how to play. It was a bit rough, though, as the train was moving constantly. 

Pulling up to the station near Hogwarts, they could feel the excitement in the air. They all took the same boat to the entrance of the school, and Samsara awed at how beautiful the castle was. She couldn't believe this would get to be her home away from home for the next seven years. 

Entering the castle, Samsara's head craned in every direction, taking in every portrait, staircase, and detail. They waited outside two very large doors in a huddle of nearly a hundred kids around her age. They could hear the noise of chatter and laughter from behind the doors. Samsara felt so nervous she could puke. Louisa nudged her and pointed to the top of the stairs where a couple of boys were arguing. 

"Wonder what the big fuss is about," Louisa whispered in her ear, standing shoulder to shoulder with Samsara.

Samsara looked closer and saw a pale, blonde boy and his friends toe to toe with a boy in glasses and who looked ready to throw a punch. His friends also stood, ready to back him up. She rolled her eyes. She couldn't believe people were already fussing and fighting. Couldn't they all just get along for one day? She shook her head, shrugging.

"Of course some bloke has to start a pissing contest on the first day." Gregory leaned into their whispered conversation, clearly having overheard.

"Guys, what are we whispering about?" Oliver huddled in, too, with a puzzled look.

Samsara snorted, causing her friends to burst into laughter, herself and Oliver joining shortly after.

Their outburst caused the two boys to send a heated look in their direction. They held their laughter for a moment, putting on a straight face, before bursting into laughter again.

When Samsara looked again, she saw amongst the rowdy glasses-wearing boy's friends was Remus from Fortescue's. He stood by his friend's side with an irritated expression. He and Samsara made brief eye contact and Samsara smiled. He turned his attention back to his friends without acknowledging her.

Samsara didn't have time to react, because soon they were ushered through the doors and the sorting began.


	3. The Friendly House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Samsara's first year at Hogwarts, and an intro to some key characters.

When the large, elegantly carved doors opened up to the Great Hall, Samsara was dazzled. She was much too impressed by the massiveness of this room to fret even a moment longer about what the other first-years were up to around her.

She was gobsmacked, and she tried to keep her mouth shut as she looked around at the enormous room. From the enchanted ceilings with the night sky and candles floating in the air, to the four long tables which seemingly stretched on forever, it was truly magnificent.

It was quite an upgrade to the family dining room she was accustomed to at home with it’s foldable table and chairs. It seemed there were nearly a thousand kids around her, each wearing a color that matched the table where they sat. 

Some were close to her age, and some seemed to be older teenagers. Samsara and Louisa stepped closer to one another, and grabbed each other’s hand, suddenly feeling a bit shy. The large group of new students settled at the front of the grand room, and ahead sat the sorting hat. Samsara had gathered from the others that the hat would be choosing their houses.

A middle-aged witch with a stern expression stood from the table where the headmaster and professors sat to join the group at the front. She explained that she would be calling each student in alphabetical order to be sorted. 

Samsara didn’t have to wait very long before her name was called. Alphabetically, she was at an advantage. She nervously approached the stool, feeling a bit flush at the realization that a thousand pairs of eyes were upon her. 

She sat, and the ragged old hat was placed on her head. If she were being honest, she had been expecting some kind of profound analysis of her character, but almost immediately as the sorting hat brushed the top of her head, it bellowed;

“HUFFLEPUFF!”

A table on her left erupted in cheers, and Louisa excitedly waved her over from her own seat at the Hufflepuff table. She felt herself drift towards them, as if in a daydream. So that was that. She was a Hufflepuff.

Soon all the names had been called, and everyone had sat to enjoy the feast. Remus, the boy from the ice cream shop had been sorted into Gryffindor, Samsara had noted. She couldn’t help but be a bit intrigued by him, and eyed his table from afar. 

He was laughing, his smile stretched into a dimpled grin as he devoured food with his friends. While he had seemed pale and bruised when they first met, now hardly a scratch was in sight, and a healthy flush filled his cheeks. She wondered if he had been ill at the ice cream shop where they met. Perhaps he didn't even remember her. She made efforts to stop thinking of him and to focus on the conversation around her.

Her own friends from the train, Gregory and Oliver had also been sorted into her house, Hufflepuff. She wondered what it would be like to be in co-ed houses, and if they would get to work together in class. They seemed alright to her, although she had never had many boy friends before. She considered a day in which she made three new friends to be quite a success.

After dinner, they were led to their common rooms. The house prefects led them to a place near the kitchens and showed them how to tap the barrels in order to enter. 

When the first-years stepped through the entrance, it seemed the entire Hufflepuff house was standing there in the common room to applaud them and greet them warmly. They all smiled and offered high-fives before dispersing to their dormitories. 

The Hufflepuff common room was a large round room with a low ceiling. Pale yellow wallpaper, shiny honey-colored wooden tables and cozy couches stretched across the space. There was also a large fireplace, several round windows at the top of the ceiling, and many many potted plants- who waved their branches at the newcomers. The air was fresh, earthy, and sweet. Samsara immediately felt at home.

As the female prefect led Samsara, Louisa, and several other first-year girls to their room, she told them that there was a way that they could enter the kitchens and grab snacks whenever they wanted, and that she would take them at the end of the Halloween feast, as was tradition. It was Hufflepuff’s best kept secret, she said. 

Samsara wondered if Hufflepuffs were really the only students who went for late night snacks, and somewhat doubted it, but shrugged it off. Freya, the sixth-year prefect, warned them to be careful of Filch, who roamed the halls past curfew to catch students out of bed. 

She did mention, however, that if they were ever lost in the castle, that any student in Hufflepuff robes would be just delighted to help sort them out, and to never be afraid to ask. Then, Freya wished them sweet dreams, and left them to their devices.

Their room held five girls: Samsara, Louisa, two identical-looking blonde girls who introduced themselves as Anna and Sophia Tabolt, and the fifth was a girl with long black hair, Emilia Abbott. 

Anna and Sophia seemed to be uninterested in conversing with their fellow roommates, as they took two beds together near the largest window and immediately began to speak to one another in French. Samsara didn’t take it personally. She figured, as did Louisa, that they just felt more comfortable in their native tongue and didn’t mean any harm.

Emilia was a bit shy, mentioning her older sister Alexandra had been sorted into Slytherin. Her family had expected as much from her, too. She seemed a bit glum about being in Hufflepuff and started to withdraw into herself. Samsara shared that her sister was in Slytherin too, and suggested that they could pay them a visit together anytime she’d like. Emilia grimaced in response, before turning in for the night. 

Samsara decided to simply befriend her at a later time, when she was more settled in. Louisa pinned a banner of her favorite Quidditch team, Puddlemere United, above her bed and promised to drag Samsara to every House match of the season. Samsara happily agreed to go. Emilia mumbled her interest from her corner of the room- where they had presumed she had fallen asleep, and so they planned to attend together.

On the morning of their first day of classes, Samsara quickly caught onto something. The other houses: Slytherin, Gryffindor, and Ravenclaw- were decidedly a bit competitive with one another. The Hufflepuffs, however, seemed to lack any interest for winning the house cup. While in Transfiguration, the Ravenclaw student’s hands shot up in the air while the Hufflepuffs quietly took notes and charmed their paper origami animals and parchment doodles. That’s not to say the Hufflepuffs weren’t as bright as the Ravenclaws, as confident as the Gryffindors, or as geared towards success as Slytherins. 

Rather, the Hufflepuffs thrived on House spirit in a quieter way. They looked out for one another, even their so-called “rival houses,” making friends with just about everyone. It was as if there were more important things to them other than a pissing contest with the other houses. In the evenings, the Hufflepuffs would host games in the common room of class-related trivia, and correct each other's spellwork. They had a real sense of camaraderie, even if they weren’t the best at anything. In their house, you could speak freely and help one another in any way you could. That’s what it meant to be a Hufflepuff.

Samsara felt strongly that the sorting hat had made the right choice. On top of learning so much every day, she couldn’t imagine the added pressure of trying to be better than everyone else all the time. As a whole, the Hufflepuffs seemed a well-oiled machine of friendship and helping one another. 

The older years were an excellent model for the younger years. While there weren’t majors as much as aptitudes, it was clear the older students knew what they wanted to do when they left Hogwarts. 

The quidditch jocks helped the transfiguration fanatics with their work and then they in turn showed up for every match in face paint and in badger costumes. There was also the case of the choir students who modeled the runework of the Ancient Runes students on their uniforms. In turn, the Runes students critiqued the students on their practice performances. And so, it went on, like an ecosystem of friendship and support.

The house students all put in extra effort to help the Herbology professor, and thus, were able to get extra items for practice for the potions students. They invited people from all houses to their mixers and game nights, though only a few non-puffs ever came. The Hufflepuffs were certainly her kind of people.

As promised, on the eve of the Halloween feast, Freya and a male prefect, William, had shown all the House first-years how to tickle the pear at the entrance to the kitchens. The prefects told them how and what they could ask the house-elves for. 

They all sat, sipping hot cocoa and sharing stories and laughing. It was then that Samsara felt that Hogwarts was home to her, now. 

Oliver and Gregory talked Quidditch with Louisa and they all shared stories with Samsara from times they had gone to see professional matches. Samsara felt that Quidditch was a much bigger deal in the UK than it was in America. 

Her first match had been Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor. She noted that Hufflepuffs, though friendly as they came, could really be sore losers. Gryffindor decimated their team.

Another thing Samsara noted about Quidditch, was how “fit” the players were. Louisa used that word to talk about the best-looking guys on the teams. Samsara wondered how Louisa knew what their fitness levels were, as the quidditch robes were a bit big and bulky. 

She often wrote to her father and mother about the wonderful students of Hufflepuff and about the castle oddities, including a poltergeist named “Peeves” who taunted the Hufflepuffs mercilessly- all because of their house name. He sang songs and cheered at their misfortunes- if one was lost, or tripped and dropped their books- it was further fuel to his antics. The other houses sometimes joined in, but nobody really paid the Hufflepuffs much attention- for better or worse.

Samsara and Emilia had tried only once to greet their siblings at the Slytherin table one morning at breakfast, and they were met with a sea of blank stares and snickers. Their sisters did not reply at all to them, and simply continued to converse with their housemates- ignoring their presence. The girls had shrugged it off, although Samsara was sure that Emilia’s hurt expression mirrored hers.

As they had made their way back to their table, a pair of hazel eyes had caught Samsara’s. Remus had watched her with interest as she made her way back to her house table with her roommate. 

She gave him a soft smile, and he looked away quickly. She sat down again, and looked over her shoulder to see him looking again with his friends. Samsara smiled again, and waved at them a little, before turning back to her friends. Samsara could have sworn she saw Remus’s friend with the glasses shove him and point in her direction. 

Freya said later that it was probably because most houses kept to themselves and didn’t understand why Hufflepuffs wanted to befriend everyone. It was true, even though her group of first-year friends had classes with each house, they were hardly acknowledged by the others. It was as if they were in the background to the rest of the school.

It wasn’t until a Wednesday in November when Samsara finally spoke to someone outside her house. She had arrived late to Charms after taking the wrong staircase again, and her usual seat next to Oliver was taken. He gave her an apologetic smile and Samsara returned it. 

She glanced over the room, finding the last remaining seat was in the second row next to a girl with vivid red hair. Samsara smiled at her, noting the Gryffindor emblem on her robes. Their professor had retreated into the storage room for some supplies.

“I’m Lily Evans.” the girl offered her hand, smiling brightly. Samsara noted the brilliant color of her green eyes.

“Samsara Burton.” She took the redhead’s hand, gratefully. The redhead’s smile widened. Maybe she would finally make friends with a member of another house. Lily explained to her what the class was doing currently, and Samsara set up her quill and parchment.

“Oi, Hufflepuff! ” A male voice practically shouted behind her, causing Samsara to jump.

“Have you got an extra quill? Left mine in my common room.”

She looked over her shoulder to see a lanky boy with round glasses and a very square-shaped face. He had the wildest dark curly hair she had ever seen. He poked at Samsara, and then waved hello to her. He smiled brightly at her confused expression, thoroughly amused with himself.

Lily closed her eyes next to her, exhaling, and visibly grounding her teeth.

“She has a name, Potter.” She shot the boy behind them a look of pure hatred.

“Oh Lilykins, my dearest, are you speaking to me- your humble servant- again?” The Potter kid feigned shock, and shot Lily a devilish smile. Samsara could tell this was a regular occurrence.

Lily groaned, and whispered loudly to Samsara.

“Just ignore the git, I always do.” Lily smirked, looking back at Potter with disdain.

Samsara figured they would probably be married someday. She pondered this for a moment as the two bickered, then she felt another set of eyes on her.

A boy sat on the other side of Potter, with chin length black hair that fell over one of his eyes a bit. He seemed to have an air of aristocratic sophistication, especially for an eleven-year-old. But his deep grey eyes looked sorrowful, in contrast to his haughty, silently-superior facial expression. 

It was a look Samsara had only seen before in some of her Slytherin classmates. It intrigued her. 

“I’m Samsara.” She greeted him. “Erm, Burton.” She remembered that many people called each other by their last names here. She wondered if Potter was the first or last name of the other kid who blew an air kiss to the girl at her side.

The silent boy nodded.

“Black, Sirius Black.” He answered disinterestedly before he looked away from her out the window.

“And i’m Peter and this is my mate Remus.” Piped in a squeaky voice from the front row.

At the sound of his name, Samsara turned around and faced the front. She nodded at the two boys in front of her. The boy who had spoken was blonde, with muggle-like braces and lots of spots. Samsara couldn’t help but admit he looked a bit like a rat. His smile was kind, though, and she returned it.

“I’m capable of introducing myself just fine Peter, you tosser.” Remus grumbled at his friend, from his left side. He turned around to glance briefly at Samsara and nodded uninterestedly at the girl before he looked back to the front. Her gaze lingered on the back of his head for a moment longer, curiously, before she turned to Lily.

“Usually it’s me stuck with every first-year bloke in gryffindor. Dunno why Professor Flitwick put me all the way over here away from the rest of the girls in my house, but seeing as it’s closer to the front, I don’t mind.” Lily told her. She was a talker. Samsara was grateful for her being able to carry most of the conversation on her own.

Upon entering the common room later, Louisa bombarded her friend with questions about the Gryffindors. Samsara didn’t know how to answer really. Oliver, it seemed, had hit it off with the Gryffindor bloke who had taken Samsara’s usual seat. They were both into quidditch, he had said. 

Samsara agreed easily when he asked her to sit with Lily again. So from that day on, they became partners in Charms. No one was more grateful than Lily, who was happy to have another girl around, being surrounded by “the world’s most obnoxious gits.” 

Samsara didn’t try to mention that they didn’t seem all that bad. They were constantly goofing around. It usually went like this- James (Potter, it turns out, wasn’t his first name) would start something, Remus would assist, Peter would hype them up, and Sirius would add some witty comment that sent everyone into fits of laughter. 

Samsara could swear she would see Lily fighting a smile from time to time, but her redhead friend would often be the first to scold her housemates, warning them not to lose Gryffindor any points. Louisa liked Lily, too, and they would join the Gryffindor girl in the library or the Great Hall to study together.

Her first year was off to a decent start, and the only thing she could possibly have to make it better would be her sister back in her life. It really hurt Samsara when Summer passed by her in the hall without acknowledging her. It all came to a boiling point the week before Christmas break.

Samsara walked the halls after Transfiguration alone. She had intended to go to the owlery to write to her parents, but ended up taking an unfamiliar corridor by mistake. It wasn’t until she looked around that she realized she was lost, and when she turned around, she saw only a group of older Slytherins. 

One familiar head of brown curly hair caught her attention, and she decided trying to ask for help with a chance of being ignored would be better than not asking and continuing to wander. So she mustered her courage, and stood behind her sister, clearing her throat.

“Summer, erm, how do I get back to the owlery?” She asked, and smiled as best as she could.

Her sister’s shoulders stiffened, and she turned around with an icy stare. Summer shook her head at Samsara and rolled her eyes. As if Samsara were a pest she had to keep swatting away.

Summer’s friends snickered. An older boy stood at Summer’s side and eyed Samsara with intrigue.

“Who’s this lost little puffle, Hmm?” His voice was smooth and low. He stood with an air of importance, as if he were some royal figure. Samsara was briefly dazzled by the handsome older Slytherin. He was tall with deep brown skin and short, dark curly hair. Samsara noted his eyes weren’t brown, but a bright amber color.

“She’s my sister.” Summer admitted, disdainfully.

“You have a sister?” A girl piped up next to the boy. Her features suggested an Eastern Asian descent. Her hair was cut into a sharp black bob. Her eyes glinted with a fierceness that made Samsara take a step back in precaution.

“Unfortunately.” Summer answered, rolling her eyes.

“Look, I just need to know how to make my way back to the main corridor.” Samsara interjected timidly. She felt herself losing her courage quickly.

“Oh no, is the sweet little puffle lost?” The dark-haired girl cooed sarcastically. The group of older Slytherins laughed.

“Shame, maybe we should help her.” the older boy added, looking Samsara up and down- as if determining if she were worth even another moment of his time.

Summer watched her friends' reactions. She sent a final glare at her sister.

“No, I don’t think so.” She shoved her younger sister. “Get lost, Sam.”

Samsara went crashing into a sharp corner of a table in the hallway. She was briefly shocked, before she felt a sharp pain shooting down her arm.

“Hmm. Maybe we keep her around, play with her.” The girl next to Summer said, chuckling.

“Let the little one go, we have things to discuss.” The older boy said, with a tone of finality. He eyed Samsara with an unreadable expression.

Summer crossed her arms, and raised a brow at him.

“Not without a little lesson for addressing her superiors informally, I think.”

Samsara couldn’t believe her ears. Her superiors? What on earth was her sister on about?

Her sister flicked her wand, and muttered a jinx. Suddenly, Samsara’s charms book came to life, chomping at her already painful arm. She felt a snap, and the searing pain worsened. She dropped the book in fright, and it jumped at her again, biting her leg. 

Samsara scrambled away, and the echoes of her sister and her friends laughing followed her as she ran down the hall, taking turns as the book chased her. In her haste, she failed to realize until it was too late, that she had reached a dead end.

At the end of the hall was a blue door, and despite it’s odd appearance, Samsara grabbed the handle and flung it open. She quickly shut the door behind her, and the door rattled as her jinxed book threw itself against it. 

After a minute, when the thudding ceased and Samsara had caught her breath, she turned to face the room. She couldn’t believe what her eyes beheld.


	4. The Room of Requirement

The room was immense. It appeared as an old sitting room, as ancient as the castle itself. A long, lonely table sat in the center, lit by hundreds of candles which lined the tall walls, and there were two floor-to-ceiling stained glass windows. The table was nothing like Samsara had ever seen. It was wooden, with intricate carvings. Four wooden chairs sat along the table, each without any upholstery. Each chair was different from the next and Samsara walked along the table, running a hand over each one and its intricate carvings. The first chair was made of a light honey colored wood which had yellow flowers painted. Next was a chair with a dark grey smokey wood detailed with intricate snake carvings. The third chair was an impossible black wood with the constellations carved into the back.Finally, the last chair had a large lion’s head carved into its rich cherrywood.

In front of each chair there was a box, each identical to the others, except for a crystal glass knob on the lid, in the colors of each house.  
Samsara eyed the corners of the room, half expecting to see the ghost of Helga Hufflepuff herself to float through the wall at any moment. Though absent of dust or signs of age, the wooden fixtures of the room seemed older than anything she had ever seen in the castle. After a moment of observing the table and the markings of each chair, she hesitantly pulled back the honey-colored chair which was painted with yellow flowers and sat upon it. Immediately, the lid of the box removed itself, floating into the air, and settling gently onto the table. 

Then, all at once, the other three boxes opened and their lids slammed onto the table.  
From each box, a plain piece of parchment paper lifted into the air and folded itself into tiny folds. Samsara watched with widened eyes as the paper from in front of her seat twisted itself into the figure of a plump woman, and suddenly, the paper showed a watercolor-painted face of a portrait she had seen many times. Helga Hufflepuff. In front of her was a tiny paper version of the founder of her house. 

“Just wonderful, she’s summoned a foolish mudblood instead of a student of actual intelligence.” Snarled a squeaky voice of yet another paper character. A miniature Salazar Slytherin was now scowling at her as he climbed out from the next box down.

Samsara jumped a bit in her seat at the sound. Drawing in a deep breath, she squeezed her eyes shut, and opened one just a peak. When she saw mini Helga waving at her excitedly she screamed. The sound knocked the paper figures down, except for one.

“Have no fear, giant girl!” A red-haired, brutish man shouted, his voice--though still squeaky as a chipmunk, was deepest. The sound would have amused Samsara if she could get a grip on herself. “It is I, Godric Gryffindor. Nothing will come to harm you!” He waved around a tiny paper sword.

“How would you begin try and protect a creature fifty times as large as you, Godric?” drawled an elegant brunette woman with an annoyed expression. She wore a long blue cloak and a tiara.

“Y-you. You’re-” Samsara cleared her throat. “ I can’t believe it.”

Samsara shook her head, weighing out the chances this was an odd sort of dream.

“Pleasure to meet you all,” She offered, after watching the three bicker and Helga twirl in circles on the large table, laughing joyfully. “I’m Samsara Burton. Um, where am I?”

"The Room of Requirement." Rowena answered, "It is a room that only appears when you need it, though it's appearance may change from time to time."

“Oh, A hufflepuff!” Helga exclaimed, “I just knew the chosen one would be a Hufflepuff.”

Salazar rolled his eyes. “Sure you did, darling.” He placed an arm around the plump woman.

“Darling,” sputtered Samsara, “As in…?”

“Romantically involved?” Godric practically shouted “Yes. Disgusting, isn’t it?”

“Ah yes, and yet, this dimwit was chosen over all the students. NOT a Gryffindor.” Salazar taunted. Helga smacked him, playfully and grinned up at Samsara. 

“Shall we move on, then.” Godric crossed his arms and turned on his heel away from Salazar.

“Offer her only the information she needs to succeed, nothing further.” Rowena warned, an apprehensive look on her face as she eyed Samsara.

“But my dear,” Bellowed Godric, as he kneeled before Rowena and grabbed her hand. “We must bestow upon the child the gifts we have held onto for a millenium.”

Dramatically, he bowed his head to Rowena’s hand and kissed it with a smacking sound.

“So you guys were actually, erm,” Samsara cringed, remembering Godric’s words. “Romantically involved?”

The four nodded, and Godric twirled an unamused Rowena into his arms. Helga patted an emotionless Salazar and kissed his cheek.

“But every Slytherin hates Hufflepuffs.” Samsara pointed out, frowning. Her own sister did, too, it seemed.

Eleven-year-old Samsara wished she could shrink herself, and walk away from these four, slowly.

“Anyway, as for the task at hand,” Rowena interjected, “We will bestow upon you the gifts of the Millenium Anniversary”

“Gifts?” Samsara enquired, “But aren’t you just enchanted bits of paper?”

“Indeed, child!” Godric swelled visibly with pride. “And we represent the spirits of the founders more than any portrait or tale ever could.

“Speaking of which, first comes the Tale.” Rowena held a teeny finger up.

“Ah yes, our tale.” Helga nodded enthusiastically.

“It began the day I slaughtered the foulest of beasts-”

“Not THAT tale, Godric.” Rowena covered Godric's mouth with her hand.

“CAN WE TRANSFORM ALREADY?” Salazar bellowed, “Merlin’s beard!”

“Ah yes,” Helga said. She lifted a microscopic wand and waved it. 

Suddenly, four full-sized founders rose from the table and stood before Samsara.

Helga cleared her throat and began to sing.

“Wise, Brave, Cunning, or Kind.  
You have been chosen, now is your time only with those whose desires are true can you uncover our tomb when you are fifteen and one you will be the chosen one, the stars will align and the forest will thrum oh chosen one, proceed with care or you alone will find despair." 

Samsara was confused. "Am I cursed? Was that a curse?" She asked Suddenly, a sharp pain in her right arm was a reminder of the incident in the corridor outside. It now felt like a lifetime ago.

“Here,” Rowena suddenly materialized next to her, “It’s written here. The song. This is my gift to you, child.”

Samsara was handed a roll of parchment, tied with a blue ribbon.

“It will appear before you when you tap the paper with your wand like so, and say the words ‘Liberatum Chartam’,” Rowena instructed. “To conceal the message, tap your wand and say ‘Praetexo’.” 

“It's also map, which you must never show anyone, unless they are worthy.”

Samsara thanked Rowena, who then de-materialized and shrunk back to her paper-self.

“Me, next!” Godric sidestepped Salazar and stood in front of Samsara.

“I present to you, oh chosen child, the bearer of the founder’s gifts, the light of Hogwarts itself-” Godric drawled.

“That’s enough, you bumbling buffoon! Present your gift already,” Shouted Salazar from behind.

“Ah, yes. My gift.” Godric beamed with pride, “The gift I chose for a special child one thousand years in the future. A unique treasure, a priceless prize, a-”

“Enough!” Salazar shoved Godric to the side, “My gift is this ring. It can be used to call upon a great ally hidden in this castle to protect you if you should need it.”

He grabbed Samsara’s wrist and turned her hand upright, placing the ring in her hand and stalking off as he transformed again into paper.

Samsara looked into her hand at the silver ring, shaped as a snake. When she touched it, it came alive and slithered onto her finger, wrapping around her left pointer finger where it froze in place. Samsara cautiously turned it so the snake head faced inwards. It creeped her out to look at it.

When she looked up again, she saw that Godric was fuming, stomping as he paced the room.

He grumbled to himself

“I have been waiting _a millenium, the cad!”_

He finally approached Samsara again like a dejected puppy, and took a deep breath, before looking into her eyes with a smoldering stare. She shifted in her seat, rubbing the back of her neck. 

“I give you the key to the treasure of all treasures.” He speaks softly, but the theatrics are still in his voice. “My very own beating heart gives this to yours. I-”

“I’m going back into my box, see you fools in another thousand years.” paper Salazar threw his hands in the air and hopped into the box. A moment later, the lid followed.

Godric had visible tension in his jaw, and a vein has swollen in his forehead.

“This is the gift I give you.” He slammed a rock on the table before Samsara.

She picks it up, and eyes it. It’s an azurite whittled into the shape of a lion, it's small, and attached to a string of leather. It’s a bit large as a pendant. 

“It’s, erm, a pretty rock.” Samsara offered. “Thanks, Mr. Godric, Sir.”

He was positively glowing with her compliment, and bowed to her. “You are most welcome, child.”

With that, he disappeared into his paper form. 

Helga stood before her prodigy and snapped her fingers, producing an ornate goblet. 

“There is one other goblet such as this in existence, and it was given to my descendents.”  
Helga declared, happily.

“It has unique properties which are yours to discover, when the right time arrives.” Helga covered her mouth with her hand. “Oops, I-”

The other three shushed her in their squeaky paper forms, Salazar had even poked his head out of his box to admonish her.

“Best be going now, love.” She held her arms out and Samsara rose to embrace her. 

She was warm for a non-corporeal figure, Samsara thought.

After Helga transformed, each founder approached their boxes.

“But wait, how will I know--” Samsara cried, worriedly. 

“My guide will show you the way.” Rowena assured her.

“Good luck, child.” Helga smiled. With a snap of her fingers, The room transformed. The table was gone, along with the founders and the boxes. The room was large, but looked like a little cottage with a fireplace. It was a bit too empty and unpleasant for her taste, so she gathered her things into her book bag and approached the door. 

She pressed her ear to the wood and listened for sounds of any movement in the hallway. 

Nothing.

She opened the door quickly and stepped outside. She took one step into the corridor when she was suddenly slammed into something hard, and invisble.


	5. The House-Elf Lair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here the mischief begins! this chapter and the last I am posting almost immediately after a writing and brief edit. I may revise at a later time. enjoy!

Just as soon as Samsara had stepped out into the corridor, she found herself being unceremoniously smashed to the hard stone floor.  
With a groan, she rubbed her wrist which had broken her fall and looked around. Had she crashed into some sort of charmed corridor? She hesitantly gathered her now-still textbook which no longer seemed as though it would bite.

“Ahhh!” yelped a disembodied voice. Perhaps it was several voices. Samsara looked around in bewilderment, unsure if the day could get any stranger than it had.

Suddenly, three pairs of legs appeared near the floor as they twisted and fell in a clump next to Samsara. The faces of a familiar trio of Gryffindors appeared not long after, as if they were removing some sort of cloth that had hidden them. They had been invisible. Samsara was almost half as fascinated as she was irritated.

“Sorry Hufflepuff, didn’t see you there,” Said the bespeckled boy Lily had called 'Potter'. He was grinning, as if falling to the floor had been the thrill of his evening. Samsara internally rolled her eyes. 

Samsara looked to the darkened windows and remembered the time. She knew she shouldn’t be out wandering the corridors past curfew. This was not good.

“I could say the same to you.” She retorted, “Say, Is that an invisibility cloak?” She asked the boy as he offered her a hand, pulling her to her feet. 

“Sure is,” Potter beamed, “We were on our way to try and get ourselves a midnight snack.” 

It was then that Samsara noticed Remus and Sirius behind Potter. Sirius was grumpily smoothing his sleek black hair. Remus had a faint blush and was rubbing his neck as he stared at the floor where they had fallen.

Samsara frowned as she used her index finger to count the boys. Three. “Um, aren’t you missing someone?”

“Who, Peter?” Remus guessed, staring at the wall behind Samsara with great indifference, “No, the bloke’s scared of getting in trouble with McGonagall.” 

He wasn’t even looking at Samsara in the eyes. It was like she wasn’t up to his standards of what he considered worth speaking to. Maybe Gryffindors were just as unfriendly as Slytherins. But then Samsara reminded herself that there was Lily, and she wasn’t rude like the boys were.

“We on the other hand, see the rules of the castle as more of a… Suggestion. Guidelines, if you will.” Potter was grinning as he spoke, “Say, where did you come from, anyway?”

Potter seemed to Samsara, as first impressions go, a boy who always acted as though he had just chugged four hot cocoas. His energy was boundless. 

“I… well,” Samsara was lost in thought for a moment, “ I was trying to get away from this fifth-year Slytherin… um, my sister actually. She jinxed my book to attack me, so I ran. And then this door appeared, and inside was a room unlike anything I’ve seen in this castle. It was ancient.”

“Fascinating,” Potter stepped into Samsara's personal bubble, “Where? Where is it?”

“That's the thing,” Samsara turned to the wall where the door had been, now was nothing but a simple white-painted wall. “It’s gone. But it was right here.”

“Wow,” Potter gushed, “If I weren’t starving, I would say we need to find it right away, but listen to this, Hufflepuff, I’ve heard a rumor. A fifth-year in our house was going on about how the house-elves here will make you food at any hour if you can find their secret lair in the depths of the castle.”

Potter had been lost for a moment, clearly plotting something, so Samara broke the silence

“So,” Samsara started after a beat of silence. “To the kitchens?”

“The… Kitchens?” Potter’s eyebrows furrowed as he spoke, and he ruffled his already unruly hair. “But, he said ‘lair,’ I’m sure of it!”

“Sounds like he was pulling your leg,” Samsara giggled.

“Pulling my…” Potter had now taken both hands to his hair, pushing it away from his face. “You Americans are a bit odd, aren’t you?”

“Hmm, suit yourself.” Samsara teased, “I’ll be heading to the kitchens, myself though.”

“Yes, well that’s the thing.” Sirius grumbled, continuing to coif his hair and smooth his flawless robes. 

“We don’t actually know where they are, James,” Remus said, turning to Potter, “Maybe this is a lead we should follow.”

He looked meaningfully at James before nodding his head to Samsara.

The three boys stepped closer into a huddle and began a whisper argument, and Samsara's thoughts drifted to James' last name. Hmm. James Potter. Yes, Lily Potter would ring nicely. But that was a scheme for another day. She shook her head, bringing her back to the present

“Okay Hufflepuff,” James whisper-yelled, “Show us the way to the elf-lair!”

“Well, I suppose I could show you, to the _Kitchens_ ” Samsara playfully pretended to consider by stroking her chin thoughtfully. “Buuuut,”

Her eyes twinkled with mischief as she eyed the rumpled pile of silvery fabric in Potter’s hands. “I want try your invisibility cloak.”

“Deal! Sirius, you’re out of the cloak,” Potter shouted, “Hufflepuff’s in!” He and Remus laughed at their ever-serious (ha!) friend.

Immediately, Samsara smacked her hand over Potter’s loudmouth.

“Shhh!” She whisper-yelled, “You’re going to get all of us detentions, Potter.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” He shrugged with a sheepish smile. “But Alright.”

“And I have a name you… tosser!” Samsara felt odd with the British word coming from her mouth. “You… jerk? ...No, That’s not right either. ” Remus shook his head, a crooked grin stretched across his face. 

“We’ll have to work on that,” Sirius chuckled. His whole face lit up when he smiled, and Samsara felt a swell of pride in finally taking the permanent frown off his face.

She burst into giggles and the boys followed suit.

“In you go, m’lady,” James fluttered the cloak out dramatically

“It’s Samsara, you, you-” Samsara began as James smirked at her. She sighed and rolled her eyes in return, “Oh, nevermind.”

Samsara huddled under the cloak with the boys, wondering what she looked like as an invisible girl, could her shoes be seen? It would be thrilling to have something like this around to go on adventures. She envied the boys.

“Just hold on a tick,” Sirius whisper-shouted “How am I meant to follow you lot?” 

The three under the cloak burst into laughter, and started walking away as silently as they could. 

With only flashes of their feet becoming visible once in a while Sirius tried his best to follow. The three under the cloak lost it when they looked back and caught him with his arms crossed, a sad puppy-dog look on his face.

James and Remus led the way to the grand staircase, and there Samsara took over. Sirius tried to move stealthily behind them, sticking as much as he could in the shadows. He wasn’t lucky enough, however, to avoid the sleepy portraits who scolded him for making noise 'as if he alone were a stampede of centaurs.'

At last, they arrived in the stone basement corridor. 

Samsara stepped out of the cloak.

“Here we are!” She grinned and turned back to see three confused faces.

“It’s a dead end, innit?” Remus cried, “She’s led us to a dead end!”

“Fear not, mate,” James declared, “The lair must be even better hidden than I thought. Now, we must past the trials to prove our worthiness!”

“All this for some sodding house-elves?” Sirius rolled his eyes, “ I should have just been in Slytherin. You lot look ridiculous.”

Samsara snorted as she tried to suppress her laughter with her hands.

“Oh James,” Samara shook her head as James swatted at his friends. She stood with her back facing the large still-life painting of fruit. 

Emboldened by the antics of her lion-crested friends, she cleared her throat to begin her best Dumbledore impersonation.

“One may find that what they seek, is what is hidden in plain sight." They all chuckled, and she tried again with a low voice, " Anyone care for a lemon drop?”

She giggled at her own joke again, but it died in her throat as the sound of the portrait behind her sliding open filled her ears..

“Well said, miss Burton.” The soft, unmistakable voice of the headmaster fell upon her ears and she felt her face turn crimson. “Though I do, at times, indulge instead in some Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans. Lemon drops are my favorite.”

“H-hello, Headmaster, sir.” Samsara stuttered, glancing at the boys who smiled at her wolfishly. 

“Are you gentlemen here to escort Miss Burton to her dormitory?” He asked, gesturing an arm to the stairs ahead. In the soft light, his pale blue eyes twinkled behind his half-moon specs.

The boys dumbly nodded, and James tried to quickly shove the invisibility cloak behind his back. Samsara was certain the cloak had not slipped past the headmaster’s attention, but he merely stepped around them and walked to the hallway.

“Best not stay out too late,” He called over his shoulder as he reached the stairs, “But it would be a shame to waste good cocoa. Do enjoy.” 

The four first-years stood shock-still until he was completely out of sight.

“Ha! Dumbledore caught you having a laugh at him!” James cried, laughing. “This is the highlight of my entire year. No, this might be the best thing that happens to me here, apart from when I become Quidditch captain someday!”

The three boys burst into laughter.

“Shut it!” Samsara squealed, blushing further. “Just… follow me!”

She ignored her annoyance at James, who was quickly becoming a brother-like figure to her, and not in a good way. She reached up to the portrait and wiggled her finger on the pear. 

“Oi, this Hufflepuff,” Remus swore under his breath, “She’s barking mad, I tell you!”

“I heard that!” She called out, “Just watch what I do.”

Samsara wiggled another spot on the pear. The painted fruit giggled hysterically and the portrait swung open soon after.

Samsara smirked at the boys.

“Jaws off the floor, fellas.” She chided, and tried to imitate their accents. “Do keep up.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, but took the lead to crawl first into the hole behind the painting.

Once they had all crawled through, they were met with twenty or so house-elfs who appeared at their sides.

They were ushered to a table right in front of a massive crackling fireplace, and four mugs of hot cocoa appeared in front of them. A tiny elf, even by house-elf standards snapped her fingers and an assortment of cookies were placed on a large tray in front of them. (biscuits, as James had corrected her.) She introduced her self as Miffy. They thanked the her and all the other house-elves who grinned and began to offer more and more food. Eventually they disappeared with a pop after placing five different plates of food in front of the group.

“I can’t believe we have found the lair, and we’re only first-years!” James cried excitedly as he stuffed his face with another almond cookie. 

“Kitchens, Potter.” Samsara corrected him with a scrunched nose. It had seemed an odd twist of fate to run into these boys after the afternoon she had in the Room of Requirement. 

She suddenly felt a chill. Did she still have those gifts, or was that all in her imagination? She fumbled and dropped her cookie to the floor, her distracted hand reaching immediately for her book bag. She tore open her bag and checked the main compartment. Tucked away in there was the scroll, the stone lion, and the goblet. 

She breathed a sigh of relief.

“Whatcha got there?” James probed.

“Nothing.” Samsara wasn’t talented with dishonesty, which was something she normally took pride in. In this moment, however, she wished her unease with lying weren’t so blatantly obvious. She carefully zipped her bag shut and stared back at James with a quirked brow when he refused to look away. They began a staring contest, which Samsara won.

“Hmm, suit yourself.” James conceded.

The boys all continued on, chatting about something McGonagall had done to punish one of the older students. Samsara had waited until they had moved on before gingerly placed her bag on the bench next to her.

Sirius nodded at Remus who quickly reached an arm behind Samsara and snatched her bag.

“Hey!” Samsara cried, “Give it back now!”

Remus passed the bag to James with a shit-eating grin. Samsara was fuming, and she just didn’t see why boys had to be so immature!

“Now, let’s see what we have here.” James mumbled with a crooked smile.

“No don’t!” Samsara screamed as he touched the handle, “Its-um-lady things!”

James scrunched his face in disgust, then shrugged.

“You’re a terrible liar, Sammy-kins,” James cackled.

He opened the bag, and Samsara exasperatedly ran a hand over her face. She had never wanted to punch someone as much as she did when Summer was around, and now she was enraged.

James wordlessly dumped the contents of the bag on the table.

“Careful,” Samsara pleaded, “These things are from… that room.”

The boys drank up the contents of her bag, from the quills, to her books and parchment, some hair ties and lip balm, and the odd trinkets. There wasn't anything embarrassing, but Samsara wasn't ready to re-hash the evening to anyone she didn't fully trust.

“Um, Samsara,” Sirius inquired, “Why do you have the Hufflepuff Goblet?”

James gasped, “You’re a descendent of Hufflepuff, Wicked!”

“Um, no.” Samsara answered without humor. She needed to get out of there. “Had enough?”

“Why do girls do such frivolous things with their parchment?” asked Remus, as he rolled the ribbon on Rowena’s scroll between his fingers

“It’s-” Samsara considered telling them everything, but decided against it. She hadn’t even had a chance to read the scroll yet “-It’s nothing. Now please, may I have my things?”

She grabbed the items from the table and shoved them back into her bag.

“The lion, James.” She held her hand out to him. “I’m going to bad. I’ve had enough of you marauding through my belongings.”

He placed in her hand with a pout.

With a huff, she stormed out of the kitchens without so much as a goodbye. They snickered as she disappeared through the portrait hole.

Safely back in her common room, she sat near the fire in her dormitory and reached into her bag to remove the scroll. The muggle clock on her nightstand ticked softly twelve times. It was a parting gift from her father which reminded her to write to him about all of this as soon as she got the chance to read the scroll and get some much-needed sleep.

The ribbon on the scroll seemed to have been squashed a bit from being shoved in her bag, but she didn't pay it much attention. She tugged on the ribbon and undid the scroll, recalling the words Rowena had instructed her to use.  
Tapping her wand to the unrolled parchment, she opened her mouth to speak when she noticed something that made her blood boil. At the top of the parchment paper were a few lines of her own handwriting. This was not Rowena’s scroll, but her potions notes. 

“Those slimy, no-good, garden-gnomes!” Samsara groaned. "Ugh!" 

Louisa stirred next to her, "Hmmm?"

Meanwhile in the Gryffindor common room, the boys cheered at having successfully snagged one of Samsara’s mystery items. They admitted that they liked the girl, even as a Hufflepuff. But adventure, they thought, was best suited to them. (Brave young men, as they assumed themselves to be.) They had hoped the secret scroll would be a map to something exciting. ('Like the real Elf Lair!' James had cried, to which his friends groaned and shook their heads.). 

After failing to discover anything it all, for it was blank-they attempted to write Samsara a funny poem about her being not that nice for a Hufflepuff, for she had made fun of the great Dumbledore to his face.

"Write about how his 'eyes glistened with sadness as he walked away' or something like that," Remus called to James from his chair by the fireplace

They were besides themselves with laughter. 

After a few lines their smiles disappeared as they watched as their ink swirled into new letters,

“If lost, return to Samsara Burton.” The parchment read. Then, the ink disappeared completely, leaving them once again with a blank piece of parchment.

“No way, she’s charmed it!” Sirius exclaimed, snatching it out of James’ hands. 

Sirius dipped the quill and tried writing a line.

‘ Gryffindors rule, Hufflepuffs drool ‘ He finished with a satisfied smirk. James chuckled when he took the paper back.

The ink disappeared again, this time swirling into an ink drawing of a woman in a cloak who crossed her arms and shook her head like a muggle cartoon.

‘Foolish children’ The words appeared, and the ink woman disappeared. 'Goodbye'

After that, they all gave it a go, but the ink simply disappeared or read 

‘This parchment belongs to Samsara Burton’ or ‘This is property of Samsara Burton’

Until they finally decided they had enough and went off to bed. James tossed the parchment onto his night stand. Without a care in the world, the boy fell asleep within minutes of lying down.

Samsara, on the other hand, began to plot a prank to teach those Gryffindors a lesson.

Louisa, who had woken from the sounds of Samsara grumbling angrily to herself, listened to the tale of the evening. Samsara recounted everything, from her run-in with the older Slytherins, to the strange Room of Requirement, to the odd but amusing Gryffindor boys. Louisa listened to it all, never interrupting. When Samsara was finished, her friend drew a deep breath, and exhaled. 

“They better watch themselves,” Louisa declared with a wicked grin, “Hell hath no fury like a Hufflepuff scorned.”

Phase one would begin the following day: Louisa insisted that she and Oliver and Greg were on her side, and they would be helping Samsara get her scroll back AND get even.


	6. The Fairest Daisies

The plan was simple. In a most fortuitous strike of fate, the class the Hufflepuffs shared with the Gryffindors that day was Charms. It was almost too perfect, really.

In the morning Samsara and Louisa had woken earlier than the rest of the girls in their dorm to get ahead of their work. After showering and doing a quick drying charm on her hair, the same one she had watched her mother do countless times, Samsara joined her friend in the common room. There they tended to a some Bowtruckle plants before heading to the Great Hall. Every member of the Hufflepuff house took part in keeping their common room lush with greenery (because plants deserved a nice home, too!). 

At breakfast the two girls approached the Gryffindor table and James and his friends began to snicker. Their laughter faded, however, as the girls kept walking past them. 

“Boys,” Samsara greeted them with disinterest as she passed. Just a bit further down the table sat the very person she wanted to see. Lily was chatting with a blonde girl Samsara recognized from Charms.

“Hello Lily,” Samsara greeted cheerfully, “Would you like to join us at the Hufflepuff table? I want you to meet someone.” She hoped that Lily would take the hint based on the wide eyes she made at her and the subtle sideways glance at the boys. Samsara telepathically told her friend to follow along. She could only hope Lily received the signal. Telepathy was just what no-majs called Legilimency, which Samsara hadn't been gifted with. It didn't stop her from pretending, though.

“Um, with your friend of course,” Louisa added, “Marlene, isn’t it?” 

The blonde girl beamed, “Sure is,” she waved at the hufflepuff girls. Samsara thought she was very pretty, with her sparkling blue eyes and freckled cheeks. 

Lily nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, I remember you saying that the other day.” She said, gathering her things, “That uh, you wanted me, Lily, to umm… meet that person. Yes. Right. Off we go!”

Though the delivery had been stiff, it was effective.

As they passed the first-year Gryffindor boys, Samsara donned an innocent smile.

They all smiled back except for Remus. He eyed the Hufflepuff girl with suspicion. 

Lily tugged Marlene along, despite her protests that she had just filled her plate. The girls scrambled over to the Hufflepuff table.

“Marlene, Have you met Oliver?” Louisa asked the girl. 

When they approached the table, Louisa looked pointedly at Oliver who was chewing a large mouthful of eggs. 

“Wave at us, you idiot.” Louisa gritted between her teeth. She had plastered on a stiff smile.

He choked on his juice, waving at the girls a bit over-enthusiastically. Greg cackled next to him.

“He only had one job,” Louisa rolled her eyes as they found a spot at the end of the table. "That was literally his one job." 

Seated, Samsara exhaled. “Okay so I need your help…”

Marlene turned out to be just as friendly as Lily, but very easygoing. Samsara considered that Lily took her studies more seriously than the other Gryffindors. She chided Marlene for always relying on her notes. Samsara had learned over the past few weeks that Lily’s parents were both muggles, which was a surprise considering how much Lily knew about practically everything magical. She knew things about the castle and magic itself that Samsara and Louisa hadn't yet learned. That had been precisely why she had been recruited for this. 

“So you know how this week we have been learning hair-changing charms?” Samsara smirked.

“Yes.” Lily suddenly had a look of horror on her face, “Oh, Crap! Have I forgotten a quiz today? Bollocks!” She mumbled the last bit.

Samsara squinted at her friend. “...What?”

“I don’t really know what it means, just something mum says when she’s forgotten something.” Lily shrugged before sipping her orange juice.

“Um, alright,” Samsara smirked at her friend, “Well, you know how James and his friends are a bit-”

“Idiotic, self-centered?” Lily asked

“The bane of Lily’s life and the disdain of the entire first-year class?” Marlene probed

Samsara smirked, shaking her head.

“No. Well, yes. They’ve taken something important of mine, and I plan on getting it back. But also, I plan on getting even.” Samsara declared, “James will rue the day he stole from me.”

“James… Potter, ‘James’?” Lily asked, “Yes, he should pay. Let’s do this”

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Marlene asked

“Well,we’ll have to be sneaky about it so it doesn’t get us into detention. See, here’s the plan.” Louisa dropped her voice to barely above a whisper and the girls leaned in.

Samsara could hardly focus on Slughorn’s demonstration. Potions with the Ravenclaws could really be a bore. They always knew everything. When class was finally dismissed, she wandered her way to Charms with Louisa. She was very pleased with knowing that her plan was about to unfold. 

“Oi! Burton. Can I speak to you for a minute?” Remus was suddenly walking towards the pair. Samsara nodded to Louisa who smirked at the boy and kept walking. Samsara guessed that too was imagining what was about to happen to them.

They stood to the side in the corridor as students passed, and Samsara stared at him expectantly. As she watched him, she frowned. Something wasn’t right. He had new cuts on his face and arms. As if sensing her sympathy, he tore his blue-green eyes away from hers and scowled at the wall. He reached an arm into his robe and pulled out the scroll.

Samsara took it from his hands. She was surprised they had conceded it to her so quickly, but didn’t let it show.

“Look, um, James wanted me to give this back to you.” Remus said, still avoiding her eyes. “So, er, sorry. We couldn’t read it anyway.”

“It’s okay, Remus.” Samsara smiled at him when he looked at her face again. He tensed under her gaze. “Are you alright?”

He looked very pale, like he was going to be sick.

“You should see Pomfrey.” She said softly. "You don't look good."

She reached her hand to check his forehead but he dodged it and turned away, leaving her.

“I’m fine.” Remus said. “See you in class.” 

Samsara shuffled to catch up with him because they were headed in the same direction anyway. She walked silently next to him. She offered him some chocolate from her book bag, insisting he would feel better. He accepted it silently and placed it in his robe pocket, ignoring her. Soon they were in front of the door of the Charms class. This was it. Samsara didn’t feel right about her plot anymore. He must be sick, she was certain of it. She was overcome with a desire to protect him from the prank, to warn him, anything-had her grabbing his arm before he could walk in. He winced slightly at the contact.

“Im sorry!” Samsara gasped, “I just-”

“It’s fine I am FINE. Okay?” He nearly shouted at her. But then his shoulders were slumping, his eyelids drooping as he turned to the door again. “I don’t need to be taken care of by some dumb Hufflepuff _girl_ , okay?” He brushed her off and walked in.

Samsara stood dumbfounded for a minute, before heading in and taking a seat on the left row of the classroom.

If the boys were annoyed by the surprise seating arrangement, they didn’t show it. Instead of Lily and Samsara dividing them, they sat together. They laughed amongst themselves, except for Remus, who put his head down on the desk and stared out the window to the right until Professor Flitwick called for everyone’s attention.

It worked like this, Samsara and her allies had the boys surrounded. Lily and Marlene sat behind the boys, with Samsara, and Louisa on either side. That was all that they needed for a hair-charm “mishap”. The girls knew how to play it off exactly so they wouldn't get in trouble. Accidents happened all the time in the first-year class. Flitwick assured the horrified-looking (and happily victorious) girls when four boys walked out of charms class with bright yellow hair, that they were alright and wouldn't receive detention. The boys were handed a note from Flitwick to go to see Madame Pomfrey. Those who had casted the ‘wayward’ charms all put on an innocent, apologetic look as they passed them. Flitwick turned to his desk once more and Samsara spoke up

“So sorry about that, James.” She pouted in mock sympathy as he turned to look back at her. With Flitwick distracted, she grinned evilly at him. His eyes grew wide as galleons.

The girls were still cackling to themselves at the boys' bewildered expressions well into the evening. Their laughter had died down when they left for dinner. Then in the Great Hall, when they showed up at the Gryffindor table with fading yellow hair, the girls at both tables began giggling all over again.

Over the next couple of days, Peeves had even taken to singing to the four boys because he said they were “the fairest yellow daisies-in all the meadows, in all the land”

He would pop up randomly, and belt out his song to them. One time, poor Peter Pettigrew had been so frightened by the poltergeist's sudden appearance that he dropped all his books in the hallway.

By the next week, the color had faded, but the teasing had not. The boys were annoyed, but taking it all in good stride- save for Sirius, who pouted all week long. Samsara was satisfied. Now, they were even.

Alone, Samsara had skimmed over the contents of the scroll, and all that had appeared was the odd riddle.

“

“Wise, Brave, Cunning, or Kind.  
You have been chosen, now is your time only with those whose desires are true can you uncover our tomb when you are fifteen and one you will be the chosen one, the stars will align and the forest will thrum oh chosen one, proceed with care or you alone will find despair." 

She wrote on the parchment,

‘Where do I begin?’ She scrawled underneath, as a note to herself.

She nearly jumped in her seat as the paper began to write another verse under her words

‘Four legs,  
seers of stars,  
One the youngest,  
Humanity marred,

Dregs of tea,  
A scent of rose  
A woman born  
With rare powers of prose

A prophecy awaits you

Samsara read the words over and over again. The first part had to be about centaurs, but the rest? Samsara knew she wasn’t expected to go alone; she knew she needed reinforcements.

She took her seat next to Lily the following week and James tapped her shoulder repeatedly, even when she ignored him. 

“Oh Burtoooon! Burton. Sammmy-saraaaaa!” He whispered, not so softly, “Burton!”

“Yes, most fair daisy in all the meadows in all the lands,” Samsara whispered over her shoulder with a smirk, “what is it?”

Lily snorted. Sirius rolled his eyes.

James’ eyes twinkled at Lily’s laughter, and grew more determined as he looked to Samsara again.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” he asked, a lopsided smile forming on his face.

“Don’t know what you mean.” She replied in a sing-song voice.

“Well-played Hufflepuff.” He patted her shoulder.

She turned back in her seat to face the front.

“So it's a war you want?” James whispered.

“No, better,” Samsara whispered, “We could form an alliance.”

“The marauders work alone.” James stated proudly, in a less-than-quiet voice. Lily shushed him.

“The who?” Samsara asked in disbelief as the class resumed practicing their charms, brows furrowed.

“The Ma-rau-ders.” He retorted, drawing out each syllable slowly.

“Why on earth?” Samsara whispered.

“Like pirates.” Peter said, cheerfully.

Remus turned around for only a fraction of a second from his seat in the front, but she could have sworn she saw a smile.  
“Don’t you remember?” asked Sirius, “You said we were _marauding_ through your things.”

Samsara stared at each of the boys for a moment, bewildered, and then to Lily, who shrugged in response.

Samsara rolled her eyes and shrugged at the boys.

“Sure, Buccaneers, whatever you say.” She conceded, shrugging.

“It’s Marauders!” James corrected.

“More like the Tossers.” Lily said under her breath. Samsara couldn’t believe the mouth on the Gryffindor girl. She was exactly the type of friend that the Hufflepuff had always wanted.

James only smiled more, proud to have gotten a reaction out of the red-headed girl.

“See, this is exactly the kind of negativity we don’t need,” He said haughtily. Peter nodded with him.

Lily ignored the boy after that, focusing on the classwork at hand. They were learning _Wingardium Leviosa_ and Flitwick passed each student a feather. She had failed to listen to the lecture about proper wand form. After several attempts of trying to float the feather off of her desk, she finally got it up before it floated back down. Lily, who remained concentrated, was proudly floating hers with ease.

Samsara shrugged to James. “Fine, I suppose I’ll keep the contents of the scroll to myself, then.”  
The boys had been unusually silent.

“No witty comeback, Potter?” Lily teased.

He huffed.

“Fine. We’re listening.” He came around his desk to stand next to Samsara and Lily.

“A trade.” Samsara spoke in a hushed voice, “In exchange for getting to see the contents of the scroll, I want to get to use your” She mouthed the word 'CLOAK' when Lily wasn’t looking. Samsara wasn't sure how much of a secret it was, but she wouldn't be the one to spoil it.

He squinted at her.

“My what?” He asked, eyebrows shooting up. He clearly hadn't understood.

“Your-” Samsara pulled her robe over her head and mouthed ‘cloak’ once more.

“You’re a strange girl,” Sirius commented, his face deadpan as he watched the two interact.

“Anyway, do we have a deal?” She looked at James, ignoring the black-haired boy smirking from his side.

James pretended to consider.

“Not quite.” He dismissed her with a wave, before stepping way into Samsara's personal bubble. “Unless…”

She frowned at his proximity and boldness, taking a step back towards Lily. Lily wasn't having it though, and walked away entirely to the other side of the table.

“The Marauders get to come with you wherever you’re going.” James said with a challenging stare.

He and Samsara stared for a moment, never breaking eye contact in a battle of wills.

Samsara blinked first.

Sighing, she stuck out her hand. “Fine.”

He grinned, shaking her hand. “Good. It’s settled then.”

“We’ll meet this weekend. At the abandoned maintenance shed by the black lake.”

He nodded, still grinning. “Oh and one more thing, you have to bring Lilykins. She’s the smartest witch of our year.”

“I’m right here, Potter.” Lily scolded him, her cheeks blushing ever so slightly. “And i’m in."


	7. The Lakeside Meeting

The chilly December air kept most students indoors, huddled by the grand fireplaces for warmth. The others, the third-years and older, had left for a trip to Hogsmeade under an overcast sky on Saturday Morning. The vibrant orange leaves had all fallen from the trees throughout the grounds of the castle. 

Many young Hufflepuffs were gathered in the common room, playing gobstones and drinking tea by the large fire place. Samsara normally would find herself in a game of exploding snap or wizard's chess, but on that day she would be braving the cold to meet her friends. She did a quick glance in the mirror and decided she was dressed fine enough for the weather. 

It wasn’t nearly the number of layers her mother used to make her wear in the cold, but she figured it would be enough. She wore a grey coat over a white turtleneck sweater, which was tucked into her corduroy bell bottoms. To bundle up for the cold outdoors, she had tucked her long dark brown hair under a navy knit-hat her father had sent her. Frank had picked it up at one of the no-maj shops back home. When one of the school owls had dropped the brown paper package in front of her one morning at breakfast, she hadn't stopped smiling all day. 

She was growing a bit homesick whenever she thought of her father and her mother. Christmas break was in two weeks' time, but she felt it couldn’t come soon enough. Each Christmas she would go to her grandparent’s large estate and spend the days playing games and decorating the tree with her family. As kids, she and Summer would make snow angels and try and fly their grandpa's brooms. He had been Ravenclaw's best seeker, and had encouraged them to learn to fly. 

Summer had received a parcel from their father on the same day Samsara had received hers, but it was never opened. Their father had likely picked matchings hat for the both of them. Samsara had watched in horror from across the Great Hall as her sister simply dumped the unopened package into the garbage bin as she walked away with her creep friends. 

Samsara had practically ran to the bin, diving in before anyone could dump their food on top. She fished it out in record time, earning herself a few disgusted-and some impressed- stares, but she didn’t care. Now it was tucked safely into her trunk, saved in case Summer ever decided to be a decent member of the family again. Samsara hoped she would one day even have a decent conversation with her sister without a door being slammed in her face.

Their mother chalked up Summer's behavior to hormones, but Samsara believed her sister was embarrassed of her father. Was it because of his being a squib? Or perhaps it was that he had mentally checked out of their early lives. Samsara couldn’t understand why she wouldn't give him a second chance. He was better now. He had seen the therapist, and now he was making an effort. He wasn’t shutting out his family anymore. But her sister hadn’t answered their father’s letters since her first year. Now Summer was a fifth-year and didn’t give _either_ her parents or her sister the time of day. 

Samsara shook the troubled thoughts of her family issues away as she pulled on some boots and finally, her big Hufflepuff scarf. She tucked the Ravenclaw scroll into one coat pocket and her wand into the other. She hoped sincerely that she would get some nice mittens for Christmas, as her hands were always freezing when she walked the grounds

It was crowded as Samsara stepped out of her dorm room into the hall. Louisa was talking to Greg and Oliver at the end of the hall. Samsara approached them, weaving through clusters of students who walked in wide lines, selfishly taking up most of the hallway. After the third time having to flatten herself against the wall, she finally made it to them.

“Hey Sam,” Greg called cheerfully, “Want to come with us to the library?”

“Um, thanks but I'm meeting with Lily and James and some others.” Samsara replied, “Lou, I thought you were coming with me.”

Louisa had seen the scroll the night before when Samsara showed her.

“Um, I would see, but I’m behind in potions. “ Louisa gave Samsara a pointed look, glancing a bit towards Greg, and smiling faintly. 

Samsara imagined once again that she was a Legillimens and put it all together. Louisa had once confessed to having a crush on Greg and she would likely rather study with him than stand around in the cold with the Gryffindor boys. Samsara couldn't find any fault with that. 

“Oh, um, right… potions.” Samsara nodded exaggeratively, “Well, be seeing you then!”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come, Sammy?” Oliver asked, brows furrowed. 

She nodded again, sending him a reassuring smile. He smiled back until Greg elbowed him-for he was still watching Samsara as she disappeared down the hall.

Lily was waiting at the entrance to the castle grounds. 

“Hey Sam,” Lily smiled, “Marlene refused to come. She said she was, er, menstruating.”

“Oh...” Samsara gigged, “Well, Louisa said she had to study. Looks like it's just us and the boys. _Joy._ ”

Lily nodded and the walked through the grand doors to the grounds.

They were silent for a bit as they walked down the trail to the lake.

“Erm, is it just me or does it seem like this might be a bad idea?” Lily asked, “I mean, to involve the boys with whatever it is you’re looking for. I can’t really figure out if they’re alright”

“Well, yeah. I get that,” Samsara agreed “And I don’t know if their alright either, but I really hope so. I mean, Sirius and Remus are actually pretty smart, it’s just hidden under a tough exterior. And James is always full of optimism, and Peter…”

She paused in her step, trying to come up with a positive trait for him. He was rather shy, but in a way that seemed a bit dodgy. She didn’t find him funny like the others. To her, he was just sort of… there.

Lily snorted.

“Well he seems alright, doesn’t he?” Samsara shrugged at Lily’s smirk.

“I don’t know,” Lily said, frowning, “They are funny and all, but they can cross the line… Go too far. You don’t see how they treat Severus.” she added, softly.

Severus was a Slytherin boy that Lily had known from before Hogwarts. He was a bit serious and smug like the rest of the kids in his House, but was ever polite to Samsara. When he was around Lily, they were always laughing about some private joke. 

“They are?” Samsara frowned, “But they seem pretty harmless in Charms…” she trailed off.

“I’m sorry they’ve been unkind to your friend.” Samsara said, as she stopped by a large oak tree. They were almost to the water of the Black Lake. Red and orange leaves littered the path they walked on. 

“It’s okay… I just hope they can be trusted.” Lily answered.

Samsara nodded, looking over the grounds, “I wonder if they’re there already.”

Lily giggled. “I doubt it.”

The walk didn’t carry on much longer, and soon they approached an old stone building at the opposite end of the lake. It was supposed to be used as a large storage shed for the groundskeeper for the supplies they used to care for creatures that lurked beneath the surface.

One Slytherin girl had claimed to Samsara that she could see mermaids swimming past one of their dorm windows at night. The Hufflepuff dorms were on the other side of the castle. Occasionally they saw a fox or rabbit, but nothing as interesting as a mermaid. Samsara wondered if her sister had seen anything as spectacular as the creatures the other Slytherins talked about.

The building didn’t look like it had been used in a long time. The roof was worn, with parts of tit caving inwards. The door wasn’t locked, it hardly looked as if it would last through the winter with its cracks and splinters. The inside was empty, save for some random furniture and tools, as well as a large assortment cobwebs. Samsara squealed after walking into one, and Lily cast a spell to clear them away. Samsara couldn’t hide how impressed she was, and Lily simply shrugged. “Severus taught me.” Samsara nodded as she pushed together the table and the odd makeshift chairs.

There they sat and waited for the boys.

A half hour passed and the girls were growing cold. Lily’s cheeks were rosy, making her green eyes pop even more. Samsara and Lily both had green eyes, but Lily’s were a deep, emerald green, and Samsara had a pale green-grey. Samsara envied her friend’s beauty. 

“So, forget the boys.” Samsara said, sighing with annoyance and a twinge of disappointment, she opened the scroll and tapped her wand to the surface “Shoule we begin? _Lib-_ ”

“Wait!!!” The door burst open, and Peter Pettigrew burst through, panting He stood hunched over, his chest heaving for air. His cheeks were red and his mouse-brown hair clung to his sweaty forehead.

“I-” He huffed, then held his pointer finger up. Samsara opened her mouth and then closed it, waiting for him to speak. He didn’t get the chance.

He nearly fell over as two more pushed through the door. Remus rolled his eyes as he shoved past his shorter friend. Samsara straightened as he stepped in, an irritated look on his face.

Remus was wearing a Puddlemere United sweater that had holes in the arm and a knit cap. Samsara felt her cheeks grow warm as he caught her looking over his clothes. Samsara hoped dearly that he was treated okay at home. She hoped that he was just clumsy, because he was always cut up. She wanted to ask him, but not in front of the others.

Peter was bundled up with a brownvpeacoat that was a bit too large for him and a gryffindor scarf. He leaned against the shoddy wall, still breathing hard.

Sirius wore a new-looking black coat and black pants. He looked smart, more sophisticated and older than the other boys. As always his face was a mask of indifference.

Lily gestured for them to take a seat wordlessly, rubbing her hands together. She and Samsara had taken to sitting close together to fight the cold.

“Next time, let’s meet indoors, yeah?” Lily said to no one in particular. 

They were silent. 

“James is in detention.” Peter informed the girls and they nodded, falling quiet again.

“Of course he is,” grumbled Lily. Samsara took it that James was a regular in detention. It wasn’t the first time someone mentioned him being there.

Remus hadn’t said a word, and Samsara watched him with curiosity.

“So, um, you like Puddlemere?” Samsara asked Remus. 

He quirked one of his eyebrows and looked at her strangely.

“Are you a fan?” He asked, unenthusiastically. His tone suggested he didn’t believe she was, really.

“Not particularly, no.” Samsara answered shyly. Remus scoffed, rolling his eyes at the girl.

She had been hoping it would break the ice, but Remus had made it clear she was the last person he wanted to discuss the sport with. Samsara swallowed thickly, feeling a lump in her throat as she looked anywhere but him. She wasn’t usually this affected by others treating her unkindly, even her sister couldn’t get under her skin. 

“I’ve never watched a game,” Lily offered, trying to fill the silence. 

“Me either,” Samsara said, with a weak smile that didn’t reach her eyes. She couldn’t stand when people didn’t like her. It was beginning to truly bother her.

“Er, Peter,” Lily said, shivering, “Did he say when he was c-coming?” Her teeth chattered as she spoke. Samsara huddled closer to her.

“Who?” Peter asked, with his mouth full of muffin. Samsara watched in awe, wondering where he had pulled it from.

Sirius smacked the back of his head. “Are you thick?”

Remus shot his friend a smirk, “Who else?” Peter shrugged, with wide eyes,

”James, you twat.” Remus snapped.

Sirius eyed the shivering girls as his friends bickered. “May I?” He held up his wand, pointing to them.

Samsara tilted her head in confusion. He rolled his eyes. 

“A warming charm.” Sirius answered, “Merlin, are your parents not wizards?” He chuckled to himself.

Lily frowned, looking down to her hands. Samsara frowned at the boy.

“Er, sorry Evans,” He shook his head, looking regretful, “I didn’t mean anything by that.”

She nodded at him, not saying anything further. 

He held his wand out, and Samsara nodded.

He muttered a warming charm, and the girls sighed as they felt the feeling return to their fingers and toes.

Despite the magical warmth that spread through her body, Samsara felt sullen. Maybe there was some obvious reason Remus disliked her so much. What had she done? 

She stared at her wand as she rolled it between her fingertips. 

“That’s more than enough.” Lily said, suddenly standing. “Samsara, let’s go. This is either a idiotic prank or an incredible waste of studying time. Either way, i’m finished waiting.”

Samsara looked at the determined face of her friend, and nodded after a moment. In the distance, the clocktower chimed. 

“You’re right, Lily. It’s been an hour,” She shrugged apologetically at the boys. “See you.”

The door slammed open, then, and a grinning James stepped inside wearing a Chudley Cannons sweater that was on backwards.

Samsara rolled her eyes, staying in spot. 

“Impeccable timing Potter, you have five minutes.” She spat, slamming the scroll on the table. Peter and Remus jumped, and Sirius stared at her as if she had grown another head.

Maybe she had gone too far in attempts to use Lily’s trademark tone of authority.

“Ooh hoo hoo!” James chuckled, “I like this one, feisty she is!”

Samara cringed as he came to stand between the two girls, throwing an arm over both. 

“My favorite girls!” James cheered, not seeming to mind that he was the only one smiling. “The gang’s all here. Wicked!” 

“Your sweater is backwards, Potter,” Lily said through her teeth as she shoved his arm away. “And, you’re an hour late. We were just leaving.” 

He looked to Samsara, who mustered as mean a look as she could. Eventually his unbreakable smile made her lips turn slightly upwards, and he pointed at it.

“Ha!” He shouted, “You can’t be mad at me!”

He gripped her face with his hands. 

“Look, I made her smile.” He claimed, proudly.

She swatted his hand away, cheeks reddening as she took her seat again. James grabbed a random bucket and flipped it upside down, taking a seat right between the girls. Each scooted a bit away from him, pointedly creating space.

He didn’t seem to notice.

“Alright, what’re you waiting for,” He clapped his hands, “Let’s give it a look!”

Samsara rolled the scroll out again, and the others helped hold it flat on either side.

She cleared her throat. 

Tapping her wand, she flourished and spoke, “Liberatum Chartam!” 

The words magically appeared on the paper. James gasped, whispering, “Wicked!”

Even Sirius seemed to be interested, cracking the smallest of smiles.

It seemed enough to prompt Samsara to explain what had happened back in the Room of Requirement. They all listened without interruption. Other than the smacking noises of Peter chomping on his snacks.

Samsara wondered how he remained so small with all he ate.  
When she had finished, she stepped back to let them each read the riddle and the newer part. 

“In four years,” Lily says, tapping her wand gently on the table absentmindedly. “What’s in four years?”

“I’ll be quidditch captain,” James said, grinning when Lily shot him a murderous look.

“What? I will be. And you’ll be my number one fan!” He attempted to put an arm around her again, and this time she evaded him, warning him not to hold his breath.

Remus fiddled with his sweater, and Peter seemed too preoccupied to speak at all.

“In four years is the Millenium Anniversary” Sirius said quietly, after a while. 

“The anniversary… That’s right! Hogwarts is nearly a thousand years old. I remember reading that somewhere.” Lily grinned at Sirius. He returned her smile with one of his own, albeit more reserved. 

“My mum talks about it sometimes. There’s going to be a ball.” Sirius said, “She’s already chosen my date, and my dress robes.” He let out an exasperated sigh

“A real ball?” Lily cried, “How wonderful!”

Samsara smiled, imagining herself in a fancy gown.

James frowned at the exchange.

“Let’s get back to the riddle, shall we?” He interjected, with a huff.

“Um, right.” Samsara said, pointing to the new part of the riddle. “This is our first step. There are three things. I think we need to find these two people.”

“What about the third part?” Remus asked, and Samsara met his eyes, before looking away.

“I already found it.” Samsara said, stiffly, for she was suddenly feeling cold again, “It has to be the Room of Requirement. The trouble will be finding it again. I have this theory… I think it appears only when you need it to be there.”

James nodded, a determined look on his face.

“The second part has to be our Divinations professor!” Lily said, “Trelawney. Her daughter is in our year, but she's only ten. I heard she can see the future.” 

Samsara’s eyes widened. “Woah.”

“But we can’t take Divination until third year!” Peter cried, “Oh! The daughter, right. Shite. Shutting up now.” He pulled out a package of cookies.

The girls chuckled at him and he blushed furiously, growing quiet again.

“Right, so in the meantime, we look for the girl and the room.” James said with authority.

“Good idea.” Samsara said.

They had fallen silent agin.

“Now let’s get back inside the castle, it’s freezing.” Lily said, the charm wearing off and the chill slipping beneath her fuzzy red sweater again.

They all agreed. Standing, Samsara pointed at the scroll again. “Praetexo” she said, softly. Just like that, the words vanished.

She and Lily giggled at James’ face.

“You HAVE to teach me how to do that,” James said, hugging the Hufflepuff girl. “It’s _fantastic_.”

“Sure, sure,” She said, making a face of disgust, “Just... get off of me Jamie!” She shoved him away.

“Jamie? Oh I knew you liked me Sammykins!” He cried. She shoved him away again. He dodged, and laughed as she tried again.

As a group, they headed back to the castle.

Remus and Sirius hung back a bit, silent as the other four talked excitedly about exploring the castle and asked James how he got his detention.

“Sirius…” Remus muttered.

“Hmm?” Sirius asked, keeping his voice low.

“They can’t know.” Remus said, staring solemnly at the lake.

Sirius sighed. “I know.” He nodded at his friend. 

Remus exhaled, frowning. “I mean it. Not ever.”

“You have my word.”

Remus inclined his head in thanks.

As they walked through the front doors, they were all smiles, and a sort of kinship was felt among themselves. They all felt cheerful and excited to begin their adventure together. That is, all except for one, who felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. When they wandered to the Great Hall, he excused himself, making way to the headmaster’s office.


	8. The Oath

On the platform of 9 ¾ , Summer and Samsara Burton stood precisely four feet apart. They were near enough for their grandparents to find them together, but far enough that suggested they could be strangers.

Silence. It had been complete silence as they had gathered their trunks and found a place to wait. Samsara eyed her sister from the side. Summer stood with her arms crossed, expressionless. Several older students said goodbye to Summer as they passed, wishing her a Happy Christmas, to which she offered in return. Then again: silence.

At last their grandparents arrived, and Samsara nearly cried in her grandmother’s embrace. Her perfume reminded Samsara of home.

Though Hogwarts was fast becoming a wonderful home away from home, Samsara was missing her father’s laughter, and her mother’s home cooking. She missed American burgers and fries (it made no sense to her why her classmates called them “chips,” _nevermind_ what they called chips) and she missed going to see muggle films with her father, who enjoyed them so. It was fascinating to witness no-maj folks try to make magic. Some were very good. 

After taking a transatlantic portkey from London to Long Island Samsara felt ill, barely touching the burger she had been craving for months.

Summer was cheerfully chatting with their grandparents about how her fifth year was going, and subtly mentioned how Slytherin currently had the most house points. 

Samsara had a feeling in the pit of her stomach that had been gnawing at her since getting off the train at King’s Cross. James and Lily both had their parents waiting for them with open arms and smiles. Even Peter’s gran had shown, in the most endearing Christmas sweater. Samsara’s Hufflepuff friends said goodbye after riding in the same car together, though Oliver and Greg had stayed behind at Hogwarts. 

Samsara had been at the station for at least thirty minutes and from where she waited, she had seen several things which were entirely unsettling. While her grandparents were expected late due to travelling across the Atlantic ocean, Summer and Samsara had been some of the last students lingering behind the brick facade of platform 9 ¾ . But they weren’t the very last. 

Still waiting near the barrier was Remus. She worried if his Christmas was to be anything awful like the one Sirius Black would likely have. 

The relationship Sirius had with his family was no secret- he often complained of his family’s attempt at influencing his entire future. 

His mother had come with a rather grumpy house-elf and younger boy in tow. She began scolding Sirius on site, grabbing him fiercely by his coat and pulling him along. Sirius walked away with his mother, silent and expressionless. He didn’t spare a glance at Samsara or even Remus. She could see his white knuckles, his clenched fists, and the way he subtly flinched at her vicious words.

“A Disgrace to the Noble House of Black” was all Samsara could hear as they passed , and her heart felt heavy as she considered what kind family would treat their own son in such a way. Some purebloods were so strict and cruel, particularly in Britain. 

Samsara’s mother and father often talked in hushed voices about rumors of a group of dark wizards that wished to overthrow the Ministry. All signs pointed to the purebloods who made no attempt to cover their disdain for the Ministry’s very tolerant laws for Squibs and Muggle-born rights, as well as inter-marriage. 

Whenever Samsara overheard these conversations, it kept her up at night. If her mother was worried, something truly terrible was afoot. Samsara hoped Sirius would make it out of this break okay.

Worse still, and what was bothering her now, was the lingering image of Remus Lupin standing all alone. 

When Samsara’s grandparents arrived, he had been fiddling with a thread that was hanging from his worn Puddlemere United sweater, looking indifferent to the fact that nearly forty minutes had passed since the train’s arrival. He met her eyes for just a moment as she passed him and the profoundly sad look in his eyes was too much for Samsara to bear. She had stopped, abandoned her bags and walked right up to him.

“Merry Christmas, Remus.” she said softly, smiling at him. Her mom had always told her smiling was contagious and that one should always try to smile, even if they don’t feel like they can. 

Samsara reached into her small crocheted purse and removed the chocolate bar she had purchased from the trolley. 

It was out of habit, the way she always bought a bar of chocolate when she rode a train, even back in New York. This time, she hadn’t opened it. 

It was all she had, and wasn’t much in ways of a Christmas gift, but she thought chocolate always made people feel better. Remus Lupin was very pale and tired looking, and he looked in need of cheering up.

She gently grabbed his wrist and placed the unopened bar into his hand.

“Um, listen. Would you mind taking this? Gran says portkeys make food get all mushed. I would rather good chocolate not get wasted, if possible.” Samsara shot him a friendly smile.

He stared at her a beat, not saying anything. Maybe he knew it wasn’t true. Still, he took it.

“Thanks. Well, see you next year.” Samsara beamed before turning away. She considered it a small success that he had accepted the offering.

“Happy Christmas Samsara.” He said softly as she walked away. She grinned at him.

Samsara’s grandparents offered to stay and wait for his father to arrive, but he declined over and over as he knew their portkey had a time expiration. After he insisted several times that he was alright, and several annoyed sighs from Summer, they conceded and left.

As Samsara and her family headed to the barrier, she spared a glance over her shoulder. 

He was unwrapping the chocolate. And he was the last kid on the platform.

It seemed very lonely and Samsara wished that they could have seen him off. She hoped she could have seen his parents come, just so she would know he had made it home alright with good, kind parents. 

She couldn’t help but feel in her gut that Sirius and Remus wouldn’t be having a very good Christmas at all.

The feeling stuck with her as she absentmindedly flooed home from the designated entry point, and even after she greeted her parents. She missed her fat tawny owl, Pumpkin, who had stayed at school. She didn’t want to make the poor bird travel across the ocean until the Summer holiday. Greg and Oliver had offered to pay the owl a visit for Samsara and give him lots of treats.

In the meantime, Samsara would be making use of the family owl, who would drop her international mail to the floo network, where ministry owls would take over and deliver to the intended address.

Her first letter had been from Lily, who wrote to tell of her family Christmas traditions and the latest of her wretched sister Petunia. Lily assured her that she was being well taken care of, and that her parents were actually very excited to have a secret witch in the family. 

Samsara wrote her friend back to tell her how Summer had become an insufferable “pureblood princess” (a total snob), but Christmas was going well nonetheless. She also sent a parcel with her grandmother’s holiday cookies, wishing Lily a ‘Merry Christmas’ 

Lily sent back a return letter including a muggle photograph of her family so her friend could see how pug-faced her sister really looked, along with a box of homemade fudge. 

Louisa had sent her a pair of fuzzy socks that were enchanted to keep your feet warm and dry. Samsara had sent her friend a knit hat that was the same as hers from a local muggle shop.

Soon, it was January and Samsara had to leave her parents again. Daisy hugged her tightly and Frank simply smiled in a way that didn’t reach his eyes. He often felt particularly worse this time of year.

The VonAugberts escorted their granddaughters back to London and saw them off at King’s Cross. 

Summer had immediately left her sister at the first sighting of a Slytherin, so Samsara waved alone to her grandparents before stepping onto the train. 

While the train at Christmas wasn’t entirely full, Samsara still had walked a ways down the train, looking for an empty compartment. 

Before she could find Louisa or Lily, however, she was called into a cabin on her left. 

“Oi! Burton, over here!”

She opened the door, meeting the faces of four cheerful boys.

“Sammy!” Of course it had been James who had called her into the cabin. “Where were you going? There’s room here! Scoot aside Petey-boy!”

Samsara winced at the sheer volume of the boy. She was entirely too portkey-lagged for all this shouting in the early morning.

“Keep it down, will you?” She grumbled grumpily, “I’ve been travelling all night. I was just looking for a place to rest. See you.”

She turned to leave, but her wrist was tugged until she toppled into the seat on her right.

“Ah, no time for that, Sammy!” James cheered, “It’s time to plan our next adventure! Starting with the… you know what!” He whisper-yelled the last part.

“You mean the scroll?” She asked, dubiously, as she settled into her seat.

“Shhh!” James cried, reaching across Peter to slam a hand over her mouth.

Horrified, Samsara smacked his arm away.

“Ew, you’re all sweaty.” She wiped at her mouth with the sleeve of her plum-colored sweater.

“HA! Sorry.” James chuckled, “But let’s keep it a secret, shall we?” 

Samsara rolled her eyes at the boy.

He began putting Samsara’s things in the overhead storage, despite her protests that she would gladly go find a compartment elsewhere.

“You’re a nutter, Potter.” Samsara shot him the meanest look she could muster. It was a look that contained all the ferocity of a Pygmy Puff. 

He grinned in response.

“Was that the best you could do? Adorable, really.” He attempted to pinch her cheeks, but this time she slapped his hand away in time. 

“Samsara, how was your Christmas?” Peter asked, 

“Fine, thanks. I missed my mom and dad.” Samsara replied to the shy boy, “Got some new mittens.” She smiled, holding up the yellow and black mittens in her lap.

“How was yours, Pet-” She began,

“Brilliant!” He said in what came close to a shout, but squeaked before it could reach full volume. “I got the Ultra Merlin Class Gobstone set! And found sixteen new chocolate frog cards!”

“Um, that’s nice.” She offered, not sure what made the Ultra Merlin Class set so exciting, “So you had sixteen chocolate frogs? That’s... far out.”

‘Far out’ was something she heard the muggle girls say around New York. 

“Not really that far, see there's a shop right round the corner from our apartment.” He said, “And actually I had twenty-five.”

“Oh.” was all Samsara could offer in response.

“Sirus, mate!” James cried, “Show Samsara what you got.” 

He and Remus snickered at their friend.

Sirius sighed heavily, reaching into his coat pocket and retrieving an elegantly foiled hardcover book. The edges of the pages were gilded. The cover read ‘A Guide to Pureblood Etiquette. By Agatha Lestrange.’

He shoved it back in his bag, and shook his hair out of his face with a smirk. His jet black hair was growing quite long.

“It’s not right,” said Samsara, “All this nonsense about Purebloods should all be in Slytherin. My sister went on for ages about it over the break. It’s just plain wrong.” 

Sirius nodded and so did the others.

A few minutes of silence passed, save for Peter crunching on some chips(“crisps”), but soon James had something to say again, which surprised no one.

“I’ve got it! Next Holiday we’ll stay at Hogwarts!” James decided.

Sirius nodded. “We’ll see.”

“Good, good!” James shouted. “Now that all the warm and fuzzies are out of the way, Let’s plan a day to find the Room of Requirement.”

“Well, the term starts tomorrow,” Samsara said, “So why not tonight?”

James nodded, a fierce and determined look in his eyes. “Perfect. The sooner the better. Pass the message to Lilykins would you?”

“Why can’t you tell her yourself? She is in your house after all.” Samsara shot back, 

“Fine, but snacks are on you.”

“Snacks?”

“Yes, snacks, do keep up!” James sighed as he began pacing the small area between the two sets of seats in the compartment. It was just enough room for him to walk heel-to-toe. He did just so, back and forth. “You’re a Hufflepuff. Hufflepuffs are closest to the kitchens. The kitchens have snacks. We’ll need snacks for the meeting.

“We live in a tower, and going up and down five flights of stairs as a group is hardly the best use of everyone’s time. _You _could, however, shrink the snacks, place them in your lady bag and-”__

__“My WHAT?” Samsara gasped in disbelief, and Sirius snorted._ _

__“You know, that thing!” James gestured wildly to the floral crocheted crossbody bag in Samsara’s lap._ _

__“It’s a purse, you idiot.” Samsara muttered._ _

__“Purse, lady bag, whatever! We’ll need biscuits and milk at the very least.” James carried on._ _

__Samsara sighed as James launched into a plan of tricking the room to appear. Her eyelids were growing heavier and the lack of sleep and time-zone change was catching up to her._ _

__Eventually, the little old lady who carted along the trolley of treats stopped at their compartment, and the group got a break from James’ boundless energy as he ate some fizzing whizbees. Samsara declined any treats from the trolley, opting instead, to rest her heavy eyes and take a quick nap before they arrived._ _

__And that is how Samsara Burton awoke, with a tickle on her hand. When she peeped a disoriented eye open to see a brown bug on her hand, she screamed and jumped at the sight. Upon closer inspection of a particularly nasty and realistic-looking Cockroach Cluster on her hand, and about fifteen more that had fallen from her lap, she exhaled in relief, heart pounding._ _

__“NOT. FUNNY. POTTER.” Samsara roared._ _

__She threw a handful angrily at James who was nearly in tears from laughing so hard. Even Remus was clutching his stomach in laughter at her perturbed face. Sirius, despite himself, was laughing himself to bits. Samsara couldn’t help but finally crack a smile as Peter’s wheezing guffaws grew contagious. Soon she was laughing herself, and they were throwing the candy pests at one another until the train finally stopped._ _

__

__They were all still laughing about it that evening as they snuck into the Room of Requirement, which manifested to the group as a lush maroon and yellow room with couches and comfy chairs, all surrounding a low table. The others were all very impressed by it, and Samsara felt a swell of pride for having found something so cool. There was a massive brick fireplace with the Hogwarts crest above the mantle. The boys and Lily told her that it was a spitting image of their common room, but with lots of plants._ _

__“Now it’s time we take an oath.” James said, pricking a quill into his palm. A drop of crimson blood slid down his wrist._ _

__Samsara’s jaw dropped. “What are you doing?!”_ _

__“A blood oath, obviously.” James was smiling as if it were his birthday or something._ _

__“Slow down, Potter” Lily rolled her eyes, “I’m not taking a blood oath.”_ _

__“Me neither,” said a pale-looking Peter._ _

__When all others agreed wholeheartedly, James slumped into his chair, grumbling to himself._ _

__“How about another kind of oath?” Samsara asked timidly, “Like a password?”_ _

__The others nodded in agreement, and James’s approval followed reluctantly._ _

__“How about… “I swear ..” James tried. “That I… Well that’s unimportant. We’ll work on that. Where are we with the riddle.”_ _

__“Well, so far we’ve determined that there’s something involving centaurs… and a prophecy?” Lily answered, reading from the parchment where she had been dillgently taking notes “But the riddle suggests that something won’t happen until four years from now. When Samsara turns fifteen. Unless it means something else, that is.”_ _

__“Thank you, Lily,” James stood again, hand still dripping with blood, “Now where to find a centaur. And how to get a prophecy.”_ _

__“The forbidden forest.” Remus says, quietly._ _

__“Hmm?” James asks_ _

__“That’s where the centaurs… go. I, er, I heard that from the older students.” He stumbled over his words._ _

__Lily and Samsara shared a curious glance._ _

__“Perfect,” James continued, “So we take the invisibility cloak into the forest next weekend, during the day. We find the centaurs, and ask them for-”_ _

__“Hold on, Potter,” Lily holds up her index finger, “You have an invisible cloak? Where is it”_ _

__“It’s not a cloak that’s invisible, it’s a cloak that _makes_ you invisible, _Evans_ ,” James explains quickly, tossing the silvery material at her “As I was saying-”_ _

__Lily stood and gasped as her legs disappeared under the cloak._ _

__“Wicked!” She put it on and disappeared entirely._ _

__“Anyway, As I was saying...” James said, searching the room for where Lily was hiding “We look for the centaurs and the prophecy, then come year five we will be ready to go looking for the tomb of the founders.”_ _

__“I say we meet here once a week to go over anything we find, to play gobstones, or whatever. We keep this a secret, meant just for us Marauders… and, well, you two-”_ _

__“Hey!” Samsara and Lily chimed, though Lily was still not visible._ _

__“-And we take an oath to keep the secret, on our magic!” James finished with pride._ _

__“Simmer down, Potter,” Sirius interjected, “Bring it back down to reality. Lets just agree on this: no one talks about the quest, okay?”_ _

__Remus nods. “Not about this room, either.”_ _

__“The objects will stay with me.” Samsara adds._ _

__“Fine, but can we just swear on it?” James asked, full of hope._ _

__“To what? Break all the rules and likely get expelled? Severus warned me about hanging with you guys.” Lily’s detached voice came from across the room._ _

__Sirius chuckled, putting on his nasally imitation of Severus Snape, Lily’s friend. “You boys are up to no good.”_ _

__James spat out his pumpkin juice as he cackled._ _

__“That’s perfect, mate.” He said, and then in his own nasally impersonation, “I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good.”_ _

__He yelped in pain as an invisible hand smacked the back of his head._ _

__Lily tore off the robe and threw it at him. “Stop making fun of Severus. He’s one of my best friends. ”_ _

__“Well, for now he is,” James said menacingly, “But wait until he goes all Manson-Family-Helter-Skelter bonkers with the other Slytherin pureblood freaks. Let’s see if he’s your friend then.”_ _

__“Manson? Is that someone in our year?” Sirius whispered. Remus and Peter shrugged._ _

__“Muggle thing. A cult.” Samsara whispered back._ _

__“Severus isn’t like the others!” Lily snapped, “And he would never do anything awful like that.”_ _

__“Let’s hope so.” James said seriously, sitting down again._ _

__“Oh, shut it, Potter.” Lily growled._ _

__“ _Make me_ , Evans,” James retorted._ _

__A half second later, he had remnants of a pumpkin pastie dripping from his face._ _

__And the two kept aggravating one another for the rest of the evening. Their bickering continued in class and all the way along the path into the Forbidden forest the following Saturday.  
After fruitless efforts to find the centaurs from more than ten trips into the Forbidden Forest, the arguing continued well into their weekly meetings for the next three and a half years. _ _

__Some meetings were brief, and in others they stayed out well past curfew, as they all played gobstones and waited until the day the prophecy would be revealed._ _


	9. Summer at the Evan's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi, just wanted to put a warning here of a possible trigger warning, mentions of suicide, grief

August, 1975

The heatwave in Centerport, New York had grown particularly strong the day Samsara was packing her trunk for Lily’s house. They had made plans for her to stay at the Evans household for the last two weeks of Summer, and then they would return to Hogwarts together on the first of September. 

The soon-to-be fifth-years had written to each other constantly since parting from school and each other. Samsara, at present, was desperately yearning to distance herself from her broken, quiet household-- even if it meant leaving her mother all alone.

No, not entirely alone. Though their family had shrunk by two, Samsara still had her grandparents who visited often. Whenever they visited, they encouraged them to move into their large estate. 

They were closer to the city, and they had plenty of extra rooms in their grand estate. At Samsara’s home there were too many awful memories left lingering in the walls. It was an energy that could be felt at all hours of the day.

Summer had moved immediately after leaving Hogwarts. After leaving, she had taken a job at the Ministry in London. She neither wrote nor visited Samsara or Daisy, and she hadn’t shown at the funeral. 

Now there were just two in the Burton house, and it was too much for Samsara to bear. 

Samsara ran her hand along a stack of sweaters in her dresser and pulled out the one that was much too large for her small frame, a brown chunky-knit sweater, which she held to her nose and inhaled. 

Her father’s scent was gone now, despite various attempts to enchant it into sticking. Still, she inhaled and wished to find any lingering bit of him. All that remained of her father now were some photographs, their small collection of Box Car novels, a stack of letters, and this sweater. 

Gone and never to return was the sound of his voice, his laughter. His cologne without the scent of tobacco and of peppermint and of him, was just a spicy, empty fragrance. Samsara gulped down the lump in her throat. If she started now, she would never finish packing. 

When she was finished packing she decided she would take a cool shower to cleanse her body of the sticky heat, and perhaps then she would let her tears fall. But not now. She needed to finish packing and she needed to be fine for her mother’s sake. 

Dinners were often quieter now without Fred or Summer. When he had been there, Fred would have had the television on as they ate. He would always laugh at the screen with his mouth full. Daisy would tell stories of funny MACUSA court cases that would have the entire family cracking up- causing even Summer to chuckle.

Samsara had been the only one to speak at the table on this night.  
When she softly mentioned that she was leaving in the morning for the UK, her mother had only nodded absentmindedly. 

Even the post-dinner cleanup was silent. Gone was Daisy’s voice that sang as she did the dishes with her wand. Now when Samsara offered to clean up, Daisy would simply excuse herself for an early night’s sleep. 

Though there were five stages of grief, the one that lingered still was _anger_. 

A year later, Samsara was still angry that her father had seemed okay.  
She was mad that he had never asked for help. She was pissed, most of all, that he had chosen to leave her without saying goodbye. 

She would always be angry that his letter had been soulless and impersonal. And that they had buried an empty casket. He had simply vanished. 

Unfortunately, it wasn’t unheard of in the magical world.

Her mother had become a shell of herself, and Samsara was angry about that, too. Her mother couldn’t find it in her to move on yet. Leaving her alone made Samsara sick with worry, and she longed for the days when all she had to worry about were her classes. 

Samsara believed it might be best if they did move in with her grandparents. At least then her mother wouldn’t break down at every small piece of the house that held memories of her departed husband. For now, Samsara would be happy to get out of this house and all of it’s lingering grief.

Pumpkin, Samsara’s tawny owl, was cooing softly on the windowsill when she entered her room after finishing her chores. Samsara gently ran a finger over his head. 

“Rest up, pumpkin. Tomorrow we’re going to Lily’s.” she whispered.

Pumpkin blinked in response.

Samsara held up a pair of pants to herself while watching her reflection in her long mirror. Sighing, she tossed them into a growing pile on the floor. 

Samsara had outgrown quite a few of her wardrobe staples. She was turning 15 later this week. Her figure had begun to fill in a little, and she was far from the gangly little first year smiling from the moving photograph on her wall. 

Now her pants were a bit too tight and too short to be comfortable. 

Though Samsara wasn’t vain, she simply had to consider that wearing too-small clothes could end up disaster of ripped pants or worse. Thus grew her pile of clothes that were too childish, too short, or too tight. 

She wasn’t quite yet a woman, but her lack of appetite and taking on much of the house work had caused her to lose the remaining baby fat in her cheeks and stomach. Her features were no longer rounded, and gone was the sparkling innocence in her eyes.

If she shot someone a mean look nowadays, she wasn’t sure they would laugh at her poor attempt. Now, it would have it’s intended effect.

She hoped Lily would be up for a girl’s trip to London and that her parents would allow it. Mr. and Mrs. Evans were very nice but also very reserved. They had a lot of opinions on what was proper and what wasn’t. 

Though Lily was top of the class in her studies and believed in carefully following the rules, she also had quite the rebellious streak. Lily was fiercely kind and she always took a stand against injustice.

It was clear, however, that Lily (being muggleborn) felt that everything was higher stakes. She couldn’t be expelled or her world would collapse and she would be stuck with Petunia saying “told you so” for the rest of her life. Thus, she wasn’t as prone to acting as wild as her other Gryffindor counterparts.

Samsara and Lily often confessed to wishing they had been sisters, rather than having relatives such as Petunia and Summer. Despite their pleasant names, their sisters were pure evil.

Samsara’s trunk was light, for she still would need to purchase her books for the year. 

In her trunk was her father’s sweater, her yellow Hufflepuff sweater, and a few tops and pants. Her uniform still fit, but the skirt was cutting it a bit close. She couldn’t roll it up like she used to. Luckily, she wasn’t getting any taller. She put in just enough clothes to last the school year, as she didn’t plan to come back for Christmas. She hadn’t since first year. 

Inside of her cauldron which was neatly stacked upon jars of leftover potions ingredients, Samsara gently placed the stone lion, the scroll, the ring, and the goblet. 

Just a few months back she and her friends had finally discovered the Goblet’s use. It could create almost any beverage, with a spell they had learned in transfiguration. So far it had been used to make lots of Butterbeer, though the flavor wasn’t quite the same as it was in The Three Broomsticks. It didn’t exactly point to the prophecy they had been searching for, but it did provide amusement.

When she was finally finished packing, she sat at her desk to pen some replies to her friends. She would wait to send Pumpkin until after he had settled a bit from the trans-atlantic portkey. It always took a lot out of the both of them. Pumpkin was the sweetest bird and Samsara loved him to bits. He could always sense when Samsara needed comfort and nudged her gently. 

She was immensely happy whenever the sweet, plump little bird just sat with her, just existing and looking cute. She was glad she hadn’t gone with a kneazle or a toad.

Cutting a piece of brown paper from a grocery bag, she began writing with a ballpoint pen. There were three responses she needed to send.

_  
James Fleamont Potter,_

_You’re a git. And while yes, Lily and I will be having a sleepover… No, it will not involve any pillow fights. Where do you even get this stuff from?_

_Are we still meeting the 19th at your place? ._

_Regretfully yours,_

_Samsara Burton._

_Sirius,_

_Haven’t heard from you all summer. I hope you’re staying out of trouble if only to avoid giving your mother a reason to do something unreasonable. I’ve worried about you for a month now._

_I was told we’re meeting at James’ place on the 19th. Please come._

_Yours,_

_Samsara_

_Dear Remus,_

_I’ll have you know there are plenty of good muggle bands here in the States._

_Just because you have the Beatles… and David Bowie… and Cat Stevens. Nifflers! You’re right. WelI, I definitely would be interested in going to a show over there. Maybe with the group?_

_By the way will you be at James’ place on the 19th?_

__

Samsara stared at the page, willing the right words to form.

__

_I’m scared of leaving mom behind. She’s not well without my father. I often feel like I'm grasping for the last thread holding us together, worried she’ll disappear too.  
_  
Samsara used an ink brush to blot out the last part completely. She didn’t want to put such things in writing. It comforted her enough to know she would be seeing her friend soon.

When it was properly scratched out, she continued.

 _  
I miss you.  
_  
She scratched that part out too, more furiously. Why couldn’t she just write a normal letter to her friend?  
_  
Oops, Can’t spell. See ya soon!_

_Yours,  
Samsara.  
_

Peter had sent a short letter- a spectacular three words. Via _international post._ Without much to go on, she didn’t bother with a response. 

There was a mutual dislike between Samsara and Peter. Though they got along fine in a group setting, Samsara felt no particular inclination to become closer to him. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but something about him was always dodgy.

It was at least two in the morning before Samsara fell asleep.

The Evans household was very clean. The yard was neatly trimmed and the delicate bush of english roses at the entrance had not one blemished petal in sight. 

This part of England was a balmy seventy degrees in Summer. The air was much less muggy and humid than it had been in New York. Samsara donned a simple sundress as she knocked on the door.

Lily’s sister Petunia answered with a scowl, eyeing Samsara from head to toe with disdain. 

“Mother! It’s _her_ friend.” She groaned, shutting the door.

Samsara blinked, her owl’s cage growing heavy in her arms. Sighing, she rested her trunk at her feet.

These next few weeks would be just peachy.

Lily had opened the door seconds later, running to embrace her friend.  
Her parents introduced themselves briefly with stiff, fearful expressions. Samsara put on her best show of manners, thanking them graciously for allowing her to stay in their home. They didn’t linger long in the girl’s presence.

Lily helped Samsara carry her trunk down the hall of the one story home to her room.

They spent several nights staying up late as they talked about Petunia’s awful boyfriend Vernon and browsed mail-order catalogs for gowns. The Millenium ball would take place in December, and they were beside themselves with excitement for wearing an elegant dress.

Neither of them had ever been to a dance.

On a few occasions, they met with Severus Snape. He lived in the same neighborhood as Lily, and they had been friends since before Hogwarts. 

At best, he was completely indifferent to Samsara. 

On one hand, Samsara saw that Severus and Lily shared a deep bond, and their friendship was very supportive and understanding. From glimpses of a Severus that only Lily truly knew, Samsara understood why her friend enjoyed having him around. Their temperaments suited one another. 

On the other hand, Severus was the type to hold anyone that wasn’t close to him at an arm’s length. He was standoffish, introverted, and often harshly critical of other people who didn’t have ginger hair, green eyes, or the name Lily. 

To a judgemental eye, his behaviour could be deemed obsessive and controlling. At school he was known as Slughorn’s pet and a follower of the Pureblood Posse. 

The worst thing the poor fellow had going for him, thought Samsara, was his terribly nasally voice. His generally dislikeable personality was amplified tenfold by his gritting voice.

Here though, there was no one to share in her moments of disdain for him.

In moments where Severus would annoy Samsara with offhand comments about her, she would simply daydream of what James and the other boys would say or do if they were there. 

James particularly hated Severus, and the feeling was mutual. 

Sadly for Severus, James was extroverted and infinitely funnier. The more Severus irritated James, the harder he would be teased by the mischievous marauder and his friends. 

Samsara’s loyalty was torn between James and his hilarious pranks on the poor greasy sod, and Lily’s pure-hearted affection for her childhood best friend. 

Samsara knew one should never laugh at someone for circumstances that were out of their control. Just because Severus came from a poor family and he didn’t have much didn’t justify ridiculing him. 

No, she disliked him only for what he _could_ control but didn’t. For one, a terrible attitude and a tendency to breathe heavily with his mouth. 

Her only internal conflict was who her loyalty best served.

If she laughed too obviously when the boys hexed him, Lily grew upset with her. But when Severus did the bidding of the snobbiest of the pureblood Slytherins, Lucius Malfoy, she couldn’t help but feel he deserved every jinx sent his way.

Samsara only took part in pranks that caused no true harm to others. She had only been given detention a few times in comparison to the Marauders, who frequented McGonnagall’s detentions.

James had been proud of his many detentions, until it prevented him from becoming quidditch captain. At the end of their fourth year, he had sworn that he would turn his reputation around.

Samsara wondered if it also had something to do with his crush on Lily. 

Lily denied it, but anyone with eyes could tell he liked her. He was always trying to get her attention, but all it did for her was get on her nerves.

Last year Lily had a crush last year on a seventh-year Hufflepuff called Amos Diggory. He had tutored Lily in Care for Magical Creatures. Lily would blush whenever he complimented her work.

Samsara believed herself much too numb to worry herself about boys in the past year.

On the nineteenth of August, Samsara had been at the Evans residence for almost a week. On her birthday, Mrs. Evans had made Samsara a small cake with a pink candle. The boys had sent birthday wishes via post. James had sent her favorite chocolate and confirmation that they would be seeing each other in a couple of days. He also asked (commanded) her to brag about the gift to Lily. 

Samsara got a letter from her mother wishing her a happy sixteenth birthday a day late. Her handwriting was ragged, like when she did the crossword after taking a sleeping draught.  
Her grandmother’s postcard from France informed her that she had been gifted a sum into her Gringotts account to purchase whatever she might fancy.

Samsara hoped to pick up a few new books and a stash of some more quality chocolate for her dorm room.

The girls took a muggle train to the town where James lived. They arrived in the early afternoon to his large house, and rang the doorbell. A very cheerful middle-aged couple opened the door and greeted the girls warmly. 

The girls were led through the house to the backyard. Samsara’s heartbeat raced uncharacteristically as she stepped through the glass door and saw two very tall boys, and one smaller one lounging on the patio. James was first to stand and give the girls a hug. Lily patted him once before shoving him away. 

James ruffled Samsara’s hair. “Well if it isn’t my favorite Hufflepuff!” he beamed with a childlike grin.

“And you brought Evans, what a pleasant surprise,” James shot Lily a grin which she responded with a meek smile.

“No it isn’t. I told-” James covered up Samsara’s mouth. She bit his hand and he pulled it away quickly

“Mum made us food, are you guys hungry?” James smiled, changing the subject as if nothing had happened.

Peter waved a hand quickly in their direction before darting his eyes away to the board game he was setting up. 

Sirius stood in a black leather jacket and black jeans. He was now at least a head taller than Samsara and when he hugged her he smelled faintly of menthol cigarettes. She had half a mind to berate him for smoking, but decided against it. She hated the smell but he never paid attention to anyone who told him what to do. 

“Hey,” He nodded to Lily who was talking to James’ mother.

Remus appeared from inside the house with Marlene and Louisa. Samsara’s stomach fluttered when she saw he was wearing his new Puddlemere sweater. 

Last Christmas she had decided it was time to replace his old, tattered sweater he had worn since he was a first-year. She hadn’t planned on spending so much of her shopping money, but when she saw him eye it in Hogsmeade, it just seemed like the perfect gift. 

He had been shy in accepting it, mumbling something about not having much of a gift for her. It hadn’t mattered to Samsara in the slightest.

For some reason, seeing him in the sweater now made her stomach flutter with proud affection. He had worn it. He liked it.

He smiled at her now and she felt her heart beat faster. When his grin stretched into a full-fledged dimpled smile, it was over for Samsara. A real smile from Remus was a rare thing, and Samsara thought it suited him. Remus Lupin had become… hot?

“Samsara? Hellooo” Louisa grinned as Samsara snapped out of her daze and looked at her, “I said happy belated birthday!”

Louisa held a wrapped gift to her and Samsara blushed. She had been caught ogling one of her best friends. She was mortified. 

“Oh, um, Thanks Lou!” Samsara took it, hugging her friend.

“It’s from us girls.” Marlene added, smiling. Lily came over to watch her open it.

Samsara undid the bow on the parcel,

“Color-changing ink!” Samsara cried happily, “How did you know?”

She had been dying to write her letters in a color other than black or blue.

“And theres… A tiny monocle and top hat?” She furrowed her brows in confusion.

“It’s for Pumpkin” Louisa clarified, giggling.

Samsara squealed in happiness. 

“You guys are the best. Thank you so much!” The girls all hugged together and when Samsara stepped back, she was wiping a tear from her eye. Her friends were so thoughtful.

“Don’t get all weepy on us, Sammy,” Sirius smirked, putting an arm around her.

She rolled her eyes at the boy and looked pointedly at James.

“And we put on this party for you, duh!” James shouted with pride.

Remus was frowning at a cup in his hand and peter was snacking.

“Thanks for everything you guys.” Samsara said softly, “But really, your friendship is the greatest gift.”

The gryffindors all groaned in response. 

“Bloody Hufflepuffs.” Sirius rolled his eyes. Remus Lupin however, had the smallest of smiles.


	10. The Prefect Carriage

Severus, Samsara, and Lily were an odd and slightly uncomfortable trio as they traversed stiffly into King’s Cross station with their bulky luggage in tow. Each walked a few steps apart, and for the most part, they were silent. Lily had given up on rhe hope that Samsara and Severus would become friends. See, Lily got along well with each friend separately, but when they were all together- neither Severus nor Samsara would hide their disdain for one another. 

Samsara had reassured her friend a great deal that she wasn’t jealous of Lily’s attention being shared. Rather -and this part she emphasized- after being around him for three weeks, she had found Severus Snape to be truly insufferable and unkind. While Samsara believed that Lily had the grace and kindness of an animated princess, she was now certain that Snape was ugly inside and out. The stark contrast was jarring, and while she might balance their natures- another minute in his presence, and Samsara felt she might be sent to Azkaban. 

Lily claimed that Severus was just ‘not used to her’, but Samsara could only agree to disagree. Four years was plenty of knowing someone enough not to be a total git.

Slowly, students trickled into the station alongside them. Samsara couldn’t help but feel that the muggle-borns and their parents stood out here in Britain, especially with the clothes they wore to the station. Unlike in America, many British wizards wore robes that made them look like a part of some kind of a renaissance fair. It was mostly delightful, except when it fed into the pureblood bias that muggle-borns were lowly and poor. 

A great deal of the haughty, pureblood families wore robes of all black as if it were their uniform. Their expressions were severe, almost cartoonishly disgusted with their noses in the air as they passed the three raggedly dressed students waiting for the train to arrive. Samsara resented every last one of them.

“Severus, what’s this?” One boy in black called to Severus, “is this your little pet? A mu-”

“Hardly.” Severus interrupted, his eyes darting to Lily apologetically before he snatched up his small trunk. 

Samsara fought an eye roll as he walked away without another word. Lily’s shoulders slumped. This was precisely why Samsara didn’t care for the boy. He was affectionate and kind to Lily in private, but he shunned her at school. The aftermath had always been Lily feeling confused and hurt by his sudden dismissals. Lily refused to believe he wasn’t good. She assumed he had nothing but positive intentions to her as her friend, that he would never hurt her on purpose. Samsara believed otherwise.

The boy in black who had spoken looked over his shoulder and sent a smirk at Samsara who stood watching with disdain as the boys walked away. Elias Zabini. He was the younger brother of one of Hugo Zabini. The elder Zabini was part of Summer’s group. The same group who had jinxed Samsara and chased her in her first year. While Elias was just as handsome as his older brother, he had just proven himself to be an awful blood purist like most of the Slytherins Samsara knew. 

Samsara would have to remember to convince the Marauders to prank on him when she had the chance. He had been about to call Lily a Mudblood. The bastard. Samsara thought back to her sister’s final year at Hogwarts.

Hugo Zabini had been Head Boy and Summer Burton’s boyfriend. 

Elias had been quiet at school until Hugo left. Now, he seemed to have followed in his brother’s footsteps as leader of the Slytherin gits. That’s what Samsara called them, anyway. He was a sixth-year, and besides stories, Samsara didn’t know much about him. Except now she knew she disliked him as much as she disliked his brother.

The last time she had seen Hugo, he had mentioned Elias to Samsara in a way she would never forget. 

It had been the fourth of July, only days after Summer and Hugo had graduated from Hogwarts. He had been invited to the annual party at Samsara’s grandparents home. 

Though Summer was still her last choice of person to hang around at the party, the rest of the guests were at least her parent’s age. Even her cousins were in their early thirties. So she sat off to the side of the couple, mostly silent.

They had been watching the fireworks on the porch of the house. Hugo was reserved, and was hardly one for public displays of affection. Samsara assumed it was a pureblood thing. Nevertheless, it had been the only reason being around them had been even bearable. 

None of Samsara’s friends could come, it being expensive trans-atlantic travel and all. Sirius said he could come, he just didn’t want to. He didn’t want to give his mother false hope of being interested in pureblood socials. 

Her other friends sent their apologies. Most wizards couldn’t afford to just cross the ocean whenever they wanted. It required very carefully crafted portkeys, and they were shockingly expensive. Hugo had a family portkey ring he could use whenever he liked. 

“You know, my brother is the same age as your sister” Hugo had drawled softly to Summer, as if Samsara hadn’t been sitting right there with them. “There could be two Burtons carrying on the Zabini name.”

“Don’t even think about it.” Summer laughed uncomfortably before shooting a warning look at her sister.

“And what exactly does he mean by that?” Samsara asked, not bothering to hide her annoyance. If he was going to talk as if she weren’t there, she could be rude too. Hugo didn’t scare her. Not like the deranged Lestrange girl that Summer called her best friend. That whole family was off their rockers, according to school gossip. 

“We purebloods have to stick together,” He said, a patronizing smile on his face as he looked over to Samsara, “Who you associate with at school matters, but what matters most is keeping our bloodlines pure.”

Samsara scrunched her face. The purebloods in Britain weren’t shy about their opinions on inter-marriage. Sadly, a similar mindset lingered in America, too.

Hugo laughed at her face, and reached over to ruffle her hair. It made Samsara want to vomit, but she didn’t look away from his intimidating stare.

“What does that have to with your brother? What, did you run out of cousins to marry? Well no thanks, not in a million years Hugo.” Samsara stood, arms crossed over her chest. “Summer, you could do better.”

“Samsara! How dare you be so rude to our guest?” Summer scolded her. Hugo only smiled stiffly at Samsara, patting his girlfriend to assure her it was alright.

“That’s precisely the truth, little Hufflepuff. ” Hugo said softly, and goosebumps rose on Samsara’s skin. “And never say never. Despite your father being less than ideal, your bloodline is far enough from mine to be ideal. As a matter of fact, you would do well not to make any enemies with your own kind. In the future, you may not have a choice. ”

His eyes darkened.

“My kind? My kind is people who are kind. Regardless of blood status.” Samsara retorted, doing her best to ignore the chill she felt down her spine. She had intended on calling him an inbred git, but she wouldn’t put it past the likes of him to draw his wand and use dark magic. He seemed too sure of the ridiculously awful things he had said. It was eerie how Summer went along with anything he would say. He had alluded to marriage. Summer was really going to end up with this creep for the rest of her life. Her stomach churned at the thought.

“We’ll see.” Hugo said, breaking his stare. Samsara left them for the rest of the night. From the rooftop she watched the fireworks alone.

Later that night, Samsara watched from a distance as Hugo kissed Summer before using his portkey ring to return home. It was an old family heirloom. Before he twisted it, he sent Samsara a smug smile. She grimaced.

Samsara avoided her sister until the day she moved out. Whenever she was around her sister, Samsara had felt an odd, crackling energy. It had felt dark.

The memory sent a shudder of disgust through her. Her and Elias? It would never happen. Not ever. A trolley squeaked past, drawing Samsara out of her thoughts.

Samsara tentatively reached out to her red-headed friend who only sighed.

“Forget it,” Lily watched him disappear in the crowd, “He’s always like this, dunno what I expected. School makes him nervous, I guess . Let’s go load our trunks.” 

Samsara trailed behind her friend with Pumpkin and her trunk until they reached the back of the train. A small line had formed at the loading station for pets. Lily loaded her things ahead of her, and soon it was Samsara’s turn.

Samsara was lifting Pumpkin into his shelf when a hand appeared to help hoist the cage. 

“Um, thanks” Samsara mumbled, before looking up to find Oliver. She almost jumped at the proximity of the boy. “Oh, hey Ollie.”

“Hey yourself, Sammy,” He grinned. “What’s this, new jumper?” He gestured to the abomination Samsara had made with her new magical knitting needles. 

It was a yellow, lumpy sweater. She had decided to pick up knitting when she saw the enchanted needles in Diagon alley a week prior. She and Lily had attempted to make sweaters together. 

Lily had grown impatient and quit after the first day. While Samsara had succeeded in making a sweater, or at least some kind of garment with holes for the head and arms, it was lumpy and uneven. The animal on the front was in the shape of a badger but had large round ears like a mouse- a miscalculation on her part.

“Thanks. Made it myself.” Samsara declared. 

“Ah,” He chuckled, “Makes more sense why there’s an odd little mouse on the front, there.”

“It’s a badger!” Samsara cried in exasperation. “Why does everyone call it a mouse?”

Petunia had been particularly awful about it, snickering and gloating about her own talents as a “natural” with muggle knitting. ‘I suppose freaks make freakish things,’ she had said.  
Lily’s parents had politely smiled when she had shown them.  
‘The next one will be great.’ Mrs. Evans had said.

Samsara didn’t take it to heart. The Evans family didn’t say much around her anyway.  
Lily, however, had been nothing but encouraging. She told Samsara that she shouldn’t consider wearing anything else but that very sweater to their first day of school. 

Despite deducing her friend had been sarcastic, Samsara decided to wear it anyway, because it was warm and it made people smile.

“Right,” Oliver smirked, “well, if you fancy going all crazy with your knitting for Christmas, stick with socks for me, yeah?”

Samsara smacked his arm. “Just for that, you’re getting a pink sweater with a Pygmy puff on it.”

“Let’s not get too ambitious, now,” Oliver grinned. “Might come out looking like a hippogriff.” 

They laughed together. 

“Oi, quit your flirting and take a seat already!” a voice called from down the hall. 

Samsara felt her cheeks flush. Oliver shuffled, looking down at the floor.

“We weren’t flirting, Sirius, you twat.” Samsara shouted back.

When she stole a glance at Oliver, he was watching her reaction.

 _“We WeReN’t FLiRtInG, you TWAT!”_ Came the voices of James and Sirius, mocking her in a girlish, American accent.

Samsara snorted. Oliver raised his eyebrows at her. 

“Alright, quit making eyes at eachother and get a move on” the voice called again, and Sirius ducked out of sight again.

Samsara exhaled, rolling her eyes. “Sorry, they say that about any boy I talk to ,really.” 

“S’Alright,” Oliver said, grinning, “Guess I shouldn’t talk about _our plans to run away from school together.”_ He half-yelled the last part.

Samsara giggled, adding in her own loud voice, “Yeah don’t mention that. _Or that the reason we’re running away together is because you helped me read my tea leaves in Divination that one time while my partner James watched Lily the whole class like a creeper.”_

“Hey! I heard that!” James called to her, sounding like a disgruntled child.

“You were meant to!” Samsara yelled back. She rolled her eyes when there was no reply and turned back to Oliver.

“Would you mind pinning me here?” Oliver asked

“Well now that’s taking the whole joke too far, my friend.” Samsara raised her brows.

“What?” Oliver furrowed his brows, “Really, would you just pin me?” He held up a small badge with the letter “P”

“Ohhhhh, sure. Only if you do me after?” Samsara grinned, and then her smile dropped “- I MEAN” 

Oliver smirked.

 _“We definitely heard that, too!”_ James and Sirius now stood at the door of their compartment, snickering.

Samsara’s cheeks grew red. Oliver chuckled, nodding to her request to put her pin on. They both had been made Prefect. 

Lily and Samsara had received their letters while they were together. They had jumped on her bed in excitement. Her parents had congratulated them, understanding vaguely that it was some kind of honor bestowed by the school.

Samsara felt a pang in her heart when she realized she couldn’t write her father with the news. It meant a great deal to her to that she had been chosen. 

Now they would be able to help defend students against the hazing of the pureblood Slytherins. Also, and most importantly, if they were out late, they would have the perfect cover. 

Remus had written with the news that he would be prefect alongside Lily too. 

In his letter to Lily, which she had read aloud, he admitted he had some form of illness where he regularly might miss duties. He said he hoped he wouldn’t be much of a burden to Lily. She had written back assuring him that there were plenty of sixth and seventh year prefects too, so it wouldn’t be any trouble. He had never mentioned such an illness to Samsara, but it somewhat clarified why he always went to the hospital wing.

Oliver was looking far too amused at the sight of the sweater again as he pinned the prefect badge to it. He chuckled and Samsara swatted him again. 

“Shut it.” She said. He only smiled in response.

Lily swiftly bounded down the train’s corridor just as Oliver had finished pinning the badge to Samsara’s sweater. 

“There you are!” Lily grabbed Samsara’s hand and tugged her, “The meeting’s about to start.”

Lily froze, turning on her heel.

“Right, sorry!” She smiled sheepishly. “Hello Oliver!” 

“Hello Lily.” He chuckled 

“Right, well come on, then! Quickly” Lily took off in a brisk walk again. Lily at times resembled professor McGonnagall to a point where Samsara wondered if the girl studied her actions and copied them. If she wanted, Lily would make a great professor someday. 

“Well, come on, Ollie,” Samsara chimed, imitating a stern Lily as she looped her arm through Oliver’s and took off at a slightly slower pace behind Lily to the Prefect’s carriage.

As they passed the compartment where James and Sirius sat with Peter and Marlene, they ignored the snickering.

“Gits.” Samsara rolled her eyes. 

“Why are you friends with them?” Oliver asked, smirking.

“Because they’re pretty great friends,” Samsara replied, shrugging. “Only gits _occasionally._ ”

James and Sirius had been beside themselves when they found out that three of their friends would be prefects. The staff of Hogwarts probably didn’t know the length of troublemaking that would be underway at the decision to select them. 

“And me?” Oliver asked. They had come to a stop outside the compartment where the meeting was.

“Yeah, yeah. You’ll do.” Samsara answered quickly. She was anxious not to be late to her first prefect duty. Oliver chuckled as he followed closely behind.

“Right, there they are, Are you two my fifth-year Hufflepuffs? Wonderful.” A tall, ginger-headed boy stood at the opposite end of the narrow room, acknowledging their arrival. “Welcome to Prefect Orientation. I’m Westley Finnegan, Head Boy of Ravenclaw. Today I will be going over standard prefect procedures. Is everyone present?” 

They had been the last to arrive. Sheepishly, Samsara shuffled into the room further, accidentally brushing arms with someone. She mumbled an apology, turning to find Remus.

He glanced at her and she averted her eyes. If Samsara saw herself in the reflection of the brass bands that were intricately woven throughout the compartment, she would likely find her cheeks to be rosy. Due to the brisk walk and the heated room of course, she thought. Not due to the tall boy in the maroon sweater standing next to her.

Westley talked for at least twenty minutes before allowing them a short break to introduce themselves.

After Oliver turned away, Remus approached her, standing in front of her.

In a sudden flurry of nerves, Samsara extended her hand as if to introduce herself.  
His face bloomed into a perfect lopsided smile. His eyes trailed from her hand, to her lumpy sweater, to the pained, awkward expression on her face.

 _‘Idiot,’_ she thought to herself, pulling her hand back.

“Remus Lupin” He extended his hand and grabbed hers before it could fall to her side. His eyes twinkled with the mischief of a cornish pixie.

“Samsara Burton,” she replied dumbly, as if this were their first introduction. As if she hadn’t known him for four years and hadn’t written to him the entire summer. His grin stretched wolfishly.

 _‘A complete and total Idiot’_ She thought again. Remus would never let her forget this.

Samsara looked away, choosing instead to focus on his maroon sweater which was directly in her line of sight. It didn’t have any holes. It was new, and it complimented the blue-green of his eyes. Eyes she avoided with all her might.

“Nice sweater.” She mumbled in a voice that was probably drowned out by the train’s engine and the chatter around them. 

“Not as nice as yours.” He replied. Samsara’s eyes darted up again, catching a brief look of mirth on his face before a seriousness covered his features. 

Samsara’s brow furrowed at his words and sudden change of demeanor when an arm wrapped around her shoulders.

“Awful thing, innit?” Oliver guffawed, pointing to her sweater with a hand on her shoulder.

Remus didn’t crack another smile, his eyes were on Oliver’s hand.

Samsara crossed her arms over her chest as she shrugged his arm off. 

“It’s sure… something.” Remus said, lips twitching. 

“This is a work of art. Art is subjective.” Samsara shot back, “Goodbye.” She turned with a flourish, bumping into a girl next to her. The boys laughed behind her and her cheeks grew red.

She stood between Lily and a Ravenclaw called Lux for the remainder of the training speal, and would have stayed longer if it hadn’t ended. She wondered if she could still transfer to Ilvermorny after all. Maybe it would have been better to have been a squib after all, if only not to feel this embarrassment.

When they were dismissed, Samsara and Lily left to find Alice and Marlene. As they passed Greg, Louisa, and Oliver, the girls waved hello briefly and kept walking until they found an empty compartment. Not once did Samsara turn to look for Remus. When they were finally alone in their compartment, she let out a sigh of relief.

Marlene was a shameless gossip, and had been deprived of female company for the beginning of their journey. Alice had been with Frank and others. 

Samsara appreciated having a friend who was so bold and unapologetic as Marlene, even if she was a bit boy-crazy. Each week she was newly ‘in love.’ Samsara anticipated the topic of conversation before she even opened her perfectly glossed lips.

“So, spill.” Marlene probed, “are you and Oliver... _you know?”_

“What?” Samsara replied, dubiously, “Prefects?”

“No! _Snogging,_ of course,” Marlene cackled excitedly. “I mean, that’s what Sirius said.”

“Ugh, No!” Samsara cried, “Never listen to him, Sirius Black is an idiot-”

“A tall, dark, handsome idiot-” Marlene interrupted with a dreamy sigh.

“He’s a friend, and that’s all.” Samsara clarified. And he was. He had been her go-to partner in House game nights, and a good partner to have in Divination. She cheered him on in Quidditch. He wasn’t unattractive, but she didn’t think the way she saw him would change any time soon. 

“Well, Frank is my friend, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind snogging _him_.” Alice giggled.

“And even though Lils and Remus are _friends_ , I bet two galleons they snog before the end of term!” Marlene cried. She and Alice erupted into laughter.

Lily froze and Samsara’s heart sank. She had stayed with Lily for nearly three weeks and the girl hadn’t mentioned having feelings for anyone. Did she have a thing for Remus that Samsara didn’t know about? Lily and Remus did write one another a lot, but then again he wrote her too. 

Lily wasn’t the type to gush over her emotions. She hadn’t talked about any boys since Amos Diggory had graduated from Hogwarts.

Truthfully, Samsara believed James had real feelings for Lily, and she had long suspected Lily might too. She wondered if she had been very wrong.

“Remus is good-looking _I suppose_ ,” Lily said, rolling her eyes, “But no. We’re mates.”

“You two are no fun.” Marlene huffed. “Fine, I bet _myself_ two galleons I will snog Sirius Black.”

“Is that how a bet works?” Lily smirked

“Well then, I bet myself two galleons I will eat this chocolate frog,” Samsara joined in, giggling as she opened the box in her lap. 

“I don’t need this negativity.” Marlene snorted, “ _I’m putting positive thoughts out into the universe._ ” Marlene clasped her hands together and stared at the ceiling with a dreamy smile.

“I mean, _did you see him in that leather jacket on the platform?_ ” Alice squealed. She and Marlene gushed over Sirius’s new bad boy look while Lily and Samsara shared an eye roll. The jacket was likely just a ploy to piss off Sirius's uptight, horrible mother Walburga Black. 

“And James got fitter! All that Quidditch training, _am i right?”_ Marlene grinned, elbowing Lily who sat to her left. All the girls looked at her pointedly. 

“Yeah, So?” Lily said, “I mean-”

“ _AHA!_ So you admit it, _you think James is fit._ ” Marlene grinned maliciously at her 

“I never-” Lily mumbled, “I don’t… I-I... no!” She shuddered in false disgust.

Samsara smirked. Lily wasn’t a talented liar. It went against her nature. She would stay out of it for now, but if the opportunity presented itself, she might try a hand at matchmaking. They really would be great together. 

“Well, what about Remus, then?” Alice asked with a sly smile. 

Lily glanced at Samsara for a fraction of a second before declaring, “He’s a _friend._ They’re all only my mates. I hardly need to have a boyfriend to feel satisfied with myself, thank you very much.” 

Marlene rolled her eyes, giggling. “Sure.”

“Yet again, she doesn’t deny it..” Alice nodded her agreement.

“You’ll want a date for the ball, though, won’t you Lils?” Marlene asked, smiling innocently. “Maybe you’ll go with a _‘friend’?_ ”

Lily stood abruptly. “I’m going to change my robes. You should do the same.”

Marlene feigned a surprised look at her, and she and Alice fell into a fit of giggles.

Samsara excused herself to change as well, not wanting to draw Marlene’s analytical gaze any further. 

In the small changing compartment, Samsara pulled off her sad, lumpy yellow sweater and put her uniform on, swapping her prefect badge onto her robes. Then she joined her Hufflepuff friends for her favorite part of the journey, arriving at Hogwarts. Seeing the castle in the distance made her heart swell. She was finally home.


	11. The Boggart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> content warning: grief, description of a panic attack.

The morning of September third, the start of the term, passed by in a blur. Samsara couldn’t even remember what she had for breakfast. 

Prefects were granted morning free periods following their night patrols . As classes and patrols alternated every other day, this meant she would have two morning free periods a week. The sixth and seventh-year prefects had been given three days a week with a morning free period. They mostly used it to sleep in, as they had the ability to delegate their tasks to the fifth-years who trained underneath them.

Despite a busy free period with showing first-years to their classes, Samsara found herself back in her dorm killing time before her first class of the year. She picked up her knitting needles, and then she lost track of time. 

Samsara was frantic as she rushed to Divination. In what was becoming an awful habit: she was late. 

Advanced Divination wasn’t a class she was even beginning to dread, even though she had signed up for it. 

Divination class was a far cry from meaningful prophecies, or anything useful, really. Class consisted mostly of drinking tea in a dark cozy room and trying one’s best not to fall asleep with the heavy smell of incense. There wasn’t much to expect from the class, Samsara thought, though this was her first try at Advanced Divination. 

Year after year she had enrolled in Divination solely for the purpose of discovering a prophecy that would point her in the direction of the Founder’s legendary tomb. She wanted to become a healer, and she didn’t need this class. It held no practical use for her outside of Hogwarts. Yet, she didn’t see how else she might uncover the prophecy while she was here. 

Professor Trelawney was second in a generation of seers. Trelawney’s mother was famous seer Cassandra Trelawney and rumor had it that her daughter, Sybil, also had the gift. 

There was only one class that she looked forward to that day: Defense Against the Dark Arts, because she had it with the Gryffindors. 

Samsara stepped carefully up the circular staircase into the Divination room, trying her best to join the room quietly. She only hoped that Professor Trelawney wouldn’t be too hard on her. Maybe in the darkness of the room, she wouldn’t even be noticed as she slipped in,late.

Immediately upon stepping through the runic-carved archway, Samsara was overwhelmed with the scents of sage and lavender. The incense burning left a smoky haze in the room. It was dizzying. All of the windows were covered by dark, thick curtains and the room was lit softly by massive candles.

“Ah, as I said, a straggler.” Professor Trelawney drawled, winking at Samsara as the girl stepped from the stairwell into the room. Samsara fought the urge to roll her eyes. Whenever anything happened out of the ordinary, the Professor claimed to have seen it coming. 

With a brief glance around the room, Samsara saw that the room was full. 

There were fifth, sixth, and seventh years from all four houses, which was normal for an advanced class that wasn’t popular. 

“Over there, dear,” Professor Trelawney waved a large, frilly sleeve in a direction vaguely to Samsara’s left. And at the professor’s words, all eyes fell upon her as she searched for an empty seat.

She squinted through the hazy room, barely spotting a table in the back corner with an empty chair. She made her way over and swiftly sat, letting her book bag fall to the floor. She glanced to her side and was immediately revolted. 

Elias Zambini sat in the chair next to her. Just her luck.

He didn’t bother turning to look at her, he simply stared ahead. She decided to do the same.

“Now class, you will begin with a tea reading. No pressure, this is just a review. Open your aura and be sure to acquaint yourself with your partner, as you will be working with them for the remainder of our time together.” Professor Trelawney finished. 

Samsara winced. Most of the class was about looking into ‘the beyond’ and all the metaphysical things the professor droned on about. The last thing she wanted was to expose the vulnerability of her inner-self to the analytical gaze of Elias Zabini.

Then the professor flailed about, gesturing for them to begin their readings.

Samsara fiddled with her fingers until she noticed she was grasping at a croheted doily. It took her a moment to register that Elias had taken her teacup and saucer.

She looked at him with wide eyes. Before she could speak up, his long graceful fingers wrapped themselves around the handle of the teapot and poured her a cup of tea. 

_‘Right,’ She thought, ‘Pureblood etiquette.’_

He elegantly rested the teapot back on it’s coaster with the spout facing away from them.

He then handed her the cup and saucer. 

“Burton.” 

Samsara snorted at his empty, polite tone. It reminded her of the horrendously boring lessons in table manners that she had long ago with her grandparents. Her grandmother assured her it would pay off someday.

 _‘You never know when you might have tea with someone of importance.’_ Her grandmother would always say. 

“Thank you, Zabini.” She inclined her head, with a tone that was equally polite. Elias made no sign of acknowledging her further.

While the other students filled the classroom with chatter, Samsara and Elias sat and drank their tea in silence. Each looked in the opposite direction of the other. Samsara took great care to study the navy velvet curtains. 

Quickly enough, her cup ran empty. Only a few dregs of the peach-infused black tea remained. 

Samsara dutifully let the cup sit, as to not disturb the leaves as they dried into some formation that could then be read by her partner.

Elias finished his cup shortly after. Their table remained silent. Trelawney began to make her rounds. Elias slid his cup and saucer across the table to Samsara, and she passed him hers.

After grasping his cup, she gently rotated the handle to face south. Pulling up her notes on the symbols of tea dregs, she jotted down her findings on her parchment.

_Rim (the past) : Interlocking circles- indicating a chain or series of events_

_Sides (the near future): An x? Maybe a cross. X would be warning, cross means trials and suffering._

_Bottom (the far future): A wheel- an inevitable change coming, a journey of self_

She looked up to Elias when she finished and found he had already finished his reading, and had been waiting for her. When he noted she was finished, he began to read from his paper.

“Rim. Wavy lines indicating water, interrupted travel, or sex.” He stated matter-of-factly. Samsara’s eyes widened. He glanced at her, as if sensing the blush on her cheeks. 

He continued, smirking. “Sides. A series of dots or dashes indicate busy times in the near future. And finally, the bottom- the Grim.” 

Samsara gasped, lunging across the table to grab her cup from his hands.

“It does not!” She cried, looking into the bottom of the cup. “Does it?”

It was vaguely heart-shaped, indicating love. Not the symbol of doom, the Grim.

“Oh.” She whispered. Elias chuckled and she glared at him. “Not funny!”

He only laughed more, gesturing for her to begin his reading. She sighed in annoyance.

“Rim. Interlocking circles. A chain, indicating a series of events.”

“Or responsibility.” He added. She had forgotten that part.

“Right. Or responsibility”

Quickly, she jotted it down with her quill. Perhaps he wouldn’t be that awful as a partner. He seemed to know the class well enough. She wondered why he was taking Advanced Divination. Setting her quill down, she continued.

“Sides. Either an X or a cross.”

Elias gestured for her to hand over the cup. He frowned. “I don’t see an X or a cross.”

“It’s right there,” Samsara pointed at it.

“This? It’s not a cross.” 

“Fine. An X, indicating a warning of some kind.”

Elias nodded stiffly. “Fine.”

“Finally, the bottom.” She glanced at him, and he watched her with an expression that was hard to read.

He waited for her to continue.

“The bottom of your cup shows a wheel with six pegs, indicating a journey of self in which you will face an inevitable change.”

Trelawney approached their table as she finished Elias’ reading, and smiled at the two. 

“Well done!” The professor cried, “Your inner eye is very open this morning, Miss Burton.” 

She pranced along to the next table. The beads in her braided hair clinked together as she turned about the room.

Samsara spared a glance at Elias who rolled his eyes. She snorted. He cracked a smile, but it flickered away as quickly as it had come.

When class ended, they stood simultaneously. They happened to walk in the same direction, albeit some feet apart. After descending several floors together, he raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Are you following me?” Elias asked. Had Samsara not known him better, she would have guessed his tone to be playful. Had he been teasing her? 

“Hardly.” She answered indifferently. “I have class this way.”

“Right.” He nodded. 

Samsara saw her friends and the DADA classroom in the distance.

The marauders were walking from the opposite end of the hallway towards the classroom. Each of them wore a fierce expression, like they were ready to draw wands and attack if Elias stepped any closer to their friend. 

“Burton?” Elias called to her, gaining her attention again. He opened his mouth, then shut it again. He seemed unsure, Samsara thought, as if he wanted to say more. 

“Yes?”

He glanced over his shoulder before quietly answering 

“Nothing. See you.” 

She nodded, brows furrowed as she slowed to a stop outside the DADA classroom. 

“Okay.”

She watched him disappear down the corridor without another word. She lingered in the hallway, waiting for her friends to catch up to the door.

“What was that about?” Sirius asked. His sour expression matched the ones on the faces of Remus and James. Peter looked frightened.

Samsara could only shrug. “I really have no idea.”

Remus nodded, but moved closer to her as they made their way into the classroom. They ended up seated together, with the others scattered around the room.

Like Professor Trelawney, the DADA teacher, Professor Bingley wasted no time jumping into the lesson plan. After seeing so many first years off this morning, Samsara felt nostalgic for how easy that year had been for her. 

Professor Bingley announced that they would be reviewing, beginning by casting disarming spells at the practice mannequins. 

They were dismissed in pairs, and would take turns practicing.

Remus and Samsara chose one another as partners and stood across from their designated mannequin. 

“Do you want to go first?” She asked him, because she really didn't want to be first. Something about the adrenaline of the day had her feeling out of sorts.

“Sure” 

He smirked, squaring his shoulders he took a stance, “Expelliarmus!”

It was an elementary spell, but when used with such power, the mannequin bounced off the ground with force and slammed into the wall. 

The mannequin’s wooden hand opened and dropped the prop wand from its grasp. The wand was attached with a string, which recoiled into the hand, bringing the wand back into place. The mannequin stabilized back into position.

Remus swiveled his head to look at Samsara, who smiled. 

“Nice work, Remus.” 

He grinned. 

She took her place from across the mannequin, “Expelliarmus!” 

The mannequin dropped it’s wand, with a little less force than it had before.

They moved on to stun spells, then jinxes. Samsara focused intently on her work, feeling pressured under Remus’s gaze. She didn’t want to make any mistakes. She was always fumbling around him lately.

Lily and Jameshad been partnered for the task, and were practicing far across the room. The volume of their arguments, however, carried over to Remus and Samsara. Today they were loudly bickering over the proper form for “Stupefy.” 

Samsara took a break from spellcasting to watch their antics. She rolled her eyes, taking a seat on the floor against the wall and drank some water. Her legs stretched out in front of her and she fiddled with the worn hem of one of her knee socks.

Remus slid down the wall and sat next to her. His grey pants brushed against her partially exposed thigh as he stretched his legs out next to hers. For a moment, it was all she could focus on.

He exhaled. “Think they’ll make up by tonight?”

Samsara’s attention slid back to their friends, and she shrugged. When she turned her face towards his, she fought the urge to jump at their proximity. 

“Hope so.” Her voice sounded hoarse, even to her own ears. Remus smiled, seemingly unaffected by how close they sat. Of course he wasn’t. They were friends, after all.

She internally kicked herself. Lately she felt so strange whenever she spoke to Remus.  
She felt an embarrassment for having developed some sort of schoolgirl crush on him. 

They had been friends for years, and while their friendship was constant, he had always been a bit hot and cold. Sometimes he would be irritable, and cold. Other times he would be sensitive and kind.

Now that she had realized she was attracted to him, she found it hard to function in his presence. It made her want to kick herself. She didn’t see a way out of the situation that would keep their friendship intact. 

She could distance herself from him, but that’s not what she really wanted. Or she could talk to him about how she felt. That in itself seemed unlikely. 

The way he kept most people at arm’s length, she was afraid to cross some unknown boundary. Like in one of those muggle spy films, she felt like she was trying to sneak into some heavily guarded room where laser beams shot out in every direction. 

One wrong move, one wrong word and their friendship would be over. 

Remus went through periods in which he withdrew into himself. The only people he seemed to be fully comfortable around were the Marauders. 

Samsara felt a faint envy for those who knew his inner workings. She and Remus had been friends for over four years now, but much of him was still a mystery.

This is what she did know: he was kind. Kinder than anyone, maybe even Lily. 

The only exception to his kindness was when he was fiercely protective over his friends. No one wanted to be his adversary when he was protecting someone he cared about.

Also, he had a knack for knowing when help was needed, and he always stepped up to provide it to his friends. 

He was often quiet, observing those around him before speaking. 

In Samsara’s favorite moments, she got glimpses of his wicked sense of humor. It was often followed, however, with him putting his guard back up. 

She wished he would open up to her. She wanted to know more about him. 

Something deep inside her told her that maybe he was the same as her. She had cracks in the carefully placed facade she showed the world, and something told her that he did too. It intrigued her.

Samsara was friendly and loyal, as were most Hufflepuffs. Her facade was her being strong. Buried within Samsara was the debilitating sense of dread that her family and her whole world was falling apart. She sometimes worried that she would never be happy or innocent again. Losing her father had broken some part of her. The grief left a gap in her heart and in its place was a wicked, uncomfortable feeling of emptiness. 

Samsara had disappeared into her thoughts again.

“Samsara?” 

She shook her head, as if willing to shake the creeping sense of dread from her mind. 

“Hmm?” She briefly met Remus’ gaze.

“You alright?” 

Something flickered in her expression. Was it a wince? It was gone before he could really place it, and her face was covered with a wide smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes.

“I’m fine, thanks.” 

He looked into her eyes, and despite herself, she couldn’t look away. She felt like she was drowning in his eyes, and not in a cliche lovey dovey way, but a way that she didn’t know if she could survive. 

The way he seemed to sense her emotions was too much for her. The wave of dread became stronger, and her stomach churned. 

She squeezed her lids shut tight, turning her face back to the classroom. 

“I just need a minute.” She conceded.

The professor called the class to gather at the other end of the class.

“Now that you have reviewed the spellwork required of you, we will be moving on with our review.” Professor Bingley turned, grasping a fabric sheet, and ripping it off of a large, rectangular wardrobe. It shook as if something was trying to get out.

“Next,” he continued, “We will be reviewing the use of ‘Riddikulus.’ Can anyone tell me what the primary use of the spell is?” His eyes trailed across the group of students.

Samsara felt a lump in her throat. This was the worst possible outcome. She had barely gathered her composure, and it was already slipping again. There could only be one reason for the box in front of them.

Lily’s hand shot into the air.

“Yes, miss Evans.” 

“Riddikulus is a charm used to banish a boggart, sir. The boggart transforms itself into it’s victim’s greatest fear. With ‘Riddikulus,’ it would change its form from something frightful into something amusing. Thus, with laughter, the boggart is banished.”

“Very good, miss Evans. Ten points to Gryffindor.” Professor Bingley beamed, “Now form a line and we will conclude our review by having each of you use the Riddikulus charm to banish this boggart.” 

Samsara was beyond tense, she felt glued to the floor in the back corner of the class. She tried to control her breathing, her thoughts. She felt her vision tunneling. She could only see the rectangular wardrobe in front of them.

Samsara avoided the line as it formed in a slow shuffle, allowing the others to assemble until she was the last one. She stood to the back of the line and Remus placed himself in front of her, to her relief. Perhaps they would run out of time and she wouldn’t have to face, well… she didn’t know what it would become. She only knew she felt she couldn’t bear whatever it was. 

The room felt so small, so oppressive. She debated whether she should try excusing herself to use the restroom, but decided it would be too obvious. Professor Bingley would be disappointed in her cowardice. After all, she was a prefect. She should be able to manage a simple third-year spell. She resigned herself to keep attempting to steady her breathing.

Ahead of the line, Louisa faced her boggart. The creature twisted into shape. It was the head of Hufflepuff house, Professor Higgins, holding a wilting mandrake plant and sobbing. Louisa had forgotten to finish her herbology duties and the baby mandrake was dying. 

‘Riddikulus!” The girl shouted, and the boggart transformed. Now their professor was the one in the pot, crying, and the pot was held by a giant baby mandrake.

The class giggled.

James went, his was the Slytherin seeker waving around the House Cup trophy, taunting that James didn’t practice enough, that he would never accomplish anything. 

He used ‘Riddikulus’, and the trophy changed from the House Cup to a new trophy, reading: “Greatest Wanker Award,” and the Slytherin cried, which caused most of the class to break out into hysterical laughter. 

“Potter!” Professor Bingley warned, covering his mouth. His twinkling eyes betrayed him, however. He gestured for the next in line to go. 

Samsara’s dread increased with every step she took forward. She couldn’t find it in her to laugh alongside the class. She brushed her sweaty palms on her skirt.

Unfortunately for her, her hope of evading this exercise by having time run out wasn’t working out. Remus was next.

It was, after all, only a review. All of the fifth-years had practiced the spell before. 

Remus took his turn. The boggart twisted into a massive white werewolf, snarling. Remus squared his shoulders, pausing only briefly before flicking his wand.

“Riddikulus.” The wolf shrank into a fluffy white puppy. The snarls of the werewolf turned to happy squeaks. 

“Awww,” the girls cooed. There was some chuckling. The boggart flickered in confusion.

“ Thank you, Mr. Lupin” Professor Bingley studied Remus for a moment, before gesturing for Samsara to step forward.. 

She raised her wand with a shaky arm, hoping to dispel the boggart as quickly as possible. 

It twisted in front of her, transforming, and when it settled into its shape, she gasped, nearly dropping her wand.

A man with swollen, pale grey skin staggered towards her. He opened his mouth and water spluttered out. His hair and clothes were soaking wet, and his face was cut up. She felt a chill down her spine. Her stomach squeezed, flipping inside of her.

“No.” she whispered. She took a step backwards, and the boggart staggered up to her, reaching out to her. The skin hung loose from the digits of his fingers. He looked drowned and decayed. 

“Samsara, help me.” The voice coming from this animated corpse was unmistakable. The man before her was her father.

Samsara felt as if the room was spinning. She was dizzy. She couldn’t breathe. She was gasping for air but her brain told her the oxygen wasn’t enough. She felt like she was slipping into blackness. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t think of a way to find humor in this. The charm wouldn’t work. She needed to get away, to get out of the classroom.

“Miss Burton-” The professor called to her, placing himself between her and the boggart. The other students rushed in closer to confuse the boggart.

Lily reached for her. She pulled her arm away. Safety. She needed to get to safety.

She turned and fled the room, breaking into a run when she reached the hallway. She didn’t stop until she collapsed into the unused bathroom at the end of the corridor. It was the second floor, and no one would bother her in there except for perhaps, Moaning Myrtle.

Samsara sank against the wall, pulling her knees to her chest and tucking her head in between her knees. Tears streamed down her face as she fought to simply breathe.

She was hyperventilating. She couldn’t get the vision of her father’s eyes out of her head, his dead, empty expression. His voice.

‘Samsara, help me.’

Samsara felt pressure behind her eyes, her head growing dizzy from her shallow breathing. 

She started having panic attacks after the news of her father’s suicide. It didn’t happen often anymore, but when it did, it hit her like a tsunami. 

She tried to focus on the dripping of the broken faucet, willing her breathing to slow down. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. She told herself to focus on the rhythm. She inhaled through her nose. Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. She exhaled to the count of the water droplets falling. Four drops exhale, four drops inhale. Several minutes later, her gasping breaths were fewer and farther between.

Footsteps approached her and she closed her eyes. 

It was Lily. Marlene and Alice stood in the doorway. 

“Samsara?” Lily spoke gently. She had been there for Samsara before during a panic attack more than once, especially in the beginning.

They had established a sort of understanding. Samsara wouldn’t be able to organize her thoughts into a sentence just yet. And so, Lily didn’t want to overwhelm her.

For now, she just needed a soothing voice to ground her as she focused on her breathing. 

“It’s okay,” Lily said softly, “I’m right here. It was just a boggart. It wasn’t real. You’re okay.” Lily crouched in front of her, rubbing Samsara’s shoulder.

Marlene and Alice shuffled inside the room, hanging back a few feet from Lily. They clearly didn’t know what to do. Samsara couldn’t ease their discomfort in that moment. It was all she could do to just breathe.

Five minutes later, her breathing had slowed down, and a wave of tiredness hit her. It was as if she had been struck by a large wave in the ocean, and fighting her way back to the surface had taken everything out of her.

“Samsara, are you okay to stand?” Marlene asked gently. Lily held up a finger to Marlene, studying Samsara’s face.

“Give her another minute.” Lily said.

“Alright.” Marlene nodded, “Professor Bingley sends his apologies. He gave your house points for finishing the boggart for you. Er, I mean. On your behalf. I mean for you, er, as in, you know- in your honor. I-”

“We brought your things.” Alice added, cutting off Marlene’s nervous rambling.

Samsara exhaled. “Thank you.” She blinked slowly. The lights were dim in this room, making her feel even more tired..

“Let’s get you to the hospital wing.” Lily stood, offering her hand. She helped Samsara stand, then pulled her into a gentle embrace.

The bathroom door slammed into the wall as it was thrown open.

“Where is she?!” It was James. 

Lily pulled back, ignoring him. She held Samsara’s gaze, and both of the girl’s hands. She mouthed the word. ‘Breathe.’

Samsara nodded, breathing deeply.

Sirius and the others followed in.

“You boys know that this is a girl’s restroom, right?” Marlene asked them, chuckling. From the way she watched Sirius, it was clear she didn’t really mind.

“You alright, Burton?” Sirius asked, ignoring Marlene for a moment before ruffling the blonde’s hair. She elbowed him back.

It felt like an entire minute before Samsara tore her gaze from Lily to answer him. Lily helped her anchor her to reality. She was okay. It hadn’t been real. It had been like a terrible nightmare, and she was embarrassed but she was going to be alright.

She met Sirius’s concerned gaze, wiping her cheeks with the sleeve of her uniform. She finally nodded. 

“I’m fine. Thanks for your concern, but there’s really no need to-”

James stepped in between them and pulled her into a tight hug. She melted in his hold. He had become like a brother to her. She sniffled, tears streaming all over again. “It’s alright, Sammy.” He released her, holding onto her shoulders. His eyes were full of an unreadable emotion. He looked almost angry, although she didn’t know why. 

“So that was your dad?” Peter asked, filling the silence. Marlene scoffed angrily, smacking him upside the head with the back of her hand.

Samsara froze. It was all too much then, There were too many sets of eyes on her. The room felt too small.

“Um, yeah.” Samsara mumbled, turning to Alice. “I’m going to see Madame Pomfrey now. I can take my stuff, now. Thanks for bringing it to me.” She reached out for her book bag, but Remus reached out to grab it for her.

“Come on, let’s go.” He slung her bag over his shoulder and placed his free hand on the small of her back, guiding her to the door. 

James and Sirius chimed in, saying they would come too.

“It’s alright, really. Me and Remus will go.” She said, smiling at them as much as she can muster. “I know you guys mean well, It’s just, I’m overwhelmed and…” her voice cracked.

James looked like he wanted to protest, but in the end he simply nodded.

“See you guys tonight?” .

Sirius nodded, “Alright. Don’t feel like you have to, though. Take all the time you need.”

She agreed, walking to the exit of the bathroom mumbling her thanks to everyone. She was mortified, but so thankful her friends were there for her. 

She and Remus separated from their group and walked towards the grand staircase.

“Um, Remus?” She paused at the top of the stairs. “I’m fine, really. I got it from here.” She held a hand out for her books.

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you really?” He made no move to give her book bag to her.

She averted her eyes. “Yes.” She replied stiffly.

“I don’t buy it.” He said, shaking his head. He gently grasped her chin in his hand, lifting it to look into her eyes. “You don’t fool me, you know. Let me help you.”

Sighing, she closed her eyes at the touch of his hand to her cheek. His hand disappeared, and reappeared as he grabbed her hand. 

“Alright.” she conceded.

They interlocked their fingers, and together, they walked to the Hospital wing.


	12. Game Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did something different with this chapter! :3 bonus content at the end (remus's pov). let me know what you think!

Remus gave Samsara a quick reassuring squeeze with his hand intertwined in hers and led her into the Hospital Wing. It was a massive room with several tall windows and at least twenty hospital beds. Madame Pomfrey, the young witch who ran the ward, was flicking her wand about, sorting through her supplies. Several vials floated in the air before landing gracefully on their shelves.

Immediately, they were greeted as they walked in.

“Hello Miss Burton, your professor told me you might be coming my way. How are you feeling, dear?” 

“Fine.” Samsara wasn’t particularly in the mood for someone not yet thirty calling her ‘dear.’

The young woman fixed Samsara with a stern expression. “Surely.”

“I mean, i’m not injured or anything.” Samsara mumbled, avoiding the young healer’s gaze. 

Poppy Pomfrey had large, blue eyes that seemed to stare right through you. It freaked her out. Samsara thought she resembled a house-elf. Or maybe it was just the way Remus was watching the healer. An ugly feeling settled in her stomach. It was the same way that all the boys in her year watched the healer. 

Had Samsara been in a better mood, she would think the healer’s eyes to be kind, her questions a sign of a caring woman. But an ugly, dark feeling lingered inside of her. She was resentful, even a touch guilty for making her friends worry for her. She thought she had gotten better by now, but she felt she was back at square one.

“Still, bit of a nasty scare, hmm?” Pomfrey probed.

Samsara merely nodded. Her pureblood grandparents had instilled all proper manners. One of which was: if you do not have something kind to say, do not speak at all. 

What did the healer want her to say?

 _‘No, Seeing my father’s drowned corpse reaching out to me was simply delightful. In fact, I feel good about it.’_ I mean, _really._

Samsara winced at the sudden pressure of pain in her skull. Another headache. 

“Right. Take a seat over there, dear. I’ll be right there.” Madame Pomfrey pointed to a bed near the closest window. 

Samsara wandered over to the bed and took a seat on the side. Remus stood to the side, watching her. She couldn’t bear to show him any sign of pain after breaking down in class. He was too perceptive, and a hug from him would have her sobbing all over again. She didn’t want to melt into her feelings again. Not there, not with Pomfrey.

As intuitive as a legilimens, Pomfrey flicked her wand and the curtains closed on the side between where she sat and the next bed over. On the other side of the curtain, from the brief look Samsara gave upon sitting, was a student lying with large boils on their face of the girl. Such things happened from potions accidents all the time.

“And Mr. Lupin, how are you?” 

Remus ran a hand through his hair, glancing briefly to Samsara. 

“Er, fine thanks.”

He and Madame Pomfrey exchanged a look, and the woman gave him a smile. Samsara watched them curiously, her tiredness fading a bit. It was as if Remus and Madame Pomfrey were familiar with each other. 

She fought the urge to roll her eyes. Of course. Of course he was shy around Pomfrey. 

Yet another reason, she thought, she was certain he didn’t return her crush. He was never shy around her. Instead, to her annoyance and frustration, he always seemed to know the right thing to say.

Pomfrey was in her twenties, maybe 25 or so. She was easily the youngest staff member at Hogwarts. Perhaps she didn’t even know it, but she was the center of a fantasy in a fair number of student’s minds. Samsara had heard her fair share of boys speaking lewdly of her, and some girls eyeing the witch with interest.

Samsara swallowed the ugly feeling of jealousy. She denied that it _was_ jealousy. She only knew the feeling of comparing herself to the woman was eating her up inside, and she had enough of the ugly feelings inside her for the day. She would swallow this feeling of inadequacy and shove it away with the rest of those feelings until she was alone in her dorm. Or better yet- she would pretend it wasn’t there. Maybe then the awful pain in her head would subside.

She looked out the window to distract herself from grinding her teeth as she waited for Pomfrey to finish with the others. 

The grounds were still green, but soon orange leaves would cover the ground and quidditch would be underway. Fall was her favorite season. 

She and Remus were silent, but ever so often, she felt his gaze on her. When she turned to look at him, he would avert his eyes.

“What?” She asked, after the second time. She hoped she kept the bite out of her tone.

Remus looked up from the floor and met her eyes. His face was unreadable, but his expression was contemplative. His mouth was set in a hard line. In the light of the window, his blue-green eyes were so light. Her eyes studied his disheveled hair, his jawline, and his broad shoulders.  
He raised an eyebrow at her.

“If you have something to say, just say it.” She said, sighing with irritation as she looked away. 

She grew more and more irritable as he watched her. More than anything, she wanted to yank him towards her and have him hold her... or something. More still, she wanted to hop off the hospital bed and go to her dorm for a nap. It wasn’t like she had a physical injury, but she couldn’t do either in the moment, so she sat still.

He took a step closer, and then another. Samsara watched him warily, heart pounding again. But this time, it wasn’t with paralyzing fear. The air between them felt charged- like it was crackling with electricity. She assured herself it was just the adrenaline from having a panic attack. 

He opened his mouth to speak.

“Samsara, I-”

“Alright, miss Burton! Sorry for the wait.” Madame Pomfrey entered the makeshift cubicle and Remus stepped back. Samsara felt she must have been imagining that the tips of his ears turned red at that moment. 

‘What on earth?’ she thought ‘Hmm. Maybe he’s just got it bad for Pomfrey’

She turned her attention to the healer’s words.

“Do you feel comfortable speaking with your friend present?” Pomfrey asked gently as if she were talking to a small child. 

“Yes.” Samsara nodded, waving her hand for the woman to proceed. 

She felt safe in Remus’ presence. She glanced towards him, and he looked out the window.

“Do you have these… feelings of helplessness often?” Pomfrey asked her.

“Anxiety? Not really, not anymore at least.” Samsara said, “But sometimes it hits me and I can’t… breathe.” 

She gulped at the admission. Why was she telling her this?

“Have you ever taken any potions for this?” Pomfrey asked.

“No, ma’am.”

Pomfrey smirked at the honorific. Samsara smiled stiffly, albeit less genuinely from before. The woman had a knack for being irritating.

“Call me Poppy.” Pomfrey offered.

“Okay.” She still didn't want to call her by her first name, so Samsara avoided it altogether. If she had it her way, she wouldn’t be back in this wing anytime soon. She hated being fussed over by someone she perceived to be insincere.

“Take these with you to your dorm.” Pomfrey offered Samsara two vials. One was long and blue, and the other was short and stout, in a purple bubble. 

“The blue is a calming drought. The other is a small amount of dreamless sleep.” Pomfrey instructed her , “ Each needs only two drops to the tongue to be effective. “Please only use these when absolutely necessary, and never together. I know you are a prefect, and that’s why I am entrusting you with vials of your own, but I must caution you.”

Samsara waited for her to continue, staring at the woman blankly. She wished she would get to the point already.

“These potions, when used incorrectly, can be very addictive, and can cause far more harm than good. A full vial could be deadly, which is why the vials I have provided you with are only half full. This should last you an entire term, and you may revisit for a refill when you are empty.”

Pomfrey finished, eyeing Samsara with an analytical gaze. 

“Got it.” Samsara nodded, “I’ll be careful. Thank you.. Um.. Poppy.” She winced at the casual use of the healer’s name. 

“Anything else, and you come right on by.” Samsara nodded with a false smile, and Poppy patted her knee before turning to the curtain. “Goodbye now.”

Samsara internally raged at being patted like a child. She had to take a deep breath before, placing the vials carefully in her school bag. She figured she would likely dump them in the sink when she had the chance. 

A bit of firewhiskey would take the edge off just the same. Luckily, she had a few bottles stashed in her trunk.

“You go ahead, dear. I need to speak with Mr. Lupin privately. Why don’t you wait in the corridor?”

Samsara’s eyes widened. A quick look around the hospital wing told her that all the other students had left. Even the girl with boils had gone. Poppy was a talented healer indeed. 

Samsara knew the resentment she felt towards the woman was probably just leftover anxiety mixed with jealousy. That didn’t stop her from raising one of her brows in sass at the woman before exiting.

She avoided looking at Remus as she passed him, carrying her things into the corridor. She stood at the bannister overlooking the moving staircases.

Her head throbbed. She wondered how long she would need to wait for them to finish their "discussion." It was likely getting close to dinnertime. She wanted to refresh herself and take a nap. 

Merlin, she was irked.

Only a minute later, Remus emerged from the room. 

“Sorry, I had to get a few potions, myself.” He said, rolling his shoulders.

Samsara looked him over. His shirt was untucked and he was smoothing his hair down to no avail. 

Samsara felt she was going to be ill.

“Um, it’s fine.” Samsara said, more than a bit uncomfortable. “I’m going to my dorm now. Got to, uh, to get ready for dinner. Thanks for everything. See you. Bye!” 

She turned on her heel to leave, and he reached out to her, holding her by her wrist.

“Samsara, what’s wrong?” 

She looked down at her shoes, then met his stare head on.

“It’s nothing.” She knew her eyes gave away her anger. It was eating her. She ripped her arm from his grasp. “See you later?” She didn’t give him a chance to respond.

In her dorm, she ripped the cork off one of the vials and placed a drop on her tongue.

The calming draught was effective, Samsara slept for three hours. When she woke, it felt like a week had passed. Glancing at the analog clock, she saw it was 8pm. Her friends would be meeting soon in the Room of Requirement, or as James liked to call it, ‘The Marauder’s Lair.’ 

Samsara could never understand the boy’s fascination with ‘lairs.’

After washing her face, Samsara braided her hair into two french braids and pulled on an oversized sweater and some corduroy pants. It wasn’t like she had anyone to impress.

She moved her prefect badge from her hooded robe onto her sweater. She looked in the mirror. It was just the first day of school, but being a prefect would take some getting used to. She had to make herself available to the younger students if they needed help. She hoped she wouldn’t run into anyone in trouble on her way to the room where her friends were likely waiting for her. 

As tradition, on the first night of school everyone brought snacks and drinks with them to the first meeting of the year. The meetings were really just small parties with their closest friends. 

Samsara grabbed her small, crocheted bag which had an expansion charm on it, and shoved a box of fizzing whizbees, a bag of jelly slugs, and a bottle of firewhiskey into it. 

She trudged up the stairs, and found herself standing in front of the hallway where the door normally would appear. She checked the hallway to make sure it was clear.

In her head, she pictured the room, and the door appeared. She slipped inside, and shut the door carefully behind her.

“Samsara!!!” James called cheerfully. “There she is!”

Her friends erupted in cheers. She tried her best to smile back. Her eyes were probably still bloodshot from crying herself to sleep. Her tears had been more in frustration at everything than sadness. The anger had long since dissipated after her nap.

Sirius and Marlene waved her over, and Lily and Remus smiled warmly at her. Samsara smiled only at Lily, before joining James, Sirius, and Marlene.

It looked like James and Sirius were playing a round of exploding snap. Being around them made her feel like she could finally let out the breath she was holding. She could release the tight fists her hands found themselves in, and release the tension in her jaw. She was safe here.

Sirius patted his leg “There’s a seat right over here, Sammy.” He gave her a wink. Marlene slapped his arm. Samsara rolled her eyes. 

Instead, Samsara opted to sit on the floor with James. She pulled her snacks from her crocheted purse and set them to her side. James saw the bag of jelly slugs and snatched it up as he played. Samsara shot him a look and he stuck his tongue out at her- making her giggle. James was a goofball but Samsara enjoyed having him around. He was as much a brother to her as anyone could be. 

Samsara waited until his back was turned to pull out the bottle of firewhiskey. She kept it out of his line of sight. Sirius looked over and started to say something when Samsara held a finger to her lips. 

Lily snorted from across the room where she and Remus were playing Gobstones “not this again,”

Soon enough, everyone was in on the joke. They passed the bottle around, hiding it from James as they took turns drinking it. When they laughed, James would pretend like he was in on the joke, making them laugh even harder.

James was too good-spirited to catch on. He always assumed others were laughing with him, not at him.

At the end of last year, Samsara had snuck a huge bottle of firewhiskey that she had grabbed from the three broomsticks on a dare. James hogged it and drank most of it on his own, to the annoyance of his friends. Then he threw up everywhere. 

Now, this was payback. When the bottle was almost gone, they passed it to him with only drops left, and his confusion was priceless.

“You guys! There’s hardly anything left!” He furrowed his brows. Realization dawned on his face. 

Sirius guffawed. James even started laughing along with his friends. 

James pointed at Samsara “You?”

She shrugged, but her cheshire cat smile gave her away.

He was silent for a moment, then without warning, he chased after her. She screamed, laughing as he threw her over his shoulder. He bounced her up and down and she hit him repeatedly until he would put her down.

Eventually James conceded, and slowly set her down on her feet. She slid down his front and he held her steadily on her feet. He held her waist to steady her. Their faces were inches apart. His glasses were crooked from bouncing around. He looked like an idiot to her.

“You guys won’t snog right now!” Marlene cupped her hands over her mouth as she shouted to them. She, Alice, and Sirius laughed.

James wiggled his eyebrows at her and she grimaced. He snorted, unable to contain his laughter, and she hit his shoulder again. 

“Hey! Always the shoulder,” He groaned, “You know, I do have to lead quidditch tryouts next week!” 

She ignored him. Marlene and Sirius made kissy faces at them. They were especially immature when tipsy.

“Gross! James is like my brother!”

They both laughed at the idea heartily. Samsara glanced at Lily, who seemed to be the only one who wasn’t amused. In the corner by the window, Frank Longbottom was talking animatedly to Remus and Peter. 

“Speaking of snogging, I have an idea.” Alice Prewett said in a sing-song voice. She wiggled an empty bottle of pumpkin juice. That got Frank’s attention, and he fumbled, dropping his cup. 

Samsara looked to Lily, and they shared an eye roll. Marlene and Alice hadn’t shut up about the muggle game since they had gone to some party over the summer.

Despite her and Lily’s protests, they sat in the large circle as Alice explained the rules. Samsara had only agreed at last because she figured that James would probably land on Peter and call the whole thing off. It wasn’t like people were actually going to snog for real. She could humor her friends for a few minutes.

“So you spin the bottle like so,” She demonstrated, “And whoever it points to, you kiss. Simple, right?”

Lily raised an eyebrow to Samsara, as if to ask her if they were really doing this, before turning back to Alice. 

“Why don’t you go first then?” Lily dared the girl. She shared a look with Samsara. Samsara and Lily had a telepathic connection. Not actually, but they both knew that Alice would likely chicken out. She wouldn’t want to kiss anyone but Frank anyway.

They knew their plan had backfired as Alice grinned deviously, “Perfect.”

Samsara’s grandmother wasn’t at the room of requirement that night, but had she been, she would have told Samsara to shut her jaw 'before she went and caught flies in it'. 

Alice set the bottle down and gave it the slightest push. Without much momentum, it landed on Frank.

“Come here, sugar!” She pecked him on the lips. 

Lily shot another pointed look at Samsara, who snorted. Of course Alice would end up kissing her own boyfriend. She had hardly even moved the bottle.

“Your turn, Burton.” 

Samsara laughed, shaking her head. “Pass. Let’s play something else”

Alice rolled her eyes with a taunting smirk. “Of course, I mean, if you’re chicken...” 

An irritating “Oooooh” came from James, Sirius, and Peter.”

“Fine.” Samsara accepted the challenge with a glint in her eye. Inside, however, she was freaking out. Her sweaty palms grabbed the bottle and set it on the floor.

Marlene shook her head, suddenly. “Wait a minute! You’re supposed to pass it clockwise.”

Samsara shrugged nonchalantly as she handed the bottle back to Alice.

“Fine,” Alice shoved the bottle into James’ hands.

Samsara and Alice shared a friendly, challenging smile. Alice wasn’t finished yet. She was just getting started.

James leaned over with a smirk and spinned the bottle, hard.

It slowed down, pointing between Samsara and Lily. Samsara scooted further away, and pointed at Lily, giggling despite herself.

Alice and Marlene couldn’t have planned a better spin themselves. 

Lily’s internal battle was plain on her face. While she wasn’t one to back down from a challenge, this was James Potter. James Obnoxious Git Potter who was always teasing her and getting on her nerves. James Potter who went on and on about how he loved a Lily ‘The Flower! Merlin, Evans. No need to be conceited.’ when Lily was around. James Potter who loudly announced in class when he was free to go to Hogsmeade. Every. Weekend.

“Oh, hell.” She said, throwing her hands in the air.

Samsara and Sirius exchanged a dumbstruck look. 

The room erupted in loud cheers and applause as Lily pecked James on the lips before quickly leaning away. James froze on spot, his cheeks reddening. Gone was his cocky smirk, and he rubbed the back of his neck as he took his spot again in the circle. Sirius whooped, patting him on the back. Samsara wondered for a moment if he might fall over.

Lily looked to Samsara and rolled her eyes. But Samsara didn’t miss the tinge of red on the tips of her ears. To help move the attention from Lily, Samsara urged the others to move on to the next person. Marlene spinned and ended up on Frank. She gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

Peter landed on James, and froze in his spot. He stood abruptly and left without another word. Sirius was having a fit of laughter at James’ crestfallen face. 

“What, am I that ugly?” He called after his friend. 

The laughter subsided eventually, and as her friends started talking in separate conversations, she hoped they would forget the game altogether. She had successfully avoided having to kiss anyone. But when Samsara stood, Alice was on her like a hawk.

“You’re next, Burton!” Alice smiled sweetly, grabbing the bottle and holding it out to Samsara. Samsara stared Alice down, and Alice stared back. She wasn’t budging.

“Fine.” Samsara snatched the bottle from the girl’s hands. She focused her eyes on her hand, taking the bottle firmly and spinning it. She wanted to close her eyes as she let go.

It turned and turned in what felt like slow motion. Eventually, it slowed and stopped between Marlene and Sirius. Sirius started moving forward. Marlene looked away, biting her lip. 

Even though Marlene had been all for the game, the last thing Samsara wanted was to hurt her friend, who obviously had feelings for Sirius. Even if it was just lust. 

She knew what to do. 

Samsara smiled at Sirius. He smirked back. She held up a hand, silently telling him to stay put. He shrugged, leaning back with a cocky grin. She crawled across the circle to Sirius, and told him softly to close his eyes.

When his eyes closed, she turned her head and grabbed Marlene instead. Marlene, startled, moved her face at the last second, and Samsara’s cheek kiss turned into a kiss on the mouth. Both girls were so surprised that they stayed like that for a few moments before breaking apart with laughter.

“My word, Burton!” Marlene grinned, feigning a Southern American accent. She fanned herself, acting dizzy from the kiss.

“Who knew that Hufflepuffs could kiss like that!” Marlene cried dramatically, and the girls erupted into laughter. The boys were shock still.

Samsara smirked at Sirius, using her finger to push his open jaw shut. “Careful. You’ll catch flies like that.” She gave him a wink before returning to her seat “So. Who’s next?”

“B-b-burton?” James stuttered “That was-”

“Wicked!” Sirius finished, grinning.

Marlene and Samsara rolled their eyes. 

Frank went, landing on Alice. 

Alice met him halfway into the circle, before announcing another rule. “If two people have to kiss more than once, their second kiss has to be at least five seconds!” 

“Oh?” Samsara said, “Is that the rule now?”

“I guess we’re just making them up as we go, now, aren’t we?” Lily laughed.

“Yes we are.” Alice said matter-of-factly, before snogging Frank.

Lily was next. She spun the bottle and froze as it landed on James.

Samsara squealed in delight. Ignoring Lily’s murderous glare, she cried “Five seconds!!!”

Sirius, Alice, and Marlene joined her in her chant.

Everyone whooped as Lily kissed James, and his arm went around her waist as he deepened the kiss for five seconds. When they broke away, they looked into each other's eyes before Lily took her seat again. Lily was in such a daze that she forgot to pass the bottle to the next person. 

Despite herself, Samsara was having a good time playing this game. She wiped a tear from her eye as her laughter died down. Then Alice snorted and she lost it all over again. Eventually everyone settled down.

“Your turn, Lupin.” Frank Longbottom smirked. He was just as bad as his girlfriend.

Remus looked a tad uncomfortable as he reached forward to spin the bottle. Once more, the bottle landed between two people. Frank and Samsara. Frank wiggled his eyebrows and Samsara bit her lip.

Alice held up her hand. “Just a sec! Frankie has had enough kisses for the evening. Looks like it’s Burton!”

Samsara glanced nervously at Lily. Lily’s eyes were wide as she watched Remus approach Samsara. 

Samsara shrugged, smiled shyly as she tucked her hair behind her ears. When she looked up, Remus’ eyes were dark, intense. Samsara felt that crackle of electricity in the air again. Remus leaned in, cupping her cheeks in his hands. His hands were so warm, they gave her goosebumps. Their lips were a breath apart. Samsara let her eyes fall closed. 

And then the door knocked. Everyone froze, and Remus dropped his hands from her face, pulling away.

“Hide the firewhiskey!” Lily whisper-yelled. 

As everyone scrambled to hide all of the evidence of their drinking, Samsara and Remus were frozen on the spot. Samsara looked at him again, and he looked away, a hard expression on his face. She winced. He was uncomfortable. She stood, smoothing her pants and tugging at the hem of her sweater. 

The door opened. Peter timidly poked his head in.

After a moment of silent disbelief, everyone groaned. “Peter!” 

He stepped in. 

“.... ruined.” Alice mumbled. Frank rubbed her shoulder, comforting her.

“You’re not meant to knock you twat!” Sirius threw his cup at him.

“I thought it was McGonagall!” Marlene said, holding a hand over her heart.

They decided then to call it a night. As they cleaned up, Samsara felt her heart flutter. She had almost been kissed by Remus. But had he even wanted to? No. That look on his face killed her. He probably saw her like she saw James.

Samsara tried to brush it off. It was just a stupid game. 

She looked over at Remus, and he was laughing at something James said. She felt a lump in her throat.

No, she was certain he didn’t feel the same way. After gathering her things, she slipped quietly from the room without saying goodbye. She felt her heart sink as she made her way back to the common room alone.

REMUS' POV.

From the minute she had walked in, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her and those adorable little braids. Some girls tried too hard, rolling their skirts up to get attention. Samsara was devastating, even in her lumpy oversized sweater. She was dressed for comfort, but she was wearing those bell bottom pants that killed me. 

When she scanned the room, she paused to look briefly at me with those big green eyes and I forgot for a minute how to roll the dice. She had been crying. She covered her sadness with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. 

I tried focusing on the game, but as she took a seat next James, I was suddenly not in the mood to play gobstones. She had no idea what she did to me. Lily waited for me to take my turn. I took a deep breath.

My heightened sense of smell was used to the smell of the boy’s dorm. Sweaty clothes, strong smelling aftershave, and hair gel. Peter sprayed his cheap cologne on everything. It was nauseating. But her scent called to me from across the room. She smelled sweet, like cinnamon, pinecones and something fresh, like rain. 

I finally rolled the dice tried not to let it show how irritated I was how she and James bantered. She never talked like that with me anymore, she was timid in my presence. 

Some people can sense werewolf dominance. When i’m angry, it makes others feel uneasy. In general, it makes people more agreeable to me. An instinctual fear.

James and Sirius weren’t afraid of me, but they never pushed me too far. Never challenged me past my breaking point. 

Lily seemed mostly unaffected, but she subtly let me take the lead in prefect duties. She always studied wherever I suggested we studied. It wasn’t anything I did intentionally, but it worked. I didn’t even know how, but I knew I had to reign it in around Samsara. She was fearful of everything without me interfering and making it worse. 

I even tried channeling it to make her feel safe. I wanted to comfort her, to protect her. But the more I reached out to her, the more she pulled away. 

James picked her up and I couldn’t watch his arms around her. The small gasp she let out as he slowly set her down. 

I busied myself listening to some story Frank was telling about Chudley Cannons. I didn’t give two shits about the score of the last match when Sirius and Marlene were making kissy faces at my best friend and my... No. Not mine.

She never could be. My father was right. I’m a danger to everyone. I must be sending off deadly waves of my energy because Peter practically cowers. I’m surprised he doesn’t transform on the spot.

I ground my teeth, staring at the carpet. I needed to be calm. I had to control my anger at all costs.

Lately I felt like my anger was controlling me. 

Like when Pomfrey pulled me aside to check my injuries earlier, and she felt the need to warn me not to tell too many people my secret. I had been livid. If I had a say in the matter, I wouldn't have even told her, some silly young witch who flirted with the older male students. But Dumbledore insisted she escort me to the shack in Hogsmeade every time. She was getting too comfortable with me, with how her hands always lingered a second too long. 

What Pomfrey, or even Dumbledore didn’t know was that James, Sirius, and Peter already knew. They were always by my side. They came to see me in the hospital after every full moon. Hell, they became animagi for me. Pomfrey thought they bought the lie about me being chronically ill. 

I hardly know what I ever did to deserve their loyalty or their friendship. 

I kept telling them to stay away as the full moon approached each month. James and Sirius followed me in an invisibility cloak one night. They talked to me until I wasn’t myself anymore. And they kept coming back.

No matter how I warned them, they never seem to realized that while I was transformed I could kill them. I could dismember them. I could tear them apart. 

Blind stupidity, their loyalty was, but it means everything to me- even if it doesn’t make sense. 

I never expected to have friends. My own father still won’t look me in the eye. 

There’s no use being emotional about it. He sees me for what I really am, a monster. 

And then there’s Samsara.

When we first met, Samsara was so unapologetically good to everyone she met. When I saw her in the Fortescue’s ice cream shop back before our first year, she looked like an angel in the sunlight of the shop window. I found my feet walking through the door of their own accord. And then I saw the way her sister talked to her and I knew her loneliness. The way her grandparents stood apart from them, embarrassed of the girls as they fought. The way she bit her lip and studied the flavors intently as if it were a life-changing decision, had me captivated. At that moment I had decided that I would say anything to make her smile. And it worked. 

And her smile, it killed me. Even then. 

I didn’t know if I would ever see her again. But hell, she had looked like she didn’t belong in this world, in my world. Even though I mustered all my confidence, I didn’t hold on to hope of a friend. I had known the lonely darkness of my bedroom for so long. 

Some people say werewolves can sense when they find their true mate. 

I guess I’ll never know if that’s what it is. It’s not like I can ask the pack of wolves responsible for making me what I am. Those werewolves are dark. Evil. And if I sought them out, I would likely end up just the same. So for now, I will stay away from them. And Samsara.

I’m just finishing my inner monologue when Alice announces we’re playing some dumb game. Samsara and Lily don’t seem as into such frivolous things. I zone it out, mostly.

I try not to look relieved when Samsara’s told it isn’t actually her turn.

It’s a blur until James and Lily kiss. I am happy for him, but I'm almost shaking with irritation each time the bottle lands near Samsara. 

Earlier she had looked so angry with me. I still didn’t know why. 

And then it’s her turn and she’s crawling across the floor to Sirius in those fucking pants that kill me. She’s a little minx as she tells Sirius to close his eyes. She’s faking it all, but I’m burning with an ugly rage inside my chest. I think I manage to maintain a straight face, but James watches me with concern- maybe he feels my energy. But before I can assure him I’m not about to lose it- Samsara and Marlene are kissing. 

It’s like someone threw a bucket of cold water at me, and my anger is gone. Sirius’s face is enough to not have me livid at Samsara kissing someone else. I look at James. We’re all thinking the same thing.

And Frank is drawing me out of my thoughts to remind it’s my turn. I had been watching her again. Frank smirks, passing me the bottle. I spin it, and it’s just shy of being on Samsara. 

Alice makes up some rule that Frank can’t kiss anyone else for the night. Samsara looks panicked, looking at Lily. I feel more confident in my assumption she has never been properly kissed before. As if reading my mind, her eyes are on me, she’s watching me under those long dark lashes. She doesn’t really notice how she’s biting her lip. Her eyes darken and her lids slowly shut as I lean in. I would have rather kissed her under other circumstances, especially without James and Sirius giggling on either side of us. If not now, then when? I’m a werewolf. She wouldn’t date me if she ever knew. I would probably never get a chance like this again. I hold her soft cheeks in my hand as I guide her face to mine. 

And then Peter ruins fucking everthing.

I can’t even look her in the eye. She gets up off the floor first. I move myself to the opposite side of the room. I make myself busy as I help move the chairs back to the table.  
I let my anger bubble down before I search the room with my eyes. She’s gone.


	13. Confrontation

Samsara groaned dramatically as the sound of an alarm woke her the next morning. An enchanted clock chimed loudly from the bed next to hers. Louisa apologized softly for making noise before heading off to the showers. Squinting into the sunlight, Samsara reached for the glass of water on her nightstand. If she didn’t get up now, she would likely sleep in and miss class. The twins snored in the beds next to her. After stretching her arms over her head, Samsara flicked her wand, accio-ing her uniform to lie on top of her freshly made bed. 

Another part of being a prefect was leading by example in dorm cleanliness. Samsara didn’t mind doing this herself. The house-elves did plenty without having to tuck in her simple sheets every day.

Samsara looked at Louisa’s empty bed and sighed. She couldn’t remember exactly when she and Louisa had drifted apart. They had been so close during their first year. 

She supposed it came down to having made other friends and having a few too many arguments as roommates. They were still friends, but it just wasn't the same. The vibe was different now. 

Although Samsara wasn’t best friends with any of the Hufflepuffs, she was especially grateful to wake up to the yellow floral wallpaper in her dorm that morning. She imagined that if she had been in Gryffindor, Marlene and Alice would have kept her up all night, giggling over the game they had played. Though she loved Lily like a sister, she also wouldn't want to ruin it by spending so much time with her all day, every day. 

Housemates were always together. In all classes, in all meals, and in their rooms every night. It was too much togetherness. Maybe that’s what happened with her and Louisa.

The number one reason she was grateful to be a Hufflepuff that morning had to do with four troublesome boys. The marauders had entirely too much chaotic energy to be around them all day, especially after the night before. 

The awkward moment where Peter had burst in the room replayed in her head. She blushed, realizing she had almost kissed one of her best friends. It was one thing to crush on him casually, and a whole other thing to have been so flustered as they pulled away.

She flushed just thinking of it. Maybe Remus had seen it in her eyes. She probably had seemed so desperate to kiss him. Maybe that was why he put as much distance between them as he had. 

She imagined how she would feel if James had acted to her how she had acted to Remus. She would feel uncomfortable, probably. And now she had done that to Remus.

Samsara glanced over her appearance in the mirror. Silently, she reminded herself to pull it together, and to never let herself drink enough firewhiskey to be so embarrassing again.  
Samsara undid her braids from last night and ran her fingers through her wavy locks. 

At the top of the stairs, she saw Louisa and Oliver and decided to join them for breakfast for a change. In the last three years, she had spent most of her meals with the Gryffindors. Maybe it was time for a change.

Samsara stirred her oatmeal unenthusiastically as she listened to her housemates chat. She couldn’t bring herself to pay much attention. She kept her back to the Gryffindors. She only looked up when Pumpkin nipped gently at her fingers. She hadn’t even noticed the post arrive. 

The small paper had been folded into an origami heart. Samsara froze, before unwrapping it.

_What on earth?_

**Sammy baby,**

**Our kiss last night was magical. Care for a repeat? Meet me at the astronomy tower at 6.**

**Xoxo Marly  
**

Her blood ran cold. Samsara read over the scratchy, practically illegible writing before dropping the note with disdain. It was a joke letter. 

From the giggles coming from right behind her, she had a good guess who it was from. As she stood from the bench, James stood with a smug expression that vanished her patience into thin air. This has been the first time in ages that she had eaten at her own house table and they just couldn’t leave her in peace?

“Potter, do you always, have to be such an insufferable twat?” She spat at the boy.

Sirius and Remus stood on either side of James. Her cheeks warmed just from a glance at him. 

James clutched at the base of his neck, “Who me? Why ever would you say that?”

She shot him a dubious look.

James chuckled, snatching the paper from her hands, reading over it himself “Marlene? That really was something, that kiss. And here I had thought you were mooning over Moony here.”

She rolled her eyes, blushing at the mention of Remus. She still had no idea why they called him that. Moony. 

Sirius snorted, and a cocky smirk bloomed on James’ face. “Oh well,” He continued, “Love is love, Samsara. No judgement here.”

“You’re really going to stand there and pretend this wasn’t you. Wow. Okay.” 

She scanned the expansive room to see where Lily was. She wasn’t at her usual spot on the long Gryffindor table. 

James shrugged. “Yeah. Because it really wasn’t.”

She stepped closer and jammed a finger into his chest. “Well I know that this isn’t her handwriting. And who else would write something like this? Go ahead, move on to the part where you gloat about how funny you think you are.” 

She raised an eyebrow at him, shooting him the meanest look she could. 

James glared down at her and she glared back. “Well, it wasn’t me. What, Burton, are you on your period or something?”

She took a deep breath, willing herself to remain calm. She was a prefect, and there were others around. Her left eye twitched as she exhaled through her nose. 

Her fist clenched, and she realized that for the first time in years of knowing James Potter, she wanted to sock him in the face. He was lucky he wore glasses. She released her fist.

“It really wasn’t him.” Sirius stood between them, trying to create space between the two of them. They both had nasty tempers, so it was probably for the best. Sirius took her hand and looped it into his arm. He started to lead her away, and Remus tugged James in the opposite direction.

When they entered the first floor, Sirius gave her a sly smile as he leaned his head down to whisper in her ear. He was suddenly very close into her personal bubble. “Don't be mad, but it was me.”

She scoffed, crumpling the paper into a ball in her other hand and throwing it at his head. “And you couldn’t say that back there!? You’re a bigger idiot than James.”

“Ow! First Marlene and now me. Gosh Samsara, you seem to like hitting on everyone.” He grinned. 

She ground her teeth. He was so irritating! He laughed, watching her fuming. 

“You’re all ridiculous.” She snapped.

“What, me too?” came a voice from behind them. Remus. She didn’t have to turn around to know it was him.

“Yeah. You too.” She wouldn’t look at him. She wasn’t ready.

She yanked her arm from Sirius’s hold. She decided to create some space by heading towards her first class. Footsteps followed her into the hallway.

“Just leave me alone, would you?” Upon turning around, she was surprised to see that Remus had followed her.

‘’Come on Burton, it was a joke.” He caught up with her, running a hand through his hair. It looked more unruly than before, and Samsara fought the urge to reach up and smooth it down herself. Then, again, she couldn’t help but think it looked good like that, too.

“You’ve never been mad about the pranks before,” He continued, putting his hands on both of her shoulders. He leaned his head down to look into her eyes. “Sirius said you tricked him out of a kiss last night. He said he had to get you back. He said this all while he was still drunk, mind you. He even snuck into the owlery just before the sun came up.”

“He’s so… ugh! He’s so immature,” She bit her lip, looking away from Remus. He gently rubbed her shoulders and she felt her anger disappear. She hated how he could do that just by being around her. “I just didn’t want him to be my first kiss. He’s… He’s such a slut.”

Remus was silent, and her curiosity begged her to look into his eyes. His mouth was in a lopsided smile.

“A slut?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, a slut.” She huffed out the breath she had been holding. “A stupid, slutty slut.” 

She crossed her arms over her chest. She looked at the floor again.

He let out a laugh and Samsara snapped her gaze back to him. He threw his head back, laughing. Samsara giggled at him as he clutched his stomach, laughing so hard he was red in the face.

“What?” She asked him.

He shook his head, nearly wheezing now. His shoulders shook with silent laughter.

“What is it, Remus?” She laughed too, because the sound of him laughing like that was hilarious on it’s own.

“It’s just,” he wheezed, “He and James were so convinced last night that you were a lesbian plotting to steal Marlene from Sirius. They stayed up all night trying to put the pieces together, looking for signs they had missed. They thought the letter would prompt you to reveal your true feelings. For Marlene. I guess It seemed like a good idea to them after they downed a second bottle of firewhiskey on their own. They thought you were after Marlene- I just ”

He burst into another fit of laughter. He was so handsome when he was like this. So carefree. Samsara tried not to stare so openly. She shouldn’t.

“So what if I was?” She countered.

He shrugged, grinning. “Oh nothing, I just didn’t think you were.”

“I wasn't.” She agreed, smiling just a little, an involuntary reflex when he was smiling so much, “But you seem awfully sure, what made you think otherwise?”

He exhaled, shrugging again. “Probably just wishful thinking.”

She blushed, internally trying to squash the bit of hope that bubbled up inside of her at that moment. It wouldn’t do her any good to misinterpret his words. He probably just placed a bet against James and Sirius or something.

“I mean,” He continued, “You seemed almost willing to kiss me.”

His eyes were on her, watching her reaction. She froze, trying to come up with some defensive plan. How could she steer this conversation elsewhere.

“Yeah then you avoided me after?” She snorted, trying to play it off as a joke.

He raised both of his eyebrows. “Did I?”

“Uh, yeah. Kinda. It’s fine.” She cringed, taking a new interest in the large door to the stairwell “Uh, I gotta go to class. See you in Herbology?”

“Wait-” 

She was quick this time, bounding up the steps.

“Seeyoulater!” It came out as one word. She waved a hand without looking back. 

It was at the top of the steps that she realized she was walking in the wrong direction.

She peeked over the top of the stairs. She didn’t see him. She decided to walk very slowly back down the steps. Another peak. Still no sign of him.

She tiptoed around the bannister at the end.

“Forget something?” Remus was leaning against the wall. 

She jumped, and her cheeks reddened, “Um...” she laughed nervously, “You see, I-”

“Have class on the other side of the castle?” His voice was even, but his eyes held a mischievous glint. 

She nodded.

“Who is avoiding who, hmm?” He asked. His lopsided smile flashed his canines. His gaze was watchful, almost predatory.

“You started it.” She insisted childishly. She mentally facepalmed. Why was she arguing with him? This wasn’t going to end well. 

His smile stretched into that wolfish grin that stirred butterflies in her gut.

She started walking in the opposite direction. This time, she was heading to class.

“And how exactly did I avoid you?”

“Are you following me? I thought you had Ancient Runes.” She snapped. She didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Hang on, how do you know my schedule?” And now he was smirking. 

She froze, and if there was a shade redder than a tomato, she was certain her face was that exact color.

“I… Uh, don’t.” She fumbled, “I… know Lily’s.”

It’s not like she had studied Lily’s classes and asked which ones she had with him. Merlin, she was helpless.

“Right.”

“I gotta go.”

“You’re not going to answer my question?”

 _‘Ignore him. Walk away. Do not engage!'_ A tiny, imaginary soldier screamed at her on her shoulder. He was her voice of reason. He was full of good ideas. 

“What question?” She blurted. 

The tiny soldier shook his head, disappearing. _Great._ Now she had to answer him.

“Why do you think I avoided you?”

“I don’t know.” She shrugged, studying her yellow converse. “We didn’t talk after... Or anything. So I guess I thought you were avoiding me.”

He smiled at her, and she felt so silly and exposed.

“You left the room before anyone else.” He said, shoving his hands in his pockets, “So some might say you were avoiding me.”

“Yeah, right. Why would I do that?” 

“Maybe because we almost kissed.” He stepped closer, “And you wanted to.”

“Well we didn’t. So...” She shrugged, trying to stay composed. Internally, she was cursing with every bad word she knew, some in French. 

He was silent, then, just watching her. She didn’t have the courage to look at him, but she felt his gaze. 

The hallway was filled now, students rushing to their first classes. A perfect chance to escape this conversation. She took it.

“Oh, wow, it’s getting late. Better head off to class. Bye, Remus!”

She walked away, not daring to look back. This time, he let her be.

Samsara sat in Potions with her head in a daze. If Remus hadn’t noticed her crush before, he had to know now. This was just about the worst things could possibly be. The next time she talked to him, he would probably try and let her down gently. 

Maybe he wouldn’t even want to be friends anymore.

Slughorn chatted excitedly with the students around her before they went over the itinerary for the term. He really loved the sound of his own voice, and his lectures often strayed as he talked about the most random subjects. They barely got a chance to cover the first half of the itinerary by the time class was over.

Next was Transfiguration. Samsara was thankful that McGonagall jumped straight into the work, so she didn’t have time to dwell on things. She welcomed the distraction.

It was only as she walked the grounds to the greenhouse that she began to feel the butterflies in her stomach again. This was the only class of the day she had with the Gryffindors and she would have to face him again. Remus.  
Samsara gulped, walking into the greenhouse. Professor Potts greeted her warmly.

Sydney Potts was a shockingly tall woman with short, white hair. Amongst the massive greenery, she looked like a forest pixie. Her smile was bright and friendly as she greeted Samsara. When they weren’t in class, the Hufflepuffs were allowed to call her Sydney. She was always covered in soil and constantly has at least one bow trickle perched on her shoulders.

Samsara adored the woman. Or she did, until she cornered Samsara right then before class started and asked her to be her example for the class. Which would mean that the attention would be all on her. 

Precisely what she was trying to avoid around Remus Lupin.

As her friends took their seats, Samsara was made to stand at the front of the class, sporting some massive, too-long patched overalls and some gardening gloves that nearly reached her elbows. The height difference between herself and Professor Potts was comical. She stood awkwardly by the professor's desk, fidgeting as she waited for further instruction.

She gave in and scanned the class just as Remus walked through the door. Instantly she averted her eyes as he walked in. Not before spotting his amused smile, though.

“Burton?” James called cheekily. “What's this? Are you teaching the class, now?”

Clearly he was past whatever had transpired between them that morning.

“Shall we call you professor Burton?” Sirius asked. "Kinky." The boys snickered. Sydney had disappeared into her office, leaving Samsara to continue standing awkwardly by her desk.

Finally, Sydney returned holding a potted flower. 

"Can anyone name this magnificent plant?"

Lily’s hand shot into the air. “Yes, miss Evans?”

"It’s a Fanged Geranium, professor”

“Right you are. And can anyone tell me one of its uses? Yes- Mr. Potter?”

“It’s used in strength potions.” He smirked, raising an arm to flex his bicep. Lily sat beside him with a pinched expression. 

Samsara fought the urge to laugh at how much she resembled her sister Petunia with that look on her face.

“Now miss Burton, come here please.”

Samsara joined Sydney at her side. The professor continued.

“Does anyone know what protective measures miss Burton had taken to prevent injury from a Fanged Geranium plant?” No one answered. She feigned a whisper to Samsara. “Uh oh. This is going to be on their O.W.L.’s.”

The older woman chuckled to herself as the students scrambled to find a piece of parchment to write on.

“Give us a twirl, dear.”

Samsara smirked, giving a slow spin. James whistled and Sirius chuckled until Lily smacked both of them on the back of their heads. Samsara caught her breath when she noticed Remus stroking his lower lip with his thumb. He traced his gaze from her rubber boots, slowly up her body before landing on her eyes. 

She felt the tips of her ears warm. She averted her eyes. 

_'Calm down, he's just taking notes.' she told herself._

Eventually, she had demonstrated each piece of the protective gear from head to toe. Hair tied back, protective goggles, coveralls, rubber boots, and a balm applied just under the nose to prevent pollen particles from lingering there on the skin. The longer she stood at the front, the more she could swear she could actually feel Remus’s eyes on her. She didn’t look in his direction again.

When Samsara was dismissed to sit down, she was dismayed to see the last remaining seat was next to one of her roommates. 

Unfortunately, Remus was directly on her right, just one table over. Still, she avoided looking at him or speaking to him for the rest of the class.

When class was dismissed, she hurriedly cleaned up and left before the others.

She breathed out a sigh of relief as she sped-walk back to the castle alone.

She managed to keep up her routine for the rest of the week, only talking to Lily, Marlene, and Alice. Occasionally she acknowledged James or Sirius. She simply pretended to be busy, or just about to leave whenever Remus showed. 

With time, she felt sure she could rid herself of her feelings for Remus, and then she could avoid embarrassing herself. Maybe things would go back to normal. She just had to keep busy. And so she did. 

Lily often met Samsara in the library in an awful mood after putting up with the boys all day. Thankfully the marauders, particularly James, could hardly keep quiet long enough to study in the library. They had been asked to leave so many times that they eventually had to find elsewhere to study. They never lingered there. It had been an escape for Lily for years. Now Samsara used it more than ever.

It was the only place Samsara could meet with Lily, knowing the other Gryffindors wouldn’t show up. It worked for the rest of the week.

But on the Monday of the second week of classes, Lily didn’t show up alone. 

Samsara hadn’t looked up as a chair dragged from her table and Lily’s book bag dropped in front of her.

“Hey, Lils. I’m glad you’re finally here. Did you take notes in Transfiguration?” She asked, circling her own notes and adding question marks next to a few illegible scribbles. “Mine are awful. I-”. 

And then she looked up. When she saw Remus sitting down next to Lily, her voice squeaked, cutting off completely. She nearly fell out of her chair from jumping in surprise.

“ _Shit._ ” Samsara whispered, setting her quill down again. She shot Lily a brief, pointed look. She hoped their telepathy powers were working. _‘Traitor.’  
_  
“What did you say?” Lily asked, furrowing her brows. 

Samsara narrowed her eyes at her.

“Nothing.” Samsara said.

Lily shrugged, passing her notes across the table to her. She smiled innocently. 

When she glanced in his direction, Remus was already looking at her. She gave him a brief, polite smile before staring at her parchment again. She scanned it several times. Now she had lost her place. 

She ignored the way the air became charged in his presence. She definitely didn’t stop her studying to stare for a moment at Remus’s finger as it swept across his lips while he read his textbook. Certainly, she didn’t flush beet red when he caught her doing so.

She didn’t look at him again, even when she stood to leave.

“And where are you going? We’ve only been here an hour.” Lily asked, fixing her with a stern look. She really was a younger version of McGonagall when she said things in that tone of voice.

“Kitchens. I, uh, have dinner patrol so I’m gonna grab something to eat.” Samsara explained, focusing only on Lily’s green eyes. 

“So do we. We’re going after patrol.” Lily said, raising an eyebrow. It was a challenge.  
She was silently daring her to give an excuse why she couldn’t join them later. 

“Well. I’m going now. See you.” She wouldn't take the bait. Samsara turned to leave, ignoring Lily’s watchful gaze, and Remus entirely.

“I’ll come with you.” Remus said. 

She froze, turning to acknowledge him finally. His eyes held a determined glint. 

There was electricity in the air as he stepped towards her, abandoning Lily. 

“But we still have to cover Potions!” Lily protested to his back.

“Later,” he said, eyes locked on Samsara.

She gulped, eyes darting to Lily, who behind Remus’s back wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. 

Remus walked past her and she followed him reluctantly.

They walked silently to the kitchens. They sat silently at the table, and were quieter still after ordering their food. They both ordered hot cocoa and a sandwich. Samsara fiddled with the sleeve of her grey sweater. 

“Now i’m sure of it. You’re the one avoiding me.” He spoke, softly.

She meant to only look briefly at him, but when she did, there was a glint in his eyes, challenging her to deny him, to look away. It was almost… predatory. It was freaky. And kinda hot. 

Samsara felt butterflies, coming to terms quickly with the fact that she… liked him looking at her that way. The air was thick with tension. She didn’t know what to say.

“I… am not avoiding you… necessarily. I’m just… busy.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. 

“Remus, I-”

Miffy appeared with their food. 

Samsara smiled, thanking the elf before continuing. Remus waited patiently for her to speak. She could do this, she told herself, she just needed to not word-vomit her feelings.

Where should she begin. How to explain herself? She had an idea. “Do you remember when we first met?”

Remus watched her, expression composed. 

“Sure.” He said, the corners of his mouth lifting, “We met the other day on the train, right?”

“Right, exactly,” Samsara froze, “No, wait-”

Remus smirked. 

“Shut up, Lupin.”

She looked down to her hot cocoa.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“I don’t know.” Samsara bit her lip, wishing she had James’ invisibility cloak handy. “I mean- am I? Avoiding? No, I don’t think that I….uh know what you mean.”

She took a long sip from her mug to shut herself up. Chocolate always made her feel better. She set it back down, considering her next words carefully.

“Samsara.” He spoke first.

“Remus.” She retorted, still not looking up.

“Samsara.”

“Hmm?”

“May I?” 

She looked up, then, taking in his amused expression with confusion.

He pointed briefly to his lip. She was only more confused by the gesture. Sighing, he reached across the table and swept his thumb across her upper lip.

There was that glint again in his eyes again that caused the butterflies in her stomach to do gymnastics.

He waited for her to speak again. 

“It was just weird, okay?” She blurted out. “After we almost kissed, you looked at me like…”

“Like what, Samsara?” He sounded... angry? The words died in her throat.

“Like I made you uncomfortable…” she nearly whispered. He was silent.

She continued. “Look it was a dumb game and I know you were put in a situation even though you didn’t want to be but I can’t help but feel a little rejected so-”

“Rejected.” He repeated her words softly. She didn’t really know why he said it. It was just rubbing salt in her wound.

“So let’s just give this some time, okay? I’ll get over you” she froze, and his eyes snapped to hers. “It! _I meant_ I’ll get over _it,_ -the whole rejection thing- eventually.”

He stared at her with his eyebrows drawn together. Clearly he thought she was crazy.

“This was a bad idea. See you around, Remus.”

This had gone worse than she ever expected. Hot tears threatened to spill from her eyes as she abandoned her half-full cocoa and untouched sandwich. On top of everything, she was starving and she hated to waste food. 

He just sit there, staring at her with an odd expression. He didn’t say anything as she stood and left him sitting there alone.


	14. The Golden Snitch

That night, she was in a downright awful mood as she patrolled the halls with Oliver. She was hungry, sad, tired, and beyond irritated. She wanted to scream. Absent-mindedly, she listened to Oliver chat about his day as they walked the first three floors. She nodded along, adding one-worded responses when it seemed appropriate. She felt like she was in a trance by the time they started towards the fourth floor. 

Suddenly, she blinked, realizing where they were. If they kept on climbing the floors of the castle, they would likely run into the other prefects. She hadn’t run into Lily and Remus yet, and she didn’t want to.

“No!” She cried as Oliver approached the stairs. 

He looked at her with a quirked brow. She had been mostly silent until then.

“We can’t go that way, uh, it’s haunted!” She offered, lamely.

“The _whole castle_ is haunted, Samsara. They’re called ghosts.” Oliver chuckled, nudging her with his elbow.

“I’m serious, haven’t you heard about the, uh…” She grasped for an excuse. “The big spiders things?! We should patrol the basement instead. Yeah. It’s probably safer” 

“You’re a terrible liar, aren’t you, Hufflepuff?” A male voice said from behind them 

Samsara turned to see Elias Zabini and a blonde girl in slytherin robes at his side.  
She shot him an annoyed look.

“No one asked you, Zabini.” She shot back, crossing her arms.

“Well, we’ve got the basement covered, so go ahead and cover the top floors, will you?” He smirked. 

According to prefect code, Samsara couldn’t refuse an older prefect’s orders, unless it was ‘unethical.’ She threw her hands in the air, dramatically. “Fine!”

Samsara shot Zabini a glare over her shoulder as they passed to climb the stairs. 

“Are you alright?” Oliver asked as they walked the fourth floor.

“Just peachy.” She snapped. 

Immediately Samsara regretted her tone. Oliver was nothing but kind to her. He didn’t deserve this.

“Sorry, Ollie. I’m just in a rotten mood today.” She said.

 _‘Because I’m an idiot and I ruined my friendship with Remus by catching feelings for him and almost kissing his stupid handsome face.’_ She thought, bitterly.

“Want to talk about it?”

She sighed. “Not really.”

The walked the fourth floor hallway in silence, looking only at some of the portraits snoozing in their frames. The fourth floor stretched on and on. It was suspenseful, not knowing who could be around each corner.

Finally, they turned at the end to walk all the way back to the grand staircase. 

Samsara tried to think about anything else as she passed the hall where the room of requirement was. 

When they walked along the last stretch before the grand staircase, Oliver broke the silence. 

“You know, This first trip to Hogsmeade is coming up and I was wondering if you-”

Samsara inwardly cringed, bracing herself for what was to follow, when he was interrupted.

“Samsara?”

Samsara wished she could kiss Lily. The girl appeared at the top of the stairs, and Samsara grinned, until she realized who would inevitably follow her. Remus.

His hair was all disheveled again, like he had been running his hands through it. 

He shuffled his feet as they came to a stop. He looked pointedly at Lily.

“Oh! Oliver, I have a question for you about the essay in Ancient Ruins.” Lily smiled sweetly, “Can I trade you patrol partners?”

“Actually-” She and Oliver started to say, in unison

“Perfect.” Lily said, ignoring both of their wide-eyed expressions with a cheerful smile. She forcibly linked her arm through Oliver’s, dragging him back into the fourth floor corridor.

“But we just-” His protests died as they disappeared down the hallway.

Samsara stared at her feet. She had been betrayed by her best friend. Twice in one day. 

Samsara bitterly decided that next time James cooked up some scheme to ask the girl out again, she would help make it as dramatic and embarrassing as possible. This was war.

“Samsara.”

She refused to look at him.

“What you said earlier, I just-”

“Save it. Okay? I know what you think about me.”

“No. You don”t.”

“Yeah, I do. You see me, like I see James or Sirius, or-”

“Or Peter?”

“Ehhh.” She scrunched her nose, _Not really,_ “The point is, I see James like a brother.” 

“You think I see you like a sister?” He laughed darkly.

Samsara gulped. Had she overestimated their friendship? 

“Nevermind.” She choked. 

“Samsara, wait.” Remus exhaled in exasperation “Just listen.”

She sighed. “Okay.”

“When I met you two weeks ago on the train, I knew you were mad. But this is completely bonkers.” 

She glared at him. She was practically baring her soul. Now was not the time for jokes. He grinned. Her lips twitched despite herself.

“Just... Don’t stop being my friend over some dumb game, okay? Please?”

He opened his arms, holding them out to her. She stayed put.

“Come here.”

“No.”

“Don’t be like this. I was mad at Peter being an idiot, okay? If I made some kind of face, It wasn’t because of you. I’m sorry if I made you feel otherwise.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Oh.”

“Are you going to leave me hanging here?”

"Fine." She relented, hugging him.

She felt more embarrassed than ever. No, it was worse: shame. Here she was being all emotional and he wasn’t fussed one way or another about her. She was an idiot. 

She only hoped he hadn’t heard her correctly in the kitchens when she had said it.

_‘Let’s just give this some time, okay? I’ll get over you’_

She hadn’t meant a word of it anyway.

Weeks passed and things were almost the same again. Almost. Samsara and Remus spoke minimally as classes settled into routines and studies picked up. Fifth year was already becoming a challenge for Samsara. Prefect duties kept her busy enough, and now her schedule was packed. She was volunteering extra hours of her time after class in the Divination tower every day, even on weekends, just in case something would finally give her a sign to the prophecy she had been looking for. It was high time she found the Founder’s tomb and returned the objects given to her. But as she cleaned teacups and polished crystal balls, she just became more and more annoyed with it all. 

When Samsara sat at the first Gryffindor quidditch match of the season with Lily and Remus, she realized immediately that she had forgotten her scarf in the Divination classroom. After helping Trelawney move tables by hand, (as to truly connect with the beyond) she had grown warm, needing to remove her coat and scarf in the stuffy room.

The professor had insisted to her that the energy was slightly off in the room. Yet by the time they were finished, they had ended up in the exact same arrangement as before. At the sound of the match starting in the distance, Samsara had left in a hurry as soon as Trelawney finally stopped talking to her about “the beyond”. 

To her irritation, she had left her bookbag and her scarf back in the tower, and would need to return later. Then Trelawney would likely waste even more of her time. As she took a seat next to Remus (the only seat available in the crowded section of the stands), she was cursing herself for removing her scarf in the first place. Out in the chilly October air, the warmth from her impromptu exercise had left her completely. Now she could see her breath in the air, and the match had only just begun. 

She rubbed her hands together and shoved them under her thighs. 

James flew past them, chasing the snitch. Sirius tossed the quaffle into one of the three goalposts, and the stands around her erupted in a roar. 

“Wooo” Samsara cheered half-heartedly. She pulled the collar of her thin coat closer, hoping to gain even an infantile amount of warmth.

Suddenly, she was being wrapped in a large maroon and golden yellow scarf.

She froze, standing still as Remus looped the scarf around her and fixed it around her shoulders.

“There.”

She smiled sheepishly. “Thank you.”

He nodded with a small smile, turning his focus back to the game.

A Ravenclaw beater smacked the bludger towards someone on the Gryffindor team, and there was a sickening crunch.

The crowd gasped. Some flinched, looking as if it had hit them.

“I’m okay!” The player wheezed. “Just a broken arm.” They shooed away the referee. 

They flew to the other side of the field and kept playing. 

Samsara raised her brows in appreciation. Some players were truly dedicated.

“Where were you in the beginning?” Lily called to her across Remus. “Ravenclaw has a twenty point lead! Potter needs to hurry up and catch the snitch!”

“I was helping Trelawney again.” Samsara spoke, this time to both Remus and Lily. “She said that the energy in her room wasn’t right. Interfered with ‘the beyond,’ apparently.”

“What a load of bollocks.” Lily said, never tearing her eyes from the field where players zoomed back and forth.

“Yeah, I’ve just been hanging around to see if someone will make the damn prophecy already.” Samsara said.

“COME ON POTTER, FLY FASTER, WILL YOU?! YOU HAVE A SNITCH TO CATCH.” Lily screamed at James as he floated nearby. He had been scanning the field for the snitch. 

James looked over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow when his eyes landed on the screaming redhead. He nodded. A determined smile stretched across his face. He darted low towards the bottom of the field.

“Yeah, good thinking Sammy.” Lily said, still glued to the game. “The prophecy, right. UGH COME ON SIRIUS!”

His pass had been intercepted.

Samsara shared a glance with Remus, both smirking. Lily was much more interested this season in quidditch than she had ever been in past years.

Suddenly, something gold flashed in the stands.

Lily squealed. She started to shout for James, then seemed to think better of it, slapping a hand over her mouth.

“Oh my god!” She whispered excitedly. “Does he see it? He’s had to have seen it. Right? Should I say something”

He had seen it. His broom shot into vision. He flew just over the crowd, only feet from the snitch. 

The Ravenclaw seeker was clear across the field. She turned and spotted James. She was over a hundred feet away. This was his chance.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Lily cried, “CATCH IT ALREADY.”

“Only if you promise me something in return.” James said lazily. He sent her a cocky smirk.

Samsara gasped. The snitch fluttered in a small circle, not moving anywhere in particular. James was within an arm’s length. All he had to do was reach out.

“JUST GRAB IT ALREADY YOU IDIOT!” Lily screamed, throwing her small plushie lion down in frustration.

“Not yet. Say you’ll go to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow. On a date.”

“WHAT?! ARE YOU MAD?”

Lily watched in horror as the Ravenclaw seeker flew closer. She was less than fifty feet away.

“What’s it going to be Evans. It’s now or never?” James shrugged, casually leaning back on his broom.

“I…. FINE! OKAY! JUST GRAB THE DAMN THING-” Lily was close to pulling out her hair in nervous excitement. 

James grinned, grabbing the snitch just before the Ravenclaw seeker reached out for it. 

“It’s a date.” He said, winking before he left to land on the grass. 

The stands erupted as it was announced that Gryffindor had won the match. Lily stood with her jaw hanging as the Gryffindor crowd rushed down the stands. 

“Did I just…” Lily croaked, voice cracking from all the screaming.

“Agree to a date with James Potter? Yep!” Samsara was in a fit of giggles. 

Remus grinned at her side. “Come on, Lils, let’s head back to the common room.” He put his arm around her, guiding her to the stairs.

Samsara froze, feeling a twinge of some ugly feeling in her gut at the sight of Remus holding Lily like that.

“You coming, Burton?” He called over to her from the stairs.

She ran to catch up. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Lily and Samsara didn’t wait outside the changing rooms with Remus, deciding instead to head to the tower before the party began. As they stopped by the Divination tower to grab Samsara’s things, Lily broke her stunned silence.

“You have to help me.” She grabbed Samsara by the shoulders, “Please don’t make me go through this alone.”

“Come on Lils, it can’t be that awful to spend time with James alone. You’ll be fine.” Samsara grinned. “Besides, you're the one who said yes.”

Lily whimpered.

MEANWHILE IN THE GRYFFINDOR CHANGING ROOMS

“Padfoot, ask Moony,” James paced back and forth. “He was there to see it. I probably just heard her wrong”

Sirius poked his head out of the changing rooms. Remus was leaning against a tree.

“Oi, Moony! Get in here.” He called to him.

Remus sighed, walking reluctantly into the changing room. 

“What?” He asked bluntly.

“Potter here has lost his mind.” Sirius said, smirking, “He says Evans said yes to a date with him.”

“She did.”

Sirius paled. “She…. what?”

“Yeah, Prongsy here waited to catch the snitch until she agreed to go with him to Hogsmeade. She was so worried he wouldn’t do it, she said yes”

“ _Plan S._ I can’t believe it worked.” Sirius said in disbelief.

James had named his latest plans to get Lily to go on a date with him in alphabetical order. Plan S was something Samsara had suggested as a joke. And yet...

James clutched his heart dramatically, “So I wasn’t daydreaming.” 

“Nope.” Remus answered, grinning.

James grabbed Sirius by the shoulders. “You have to help me! I can’t be with her alone. I’ll act like an idiot.”

“You always act like an idiot.” Remus offered

“Yeah but this is different,” James said seriously, “I can’t mess this up. She will literally never give me another chance. This was a fluke.”

Remus shrugged. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

“How am I supposed to help you?” Sirius asked

“Ask Marlene, go on a double with us.” 

“Can’t. We already have plans. Astronomy Tower.” Sirius winked.

James sighed. “This is hopeless.” He looked at Remus with sad, defeated eyes. “If only I had a friend who would help me.”

“Ask Frank?” Remus offered

“Lily and Alice are in a disagreement as of Charms class, last tuesday. Roommate thing.” James said, eyes glazed over in thought.

“Putting aside how creepy it is that you know that,” Sirius said, “Why not ask Moony and Samsara.”

Remus cleared his throat. “Sorry?”

James looked at his friend with hopeful eyes.

“You already know why I can’t do that.”

“Come on Moony, please!” James kneeled before him, “It’s one date. I will owe you my whole life. Eternally.” He drew each word out, like he was acting in a Shakespearean tragedy.

“Come off it, I'm not asking her out just to be a buffer for you and Lily.” 

“Then do it because you like her.”

Remus sighed, shaking his head. “No.”

“I have an idea,” Sirius said. 

They turned their attention to Sirius. He was naked now, with his small towel wrapped loosely around his neck.

“Ah! Padfoot! Come on!” they groaned.

He shrugged, continuing as he dressed, “James, what if you asked Samsara to go, and suggest Remus as an afterthought. Make it seem like it's Lily's idea.”

James cleaned his glasses with his towel, joining Sirius in his nudity. Remus exhaled through his nose impatiently.

“That just might work,” James said, placing his glasses back on his face. “She would think of it as a favor to me, rather than a real date. Then she won’t get her feelings hurt when you do date things with her that go nowhere and disappoint her. ”

Remus shot him a look. “You can’t be serious.” He ignored the rest of James’ words.

“He really can’t. Only some of us can pull all of this off.” Sirius gestured to his still-naked body.

Remus turned to leave.

“Moony, come on! Help a pal out?”

Remus sighed. “Fine.”

James sauntered over to the girls as they stood against the wall by the fireplace.

“Burton! Glad you could make it.” James grinned, “I do love to see my adoring fans.”

When Lily failed to snap back with a witty comment, Samsara filled the silence.

“Good game, James.” Samsara smirked, “That was some finish.”

James beamed. “About that, can I talk with you Lily? Alone.”

Lily gave a panicked glance to Samsara, who only smiled as she shoved her friend forward. “She’d love to.”

Samsara snickered as they walked away. Lily was blushing again.

Marlene and Alice cornered her. 

“Samsara! There you are. Did you see-” Marlene squealed

“We were sitting in the other box. I told Marly we should have sat with you guys. Did you see it? When James-” Alice chimed

“And then Lily-”

“And she said yes!

They squealed, and Samsara cheerfully recounted it all play by play. They hung on to her every word.

When she finished, James and Lily were back. 

Marlene and Alice congratulated him on the win, and Lily pulled Samara aside.

“Follow me.”

They went into the girl’s dorm.

“So James suggested we make our date a double-”

“Lily!” Samsara groaned.

“And he suggested that I pick one of his friends to go and he could pick one of my friends, and well. We think you and Remus should go.”

Samsara frowned. “He wouldn’t want to, he-”

“Already said yes, apparently.” Lily grinned deviously. 

Samsara gulped. “Um, are we talking about Remus Lupin, or?” she pulled at the scarf around her neck. His scarf.

“Do you know another Remus?” Lily picked up an end of the scarf and tossed it in Samsara’s face, laughing.

“Oh my god.” 

“Oh my god!” Lily squealed. 

“Are we really doing this?”

“We’re really doing this.” Lily looked so genuinely happy, Samsara couldn’t do it. She couldn’t voice her negative thoughts. This was her moment.

Deep down, she knew Remus was just doing James a favor. 

Still, she chatted happily with Lily, helping her choose an outfit for tomorrow before they rejoined the party.

James and Remus were standing in a group with Frank, Alice, and Marlene. As she and Lily approached, James snuck an arm around Lily. 

Lily shrugged it off immediately, but a small smile lingered on her lips. James beamed at the sight of it.

Samsara looked to catch Remus’s eye. He had to be just as happy for James and Lily as she was. He winked, smiling, and her heart swelled.

Boy, she was in trouble.


	15. A Date and A Prophecy

The air was cool and crisp. Dry orange leaves fluttered with the wind along the cobblestone pavement of the castle's courtyard. Samsara sat at the large fountain, watching a flock of grey birds peck at the ground as she waited for Lily, James, and Remus to arrive. She hadn't slept much, waking at sunrise in case she overslept and missed it.

She was nervous, even if it wasn’t a real date. She had fussed for two hours over her outfit, wishing she could have asked Lily for help. It all had been so sudden. 

Ultimately she had decided on a turtleneck which she tucked into her favorite mini skirt at the waist. She wore some sheer black tights, and her most comfortable brown boots which went up to her knees. She topped everything off with her light grey coat, a beret, and some gloves. Her dark hair was in loose waves that fell down her back. It was past her waist now, and she had tried her best smoothing charms to make it look shiny and less like a disturbed kneazle had attacked her in her sleep. She had even applied some minimal makeup on her eyes and her favorite tinted lip balm. 

She heard Lily’s laughter before she saw them, and when she turned to search for her friend in the busy courtyard, her eyes found Remus. He was smiling, and he was looking right at her. She smiled back, gathering her crochet handbag from her lap as she stood. James was talking animatedly, waving his hands around as he told a story. Lily was engrossed in the story as Samsara approached them. 

Lily was wearing the green dress they had picked out together, with black tights and black boots. Samsara’s heart warmed when she noticed that she and Lily were wearing the same beret in different colors. 

Lily also wore a deep brown coat along with her. The earthy colors made her red hair look vibrant and her eyes even brighter than usual. She looked so pretty. It made Samsara smile to herself as she joined her friends. James was telling Lily about something he had done with his dad and uncle.

“Hey.” She said softly, suddenly feeling nervous as Remus eyed her from head to toe.

“Hey.” Remus had a lopsided smile as he greeted her with a hug. She blushed as she pulled away. His sweater smelled like the fire of the gryffindor common room. It was the Puddlemere United sweater she had bought him for Christmas last year. Under his sweater was a collared shirt. He wore a long coat and some khaki pants. He looked older when he wasn’t in his school uniform. He was effortlessly handsome; Samsara swooned. 

James had finished his story and he and Lily finally seemed to notice the others. 

James stuck his hands into his pockets, shrugging his shoulders. “Shall we?” 

They began their walk to the village. Since James and Lily seemed to be doing fine on their own, they hung back a bit to give them space.

Remus and Samsara trailed behind in silence. Samsara admired the leaves that had fallen everywhere. The ground was covered in vibrant hues of red and orange. Scotland was so beautiful in the Fall. 

“It’s so lovely out here.” She said, smiling.

“Yeah, It’s nice.” Remus agreed. 

They walked together in silence for a few minutes.

“You, er, look nice.” Remus said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Um, thanks,” She tucked her hair behind her ears, “You look pretty good yourself. Almost like a professor. But like a young, hotter one. I mean-”

Why was she always so unfiltered around him? She mentally kicked herself. 

He smiled, looking away again. “You flatter me.”

More silence. It had never been uncomfortable before, but now it was. Internally, she scolded herself for letting her thoughts slip to her tongue without thought. 

“Do you know where we’re all going?” Samsara asked.

“Er, James said we could have tea at Madam Puddifoots.” Remus cringed. “Then just, looking round the shops.”

“Ah. Madam Puddifoots,” Samsara said, smirking, “Nice one, Potter.”

James whirled around to send Samsara a wink. Lily blushed, sticking her hands in her pockets. Samsara realized then that they could hear them from up there. That they had probably heard her when she called Remus a hot young professor. She wanted to sink under a pile of leaves and disappear.

Madam Puddifoots was a cozy little tea shop where many of the older students went on dates and snogged openly. It was filled with frilly, floral decor and antique furniture. Samsara looked around at the mismatching tables and chairs. It was very feminine and soft.

This was her third year coming to Hogsmeade and she had never stepped foot inside for longer than a few minutes. She and Lily would get a scone or a coffee to go, but they never sat in for tea. She had always avoided looking in the direction of the seating area, afraid she would catch glimpse of something she wasn’t meant to see.

They ordered their tea and not five minutes later, their cups filled from an enchanted teapot. With a snap, fresh pumpkin scones appeared on their plates with a side of clotted cream and lemon curd. In the back of the room, which was much larger than it appeared to be from outside the cottage, an enchanted phonograph played Celestina Warbeck. The witch’s voice crooned a gentle jazz love song which filled the room, along with soft voices and clattering china. Samsara had to give it to the place, it had a certain ambiance that made it romantic.

Samsara added a sugar cube and some milk to her apple cinnamon crumb cake black tea, ignoring the judgemental gaze from Lily. Apparently it was a sin to sweeten your tea in England. Samsara ignored the judgement, she was American and she liked things sugary sweet. Taking a sip, it tasted just like the dessert. She sighed contentedly. It was nice sitting in a toasty room after their walk in the cold. She had removed her coat, hat, and gloves, placing them on the back of her chair. 

Madam Jenkins popped around, asking if they wanted to take a photograph together to commemorate their date.

Lily declined at the same time James happily agreed. “Yeah, that would be lovely thanks.”

After little convincing, Lily conceded. The four scooted closer together and huddled in. 

“Everyone say Lily looks pretty” James smirked as a blush formed on Lily’s cheeks.

Lily smacked him playfully. Remus shared a look with Samsara. Then, they all turned their attention to the camera, laughing just as the flash popped.

Madam Jenkins snapped her fingers and the instant film duplicated. She placed the photos facing down while they exposed and moved on to the next table.

“Let’s see how handsome I look.” James said, reaching for one of the films.

Lily smacked his arm. “Not yet, it has to develop!”

“So you don’t deny it, I look handsome.” James grinned, rubbing his arm.

Lily groaned exaggeratedly, but she smiled despite herself.

Tea sandwiches arrived not long after. Samsara helped herself to a slice of a small toasted baguette with melted cheddar and artichoke cream cheese. James and Remus recounted a tale of some muggle town they had visited together over the summer. By the time she had sampled a few of the mini sandwiches, she was stuffed. 

James had excused himself in the middle of tea, and when no check came at the end of their meal, it was revealed that he had paid for everyone. Remus shot him a look, but Samsara simply thanked him. 

They had just walked across the street when Madam Jenkins called after them. “Wait! Forgetting something?”  
She waved the two photographs in the air.

Excitedly, James and Lily ran back, snatching each photo from the woman’s hand. They looked over the pictures while Samsara and Remus stood down the street by Zonkos and Honeydukes.

“Mmmm. Do you smell that?” Samsara grinned, cheeks rosy from the change in temperature.

“Hmm?” Remus asked, looking at her. His eyes looked her over, slowly.

“Chocolate.” She said dreamily. 

“You’re still hungry?” He asked in disbelief. 

“No.” She smirked at his expression, “I just love the smell of Honeydukes.”

He nodded “Maybe we can come back later?”

“Okay.” She smiled. He was always sweet. If this were a real date, this was the moment where she would kiss his cheek. She held back at the realization that it wasn't a date for them.

“Okay.”

They smiled at each other, and Samsara looked away when she heard James and Lily bickering across the street.

“You’ve ruined the photo, you idiot!” 

“Pshh. If anything, I look better than ever, Evans.”

Remus and Samsara shared a look. They crossed the cobblestone street to meet their friends.

“Samsara would you look at this photograph and tell me what you see.”

It was a moving picture. Samsara had never seen an instant film move like that. “Woah, it moves!”

“Course it does, Burton.” James said. “What, is the first time you’ve seen an enchanted photograph?”

Of course it wasn’t. Everything she read from the Daily Prophet to a few of their textbooks had moving pictures. But this was a small photograph with a white border. It had the glossy film quality of the photos she had in the frames of her house, but it was much smaller. They were paler in the photo, with a slight grainy texture. It was so similar to the muggle camera that her father had. He always said he preferred still photographs.

“No, not the first time ever. I’ve just just never seen one like this.” She said. Sometimes it still didn’t seem real that her dad wasn’t around anymore.

She took the photo in her hands to look closer. James and Lily were in the middle of the photo, and James was smiling. Lily was smacking his arm. Remus and Samsara were looking across at each other with small smiles. 

Then, as all four looked to the camera smiling, James made a face, crossing his eyes inward.  
Samsara smirked, but her eyes lingered on the picture version of Remus. He looked so happy at that moment. She liked seeing him so carefree.

“Can I see?” Remus asked, and she jumped a little. She handed over the photograph, avoiding his eyes. The warmth of his fingers brushed her skin, and the feeling lingered there.

“Nice one, James.” He said, rolling his eyes at his friend.

“See, told you it was awful.” Lily said, a triumphant smirk on her face. James and Lily began walking in the direction of the other shops, and Samsara followed behind with Remus.

James groaned as Lily pulled him into Tomes and Scrolls. Samsara and Lily gushed at the large, ever expansive bookshop. The shelves winded into a labyrinth of stacked books. Samsara loved the smell of freshly printed paper and the cracked spines of used books. She could spend hours in a bookstore. 

She wasn’t sure how much time passed, just that she had wandered deep into the store.  
Samsara paused before a shelf, labeled. ‘Muggle Literature’

She traced a few spines of a familiar set of books. The BoxCar children. 

“Have you read them before?” Remus’s voice came from beside her.

“Yeah, as a kid.” She smiled. “When I was little, my dad gave me the ones that he had as a kid. That was so long ago. I didn’t know the author still wrote new books.”

She shrugged, running a hand across the thicker novels on the top shelf, pausing on one of the new titles. “The Monkeywrench Gang. Hmm. Interesting title.”

She pulled it from the shelf. “I’m going to get this one.”

“Just like that?” 

“What?” Samsara furrowed her brows up at the boy.

“That’s how you choose books?” Remus looked down at her with a smirk.

“Well that and the cover art, yeah. I quite like the name. It reminds me of you.” She paused, blushing, “You guys, I mean. The marauders, that is.”

“Right.” He said, smirking.

She paid for her book. After standing around for a few minutes with Remus, they realized that James and Lily were no longer with them. They looked back inside, with no luck. Samsara gave little focus to their search as they walked along the narrow paths of the store. She was more aware than ever of how close they were standing to each other. The sun was setting as they exited the shop a second time. Lily and James weren’t back in the book shop, and they couldn’t see them out on the street. They were nowhere in sight.

Samsara sighed. “So much for being their chaperones.” She didn’t really care at this point.

Remus looked her face over. “They’ll manage.” He said, lowly, “How about we get those chocolates now?”

She smiled, nodding. “Sure. I’d like that.”

As they entered Honeydukes, a wizard was flicking his wand as hot fudge was spread over one of the countertops.

Samsara grabbed Remus’s hand and tugged him in the direction of the fudge. She watched the employee excitedly. “Look!”

Remus looked at their intertwined hands and back up to Samsara’s bright green eyes. Samsara’s cheeks flushed and he wondered what she was thinking. She loosened her grip on his hand, but he squeezed her smaller hand, keeping his in place. Her face reddened more.

“He’s incredible,” Samsara broke the silence as she watched the shopkeeper flick his wand as the fudge twisted into all sorts of shapes before landing elegantly in a flattened mound on the countertop. Another flick of his wand and the fudge began separating into smaller squares and flying into pinstriped boxes.

One lone square wrapped itself into a piece of wax paper and floated in front of Samsara. She looked at the shopkeeper and he sent her a wink before boxing the rest.

She grabbed the fudge with her free hand, happily thanking the shopkeeper.

They wandered together past the enormous display of jellybeans to the smaller selection of chocolates. Their hands were still intertwined. And they stayed that way that the whole walk home as their cheeks flushed from the cold. 

Nearly a hundred feet behind them, James Potter and Lily Evans smiled at their friends in the distance. 

“Told you.” James said smugly.

“Yeah, I suppose you were right,” Lily said, and upon his victorious smile, added “This ONCE.” She raised a brow at him in sass. She couldn’t let the small win go to his head.

“Say what you will, Evans, as long as you make good on the bet.” James smirked down at her.

“I don’t know what you mean.” She turned from him, putting some space between them.

“Well, I believe I was promised a kiss if I won.” James said, grinning. He stepped closer to her, and Lily took a step backwards.

“You can’t make me!” Lily cried as she began to speed walk away. Arms encircled her waist, stopping her right in her tracks.

"Good thing I don't have to.” James said softly into her ear. She tried not to show her grin as he spun her around, and suddenly her lips were pressed to his. It was dizzying and perfect, just like the last one, and the one before that.

“And then he kissed me goodnight.” Lily sighed, smiling.

“I knew you liked him.” Samsara squealed.

She and Lily were in the dressing room of the Prefect’s Bathroom the next morning, talking about the date.

“So are you guys going steady now?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Lily sighed, “I just know that I like kissing him.”

“But you want to go steady.”

“Yeah,” Lily smiled. “I guess I do.”

Samsara grinned. Soon enough, they would be getting married and having cute babies. It was perfect. 

“Okay, your turn! Spill.” Lily said. 

Samsara exhaled, rolling her eyes. “I’d rather not.” 

REMUS’S POV.

“What am, I? A gossiping school girl?” I roll my eyes at Sirius, James, and Peter. Frank had even stopped reading his book, the nosy git. When James had been talking, Frank had sat up on his bed to pay attention to the entire story. James had been talking for nearly an hour. 

“Come on, Moony. I told you all about my night!” James says, poking my shoulder as he crawls into my bed, ignoring all signs that I want to shove him off the mattress as he sits next to me.

“Yeah, well you would have seen how my night went if you hadn't ditched us in the book shop.” I say, hoping he will just drop it. “And don’t think you were slick, watching us from the window in Honeydukes.”

Sirius gives James a pointed look. Peter guffaws, looking eagerly to James for his retort.

“Me? Watching? Why no, never me!. Though If I had seen you, I would say that we saw you two getting quite cosy” James shrugs, “Now go on.” He rested his chin between his hands, looking up at me.

I sigh. He really isn’t going to let this go. I try a different approach. “Well, there’s not much to tell.”

“Why not?” James said, throwing his hands up in the air. “You like her, she likes you. It’s simple. Snog her.”

“You don’t know that.” I said, shrugging. “And nothing about it is simple.” 

She does like me, I’m almost certain of it now. Probably. I mean, she gave me all kinds of signals. She seemed to say exactly what she was thinking, and her thoughts were pretty revealing. Then there was how she was holding my hand, laughing at all my stupid jokes, and yet...

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “You guys didn’t kiss.”

“No.” I growl, falling back on my pillow. Like I needed to be reminded. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to. Hell, I certainly wanted to. 

Things had been going well. When I talked to her, she really listened to me. She listened and she never interrupted. 

“Well, she looked…. Beautiful.” I offer. They stare at me, waiting for more. I didn’t want to go on about this. 

I think back to seeing her waiting at the fountain, and how I couldn’t help but smile at her the moment my eyes met hers. She dressed up for our little sham of a date. And she looked good. We were just there to make sure James and Lily didn’t murder eachother, and here she was, looking like a dream. Her legs were so long, and that skirt was much shorter than the usual one in the girl’s uniform. And here I was in my sodding Puddlemere jumper. At least I had bothered with khakis.

I had smiled, and she had smiled back. It wasn’t hard to imagine us in a different scenario, like we were meeting for a real date. But that wouldn’t ever happen. Seeing as there is no cure for Lycanthropy, it’s best I don’t involve myself with anyone. I wasn’t meant for happily ever after. There wouldn’t be a wife or children. I can’t get close to anyone that way, for their own safety. 

But the way she looked, I wasn’t thinking straight until we made it to Madam Puddifoots. 

The tearoom was torture. Too many smells. The tea was one thing, but add a bunch of teenagers drenched in cologne and perfume, along with the fluttering scent of their nerves- it was nauseating. I hardly touched the tea. 

I was much more myself in the bookshop. Samsara seemed fitting there, too. She looked like the bookstore was her second home. Dressed like she was, she could be on the cover of some travel magazine that made you want to visit some foreign country just for the chance of meeting a girl like her.

Her pale, delicate fingers traced the spines of a series of paperbacks. Her long lashes blinked as she tilted her head to read the titles. Her lower lip sucked into her teeth, concentrating. 

I found myself asking her about them. She really missed her father, I could sense it every time she spoke of him. There was a longing in her to feel the comfort of her father again. 

It made me wonder what life would have been like if my father wasn't terrified of me. You know, a dad who didn’t resent your very existence. A father that wanted you around. 

I try to tease her about her book selection to lighten the mood again. We go to Honeydukes and she grabs my hand, pulling me over to the fudge maker. She doesn’t realize that she’s still touching me, that the place where our fingers are intertwined send sparks up my arm. 

Like she is reading my mind, she loosens her hold. I hold on then, as if i’m going to be lost if she lets go. Maybe I will be. I don’t want to find out. 

“Lily and James ditched us, we got fudge. She tells me she might be moving to London. And then I…” I search for the words.

And then I fucked up.

Because the idea of her moving here, being around after Hogwarts… it brought me back to reality. So I did something idiotic.

NORMAL POV

“So we’re having a good time. He is listening to me talk about how grandmother wants us to move to London, Mom and I. I don't know why, but then we look down at our hands and I think we both realize at the same time that we had been holding hands the whole time.” Samsara recounted, “And so he kind of, like drops my hand in a hurry. And I brush it off. I mean, it had probably been an hour at that point. I was probably getting clammy.”

Lily snorts.

“But then we’re at the top of the stairs to the basement. In the main hall. And I tell him I had a good time.” Samsara trails off, cringing internally at the memory

Lily nods excitedly, “Yeah, and then!?”

“Like I physically step close to him and I tell him I had a great time. A clear signal, right? ” Lily nods, and Samsara continues, “So then he holds out his fist and says ‘put it there, mate’”

“NO!” Lily erupts into giggles. 

“Yes! It was awful.” Samsara winced, laughing, “It was as if someone took a big red stamp and plopped it on my forehead. Like, BAM, ‘REJECTED’ It was horrible.”

“That’s so good.” Lily was cracking up.

“Well, I mean,” Samsara sighed, “At least it clears up any doubt in my mind. He sees me as a buddy. So there’s no reason for me to be holding out any hope anymore. Ugh... I’m going to crawl in bed and die now.”

Lily shot her a look. “ _Please,_ he was probably just nervous. He’s totally in love with you!”

“Oh, Lily.” Samsara rolled her eyes, “Not every guy _who’s nice_ likes me as more than a friend.”

Lily erupted into laughter. “Maybe you’re right.” She held out her closed fist. “Put it there, pal.”

Samsara rolled her eyes, leaving the girl to head to her first class, Divination.

She was on time for once, and she was enjoying the peaceful silence of the classroom until Elias slid into his seat.

“Burton.” He said, setting his book bag on the table

“Zabini.” She replied, doodling on her parchment.

“How are you today?”

He only spoke to her when he wanted something. Samsara looked up from her book with narrowed eyes. “What is it?”

Zabini’s eyebrows rose as he smirked. “Nothing, no ‘Hello Elias, how are you?’ _My, my,_ Burton, always such a bad attitude.”

Samsara looked blankly at him, “Maybe that’s because you only speak to me when you want something.”

“What about the time I offered you my extra quill. Or when I gave you my notes that time you fell asleep. Or-”

“I’m hardly in the mood today, Elias. Out with it already!” She said, dryly.

“Sounds like someone’s date didn’t go well” He mused

“How did you even know about that?” She gritted. 

“Saw you in Honeydukes,” He shrugged, watching her with casual interest, “So it didn’t go well? Hm. That’s too bad.”

“Yeah, you sound really beat up about it.” She scoffed. 

“I _am,_ I hate seeing a pretty girl down.” He grinned, flashing his dimples. 

“Yikes. Does that kind of talk usually work for you?” She snorted, “I won’t be writing our term paper alone, if that’s what you’re after.”

“Fair enough.” He shrugged, still grinning. It began to irritate her.

By the end of her class, his smile had successfully gotten under her skin. 

She eyed him warily “What’s your deal, Zabini? You’re not usually this… chipper.”

“Says who?” Elias retorted. “Maybe I’m not who you expected me to be, so now you’re just searching for a fault. You’ll have a hard time finding one, you know? I’m funny, good looking...”

Samsara set her packed book bag on her chair. She had twenty minutes before her next class. She planned to help Trelawney for a few minutes, if Zabini would just leave already.

“I don’t have to look very hard. You’re conceited.” She smiled slightly at his feigned hurt look.

“Alright, Burton. You’ve called my bluff.” He leaned in closer, “I’ll be honest. You intrigue me.”

“How?” She cocked an eyebrow up at him. Like his brother, he was at least six feet tall. 

“Well for one, you hate this class. So why are you always hanging around here?” He challenged.

“I don’t always hang here.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “And two: you and your friends are always sneaking around. But you never get into trouble yourself. And three: you really have no idea that one bloke’s in love with you.”

“I don’t- wait who do you mean?” Her cheeks were warming at the thought that Remus could possibly…

“Dunno. The other little puffle prefect.”

He couldn’t mean...

“Oliver?” She shook her head. “ _No_ he doesn’t. He isn’t-”

“Oh but he does. He is.” Elias chuckled. “Obviously you don't feel the same. And then out of the blue, you’re on a date with that other bloke. I have to admit I didn’t see that one coming. I had pegged you as boring, from the way your sister talked of you. But you are anything but _boring_.” He whistled. “Nice fist bump, by the way.”

Samsara’s cheeks turn redder. “You saw that.”

“Believe me, I wish I hadn’t.” Elias is laughing openly now. His teeth are bright white. It’s a rare sight, his full smile. That, and this sudden open conversation disarms her a little. She had expected him to continue to pretend she didn’t exist. Like Hugo had for three years, and how Elias had done every year up until now. 

Despite his annoying qualities, he wasn’t such a slimy git as his brother. He was so… human. Not as stuffy as the other purebloods. Or were they all like that in private when they weren’t terrorizing muggleborns? 

Samsara averted her eyes. “Yeah, well you don’t need to rub in my rejection and make it worse. You can go now.” She shooed him with her hands, but he stayed put.

“I don’t think I will leave.” He smirked down at her, “You see, I’ve been meaning to ask Trelawney if she’s needed any extra help.”

Samsara gasped, “You wouldn’t _dare._ That’s my- I’m the one.” She sputtered.

Elias chuckled. “Oh but I would. Oh _Professor_?”

And so Elias Zabini slithered his way into her routine. And it was infuriating. He wasn’t meant to have a sense of humor. There she was, drying a teacup with a towel, laughing as Elias talked about his mother’s opinion of their teacher. Apparently they had met in Diagon Alley once, and Trelawney had made quite the impression. Mrs. Zabini had insisted he never take a class by her. So he decided to sign up for Divination every year after that, claiming it was mandatory for his career path. Apparently his mother never bothered to check for herself.

Then, suddenly, something shattered behind them. Samsara turned to find her professor clutching at one of the crystal balls. She looked frightfully pale.

“Professor!” Samsara cried, hastily setting the teacup and rag on the table as she went to Trelawney, “Are you alright?”

Trelawney stared vacantly at the crystal ball, as if she was unaware of her student’s presence.

**“a path underground,  
the fountain atop the tomb,**

**a thousand years past,  
a wish on the brightest moon”**

Trelawney croaked the words slowly. When she was finished, she blinked, then looked to Samsara.

“Yes dear?”

“You just-Um, nothing professor.” Samsara attempted to process what had just happened.

Her eyes widened. The prophecy! It was just what she had been waiting for. She snatched her bookbag, running past Elias and out of the room.

“What was that?” Elias was keeping up as she fled down the stairs.

“Dunno.” She paused, stopping. “Hang on, Do you remember what she said exactly?”

He repeated the professor’s words, and she scrambled to find somewhere to write it down. She dropped her pen in a nervous rush.

“Don’t worry. I got it all up here.” Elias said, pointing to his head. He watched her frenzied writing with a smirk. “Right, one more time then?”

She wrote it all out as he repeated it once again. 

“But what fountain?” she whispered.

“Don’t tell me you buy into the whole prophecy bit, Burton.”

She gave him an absent-minded shrug. “Sorry, I’ve got to go. See you!”

And he watched her dumbfoundedly as she ran off down the hall, nearly bulldozing several students in her path.

“Odd girl.” He shook his head, smiling.

In Defense Against the Dark Arts, she had to face Remus, but her mind was otherwise occupied. She had been waiting for this since her first year, and now she didn’t know where to begin.

“Samsara,” He began as they took practice formations, “About last night,”

“What about it?” Her thoughts were scattered, trying to decipher the words Trelawney had said while clutching the crystal ball. It had been only four lines, but Samsara wasn’t sure she had it figured out, yet. She had analyzed each word over and over again. 

She was so distracted, she had hardly paid any attention to Remus’s words. He was staring at her. What had he said, again?

“Nothing,” He mumbled.

“If you say so.” She mentally replayed the words in her head. Which fountain was it? And did Hogwarts have paths underground? There was only one tomb, right?

“It’s just, it's occurred to me now that you wanted it to be a date, a real one... and anyway I’m sorry.” Remus said, cringing. “Shit, Samsara, I feel like I keep apologizing and I just want to tell you-”

That got her attention. Her cheeks flushed. Was he rejecting her all over again?

“It’s fine.” She cut him off with a false smile. She played off the way her heart was breaking with a shrug, “Friends. Right?”

“Er, I meant,” He winced, putting his hands in his pockets. “Friends. Right… Yeah.”


	16. Turmoil

Samsara had her bag packed and fled the moment the class was dismissed. As she ran down the stairs, she didn’t let herself get distracted and ignored the odd looks sent her way. As soon as she made it to her room, she flicked her wand, opening her trunk with a flourish. 

She sighed with relief when she saw that every one of the founder’s artifacts were still there. She levitated each one from her trunk and set them gently on her bed. Her roommates were still out, so it was the perfect time to get started. Grabbing the roll of parchment, she tapped it with her wand, muttering, “Liberatum Chartum'' and the parchment began unfolding. She copied the prophecy from her notebook onto the enchanted parchment. At first nothing happened, then the ink disappeared only to rematerialize as a large map of the castle. 

It was like a blueprint, but hand drawn with tiny illegible scribbles describing each room. Every room was drawn in a bird's-eye view. Samsara moved her wand over the parchment and the ink swirled, showing a different part of the castle. It took some practice, but she tried over and over again to move the map until she finally got a view of the basement. 

She frowned. “Where are the passageways?” 

She was up for hours, holding the map and her lit wand under her bed sheets so not to disturb her sleeping roommates. After carefully scanning the map of the entire castle several times, she noted any odd anomalies in the blueprint. She found quite a few. 

The fourth floor had a doorway in a place where she knew it was a large portrait of a boy and a goose. There was another on the third floor; a hidden door behind the one-eyed witch statue: Gunhilda of Gorsemoor. Another was in the basement, just behind the painting opposite to the kitchens. Some had runic symbols she had never seen before.

Samsara considered who she should enlist for help. It had to be someone who had time to help her and could keep their mouth shut about it. She didn’t exactly want the whole school in on the hunt for the founder’s tomb. James would be ideal, because he had the invisibility cloak. But he always had quidditch practice, and he would probably be spending more time with Lily. She would ask Remus, but he was so hot and cold she wasn’t sure she could depend on him. If she asked Sirius, Marlene would get jealous of the two of them spending time together. She and Sirius were dating now and she took every chance to remind Samsara of the fact. She didn’t realize that Samsara had been rooting for that to happen since the start of the term. Samsara missed when she could just have friends that were boys, without any complications.

She wondered if James would let her borrow the cloak to use on her own. If he did, she wouldn’t need to sneak around so openly. She needed to keep an eye out on patrolling prefects and wherever the professors lingered. Samsara wondered if they hung around any particular areas to protect them. The headmaster and staff likely knew of all of these passageways already. This would be a stealth mission. 

In a castle this large, there had to be more than those she had found thus far. She had just scratched the surface. She could hardly sleep as she began to form a plan.

The millennium anniversary was just a little over two months away, in January. At the opening feast of the term, Dumbledore had mentioned a Millenium Ball, where there would be live music and dancing. That could complicate things if it fell on the same date as the full moon. She would need to go to the Astronomy tower to chart the full moons and predict the exact date of the prophecy. Perhaps it would be the ideal time to slip away with all of the professors in the same place. Also, then it wouldn’t be so sad to be dateless and lonely- because she would be on a mission. 

Samsara wasn’t going to bother with boys anymore, not after what happened with Remus. And she certainly wasn’t going to read into his kindness as anything but just that.

Maybe she just wasn’t desirable. Anyhow, it didn’t matter. Feelings of inadequacy weren’t going to help her find the founder’s tomb. There would always be later in life to fall in love. And then she would do it properly. She tried to ignore the pit in her stomach as she fell asleep. She kept reminding herself that it didn’t matter. There were more important matters at hand.

The next day, she caught up with Lily after breakfast. Despite planning not to think about it, Lily asked for a recap of what happened in DADA the day before.

“It was awkward!” Samsara groaned, recounting her conversation with Remus to Lily. “Why rub it in? I was fine leaving things as they were. A fist bump is clear enough I mean-”

Lily looked confused, “Hang on, so you got the prophecy? That’s good! We can tell the boys. I can’t recall exactly when, but I'm sure I’ve heard James talk about one of the tunnels under the castle. But which one was it… .”

Samsara rubbed her neck. “Let’s hold off on telling them. I don’t want to draw too much attention. Could you ask James about the cloak for me?” She spotted Remus approaching from the Great Hall. “Oh, _shit._ I’ll be going now!” 

“Oh come on, you can’t keep avoiding him.” Lily smirked, she waved at him enthusiastically. Samsara made brief eye contact and gave him a stiff smile before she started walking away.

“I’m not,” She told Lily through gritted teeth, “I just have to go to class. Bye!”

“Liar” Lily called after her, sniggering.

Her lack of sleep caught up with her in Slughorn’s class. He was talking about one of his acquaintances who was a famous film star. Samsara’s ingredients sat untouched for at least half an hour before she was instructed to begin. By then, she was wishing she had finished her coffee at breakfast. Especially since she had to listen as Snivellus was being fawned over by Slughorn for his ‘unique technique’. Samsara suspected Snape cheated somehow. His potions were so different from the others in the class, it was as if he didn’t follow the same recipe. 

In Herbology, Professor Potts had her demonstrate to the class again, and she was fighting to keep from yawning. She avoided eye contact with any of the Gryffindors as she pruned some gillyweed and sealed it into jars for use in Potions. Remus’s laughter came from across the room, and she looked over instinctually. His smile was so wide and carefree. She nearly knocked over one of the potted mandrakes in her distraction, drawing the eyes of all the students nearby. She began to whistle as she kept walking to her seat. Lily gave her a knowing look. She ignored her friends who asked what she had been thinking about. She flushed, she didn’t want to keep thinking about it. She wasn’t going to think about her silly crush anymore.

At the end of class, she heard her name being called. It was Oliver. She slowed down on the path to the castle as she waited for him to catch up. She tensed as she saw Remus, Lily, and James walking behind him. She tried to avoid looking at Remus, but when she saw his face, her heart clenched. He looked pale and exhausted, like he hadn’t slept. He seemed to get sick nearly every month. She wanted to give him a big hug and walk with him to get some pepper up potion. 

No, she thought, That would only solidify his thoughts of her as some silly girl with a crush. She had to give him space until they were comfortable as friends again. Until she could think straight around him again.

Instead, she turned to face Oliver. He gave her a wide dimpled smile.

“Hey Ollie.”

“Hey Sammy.” 

Samsara fiddled with the strap of her book bag, which weighed heavily on her shoulder as they climbed the steep hill. She tried not to think about how James, Lily, and Remus were walking directly behind them.

“Louisa said you went to Hogsmeade, How was it?” He asked. 

She wondered if she had done something truly terrible in her past life to earn the karma to put her here and now, in _this_ situation. She considered her words carefully, knowing James would likely use whatever she said as fuel to tease her for the foreseeable future. “It was… Good.”

“Nice. It’s cool going with friends and all.” He nodded, taking a deep breath, “But, er, I was wondering if you wanted to go together some time, like on a date, er, with me?” He shoved his hands in his pocket, biting his lower lip as he watched her reaction.

“Oh,” Samsara fumbled, face turning red, _Shit_ , “Me? Hogsmeade. Uh, A date… oh! When is that again?” 

She froze, searching for some excuse as he tried to remember the date. They were near the doors to the castle. Maybe she could pull him aside and let him down easy without so many people around.

“It's in two weeks.” Oliver said, “November first.” 

“Right. The first” She came to a pause in front of the doors and she stepped to the side, playing it off like she didn’t want to stand in the way of the passageway. Maybe her friends would just go inside and leave her alone. She turned to face him and her eyes darted over his shoulder to see James and Lily snickering. Remus stood looking vaguely uncomfortable. Probably because he was so ill, poor thing. James was grinning from ear to ear. He waved a hand at her, and shouted. “Take your time, Sammy.  
We’ll be over here.” 

_Bastard,_ Samsara thought.

“Uh, Oliver?”

“Yeah.” 

He smiled at her again, albeit nervously. Samsara mentally braced herself. She wasn’t going to lead him on to think they were more than friends, but this was going to be uncomfortable. This was like ripping off a band-aid.

She waited for another group of students to pass them.

She took a deep breath, “I, uh.. I can’t. I’m sorry Ollie.” 

“Why not? ”

Her eyebrows shot up. Was he really going to make her say it? She figured it was better to be straightforward. 

“We're friends, and I... just don't, uh, want to date anyone right now.” It was a lame excuse, but it was all she could think of without lying. It was partially true. She didn’t want to date anyone if it wasn’t the stupid tall, handsome boy with the blue-green eyes that watched their exchange from only ten feet away. And sadly, that would never happen.

“Oh.” Oliver said. He nodded, and opened his mouth to speak before closing it again. He glanced over his shoulder just as James and Lily started pretending not to pay attention. “Got it. I'll see you around.”

When he walked away, Samsara’s heart dropped to her stomach. She wanted to hug Oliver and tell him she was sorry. But like her, he probably just needed time to get over it.

As soon as he passed through the doors, James was cracking up. Lily gave her boyfriend a stern look.

“That was. So. Funny. To. Watch.” James croaked.

She reluctantly turned around and greeted her friends unenthusiastically. 

"That your new boyfriend?" 

Samsara bit her lip, frowning. “Shut up James. You assume that about everyone. ” 

“You should have just gone. Now his heart’s broken. Poor bloke.” James ruffled her hair and she and Lily smacked him from either side. Samsara felt a lump in her throat. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him.

“I’m not going to lead someone on if I don’t like them, ” She snapped, “Idiot.”

She finally turned to Remus, hoping he would back her up. He was watching the exchange with a blank, vacant expression. There were dark circles under his eyes.

“Are you alright, Remus?” 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He grumbled.

Samsara was taken aback by his harsh tone.

“Oh I just… you look ill. Just wanted to check to be sure-.” 

“I’m fine, thanks.” He looked away from her, and Samsara felt she was being dismissed.

“Oh, um, okay.”

Samsara turned, leaving without another word. She ignored Lily calling out after her. Grabbing the door, she flung it open, walking swiftly to the wing of the castle where her dorm was. She gulped as she fought to hold back the hot tears pooling in the bottom of her eyes. She really hated uncomfortable exchanges. First Oliver probably hated her, and now Remus too. It was all too much. She wished things could be simple for her, like Lily and James. 

She nearly made it to her dorm when she heard her name called from up the basement stairs.

“Hey, wait up! Hufflepuff!” Samsara groaned. It was Elias Zabini. “Burton!”

She stopped, still facing her dorm, and tried to blink back her tears. She had to pull herself together. He probably had some prefect duty he wanted to dump on her. She didn’t want him to see her like this.

“I didn’t see you in Trelawney’s,” He said from behind her, chuckling. “What, are you done helping her out after yesterday? Because I was thinking- Hold on, are you alright?”

She stiffened as he placed a hand on her shoulder, turning her around to face him. She stared blankly at his chest, fighting the urge to cry.

He sighed. “No you aren’t. What’s wrong?”

She sniffled, shaking her head. “Look, whatever it is- I can’t right now.”

He opened the nearest door. He stepped in, pulling her with him into the small room. It was some kind of cleaning closet. He shut the door behind them.

“Samsara?” 

In the dark room, Samsara felt the hot tears stream down her face. 

“Lumos” Elias muttered, taking in her red, watery eyes with an unreadable expression. Suddenly and to her surprise, he pulled her into a hug. She didn’t hug him back, but she allowed herself to stand there and cry.

He let her cry for a minute, not seeming to want to say anything about it. Eventually, she managed to stop. Elias sighed, pulling a square of fabric from his robes. A handkerchief. She thanked him, dabbing at her eyes.

She held it out to him, and he held up a hand. “Keep it,” He said. “Mom sent me more of those than i’ll ever use.”

She nodded, wiping at her nose. “Okay. Sorry.”

“It happens,” He shrugged, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not really.”

“Well then,” He continued, “Do you want to tell me about what the hell happened yesterday?”

“Not really.” 

He smirked, and she offered a small smile in return. 

She sniffed one last time and squared her shoulders. “To answer your question, yes.”

He furrowed his brows, and she continued. “Yes I'm done helping out Trelawney.” She paused, hiccuping, “All the incense has started going to my head. I even imagined something strange yesterday.”

She gave him an innocent smile. She figured if she played it off, he would leave it alone. All she had to do now was change the subject.

“Nice try,” He smirked, “You’re really terrible at lying. But I heard it too… and something tells me you know precisely what she was talking about.”

“Whatever gave you that impression?” She said, impassively.

“Maybe the way you ran away after writing everything down in a hurry?” 

His eyes glinted with mischief, and Samsara noted in the light of his wand that they were not quite brown or hazel but almost amber-colored. 

Shifting, Samsara took a step back when she realized how close they had been standing.

“I’ve got to go.”

He reached for her again, his hand just brushing her shoulder. She looked back at him. “What?” She snapped. 

He exhaled, pulling his hand back. “Sorry. Just- Let me help you find it.”

“And why would I do that?” Samsara asked, raising a defiant brow. 

“Because,” He stepped closer, “I’m older, wiser, better looking. We can put our knowledge and good looks together and find it faster. Or…”

“Or what?” She rolled her eyes at his words.

“You’ll miss out when I find it before you.” He smirked. 

“Ha! Good Luck.” 

Samsara left the storage room first. 

“Wait!”

She tripped on something, fumbling to regain her ground by grabbing at the wall. She eyed the hallway, searching for what she had tripped on.

“Are you alright?” Elias asked from behind her. She glanced back at him, and he had a small amused smile. 

“I’m fine. Goodbye Zabini.”

“If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” 

“ _Goodbye_ Zabini.” Samsara called without turning back, tapping the pattern on the barrels to access her common room. The barrels shuffled in a way that felt slower than usual and she huffed with impatience. She could hear Elias laughing to himself as she stepped through.

“Git.” She mumbled to herself. Her cheeks were warm, and she put the back of her hand to them. She was blushing. 

REMUS POV.

The full moon was tonight, and I felt like shit. The day of the full moon is always the worst. My body aches all over like I have the flu. I hardly get any sleep. My senses are heightened and I usually end up getting a migraine from all the noise and smells around me. It’s overwhelming. Classes will drag on, and then just before nightfall, Poppy will escort me to the whomping willow. 

It’s the same routine I had been following since I was eleven, but today was the roughest one yet.

For one, I had to listen to Oliver chat about his plans to ask Samara out in Herbology. Sirius had just pruned his gillyweed into a decidedly phallic shape. We were all doing our best puns about the shape it resembled when he joined our table. Immediately the mood changed. James puffed out his chest, trying to intimidate the poor guy. Sirius and Peter didn’t do much to make him feel welcome at “our” table. Since they didn’t make room, he came straight to me, setting his plant next to mine. 

“Are you and Samsara… you know?” He asked me, “Together?”

At the very mention of her, I wanted to snap his neck. I had to practice mindful breathing. Anything to not shift there in the middle of class.

“No.” I answered him through gritted teeth. I couldn’t exactly lie. Not after Samsara made it clear she just wanted to be friends.

I could murder James for making me stand there when he asked her out. Relief came not a moment too soon from Samsara’s words. 

_I’m sorry. I can’t._

She didn’t want him. I felt my chest move again, and I realized I had been holding my breath.  
Maybe James and Sirius were right. I was probably being foolish for letting her slip through my fingers because of my condition. It’s not like I was any less tortured watching her interact with other guys because I wouldn’t make a move. I saw her face when I snapped at her when she asked if I was okay. I wanted to take the words back, but she was gone.

I wasn’t okay, but there wasn’t shit that she or anyone could do to stop me from transforming that night.

James had snuck me some food from the kitchens. He joined me in the shack where I chain myself up not long after me. He was unusually quiet. I asked him what was wrong and he avoided the question. He wasn’t telling me something. I was too tired to press the issue.

Nightfall came, and through a broken mirror I was reminded of what I truly am as the transformation began. I lose myself every time I transform, which makes the idea of ever getting to settle into a nice little happily ever after with anyone- a big joke. I don’t even know myself when I’m a wolf, and I don’t know why my friends stick around after seeing me like that. 

When the sunlight finally peaks through the cracks of the boarded up windows, I assess the damage. Claw marks in the walls, a new tear in the couch. Not bad. I’ve done worse. 

Sirius, James, and Peter lie next to me in their animagus forms. Slowly, they come to, shifting back into their human shapes.  
Sirius has a bruised neck. My stomach churns. I don’t deserve friends. I don’t deserve _anyone._

James is staring blankly at the ground as we walk up to the castle. He doesn’t say anything when he brings me breakfast in our room before heading to class with the others.  
I get excused the day after the full moon when it lands in the middle of the school week.  
I have a gash on my shoulder that I’ll worry about later. For now, I just want to sleep.

I wake around three and go to the hospital wing to get my injuries tended to. The corridors are empty when I walk back to the tower. James hesitates in the doorway of our dorm when he returns from class.

He sighs, looking at me with confliction written all over his face.. He is such an open book, which is one of the many reasons why I trust him. “What is it, Prongs?”

“I saw something yesterday… And I think you should know.”

He tells me how he went to get my dinner last night and he saw Samsara step out of a dodgy broom closet with Elias Zambini. 

My blood boils at the thought of them together in that closet. The guy was a Slytherin and if he was anything like his brother, a real creep. I feel a twinge of disappointment that Samsara has moved on already, but then I remember that she was never mine to begin with.

“You should just _tell_ her.” He says.

James leaves me alone with those words circling through my mind again and again as I fall asleep. Maybe it’s time I do. If even it’s just so she can tell me she’s moved on, that she doesn’t feel the same. Then I can finally know, one way or another. 

(end of Remus’ POV)

After Samsara had deliberated for a few days, she decided to trust James with the prophecy. She plopped down next to him and Lily at the Gryffindor table. 

“James Potter, I need to talk to you.” She smiled at him. He didn't return it.

“Lily already asked me,” James narrowed his eyes at her. “And no. You can’t use it.”

“But I-”

He gave her an indifferent look, shrugging. “I need it for something. Sorry.” 

She searched his face. He was hiding something. She had only seen this look in his eyes once before when he and Sirius had been in a fight back in third year. Was he… angry with her? “Fine.”

She stood from the table without acknowledging the others. She didn’t know what James’ problem was, but she could handle the prophecy all on her own.


	17. Palm Readings and Drunken Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to leave this here: 
> 
> https://youtu.be/11_Q-rYXzLc

In the last week of October, Trelawney had begun a series of lectures about palm reading. Though Samsara didn’t want to take an O.W.L in the subject, she still needed to pass the class. She had run herself down, ending every patrol night with research into the castle’s construction. So far, she had only found entry to one tunnel, and it had been a huge waste of time.

To begin with, every time she lingered near the statue, Elias Zabini would suddenly appear and make his way over to her. He would chat with her, pretending to critique the statue artistically. 

When she gave him an annoyed look he would say “What? That’s why we’re staring at this, right?”

His stupid smirk irritated her to no end. At first it was funny, but after four times of him thwarting her plans, whenever she saw him she would simply walk away. In Divination, however, there was no avoiding him.

In class they were tasked with reading each other’s palms. Elias had been tracing his finger over the lines of her hand for more than a minute. She huffed in annoyance.

“Interesting,” He said, biting his lower lip. “Looks like you will find yourself in need of the help of a dashing young gentlemen. To find… what’s that? Some kind of weird prophecy from our kook of a professor?” He grinned.

She yanked her hand away. “Not funny. We have to write a report on our readings, you know.”

He chuckled, taking her hand again. He opened his palm reading guide and looked back and forth for a few minutes. “You have a curved and steady heart line, indicating-” He glanced at the guide. “A generous, sensual, and loving nature. Sensual, huh?” He winked at her. 

She rolled her eyes. “Just finish already.”

“A lack of patience, perhaps?” He said, smirking. He looked down at her palm. “Hmm. Your fate line ends on the head line, which points to errors in your judgement.”

She frowned. That didn’t sound good. 

“Your life line splits into two… leading a double life, are you?” 

She only half listened as he described her double life line.

“And finally, your palm is long with shorter fingers, indicating the element of Fire.” He smirked. “Are you a fire sign?”

“Seriously?” 

“What?” He shrugged, “It’s on the worksheet.”

“Yeah, I’m a Leo.” She raised an eyebrow at him, daring to make some lame line about it. He didn’t disappoint.

“And I’m an Aries.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “That means we’re compatible, you know.”

She rolled her eyes at him, laughing. “You’re an idiot.”

He only smiled in return. He didn’t say much for the rest of class, only commenting on her left palm, and noting her snake ring. 

“Have a thing for snakes, hmm?” He laughed heartily when he saw it. 

She ignored him and focused on her paper. It was unsettling sometimes for her, seeing this side of him. He wasn’t anything like his brother, or even his friends. She couldn’t help but wonder what side of him was his true character. There was Elias Zabini in public who was cold and aloof, and Elias Zabini when no one was around to judge his pureblood etiquette. This side of him was funny and compassionate. 

Something still didn’t sit right with her. She was considering giving in and asking for his help, but after three weeks of looking at that one-eyed witch statue, she finally got a breakthrough.

After catching some fourth-years exiting the one-eyed witch statue, she assured them she wouldn’t take away house points if they gave her the password. And they did. That night, after an hour’s walk on foot, she found herself approaching a door. It opened to a storage cellar in Honeydukes. 

The passage was a dead end for her research. She crossed it off in her notes in annoyance as she tried to make her way quickly back. She was missing out on quality sleeping hours.

She considered taking another approach. Another way of searching would be from the fountains themselves, rather than the tunnels. She could only think of two large fountains. One in Hogwarts, and another in Hogsmeade. She walked the entire exterior of the castle, looking for more. She planned to go to Hogsmeade the next weekend to search there, too. 

She was still missing a clue. 

“‘Four legs,  
seers of stars,  
One the youngest,  
Humanity marred,”

From her studies of Divination and Astronomy, she knew that the only creatures that read the stars and had four legs were centaurs. There were centaurs in the forbidden forest, but she was scared to enter alone. She had hoped James would have said yes, but he became cold and distant. Lately when she spoke to him, he only gave her one word answers. 

Lily didn’t seem to know what was up with him either.  
Samsara started skipping nights with the Gryffindors in the Room of Requirement in order to continue her search.

That night, she walked as quietly as possible up to the second floor girl’s bathroom. It was out of service, and no lamps lit the rundown room. Moaning Myrtle seemed to have vacated the room. She lit the room with a nonverbal “Lumos.”

Pulling out the map, she flicked her wand until it showed the bathroom. The opening seemed to be somewhere in the large, circular row of sinks. She walked around it, looking for anything out of the ordinary.

“Funny… the door should be right here.” She jumped as her hand itched. The silver snake ring writhed along her index finger. Goosebumps ran up her neck, as she felt the presence of something dark and dangerous.

She ran from the bathroom, deciding to look for another passageway- anywhere but back there. She was almost back down the stairs when she nearly crashed right into the Headmaster. She stopped herself and her shoes squeaked against the floor.

“Everything alright, Miss Burton?” He asked her softly.

 _Not really,_ she thought, _This has all become too much for me to handle alone, and my friends are all acting weird._ She was panicked, but she tried to maintain a relaxed stance.  
It struck her odd that Dumbledore never seemed unsettled or upset. He was always calm.

“Um, yes, Headmaster.” Samsara gulped. 

“Good. Best be off to bed soon,” He said with a small smile as he walked past her up the stairs.

She exhaled, nodding to his back as he walked away. Then she walked the rest of the way to bed. When she finally fell asleep she dreamed of her snake ring. It expanded, growing bigger and bigger, until it was a massive snake that wrapped around her neck, choking her. In her dream she was gasping for air. She woke in a cold sweat to the dark moonlight of her dorm.  
It was still in the early hours of the morning. She touched her throat tenderly. She was okay, but not she didn’t want to fall back asleep, in case she dreamed of something terrible again. 

Under the moonlight, she shrugged on a sweater and some slippers. She tiptoed through the common room, careful not to wake any students that might have fallen asleep there.

She peeked her head into the corridor to see if anyone was around before tiptoeing to the still life painting in front of the kitchens. She tickled the pear, and entered. The large room was mostly empty, except for the silhouette of a tall boy with sandy brown hair.

“Remus?” She whispered. She wasn’t quite sure if her eyes were merely adjusting to the bright light of the fireplace. The boy was wearing a familiar maroon sweater. It was definitely him.

He didn’t answer. She approached the table, to find him staring blankly at a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

“Remus?” No response. She waved a hand in front of his face. Finally, he blinked.

He rubbed one of his eyes, before finally looking her in the eyes. “Oh. Er... Hey Sammy.” 

She smiled at the nickname. Then she cursed herself for the way her heart swelled as he smiled back.

She took a seat across from him. “Can’t sleep?” 

He shook his head. “Nightmares.” What he didn’t say was that they were often the same dreams over and over. Ones where he hurt her, where he lost control and attacked her.

She nodded, “Me too.” 

He was silent again, but he slid her the plate of cookies. She took one, thinking back to how many times they had shared some form of chocolate with each other. She laughed to herself.

“What is it?” He asked, watching her.

She chuckled, “It’s just. Have you ever thought about how much chocolate we have consumed together? Maybe we should cut back. My pants are getting tight.” She laughed openly as she bit into a second cookie.

He laughed, shaking his head. “I can honestly say I never considered it. Besides, I like chocolate. I wouldn’t give it up even if I was allergic.”

Samsara snorted. “What, even if you were, like, deathly allergic?”

“Nope.” Remus shrugged, smiling that lopsided smile that made Samsara’s stomach erupt in butterflies. They reached for a cookie at the same time, fingers brushing for just a moment until both pulled back.

“Er, sorry-”

“You can have it-”

“No, you have it.” They said in unison. 

“No, You.”

They erupted into laughter again and Samsara clutched her stomach. She was laughing so much she felt the muscles in her abdomen get sore.

“Merlin, why are we so awkward?” She said, sighing as she took a sip from his glass of milk. She didn’t want to bother Tipsy or any of the other elves at this hour.

Remus followed her movement with his eyes as she reached for his glass and took a long sip from it.

“Oh sorry! I didn’t even ask if it was alright.” She wiped the corner of her mouth, suddenly feeling shy.

Remus shrugged, “I don’t mind.”

“Okay.”

They were silent a minute.

“Can I get something off my chest?” Remus asked

Samsara nodded, heartbeat quickening as she waited for him to speak.

He took a moment. “The other day, I didn’t mean to act like such a tosser. I’m sorry I was rude to you. I like you Samsara.” 

“I like you too, Remus.” She was confused. Was he still trying to friendzone her after making it abundantly clear at least three times now?

He winced, shaking his head. “No I mean-”

“What are _you lot_ doing up so early?” Sirius interrupted, grinning like a fool. He plopped himself next to Samsara. She hadn’t even heard him enter.

“Snogging?” He wiggled his eyebrows at them.

Samsara rolled her eyes at him. Remus stared down at the table, grinding his jaw. Samsara wondered if he and Sirius had gotten into an argument or something. 

“Ooh. Chocolate chip cookies! Nice one, Remus.” Sirius grabbed one and shoved it into his mouth. Samsara looked at Remus with an eye roll, and the corners of his mouth lifted microscopically. 

Sirius kept stuffing his face. Samsara scrunched her nose at the boy. 

“Are you going to come up for air any time soon?” She asked him. 

Sirius only grinned, stuffing two more cookies in his mouth, which he didn’t close as he continued to chew.

“Ugh. I’m going back to bed.” Samsara looked to Remus, “See you, Remus.”

As she left, she heard Sirius groan as if someone had hit him. “Ow! WHAT?!” 

She smiled to herself as she got back into bed just as the sun came up. Maybe things would be alright between all of her friends again, if only James would stop acting like a prick. He still was acting weird around her. If he was mad about something she did, he was the one who needed to speak up. She wasn’t a Legilimens.

Halloween fell on a Friday, and Samsara joined Lily and the Gryffindors in an after-hours party in the room of requirement. Lily went as a Fox and Samsara merely threw on little devil horns. It wasn’t like they had many options. The ears they wore came from a magical set of poppers from the feast. Stuffed from the feast, she plopped herself on one of the chairs, watching James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter play air guitar to a rock song on the radio. They had traded ears with others at their table so they were all cats. 

James and Sirius had rigged the wireless to play muggle radio stations. Their best air-guitar performance came in the form of an extra long song on Radio One from a muggle band called Queen. Though they didn’t know the words, they still danced and jumped around to the music. It was an odd song with parts that sounded like an opera, but their performance and the song itself had Samsara grinning. She had missed her friends, having been so busy with her search, she only had seen them in class for almost a month. Except for Lily, of course, who she talked to daily.

At the end of the song, Remus crashed on the couch next to her. He reached to grab the bottle of giggle water from the table and took a long swig.

Samsara watched with raised eyebrows as he took a long chug from the bottle. He stopped, noticing her stare and offered her the bottle. She raised her cup to show she already had some.

“Suit yerself. More fer me, innit.” He shrugged, taking another long swig. He burst into a hiccup of laughter, the drink finally catching up with him.

Samsara snorted. His Northern English accent was thicker the more he drank. It had the tiniest Scottish lilt. It was adorable. 

“What?” His lips stretched into a lazy smile.

She took a sip of her own cup, shrugging. “Nothing.”

James and Sirius began shouting along to another song. Samsara watched them in amusement. The whole gang was pretty plastered. 

“I have an idea!” Alice said, feet stumbling.

The whole gang groaned. Frank waved his hand “Shhhush. Alice is speaking.”

“Truth Or Dare!” Alice cried. “Let’s gooo!”

James chugged the rest of his cup, slamming it down on the table. “I’m in. Dare me.”

Samsara felt an arm slip behind her on the couch, and she turned slightly to see Remus lean in closer to her. Her heart hammered as his warm breath tickled her ear. “Go on, love. Dare him.”

Love? Her cheeks warmed. Damn him and his sexy accent and damn the English for using that term so loosely. She really didn’t need to sit and fantasize over him, and yet...

She cleared her throat. “Okay, James. I’ll dare you.”

He held up both arms, welcoming whatever she would say next. Lily stood beside him, shaking her head furiously. Samsara ignored her friend, smirking at the cocky idiot. 

“I dare you to run to the Quidditch Pitch and back. Naked.”

“Naked?” Lily cried, “He’ll catch his death out there.”

“Fine.” Samsara amended, “In your boxers.”

“That all you got?” James raised an eyebrow, “Alright.” 

Lily put her hands over her face, groaning. “Samsara, whyyyy!”

To have the entire group try to sneak down to the main hall seemed like a good idea in theory, but several of their party had difficulty keeping quiet. Namely: James and Sirius.  
At some point, they lost Frank and Alice, but they kept on until they reached the doors of the main entrance. They were in luck, the doors hadn’t been locked yet.

The group shivered in the cold as James stripped down to his boxers. Sirius wolf-whistled him, and the rest tried to keep their laughter down, their breath creating small clouds in the night time air. James took off in a sprint until he disappeared down the field. He was gone for several minutes before he shot back up the hill on his broomstick, panting. 

“Filch. Run!” He yelled as he landed on the steps.

Barely being able to comprehend why he was on his broom, they all ran for the door. They fumbled over the steps of the castle, tripping over one another as they ran the entire way back up to the fourth floor. Finally back in the Room of Requirement, they collapsed, laughing. 

“Shit!” James whined, rubbing his arms by the fire, “I left my clothes.”

Samsara, Alice, and Marlene were crying with laughter. Sirius volunteered to go back for him under the invisibility cloak.

“Alright Samsara, How’d I Do.” James said, as he shivered in his underwear. 

Samsara gave him a thumbs up.

“He could have gotten hurt! Or expelled!” Lily cried. James grinned as Lily wrapped her arms around him, kissing his cheek.

“Anyone think they can do better?” James challenged..

Samsara shrugged, as Alice and Frank returned with Sirius. Marlene trailed behind not long after.

“So who’s next?” Marlene asked. 

James smirked. “Sammy. truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Lame” James shook his head. He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “I know!” 

Samsara braced herself.

“Oliver asked you out to the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow and you told him you didn’t want to date anyone. Is that true? And explain yourself.” He crossed his arms and gave her a fierce, unfriendly stare.

Samsara gulped. “Well..”

James raised an eyebrow. “Go on… Let’s hear what you have to say.”

She glanced briefly at Remus before looking back to James. She took a breath to calm her nerves. “No it wasn’t true. I just like someone else.”

“Who then?” James asked, scowling. 

Samsara glared at him. “I only have to answer one question. Your turn’s over, Potter.”

“Why,” He shrugged, with a menacing smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, “are you scared?”

Something snapped inside her. Samsara was getting angry. James could really go too far sometimes. She glanced around the room. Alice and Marlene munched on the snacks like they were watching a drama at the cinema. No one was coming to her defense.

“It’s none of your business.”

“Oh, so we’re keeping secrets now? I thought friends were honest with each other.”

“James!” Lily gasped.

“And I thought friends communicated when they were angry instead of acting like jerks. But it looks like that’s not true either.” Samsara snapped, “Let’s move on, shall we?”

Satisfied that she got the last word, she picked the next person. “Alice, your turn.”

“Hang on,” James said, stepping towards Samsara. “You already took your turn choosing who goes. Someone else go.”

Sirius shrugged. “I’ll go.” He frowned at the two of them in a heated standoff in the center of the room. He walked over and physically stepped between them. 

“Samsara, truth or dare.” Sirius said, smirking.

“Hang on!” Samsara cried in protest.

“Oh wait, you already used truth,” Sirius continued, “so I dare you to tell us who you like.” He and James high-fived each other.

Samsara felt a lump in her throat. She stared at her feet. They were ganging up on her and she didn’t understand why. She tried to think of a sassy comeback, but she was coming up short.

An arm wrapped itself around her waist, and her skin burned at the contact. Remus was standing next to her, leaning quite a bit of his body weight into her. She stumbled under the weight of the tall boy.

“Piss off,” He slurred over Sirius’s shoulder to James, “Leave her alone.” 

Sirius grinned. “Moony, you alright there?”

“ ‘M just peachy,” He declared, “So why don’t ye pick on someone yer own size? Hmm?” 

Remus lunged forward, and put his fists up. The girls gasped. He swung dramatically, intentionally missing Sirius as the boys burst into drunken laughter. 

“Fight me!” He roared, and Sirius tackled him to the floor. They pretended to fight like they were professional wrestlers, laughing the whole time. Remus tripped James as he tried to run away. Sirius conceded and ran to hide behind Marlene.

On the ground, Remus burst into laughter again. Samsara let a small smile crack as he grinned his lopsided smile at her. She offered him her hand help to stand up again. He didn’t let go of her hand, even after he regained his balance. 

Samsara winced, unsure what to do. He was only holding her hand because he was drunk.

“Come on, just pick another dare, Siri.” Marlene said, looking up at him with a sly smile.

Samsara snorted at the nickname. 

“Something funny, Sammy?” Sirius asked defensively.

“Not at all.”

“Good.” He shrugged, taking a swig of his drink. “Then I dare you to kiss Remus.”

Remus looked at her then, and she felt his eyes sweep down her. He put his free hand on her hip and turned her to close the distance.

She held a hand up. “Hang on. Actually I’ve already gone once. So it can’t be my turn. Or isn’t that the rule, _Potter?”_

Remus faltered, frowning.

James grimaced, and Samsara gave him a victorious smirk. She knew she was right.

“ _Fine._ No kiss for Moony.” James sighed dramatically.

Remus shrugged, throwing both his hands up dramatically as he went to take a seat on the couch, leaving her standing alone. He was still laughing quietly to himself.

She ignored the booing from her friends. It wasn’t as if she could have ignored how drunk he was and kissed him. No. He might have regretted it later. Now she was regretting not losing herself in the moment. It wouldn’t have been right. She just.. couldn’t.


	18. The Record Store & The Centaur

Samsara tossed and turned all night. The next morning, she skipped breakfast and dressed to go outside. Samsara pulled on a pair of faded jeans and her Dad’s old brown sweater. It was way too big on her, but she didn’t care. She wrapped her striped house scarf around her, and slipped on some mittens and her coat. She tiptoed out of her dorm before her roommates woke.

Taking the map in hand, she used the one-eyed witch passage to head to Hogsmeade early before the crowds. The streets were mostly empty, and she wandered some of the houses, taking in a small park and a smaller cemetery. Despite how tiny the village was, Samsara had always been enamored with the lovely rows of cottages and their gardens. She could see herself living there someday.

She wrote down her observations, noting every fountain. There was one in the center of the town, and another small one on the side of Tomes and Scrolls. She had gone through the residential area and more than half the shops by lunchtime. By then, her stomach was growling so she decided to take a break and order something to eat at The Three Broomsticks.

She settled into a corner table, and sketched the fountains she had found. The one behind Tomes and Scrolls had an odd triangular symbol, one that resembled a compass. All she needed to verify was the path behind Dervish and Bangs, and around the area of the WWN tower. The major radio station had its headquarters there in Hogsmeade.

She bit the end of her sugar quill absentmindedly until the scrape of a chair made her look up. 

“Samsara.” He nodded to her.

“James?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

She glanced around. He was never alone. But this time, he was.

“You’re hiding something, Burton, what is it?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Where’s the lad? Hmm?” He looked around.

“What’s your problem?” She said, slamming her notebook shut. “I don’t have some secret boyfriend, you idiot. I’m here alone.”

He grunted as he took a seat opposite. He sighed, running a hand through his unruly hair.  
“What are you doing, then?” He said, softer.

“It’s a secret.” Samsara said, raising a brow. 

“Come on, Sammy. I thought we were close.” His lips stretched into a boyish grin.

“Hmm. Suddenly we’re on a first name basis again?” She mused as her food arrived.

He shrugged. He wasn’t much of a person who apologized. Neither was she. She decided to put it behind them and be the bigger person.

“Look, James. I need your help with something. I know you’re busy but-”

“Shouldn’t you ask your new boyfriend?” 

“Again with this?” She said through gritted teeth. He was really testing her ability to be the bigger person. “What in Merlin’s name are you talking about?”

“I saw you and Zabini.” 

She frowned, shrugging, “So? We have Divination together.”

“Divination, huh? Then why were you two together?” He spat. “I saw you guys. Coming from the broom closet.”

“What broom-” Was he talking about the large storage room on the kitchens level? She snorted. “Oh get over yourself Potter. That room’s as big as one of the greenhouses, for Merlin’s sake!”

She laughed, taking a bite of her sandwich.

“It’s not funny you know. “ He said, crossing his arms. “You might hurt someone’s feelings.”

“So you just assume we were doing… things.” She snorted again, ignoring him,“You’re something else, Potter.”

“But you still don’t deny it.” He said pointedly, “Are you telling me you weren’t?” 

“Is it any of your business?” 

The door opened, and bells chimed. It was Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Remus ran a hand through his hair as their eyes met from across the room. She turned back to James, who was looking down at her closed notebook. She snatched it in her hands before he could get any ideas.

“Hate to tell you this, but you’re wrong Potter.” She shrugged. “How many times have I told you not to assume things? And he’s really not that bad, you know. At least, not any worse than you.”

Sirius opened his mouth to speak as she stood, collecting her things and her half eaten sandwich. She tossed a few big coins on the table to cover her food and a tip. 

“If you decide to stop being a git, let me know.” She said to James as she passed behind his chair.

She nodded at the others before leaving. Whenever James got like this, it really had her boiling with anger. It was best to walk away before she exploded. She rubbed her arms in the chilly air outside.

“Forgetting something?” 

She turned to face Remus. He held out her coat. She looked at her hands, full of her things and her half eaten sandwich. She sighed, dropping her bag to the cobblestone and shoving the sandwich into her mouth, despite Remus’s outstretched hand. She took her jacket gratefully and slung it on in record time. She zipped it all the way up and took her mittens out of the pocket. 

“Thanks, Remus. You’re a life saver.”

He shrugged. “And you’re always making dramatic exits.” 

She snorted. “I guess that’s true… Thanks, though. I mean it” 

He looked her up and down and she cursed the butterflies that fluttered inside her stomach. “You weren’t at breakfast.”

“Yeah I know.” She looked at the shops in the distance, “I had to do something.”

“Is that why you were asking James for help?”

“Yeah, it is.” She said, looking him in the eyes. His hair was getting longer. She fought the impulse to push it out of his forehead. She forced her gaze to her feet. “But he won’t help me. He’s pissed at me for something.”

He looked at her funnily. “Pissed?”

“Sorry. Right. I mean, you know, _angry_. Pissed _off._ ” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway…”

“So why don’t you ask me?”

She looked up at him again. “You want to help me?”

“If it means you’ll stop running out on me.” 

She smacked his arm. “I don’t!”

“Yes, you do.” He countered, “Ow! Good Lord, Burton! Do you hit everyone who tries to help you?”

She sighed heavily. This probably wouldn’t end well for her and the butterflies in her stomach. “It’s a secret. So you can’t tell anyone, Okay?”

“Okay.” He nodded, “What is it?”

She held up a finger to her lips, scanning the street for signs of any eavesdroppers. “Not here. Come with me.”

He followed her as she walked to Dervish and Banges, the music shop. She looked around, trying to see if Zabini was lurking somewhere, or the other marauders. No one familiar was in sight. 

They stopped in front of the storefront, and she checked over her shoulder before nodding her head to the door. He went to open the door when she held up a hand, looking over her shoulder to scan the street again. 

“Okay go!” She squeaked. He walked slower on purpose as she held the door open. “Hurry, Remus.” 

He smirked as she shoved him inside. “I feel like double-oh-seven.” He held up his thumb and index finger in the shape of a gun, ducking playfully behind a large brass instrument.  
Samsara giggled as he pretended to sneak around it slowly, holding his finger-gun up. He stepped on a cord and knocked over a box from a stack of guitar strings.

The shop was mostly empty, save for a short man behind the counter who frowned at them over his tiny rectangular glasses. 

“Sorry,” Remus called to the man as he stood up straight again. He grinned at Samsara who was trying not to laugh.

“Come, follow me.” she whispered.

They stood in the back of the shop with its large collection of records.

There was a small curtained area for privacy, for listening to records with a machine and headphones. It was all very similar to the muggle technology, but instead of electricity, it was powered by magic. 

She looked over her shoulder again before tugging him into one of the cubicles and casting a sound blocking charm around them. 

Remus raised his eyebrows. “Is that really necessary?” The tips of his ears reddened.

She looked up at him, they were huddled close over the record player. “Yes. I haven’t told anyone but Lily, and well, one other person kinda knows-”

She stopped abruptly as he placed a finger on her lips.

“Don’t tell me.” He stood, scanning the wall full of records. “You’re planning something for Padfoot’s birthday.”

“Uh, no.” She shook her head. “But now that you mentioned it, don’t let me leave here without picking out something for him.”

His birthday was only days away and she had almost forgotten. She and Sirius were half a year older than the rest of the group. She had turned sixteen over the summer, and he would turn sixteen on Monday the 3rd. It was too late to place an order by catalog, but he loved records-especially muggle ones. It was another way of rebelling against his controlling, horrible family. 

A silence fell between them, and they stood there for a bit, shoulders touching as they sifted through a stack of records.

“So what do you need me for?” His low voice echoed in the small cubicle, the low timber of it giving her goosebumps. 

“Okay so remember back in first year? The whole, um, founder’s tale thing? Well, I have to return the objects they gave me on the Millenium anniversary. Wait, let me back up a bit.” She waited for him to nod before she continued, “ I finally have the prophecy.”

“Since when?” He said, turning to face her. 

She winced, “A month ago, almost?”

“Why are you only telling me now?” He frowned.

“It’s… Things have been complicated.” Samsara sighed, “But I need help. I was only going to tell Lily and James. See… I need to find a passage to a fountain.”

She explained the riddles and the prophecy as she had interpreted them, showing him the sketches of the fountains she had discovered so far. 

“But there’s a missing piece,” She continued, “I need to find the centaurs. In the Forbidden Forest.”

She looked up at him again, and he looked thoughtful. He opened and closed his mouth several times before speaking. “You shouldn’t wander in there alone, Samsara.” 

She rolled her eyes, “Exactly. That’s why I need someone to come with me. And besides, It’s getting boring exploring the tunnels alone.”

“You found the tunnels?” He raised his eyebrows, considering the implications of her admission. What she didn’t know is that he used one of the longer passageways on full moons. 

“Well, just one.” She bit her lip, “But i’m not finished looking! There have to be more. So what do you say?”

His eyes searched hers. He was silent. 

“I’ll even buy you chocolate from Honeydukes. Come on, Remus.” She smiled up at him, “Please?”

He shook his head, and she was worried he would say no. “Who else knows?” he asked.

“Lily knows everything. The other person, well… they only know about the prophecy part. Do you know Elias Zabini?” She said, averting her eyes. “ He’s not that bad, actually. I guess we could tell him too. I mean if you think we-”

“No.” He growled, “I’ll help you.”

“Okay good.” She beamed, ignoring the way Remus had been so tense only a moment before, “Are you free Monday night?”

He nodded. 

“Great. It’s a date.” She laughed uncomfortably when she heard herself speak. Why was she always an idiot around him? _Why?_ “I mean, you know. A buddy date. A friend hangout. A pal plan.”

“A pal plan?” He smirked

“Oh shut up. Now help me pick a record for Sirius.” She paused at an album in the stack. “Ooh I know!”

“He already has The White Album, Samsara.” Remus rolled his eyes, flipping through his own stack. “It came out ages ago.”

She gave him a sheepish smile. “Sorry. It’s just-”

“Your favorite? Yeah, I know.” He gave her a small smile. He shook his head to push his hair out of his face.

Her heart skipped a beat.

“Right.” He had no idea what he did to her poor heart.

He sighed, grinning. “Go on, play us a song. I know you want to. It _is_ a great record.”

She took the Beatles album and placed it on the record player. They each took a side of the headphones, twisting the ear cups so they could listen on either side. She grinned, placing the needle in the spot she had a thousand times before.

It was one of the shortest tracks, but it was her favorite.

_Who knows how long I've loved you  
You know I love you still  
Will I wait a lonely lifetime  
If you want me to, I will_

_For if I ever saw you  
I didn't catch your name  
But it never really mattered  
I will always feel the same_

_Love you forever and forever  
Love you with all my heart  
Love you whenever we're together  
Love you when we're apart_

_And when at last I find you  
Your song will fill the air  
Sing it loud so I can hear you  
Make it easy to be near you  
For the things you do endear you to me  
You know I will  
I will_

She smiled to herself as the song ended. “It’s my favorite.”  
He looked down at her again with his crooked smile. “I know. You only wrote me a whole essay talking about it.”  
Her cheeks warmed. Had her letter been _that_ long? “Did not!”  
He only laughed, shaking his head as he looked for something else to play.

After chatting up the shopkeeper, they were able to score a copy of the record they had heard the night before. It was called Bohemian Rhapsody. Apparently, it had been a big hit because Ed, the shopkeeper knew exactly what she was describing. 

It was just one song on the record, not an entire album, but she was sure Sirius would love it. Ed, the store clerk, told them that the singer was actually a wizard and was part siren- which made Samsara laugh. Ed was not at all as stuffy as she previously thought. In fact, he was actually a shameless gossip.

After they left Dervish and Banges, she and Remus went to Honeydukes. She got Sirius some of his favorite sour sugar quills to go with the record. She also grabbed a bar of Remus’s favorite chocolate. When she got to the register, however, he insisted on paying. 

After walking up to the trail behind the shop and finding it fountain-less, they walked to the Wireless network building. They took a lap around the building, and even inside the lobby. There weren’t any fountains.

“Well,” She sighed.”I guess that I’ve found all the fountains in Hogsmeade.”

“Er, yeah.” Remus rubbed the back of his neck, “Guess so.”

On Sunday, Samsara kept to herself in her dorm room, catching up on her coursework. Then, it was Monday and she found herself going mindlessly through her routine until DADA. 

Remus joined her at their usual table. Samsara thought she might have been imagining things, but he smelled extra good. Even better than usual.

She sniffed the air. “Are you wearing cologne?”

“Er,” He cleared his throat. “Yeah.”

“Wow. It smells really good.” She scooted her chair closer and leaned in to take another whiff. It was a spicy, musky scent that perfectly complimented his usual smell of wool and the log fire in his common room. The smell that always lingered on his uniform sweater, no matter how many times it was washed. Not to say that she smelled him like some kind of creep would. 

However, she realized that was exactly how she was smelling him, right then. She leaned back from his collar, cheeks reddening. “Sorry, didn’t mean to get in your personal space.”

He chuckled. “S’Alright Sammy.”

She bit her lip, leaning back into her chair. Just as her thoughts cleared and she remembered to scoot her chair back, his hand gripped the back of her chair. 

“Hang on,” His voice was low, “Since we’re working on a secret mission, or _pal plan,_ as you like to call it- Mind telling me where to meet you tonight?”

“We’ll go to the fourth floor.” She glanced around, “In, you know where.”

“Alright.” He said. 

The professor began his lecture, and Remus didn’t remove his hand from her chair. She felt eyes boring into her from behind as she sat unusually close to Remus, with his arm firmly around the top of her chair. Lily and James sat behind them, and she knew Lily would be asking her about it after class.

Ever so often, a breeze wafted through the open window and carried his scent to her nose. He smelled better than fresh baked brownies, and she wished she could nuzzle her face into his sweater. Halfway through the lecture, he stretched his legs, and pressed his knee to hers. The small touch shouldn’t have affected her as much as it did, but suddenly the air felt thick.

When they were excused for practicing their defensive maneuvers, he pulled her by the hand to a corner of the room. 

“So should I bring anything to our meeting?” He asked into her ear as he helped her get into the proper attack stance.

Her mind short-circuited and her breath caught in her throat as he guided her by the waist to the right standing position. “There.” He said in his low voice.

“Uhhh.” Samsara was at a loss for words. He was making it really hard for her to think of him as a buddy.

“A knut for your thoughts?” He teased her. 

“Uh, right!” Um, I figured we could go to the kitchens after.” She looked up at him. “Or not.”

“Sure,” He grinned, “But I meant for _during_ our, uh, ‘pal plan’... the mission.”

“Right.” She said, searching for a coherent thought. He stared at her expectantly, “No! Sorry. You, uh, just bring yourself. Unless…”

Well, it was far from coherent, but it was at least words coming out of her mouth.

“Unless what?” He watched her with a hint of amusement

“Can you get James’...” She leaned closer, “Um, invisibility cloak.” she whispered

“Did someone say my name?” 

Samsara jumped as James and Lily took their place to the side of where she and Remus stood.

“Yeah, actually.” Remus said, “I need your, er…”

James quirked a brow. An arrogant smirk played upon his lips. Remus sighed.

“I need your glorious… “ He exhaled heavily. “frickle frackle.”

James gasped. “I’m a taken man!”

Lily and Samsara exchanged a look. 

“Let me guess,” Samsara said, “lost a bet?”

Remus grinned, “Yeah, something like that.”

James said they could use it, on the condition that James and Lily were let in on the plan, ‘For supervision purposes. And you have my Moony back in bed by 10pm, you hear?’ 

Samsara had an annoyed stare off with James before allowing it. They agreed to all meet at 7. 

When Remus and Samsara walked through the doors, Samsara wished she could just turn around and leave. 

Lily and James were on the couch, snogging. Samsara’s cheeks turned bright red as she pulled on Remus’s sleeve. “Let’s just go.” she tried to whisper.

Remus walked into the room instead, and picked up a book. Samsara followed him with partially shielded eyes. 

“Ahem,” He said. Nothing. He dropped the book with a loud thud.

Lily pushed James away, flushing furiously. “Sorry!” She ran a hand through her hair.

James shrugged, grinning. “I’m not.”

Samsara scrunched her nose at him. Samsara could see the hickies on his neck from across the room. 

Avoiding the gaze of anyone in particular, Samsara explained everything again to James and Lily. She noted that she had already found all of the fountains and one passage, but she needed to find a centaur. 

James shifted uncomfortably. “Are you sure that’s what it means?’

“Wait! I have an idea.” Lily clapped excitedly, “Remember the painting we found while patrolling near Dumbledore’s office. Remus?”

He ran a thumb over his chin as he tried to remember. “The one of the little girl?” 

Lily shook her head. “No, across from that.”

He stood abruptly, “That’s right!”

James and Samsara looked to each other in confusion.

“There's a painting of centaurs in that hallway,” Lily explained.

“Ohhh.” They said simultaneously

“Jinx.” They said again in unison.

James kicked her leg, and she threw her quill at him. “Hey!”

“Cut it out you two,” Lily said sternly, “That’s enough.”

“Sorry Lily.” They said together. James smiled at Samsara. 

“Well there’s only one problem.” Lily continued “We can’t all fit in the cloak anymore. I think Samsara and I should go”

“But Lilypad-”

“James Fleamont Potter, how many times have I asked you not to call me that!”

They began bickering, and Samsara sighed, sinking back into the couch.

“I think I liked them better snogging.” Remus grumbled, leaning back with her. She couldn’t reply with the way their legs were touching again. 

“Lily, James, please.” Remus sighed, “Let’s focus, shall we?”

Samsara loved how even though Remus was usually the quietest marauder, he could easily take on the authoritative role when James was acting childish-and they all listened to him.

“Lily and Samsara can go check out the portrait, and we’ll wait here.” He said firmly, and James nodded.

In the hallway, the girls were huddled closely under the cloak. 

“Ugh, “ Lily whispered, “It smells like a sweaty teenage boy.”

Samsara snorted. “You would know, wouldn’t you.”

Lily huffed, pushing Samsara forward. She laughed as she stumbled.

They climbed several flights of stairs as quietly as they could. On the seventh floor was a small hallway with a large statue at the end. They found the painting of the centaurs easily, and peaked their heads out from the cloak.

“Um, excuse me,” Samsara whispered. “Mr Centaur, sir.”

The centaur glanced up from his novel. He sighed, looking down once more. 

“You’re wanting to know the future, hmm?”

“Um, Actually… we already do?” Samsara squeaked.

“Let me see it then.” He still didn’t look up from his book. “Your prophecy.”

Samsara scrambled, searching her pockets for the written prophecy. She held it to the painting. His eyes scanned the lines. He sighed. 

“It has already been a thousand years?” He sighed. “Hmmm.”

He stepped closer to scrutinize the girls. He lingered, looking upon Lily. “You must be the chosen one. Your fate seems very... decided.”

Lily frowned, and Samsara stepped forward. “Actually, sir, I.. am.”

“Hmm.” He said, looking her over, “Very well.”

“Er, sir?” Lily probed

He sighed, closing his book finally. “You need to know more? Hmm?”

“Just, er, how we can find the centaurs in the, er, forbidden forest.” She blushed as his gaze swept over her.

“At the next meteor shower, seek them at the peak of the forest. Offer a gift, and they may take you to their camp. ”

Samsara nodded, waiting for him to continue.

“That’s all.” He dismissed them, and walked away, deeper into the painting.

“Meteor shower, peak, gift. Got it! Lily scribbled it on the back of the paper. They threw the cloak on and reported back to the room of Requirement.

They were nearly out of breath when they finished explaining to the boys.

“Next meteor shower is in January.” James said, shaking his head. “That would only give us a matter of days before the Millenium Ball- which is supposed to be on the anniversary, right?”

“It’s an estimated date, but yes. The full moon of that month.” Lily agreed. 

James and Remus shared a look.

Samsara sighed. “I guess all we can do is try to access every hidden passageway that we can, and hope one takes us to a fountain.”

James grinned. “I’ll do my best.”

“And this will stay between us.” Samsara said, “Agreed?”

They all nodded. James cringed. “Fine.”

“Although, I have been considering one more person…” Samsara said.

James shook his head. “That’s a double standard.”

“It’s my quest.” She rolled her eyes at him.

He stuck his tongue at her and she stuck hers out at him.

Lily physically pushed them apart. “Enough, children.”

Things were almost back to normal. Almost.


	19. A Bath & A Delivery

During that first week of November, Slughorn kept droning on and on about the importance of using the proper crushing technique to craft the perfect sleeping draught. Samsara wondered if he knew that his lectures could be an effective sleeping draught all on their own. It had been about fifteen minutes since he had begun his latest lecture on the subject and Samsara was fighting the urge to let her eyes slip shut. 

Lately she had been excessively sleep deprived, and it was only getting worse. Her days and most nights had been filled with prefect duties. Then there was exploring every possible hidden entrance in the castle with James, Lily, and Remus- which so far had been very unproductive. On top of everything, her mother wrote to tell her that they would be moving to London. The house in New York would stay theirs, but they would be living in the VonAugbert townhouse with her grandparents. It was a townhouse that Samsara had visited many times in her childhood. She and her mother would have the middle floor and her grandparents lived on the top floor. The bottom floor was for entertaining and guests. A pureblood thing, probably.

Poor Pumpkin was being sent back and forth so many times a week with details of the move, he didn’t know how to manage all the attention. He hadn’t had much work since her father died. 

She was so busy that she realized in her first two months as a prefect that she hadn’t taken any house points from anyone. It worked out, however, that Oliver seemed to enjoy doing so enough for the both of them. He was a great partner, and didn’t seem too put off by her rejection, which she was thankful for. While Oliver was quick and decisive in his punishments, being an authority figure gave Samsara intense anxiety. She never knew if she was being too harsh as a prefect, or not harsh enough. 

Her only sanctuary and favorite place of relaxation was in the Prefect’s bathroom. 

The bathtub in the Prefect’s bathroom was the size of a small swimming pool, and had a hundred faucets and contraptions releasing a fragranced soap. The smell was heavenly. A stained-glass window shone colorful rays of light into the water. 

Samsara set at the edge of the water and sighed contentedly as the warm water relaxed the muscles in her legs. “Hmm. This is amazing.”

The dorm showers were just fine, but ever since becoming a prefect, Samsara now had standards of luxury that could never again be satisfied by the shoddy cubicle showers in her dorm.

Lily nodded, sinking slowly down the steps until the water was at her shoulders. They had first bathed together in their swimsuits, but were past that after a few months. They agreed to just keep it between themselves. James would probably have a stroke if he found out.

“Every time feels like the first time… You ever wonder what the professor’s bathroom looks like? I mean, if this is what they let us use as prefects, can you imagine?” Lily said happily, floating on her back as she pushed off into the deeper waters of the tub.

Samsara was quiet for a moment. “I wonder what the boy’s bathroom looks like.”

“I expect we could just ask Remus.” Lily sent her a sly smile.

Samsara groaned and sank her head underwater. She lingered for a few moments before bursting up through the surface. 

“Or! I could ask Oliver.” Samsara said after a few minutes of silence. “I couldn’t bring myself to ask Remus. It’s embarrassing.”

“Really?” Lily raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

“I just…. I don’t know Lils.” Samsara sighed, “Remus just intimidates me lately.”

“Intimidates you?” Lily echoed thoughtfully. “Hmm. How?”

Samsara waded in the water, brushing soapy bubbles from her face.

“It’s just… I don’t know.” Samsara said softly. “He’s all hot and cold. One minute, I think he might actually like me back, and then the next minute he’s all cold and aloof. He’s not like James. He doesn’t talk about how he feels. I mean if he liked me, he would make it obvious right? So all signs point to him not liking me. But Lily, it feels like he does. I might have always had a small crush on him, but I could handle it before. Now he’s all tall and intimidating and sometimes he looks at me and Lily,it’s like-my mind goes to mush. I just… embarrass myself in front of him constantly.”

Lily nodded in agreement, “Like in Herbology when you were so busy ogling him you walked into that potted mandrake?” 

Samsara sighed, blowing bubbles in the water. “Yes Lily.”

“Or when you hugged him extra long when you guys won at butterbeer pong together the other night?” 

“Yes, Lil-”

“Or the time when he knocked you over with a stun spell that was a bit too strong in ‘Defense’ class and then when he helped you up, he took you dramatically into his arms and asked if you were alright, you said the words “I’m perfect” all breathlessly like you were on a soap opera or something.”

“YES LILY. I am aware of what I said.”

Lily gave her a mischievous smirk that rivaled that of James Potter himself.

“That’s exactly it, Lils.” Samsara whined, “He doesn’t really give me a reason to feel this way. I just do. And then I act like an idiot.”

Lily smiled at her friend, wiggling her eyebrows. “You should just tell him. He clearly likes you too.”

Samsara groaned. “Yeah right.”

“He always asks about you when we’re doing patrols.” Lily smirked. “Very casually, of course. Just like how you always ask about him when it’s just us two.”

“Ughhhghghgh!” Samsara stood with her chin just under the water. “Yeah, because we’re friends.”

“Then why don’t you ask me about Peter, or Sirius, or even James?” Lily chuckled.

“Because Remus is helping me out,” Samsara splashed her friend with a flick of her wrist. “I just want to make sure he’s doing okay. And that’s it.”

“HEY!” Lily shrieked, splashing her back. “Samsara you know you can trust me.”

“I know that, Lils. You and I both know that I have feelings for him. So? We also know he doesn’t feel the same, or he would have told me by now. I mean think about James. He made it so obvious for you! ” Samsara said, staring down at her pruney fingers.

“I get it. You’re afraid of getting hurt.” Lily said, looking at the window which had grown dark. The overhead lamps came on as they dried themselves off. “But life is short, you should just snog his face off, and then if he rejects you, just go snog the face off someone else.”

Samsara snorted. “I’m pretty sure snogging someone against their will is sexual harassment.”

“Fine, don’t. Besides, boys in our year are so immature and awful.” Lily sighed, “All the good ones have graduated already.”

“Or are taken.” Samsara winked at Lily.

She rolled her eyes, “Don’t tell him, his head is big enough. But yeah, he’s really great. For so long I thought all the schemes and pranks were all there was to him, but I was wrong.”

“He’s really trying to be better, you know?”

“I know.” Lily said. They dressed in the lounge and walked into the hallway together before splitting at the stairs. “But he’s still bloody awful to Severus. I keep asking James to back down and leave him alone. He never listens to me.”

“Hmm. That’s true,” Samsara didn’t really want to comment, “But you and James are a pretty good match, I think, because of your differences.”

Lily sighed, smiling. “Thanks Sammy.”

They finished dressing in silence, and parted ways in the corridor. Samsara was descending the stairs to the basement when she passed a pair of Slytherins, one with a familiar head of dark curly hair.

“Samsara right?” A pale girl with even paler blonde hair called out to her. Internally, Samsara winced. She had almost made it two weeks without having some older prefect dump work on her. It was the only reason the older students ever talked to her. 

“Yes, that’s me.” Samsara answered, smoothing the edge of her oversized sweater.

“Nova Greengrass.” The girl replied. “Hang on, did you just come from the prefect’s bathroom?” The girl grinned at Samsara.

Elias was hanging back a few feet and he eyed Samsara with interest. She fought the urge to stick out her tongue at him. She could only imagine what he was thinking. He had become a huge flirt in class. He was always popping up around the castle when she wanted to avoid him. Today he had passed her while standing around the portrait at the end of the fourth floor corridor. When he asked what she was doing, she shrugged and told him she was simply vibing. He looked at her funny, but left her alone. Until now.

“Um, yep.” She mumbled, distractedly. 

“How was it?” Nova smiled. It might have been the first time Samsara was on the receiving end of polite small talk from a Slytherin. Well, apart from Elias. Still, Nova was a sixth year, and she had never given Samsara the time of day until this very moment. 

Hoping against her better judgement that Nova didn’t have any sort of ulterior motive, she nodded. “It’s amazing. Ever since my friend and I tried it, we’re obsessed.”

“The perks of being one of the school’s elite, right?” Nova said, cheerfully. 

Samsara smiled back at the girl, stiffly. Elias finally joined Nova’s side. 

“Right, well…” Samsara said, rubbing the back of her neck. She avoided making eye contact with the tall boy standing beside her. 

“Oh! Right,” Nova said, breaking the silence, “Slughorn asked us to deliver some invitations to a dinner he is hosting.”

Samsara glanced at Elias for a moment, and he looked away, biting back a grin.  
It was a trap! Alarm bells went off in her head. She had let her guard down, and now she was going to pay.

“And, well, you’re friends with that Evans girl, aren’t you?” Nova thrust two envelopes into her hands. “And Remus Lupin, aren’t you? You know, the other prefect?”

“Yes, but I-” Samsara started, hoping to manufacture a valid excuse why she needed to go to bed.

“Excellent. Be a dear and deliver these for us, will you?” Nova beamed with satisfaction. Elias grinned as he tugged the blonde girl away. Samsara crossed her arms. He winked at her over his shoulder. She wanted to shout at him, but Samsara knew she wasn’t allowed to refuse an older prefect and Elias Zabini knew as much. 

“Bastard.” She grumbled, looking down at the letters in her hands.

“Tonight, please. Thank you!” Nova called over her shoulder. The Slytherin girl giggled as she interlocked her arm into Zabinis. Together walked back down the steps to the dungeon. Samsara felt a pit in her stomach as she watched them disappear. She had fallen for the niceness and now she had grunt work.

Samsara groaned. The Gryffindor tower was at the top of the castle, and she had just made it to the basement. 

After a minute of standing at the entrance to her common room, she decided it would be better for her to just get it over with. As a prefect, she was supposed to know the password to the Gryffindor common room. She was sure she would remember it when she got there, or she would catch an opening when someone came or left. Still, she was too tired to put her uniform back on, so she would have to go as is. 

After her bath she had pulled on some comfortable clothes she could later wear to bed: an oversized sweater and long plaid flannel pajama pants. On her feet were a beat up old pair of yellow Chuck Taylors. Her damp hair had been braided into two french plaits. She didn’t exactly look the part of a prefect, but she wasn’t on duty that night anyway. With a huff, she began to ascend the stairs.

Samsara yawned as she climbed her fifth flight of stairs. She didn’t know what time it was but she knew that Remus and Lily were probably studying by the fire in the common room. 

Samsara had been to their common room plenty of times, usually for a quidditch party or while waiting for her friends to finish getting ready for hogsmeade. She never once needed the password. 

Once she reached the entrance, Samsara approached the Fat Lady’s portrait and grumbled the password.

“Fiddlesticks.”

“No, dear. That’s incorrect. Go away, now.” The Fat Lady yawned, shooing Samsara away with her hand. 

Samsara fumed internally. After being sleep deprived and hauling herself up five flights of stairs and the steps to the tower, the last thing she wanted was to have to turn around without even delivering the letters.

“Drumsticks.”

“Not even close. Be a dear and go to your _own_ dormitory now.” The Fat Lady turned around, and Samsara glared at the back of the annoying woman. 

She ground her teeth, wondering for a moment if she could physically push the blasted portrait out of the way, or if that failed- if it would be entirely socially unacceptable to fall asleep right out there in the hallway. She was so incredibly exhausted.

Samsara groaned, kicking the wall softly in frustration.

“I’m a prefect, please just let me in.” She tried again, willing her voice to hide how truly annoyed she was. Her father had always said ‘You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.’ Usually he was right. Politeness usually paid off. “Please.”

The portrait didn’t respond.

Samsara slumped against the wall. It wasn’t quite yet curfew, so she hoped someone would come to enter the portrait soon.

Stubbornly, she sat down against the wall, waiting for something to happen. She hadn’t come this far for nothing. She rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes for just a moment.

Samsara wasn’t quite sure how long she had been asleep. All she knew was something was rudely pushing her shoulder.

“Burton, wake up…”

She groaned, nuzzling the wall with her face. “Five more minutes, Louisa. Merlin! I’m sleeping here.”

There was laughter.

“Hmm?” She blinked. The torch in the corridor shone brightly. Nope, no one was there. Her eyelids rested again for a moment.

“Samsara!” 

She bolted upright. “Oh, nifflers! I’m late to Transfiguration!”

More laughter. She rubbed her eyes. 

Blinking again, she found she was still in the Hallway, and it was still night time.  
In front of her were James and Sirius, who grinned down at her.

“Comfortable down there?” James chuckled. 

Samsara groaned, brushing herself off as she rose to her feet. 

“Aww, look at her sleepy face.” Sirius grinned, embracing her in a hug. She patted the back of his shoulder sleepily.

“Hi.” She said. “What are you two doing out so late?”

“Research.” They said in unison. Samsara raised an eyebrow. She doubted that to be true, but didn’t press the matter. If she didn’t know, she could plead innocence-and it was Sirius’ birthday after all. She was only here for one reason, and then she was going to bed.

“And you? what’s this?” James smirked, picking the two envelopes up off the floor.  
“A love letter to Moony? Told you, mate.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, grabbing the other envelope from James.

“Hey!” James yelped.

“And what’s this,” Sirius said in sing-song “Got a thing for Evans, too? _Told you, mate._ ”

Samsara watched their antics with tired eyes. 

“It’s prefect thing. The sixth years dumped the task on me, and…” She yawned, “Just… Will you let me in already?” 

“Fine by us.” They said in unison. It was eerie how similar the two were.

“Blitzen!” Sirius called to the portrait. He bowed dramatically to the Fat Lady who blushed, fanning herself.

The painting swung to the side, and Samsara stuck her tongue out at the painting as she stepped inside past James and Sirius.

The Gryffindor common room always smelled like a crackling fire. It was cozy and warm.  
Lily and Remus sat with Peter on a few sofa chairs surrounding a wooden table. 

James and Sirius snickered behind her, and she held out her hand for them to give the envelopes back.  
They handed them over, giggling like school girls. Samsara was too tired to roll her eyes at them, instead she gave them a one finger salute. This only amused them further.

She approached the table and Lily was the first to look up, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“Samsara! What are you doing here? Are you… are you in your pajamas.?” Lily smiled as she took in Samsara’s appearance. 

“Yes I am.” She replied drowsily. “And?”

“It’s only nine- thirty.” Peter added, grinning. James and Sirius snickered.

Samsara exhaled through her nose.

Remus turned around in his chair, and he eyed her from head to toe. His lips twitched in amusement. 

“Don’t be jealous that i’m comfortable.” She replied, crossing her arms in defense.

“No one could be jealous of those shoes.” James grinned, patting her shoulder sympathetically. 

She glared at him. He was just trying to get a reaction out of her. She sighed audibly, willing herself not to take the bait.

“Potter, don’t be rude.” Lily scolded him,

“Sorry, Love.” He said, shrugging as he sent her a wink. Lily blushed, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“S’fine. I’m going to bed now. Here.” Samsara flung the letters at her friends like frisbees. “They’re from Slughorn.” 

Lily snorted, catching her letter in midair. 

Remus raised an eyebrow as he picked up his letter from the floor. Sure, her aim might have been a bit off, but it’s not like she was going to be trying out for the quidditch team any time soon. Without another word, she turned on her heel to leave.

“Wait, that’s it?” Sirius called to her. “What’s in the letters?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care,” She waved a hand to dismiss him as she turned towards the portrait hole. “I’m going back to my dorm now, bye!” 

“Night!” Lily called out to her as she tore open the envelope. 

“Wait,” Remus stood, then froze. Samsara blinked, turning back around. All eyes were on Remus. “I’ll walk with you.” 

He pulled on the sweater that had been lying across the back of his chair.  
“I, er, wanted some hot cocoa anyhow.” 

Samsara let her eyes linger on his shoulders as he stretched the sweater over his torso. 

James and Sirius exchanged a look. 

“You know, that sounds good. I’ll come with you.” Peter called out.

“No!” Lily said, grabbing Peter by his sweater.

“No?” Peter asked.

“No. You have to quiz me on Ancient Ruins. You promised, remember?” Lily spoke matter-of-factly. Without looking up from the letter, she grabbed Peter by the shoulder and shoved him back into his chair. “Have a seat.”

Lily sent Samsara a wink.

Samsara fiddled with the hem of her sweater as she waited for Remus to join her at the Portrait hole. James and Sirius whispered excitedly to each other. She stepped outside first.

Outside, Samsara pulled at the hem of her sweater as Remus joined her on the other side.  
Her heart pounded in her chest as he maintained eye contact walking towards her, a determined look on his face.

There it was again, that electricity in the air between them. She gulped as he stood at her side.

“Ready?” He asked, joining her at her side. He smiled at her and she forgot how to breathe for a second. She nodded, gulping.

Lately things had been… tense. She and Remus were mostly back to normal, but there was always electricity in the air between them. It was something that was just always… on. 

She suddenly felt awake again in his presence. She couldn’t help but smile back at him. She felt more calm and safe in his presence. Her usual anxieties faded into background noise.

They walked down the stairs of the tower. While he was handsome in any light, something about the flickering candlelight intensified the squareness of his jaw and the brightness of his blue-green eyes. After a minute, he caught her staring, and she looked away, trying to play it off like she wasn’t hopelessly crushing on him.

“So… What were you guys working on?” She asked as they walked down the corridor to the next set of stairs.

He paused in thought, “Er, Potions. ”

“Hmm, fun.”

“Oh, yes. Thrilling.”

Samsara glanced at him, and the small smile on his face spread to hers again. 

“Guess your studying is paying off. I mean, if Slughorn sent you one of those invitations.” She smirked.

“Is that what this is about?” Remus paused to pull the envelope from the back pocket of his pants.

Samsara awkwardly shuffled from foot to foot as they came to a stop “Mhmm.” 

He opened his letter and scanned the contents before pausing and glancing at her. She watched as his eyes flickered over the page once more.

“Did you get one?” He asked.

She shook her head, “Nope, I’m just the messenger.” 

She shrugged and forced a smile as they began walking again. She knew she wasn’t the best at potions, and that was probably why she didn’t get any kind of special correspondence from their professor. She told herself she didn’t care. He was a real bore anyway.

“It’s a dinner party.” 

“Oh?” Samsara hoped her voice didn’t betray any curiosity or disappointment in not receiving an invitation herself, even though that was exactly what she felt. She didn’t even know why at that moment she wanted to go. 

Except she was lying to herself, because her reason for wanting to go was standing right in front of her, biting his lip.

He looked to her, then, and she glanced away swiftly. She needed to stop staring at him so openly.

“It says we can bring someone.” 

“Oh.” Samsara said softly. So he would bring a date. Perfect. And she could go stuff her face with chocolate and cry. She paused, willing her voice to remain steady as she returned his gaze. “That’s... nice.”

Remus started walking again with his hands in his pockets, but he glanced at her with a lopsided smile.

She smiled stiffly back. Silence fell on them again. Samsara felt incredibly awkward. She didn’t exactly want to ask who he would be bringing as a date. She wasn’t sure she would be able to pretend she was happy for him. She was of course, it just had those ugly feelings creeping inside of her again. Jealousy over what was obviously not meant for her.

Soon they stood at the entrance to her common room, and the kitchens were just down the hall.

“Samsara?” 

“Hmm?” She mumbled, snapping out of her thoughts. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Always.” Even if things were different, and he was probably going on a date tomorrow, she hoped he would always be in her life as a friend.

“Did you really only not kiss me the other night because I was drunk?” He asked, stepping closer. “Or was there something else?”

She sighed in exasperation.

“Well, that’s half of it.” She exhaled. “There’s also the fact that you’ve made it pretty clear how you feel. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“How I feel..” He mumbled. He watched her for a moment, and she felt frozen on the spot as he fixed her with his stare.  
“So it wasn’t because of Zabini?” 

“What?! Elias?” Now she was lost. “Why on earth would you say that?”

“James saw you leave a broom closet together.” His eyes flashed dangerously.

She hadn’t expected James to gossip to Remus about her. Why had he?

“James doesn’t know what he saw.” She laughed dryly, shaking her head. It was time to just say it. “Since we’re being honest here… That night when he saw me?”

He waited for her to continue with an unreadable expression.

“I was crying. Over my stupid and obviously one-sided crush on _you,_ actually.” She exhaled.

She couldn’t look at him, taking a deep breath as she continued, “Elias comforted me, but _nothing_ happened. Elias and I… It’s not like that.”

He said nothing, and it really irked her. She finally looked up at him. He just looked down at her, studying her expression. He knew how she felt now, so why wasn’t he saying anything? 

She broke the silence again,“What’s it to you anyway? Why do you care? You always tell me how we’re friends.”

His jaw clenched and he laughed darkly. “I do?”

“Yeah!” She said, feeling a self-righteous anger bubble in her chest, “It’s like, I get it! You don’t like me. You don’t need to keep reminding me every chance you get, okay?!”

“You say it just as much, if not more!” He breathed, running his hands through his hair, “You know what? I shouldn’t care.”

 _Ouch,_ she thought. 

Now she was _hurt_ and angry. She folded her arms across her chest, staring at him defiantly. “Then don’t.” 

“Don’t worry, I _won’t._ ” He stepped closer.

She shrugged, looking away as if the situation bored her. “Good.”

He stepped even closer. “Perfect.”

Samsara wanted to hit him, but was equally torn between using her fist or her lips. It was infuriating.

“Why are you still here?” She snapped, taking her own step closer. “Why don’t you just keep ignoring me and then turn around and start being a moody jackass like you always do!”

His lips twitched before he looked at his feet. He looked like he wanted to laugh, but he only sighed.

“Maybe I don’t want to do that anymore.” His voice was hoarse as he closed the distance between them. They were only inches apart. He closed his eyes for a moment. “Maybe I’m tired of keeping myself away from you.”

She couldn’t pretend the crackling energy between them wasn’t there when he was so close. The air was thicker, and she was breathing heavier. It was like a magnetic pull was reaching out to her, begging her to just touch him in any way she could. 

She cursed herself. It’s not like she could ever be his friend now, with thoughts like that. Merlin, it was frustrating.

“Well we can’t exactly go back to how things were, now. Can we?” She said sadly.

“What are you saying?” His eyes were dark. 

“I don’t know, Remus. I just don’t think there’s a way we can go back to normal after this conversation.” She stared at her feet. 

“You’re right. There isn’t.” He said softly, reaching to twirl one of her long braids around his finger. “And you know what? I don’t want to go back to how things were.”

Involuntarily, she gasped softly at his touch. Up close, she was intoxicated by the way he smelled like wool and something woodsy. There was a trace of his cologne on his sweater, and it messed with her thoughts. 

“We can’t go back to how things were.” He continued, looking down, “But… we can start over.” 

She followed his gaze down to find his outstretched hand. He was offering her… _a handshake?_

“Remus Lupin.” He bit his lip, trying to hold back his smile.

She winced. “Are you really teasing me right now?” 

He took her hand anyway, despite her reluctance. She ignored the way his hand met hers with invisible, heated sparks that ran up her arm.

“Only a little.” He smiled wickedly. He still wouldn't let her forget their handshake on the train.

“Friends?” She asked, hopefully. _Anything but goodbye._

He considered her question a bit longer than she thought he would have. He looked down at the floor.

“Well… What if I want to be more than friends?”

Her stomach fluttered. The amused smirk was gone, this time he was serious. She was speechless. He waited for a response.

The words slipped out of her mouth of their own accord. “Even better.” Her cheeks warmed at her incapability of shutting up. 

His eyes snapped back to hers. Something was aflame behind his eyes.

“Good.” He said.

“Fine.” She shrugged, like they were discussing the weather. “More than fine, Great-”

He cut her off by slipping an arm around her waist and pulling her tight to his chest. 

“Perfect.” He looked positively predatory. His eyes were dark, hungry. 

She was suddenly reminded of the fairy tale about the Little Red Riding Hood. This must be what Little Red felt in the face of being devoured by the big bad wolf. Samsara's nervous thoughts melted away as she dropped her gaze to his lips. Instead of fear, she felt only anticipation. He was at least a head taller than her. She gulped as he leaned down to close some of the distance.

“Wonderful.” She squeaked.

He smirked at her attempt to have the last word. “Tremendous.”

“Lovely”. She was smiling despite herself. 

“Marvelous.” His thumb lifted her chin, angling her face to his. His touch left her thoughts jumbled.

“I-I… I’m out of adjectives.” 

“Thank Merlin for that.”

Before she could answer, his lips were against hers. A giddy warmth blossomed in her chest and her eyes fell closed as she pressed her lips into his. It was dizzying. She clung to his arms as she sunk into his embrace. The arm around her waist pulled her tighter. She put her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. Soon, it became hungrier, and she found herself with her back against the wall. They kissed again, harder. When he finally pulled away, she felt the tips of his teeth scratch against her lower lip as he released it.

She gasped for air.

“That was. Wow”. She breathed. 

He still held her tightly in his arms. She gently reached to push some hair out of his face. Her other hand explored the hair at the back of his neck, gently scratching the nape of his neck.

He touched his forehead to hers. “Samsara?” he breathed.

“Yeah?” 

“I know we only just met -”

“Remus John Lupin! Stop teasing me about that!” She groaned. She was never going to live it down.

“-But will you come to dinner with me tomorrow night?” He finished with a smile. The flickering candle light of the hallway enhanced the flecks of green around his irises. 

“Oh.”

He chuckled, leaning down to place a soft kiss on her lips. It was quick, but her eyes fluttered shut. 

“Um…”

“Say yes.” His voice was low and gravelly. It wasn’t like she could ever deny him when he sounded like that.

“You mean, like a date?” She couldn’t help the hopeful smile on her face. He ran his thumb over her cheek. She stared into his eyes in a daze.

He grinned, ruffling his hair with his hand. “Yeah. Something like that.”

“Okay” She grinned, burying her face against his chest. 

She pulled back to look at him. “Especially if you wear this cologne.” 

“Alright, well.” His smile stretched wide across his face. He ruffled his hair. He stepped back, still grinning.

She couldn’t help but smile back at him, noticing the tips of his ears were turning red. “Alright,” she replied.

“Goodnight Samsara.”

“Goodnight Remus.” 

Neither made a motion to leave, and after a few silent moments, they both chuckled.

“Goodnight.” He said again.

“Um, yeah. goodnight.” Samsara said softly.

He grinned, and turned to the kitchens.

“Hey Remus?” She called after him.

He paused, turning back to her.

“Fancy some company?” 

She could sleep when she was old and boring. He held out his hand, and she took it. 

Remus glanced over his shoulder, shaking his head slightly. The hand that wasn't holding Samsara's reached behind his back, making a frantic shooing motion.

Under the invisibility cloak, James and Sirius mimed to each other their shock and excitement with silent high-fives and soundlessly whooping until Remus and Samsara were out of sight..


	20. Ce N'est Pas Un Escargot, C'est Une Limace

(REMUS’s POV)

When you’re a bit touch-starved, you can start imagining things. For example, something happened last night that I’m still not sure was entirely real.

You see, until last night, my whole existence felt mundane, tedious, and tortured. I had thought I had been imagining the possibility of something good happening to me in my head. But I was wrong.

You see, I had this fantasy that Samsara might actually feel the same for me. It probably began that day in class when Samsara leaned into my collar and inhaled.

I _had to_ have been imagining the way she had practically purred about the way I smelled. It was strange, _her_ telling _me_ that I smelled so good. Because you see, she smells good to me like the way a coffee shop or bakery suddenly floods your senses with a particularly sweet smell that jumpstarts your appetite. Suddenly you’re absentmindedly breathing slower, inhaling deeper until you finally have a coffee in your hands and taste the richness yourself. It’s the sensory-filled anticipation that makes your coffee even more satisfying. When you smell coffee in the morning, your whole body awakens to drink in the smell before it even touches your lips. It’s ritualistic, the way we inhale and worship coffee. Samsara is like the best mocha you’ve ever smelled or tasted. That’s how good she smells.

She smells like chocolate and flowers and old paperback novels she's always burying her nose in. I can smell it on her fingertips. She has a smell like no one else to me.

She's also a walking hazard to my senses. From the way she walks to her skirt riding up her thighs as she presses her leg against mine. Something primal in me stirred and I felt a sudden urge to protect her at all costs.

I remember her wide, innocent eyes as I gripped her chair like a drowning man grasps for a buoy thrown to him to escape his fate. Anything to keep her protected and pressed against me like that, propriety be damned.

Maybe it had something to do with this strange growing sense I had of her emotions. Or maybe her feelings were just written all over her face. Anyhow, I started to believe what James and Sirius told me. That she liked me as more than a friend, despite the way I had been keeping her at arm’s length.

Now, looking back, I suppose there _were_ some signs.

The way she lingered in my arms when I helped her up from a jinx I sent her way that was too strong. It had all been because I was hyper focused on how her knee socks were falling down on one side, exposing more and more pale, creamy skin.

At first I thought I was the one lingering, but even after releasing my grip, she held onto my arms a little longer than necessary.

Then there was her breathless voice and the way she gnawed at her lower lip as she looked up at me. I had to have been daydreaming. There was something in her eyes that made me imagine she felt the same electric energy between us.

The dreams she gave me were a problem on their own... frustration that I worked out daily under the stream of the hot shower.

If it was a problem before, I’m sure it will only be worse now-after feeling her body held tight to mine, the feeling of her lower lip between my teeth. Her hooded, dilated eyes.

Being a werewolf made it more intense: the lust and the emotion. If last night was even real, I’m sure she only felt half as much as me.

I’m totally ruined for anyone else. And I can’t stop thinking about her. I didn’t stop even when I fell asleep. And I was right. The dreams became more vivid.

Today I had been ambushed as soon as the sun came up.

James was laying on his stomach with hands propping up his head, with his legs kicking behind him in the air. “And then what happened?”

Sirius and Peter sit on either side of him, facing me. They want details but I don’t know how to put this feeling into words.

“Dunno. I fell in love, probably.” I don’t know where the hell that came from, but it’s not exactly a lie. I’m not sure I should feel so strongly so soon. Maybe it is love. Or lust. I’m not going to overthink it just yet.

James rolled onto his back, pumping his fists in the air.

Sirius smirked, “That good?”

I think back to last night.

My head had been in a daze while Lily and I wrote our Potions papers. I kept fighting the urge to ask Lily about her. I had hoped she would bring her up, but she kept to the topic.

Lily had always been headstrong about focusing on studies. It was one of the reasons she was the brightest witch of our year, if not of the whole school.

Peter asked Lily why her hair was wet.

“I’ve just come from the Prefect’s bathroom. I met up with Sammy.” She mumbled, freezing. “Er-Pass me the Potions notes, will you?” She hastily changed the subject.

I kept writing, but my thoughts kept drifting to Samsara and the prefects' bathroom. Images of her smooth skin slipping under the bubbly water.

I dropped my quill. I couldn’t do this anymore. Maybe if I went to the kitchens and she showed up, I would just tell her that I had feelings for her. I would do something about this whole mess I was in and just tell her I didn’t want to just be friends.

I would-

““Samsara! What are you doing here? Are you… are you in your pajamas?”

It was pathetic how quickly my head whipped around to search for her.

She stood in her pajamas with a sleepy, grumpy expression. She was fucking adorable. And the way her hair was still soaking wet from her bath. My mind drifted again as I looked over her pajamas.

A million images of her went through my head. Memories of her knees touching mine as we sat together and her crawling over to Marlene and kissing her. Dreams of her crawling the same way onto my four-poster bed.

She threw something and it landed a few feet from my feet. I picked it up, trying not to laugh at her poor aim. She hated being laughed at. Was it wrong that seeing her angry and worked up about anything turned me on?

Those kinds of thoughts were probably the reason I followed after her.

I couldn’t help but tease her a little.

She’s uncharacteristically shy as we walk downstairs. When she prompts me to open the envelope, I can tell she’s actually a bit curious and… jealous? Especially when I mention that Slughorn’s thing is a dinner and that I can bring a date. It’s almost comical how easily I can read her expressions. She’s disappointed. I want to assure her that I’d sooner take Slughorn himself than anyone but her. But there’s something I need to know.

When I ask her about Zabini, I hate how pathetic I sound. I’m _not_ jealous. I just need to know.

And then she’s telling me. The words she says to me make no sense. She claims to know how I feel but goes on to say her crush is one-sided?

If she only knew the way James, Sirius, and Peter have been trying to get me to own up to my feelings and ask her out since third year.

I know I don’t deserve her but I’m done pushing her away. I can’t stand to see her sad on my account. The thought is all I can think of as I close the distance. I won’t let her doubt herself again. Her full lips are pouted and I can’t take it anymore.

All I knew was she was angry and that her body was against mine. Something inside me pushed me over the edge. The banter’s tense as we come together like magnets and she’s letting me turn face upward as she tries to get the last word.

At present, I finish telling the three boys across from me a shortened version of the story.

“Next thing I know I was kissing her. And she was kissing me back and grabbing my neck and… _fuck, man._ “ I trail off.

My memory replays how I felt her body pressed tightly to mine as I walked her backwards until she was against the wall and we were still kissing.

When we finally pulled apart and were breathing an inch from one another’s lips, she was looking up at me with those big green eyes. It finally clicked into my head then that it had really happened.

“Wow” she had said..

‘Wow’ was fucking right. She has no idea that I felt like someone who’s been starving their whole life be served a proper feast. She kissed in a way that could bring anyone to their knees.

I just want to make her smile and kiss her. I decided so last night in between sips of hot cocoa as she sat at my side, leaning against me. I wonder if subconsciously her body enjoys the way our knees touch the same way it’s all I could think about. That and the way her tongue darted across her mouth when the melted marshmallow foam sticks to her upper lip. She didn't know what she was doing to me with her hand on my knee. .

And here I am in my dorm and they want me to put something like that into words.

“Yeah. It was that good.” I shrug, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Ah, love is a beautiful thing.” James sighs dreamily.

Sirius guffaws, shoving James. “You sound like a girl.”

James ignores him and lays down on his back.

“So did you, like… feel her up?” Peter asks.

James throws his pillow at him. “Course he did, you sod.”

I let them change the topic to Slughorn’s party. James is already digging through his own trunk for something I can wear, ignoring my protests.

It’s black button up and some grey trousers. He even has dress shoes. He folds them and lays them out for me with some Sleekeazy Potion for my hair.

I barely make it to breakfast without being fussed over. When I finally see Samsara at the breakfast table it’s a sight for sore eyes as she smiles sweetly at me.

(END REMUS POV)

Lily didn’t even know. As Samsara met up with her best friend at breakfast, she realized it would prove difficult to talk to her privately before class. But she really, really, really couldn’t wait to tell Lily.

Times like these she wished Lily had been in Hufflepuff. Lily was talking about Potions and Samsara could only nod, not wanting to shout the news and make a scene in front of the others.

Deep down, she was wondering if last night had actually been a dream.

She knew it wasn’t, however, because she had been awake most of the night, talking with Remus in the kitchens.

For once, her lack of sleep had left her with a skip in her step. She had given extra care to her hair and appearance today.

When Remus and the boys joined them, Samsara’s heart started thrumming excitedly again. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks as he sat right next to her.

“Good morning.” He said, with a lazy grin.

Her eyes followed the shape of the words on his lips.

“Good morning.” She bit her lip to hold back the stupid grin threatening to spread across her face.

As he reached across her for some fruit, she felt his leg press against hers.

Under the table, his other hand rested on her bare knee, rubbing in gentle circles as he innocently ate his grapes. He chatted amongst their friends as if he weren’t turning her into jello with the softest, most innocent touches.

Samsara was sure it wasn’t normal, the way she was feeling.

See, she may have had her first real kiss last night, but she should have been content with that, right? So where did this urgent need to be touched by him come from? That couldn’t be normal. The way the smell of him made her dizzy. The way she felt hungry for more kisses and _more_ than kissing…

She choked back a disappointed noise as he brought his hand back up to the table. She stuffed her croissant into her mouth to look busy. Suddenly warmth spread in her cheeks as Remus looked to her with a cocky smile, like he had just won some sort of unspoken competition. She would happily let him win whatever game he wanted as long as he kept playing.

Classes were a drag until DADA. He was there already when she walked through the doorway. It was uncanny the way his eyes snapped to hers from across the room. She felt his eyes trail over her body and she resisted the urge to tug down her skirt and cross her arms. She tried to stand tall as she walked over. His eyes were dark and she was almost too shy to sit next to him again. She might be a coward, but she was overwhelmed by the sudden surge of feelings in his presence.

He was comfortably reclined in one of the two chairs at their small table and something about his relaxed posture intimidated her. She hesitantly pulled back her chair, scooting it practically to the edge away from him. She needed to think clearly in this class, and she couldn’t do that when he was touching her.

Her small moment of peace didn’t last. If anything, the small distance allowed him to scan her figure openly, and she really wished she hadn’t removed her long cloak in the stuffy divination room. She could _feel_ his eyes on her. She sheepishly scooted to the furthest edge of their small table.

“Running away again, are we?” Came his low voice from her side as she unpacked her quill and ink.

“No, I-” She shook her head furiously.

“Good.” He slid his chair closer to hers and relaxed back into his seat.

He yawned, stretching. She did not watch him as he did so. She tried her best not to pay him any attention, even when his arm came over the back of her chair again.

A strangled noise did, however, escape from her throat as he slid his arm from the chair to around her actual waist. The slightest brush of his fingertips on her waist made her rational evaporate.

The cocky grin on his face told Samsara that he knew exactly what he was doing.

She raised an eyebrow at him. Two could play that game. She let his arm stay around her and stared ahead as their professor began his lecture. When it was time to take notes, she moved her legs as she leaned forward to dip her quill into her ink.

She sighed softly as she stretched her legs open just a little, just enough to press her thigh against his and wrap her ankle around his. Now they were touching all the way down their leg.

She heard a sharp intake of breath. But she could only feel victorious for a moment. When she snuck a look at him she saw a dark, hungry expression on his face that pooled an unfamiliar warmth in her core.

It was a new feeling. One that made her feel like she needed to rub her thighs together, to create friction somehow. It was if something had possessed her. She was thinking things she shouldn’t. Especially if she didn’t want to be reprimanded in class for not paying attention.

Unconsciously, she licked her lips. His eyes darted down to follow the movement.

The tension was still thick when they took their practice stances at the edge of the room.

“ _Sammy._ Remember your offensive stance?”He looked her over. “You’re still standing pigeon toed.”

She frowned, “Am I?” She laughed nervously, “Well, I’m not doing it on purpose.”

“S’alright.” He grunted as he sunk down on one knee. “Just… move your foot out like” He ran a hand up her leg, taking extra care to put it in the right place. Sparks and warmth went up her leg as his fingers gripped her thigh, turning it.

Internally, Samsara commended him for his dedication as a DADA practice partner.

“Thanks.” She didn’t mean to sound so out of breath when she said it.

She would have to face it sooner or later.

The sudden shift in everything was almost imperceptible, but something inside Samsara had awoken with that kiss. She wondered if Lily had felt the same with James or if this was something different. Had she been slipped some kind of potion? Was it normal to feel so much heat throughout her body whenever he was around?

After class he walked her all the way to her common room. He said goodbye and turned to leave and that strange urge possessed her again as she practically grabbed him by his collar and pressed her lips to his.

The feeling filled her again, like a warmth was spreading back and forth between them and leaving her lightheaded. She smiled happily as she waved to him, heading inside before he could say anything else. She walked to her room in a daze and was absentmindedly thinking of him as she laid back into her bed. Suddenly, though, Lily had thrown open the door and entered her dorm.

“Hey, Lil-”

“Did I just see?... Did you just-” She shook her head in disbelief.

“Yep! And before you ask...?” Samsara couldn’t help but smile. “Second time.”

Lily crashed onto the bed next to her. “This is epic. Spill.”

She told her what had happened the night before. Ignoring her embarrassment, she brought up what was on her mind.

“Lils, is it normal to feel like… hot all over when someone is kissing you? Sort of like you need them to keep touching you.”

“Well, yeah once you start properly snogging.” She snorted. “But usually when you get really into it.... Is that how you feel?”

Samsara nodded. “I think so. I feel like someone turned a switch on and now I can’t stop thinking about his hands on me and his lips and Lily I just… want him.”

Lily gasped. “Samsara! _MY_ best friend, _a hussy_. This is awesome.” she yelped as a pillow was smacked into her side.

“I know, I'm getting ahead of myself butI just can’t explain it, like, I already feel like I'm ready for whatever. Anything. Merlin, is that wrong?”

“No. I mean, I don’t know, but I totally get it.” Lily blushed, changing the subject. “Let’s go to the Library and then get you ready for Slughorn’s party.

As Samsara smoothed out her deep purple dress, she did a double take as James, Lily, and Remus walked down the stairs.

For one, Remus was wearing actual dress clothes. And two, he looked too good to make direct eye contact with. He was handsome in a way that was almost otherworldly. His sandy brown hair was slicked back slightly and on his feet were new-looking shoes. Samsara took a mental snapshot as he saw her finally and gave her a real smile. Even if he got bored of her or regretted whatever they had started, she would always remember how gorgeous he looked in that button up shirt.

James and Lily were there too, but Samsara could only nod hello as Remus walked right up to her and planted a kiss on her lips. The room was spinning a bit when they separated, but in a good way.

“You look… Merlin.” He said, lowly.“I mean… Wow.”

Samsara smirked, “This old thing?” She said as if she hadn’t spent an hour carefully selecting it. As long as it made him look at her the way he was, it was a success. It was a long sleeved dress that reached below her knees but hugged her body all the way down. On her feet were a pair of heeled boots.

“Thanks.” She murmured as he kissed her lips again. Somewhere in the back of her head was a nagging voice that told her all this public affection wasn’t normal. Not this soon. But she was enjoying herself too much to care. That was a problem for future Samsara.

Taking his hand, they walked down the hall to the party.

The classroom had been emptied and decorated with a large circular table in the middle. There were about six other students in attendance including several older Ravenclaw students that Samsara didn’t know, Severus, Nova, the girl who made Samsara deliver the letters, and Elias Zabini. The latter let his eyes sweep over her with a curious expression before turning back to the blonde at his side.

Remus pulled out her chair as they took their seats, causing a pink blush to fill her cheeks. She inadvertently glanced across the table to see Elias eye her with an amused glint in his eyes. She wondered briefly what he was thinking. It was probably rude.

The dinner was a bit awkward. Slughorn had asked about Samsara’s grandparents- to which she simply replied that they were well. She had only seen them briefly at the end of the summer and she hadn’t seen them at Christmas in two years.

Remus’ father worked for the ministry and Slughorn asked about him. Remus, too, kept his answer to a few words.

“Mr. Zabini,” Slughorn said, moving on to his shiniest of trophy students, “I hear that your father, brother, and sister have taken up jobs in the ministry. Is that right?”

Elias gave Slughorn a charming smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Samsara was beginning to know the difference. “Yes, sir.” he replied.

“And I’ll bet you’re on your way to working there too?” Slughorn prompted.

Elias shrugged. “I would be lucky to be able to do so. But, you never know.”

Nobody seemed to be particularly interested in gossiping or bragging about themselves, until the attention turned to James. He had been invited by Lily, but he certainly settled himself in as if he were the guest of honor.

“So we’re on par to be undefeated.” James boasted happily as the topic turned to quidditch.

Elias smirked. “We’ll see about that, Potter” He was captain of the Slytherin team.

“You will.” James said, shrugging. “And next year too, when I’m captain.”

Elias merely smiled in return with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Samsara wouldn’t be surprised if he had some secret up his sleeve on the subject. He wasn’t one to let in just anyone. It was all part of his persona as a ‘Pureblood Prince’ as the others called him.

Severus Snape scowled at the James from across the table as he went on about Quidditch.. Slughorn, however, seemed grateful to finally have someone to talk with.

Samsara and Remus exchanged a look as Slughorn praised James’ classwork and quidditch talent, inflating his ever-growing ego. The table had candles floating over it, and in the flickering light, Samsara’s thoughts drifted to the previous night. As if sensing her thoughts, Remus gave her a lazy grin.

Remus seemed very relaxed and amicable throughout the entire dinner. Samsara was surprised when, as the four friends walked up to the Room of Requirement, Remus exhaled and exclaimed. “I’m glad that’s over.”

Lily snorted, “Slughorn’s something else, isn’t he?”

“I thought it wasn’t half bad. At least the pudding was good.” James shrugged. He had eaten his enormous dish of ice cream in just minutes.

Samsara felt over her distended belly, remembering all the food she had just eaten and groaned. “I’m stuffed.”

Remus took her hand as they ascended the stairs as a group. Samsara didn’t miss the way that Lily sent a wink over her shoulder at them.

They opened the door to find their friends singing and dancing along to some song on the wireless. Samsara made for the couch but Remus tugged her over to where the others were dancing, giving her a twirl. She laughed and they started flailing around, dancing crazily to the song.

It was a disco song by the Flying Funks, and it was catchy as hell. Remus spun her out and then twirled her back into his arms. She threw her head back, laughing.

For the first time in a long time, she felt happiness bubbling over her as she was surrounded by her friends having the time of her life. But even dancing in the arms of the very person she had been dreaming of, she suddenly got a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach that things were about to go very wrong. She decided to shake it off. It was probably just a feeling, and she wouldn’t let it ruin her night.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/350647520988083335/ <3


	21. Secrets

Samsara spent much of the rest of November in a daze. With classwork piled on thick and her new “more-than-friendship” with Remus, she felt like she had no time for exploring the passageways- as much as she really needed to. With Remus, Lily, and James, she had walked passages up to the groundskeeper’s hut and to the back of the greenhouses. No path lead anywhere near a fountain. It was beginning to drive her mad.

She spent hours researching the symbols on the fountain in Hogsemeade as she sat in the Library with Lily. She and James had some argument and she was avoiding him with long study hours. Samsara figured they would work it out on their own, so she kept out of it.

Several nights a week Samsara and Remus would try different passwords at the portrait on the fourth floor. So far, nothing had worked. Samsara tried to Lucid dream, something she had been learning about in Divination. Perhaps kooky Trelawney was on to something. Maybe she could tap into her subconscious to find a clue.

She wanted to speak to the centaurs and find the last clue, but felt like she had no choice to wait. Still, the more she could be prepared, the better. There was still a chance she could unlock the secret on her own with her determination. So she pored through endless books and sketched possible ways to use the objects.

Remus seemed to be taking the lack of progress equally hard, although likely for different reasons. The more time she spent researching, the less time they spent snagging. 

One day, after Samsara spent three hours in the Library studying the history of Hogsmeade, Remus walked up to her and pulled her up out of her chair. She hadn’t realized how stiff she had felt hunched over her book for so long. Suddenly, the stiffness was melting as she was pressed against a shelf in a quiet corner of the library and his lips were against hers. 

"Hello." She whispered against his lips.

He responded by kissing her again. Remus’s hands ran up her thighs and just barely brushing under her skirt as he kissed her roughly against the bookcase. She took the hint and started putting a maximum on her research time. No more than two hours a day. Especially if her... friend? was feeling left out. She couldn't exactly say they were together...

They hadn’t really discussed “going steady.” In fact, their friendship in front of their friends had hardly changed, except for a few public kisses. In private, they would find quiet little corners to pick up where they last left off.

Remus was a delightful distraction. At night, they would snack together in the kitchens, occasionally joined by their friends. He was good at taking her mind off of it all.

But when she lay in bed, she couldn’t rest. She had vivid dreams of the full moon, of missing her chance to find the founder’s tomb. She had an uneasy feeling that she was missing something. In her dreams she walked up to the fountain, but it was always too late. It lay in ruins. Then she was running through the forbidden forest and feeling like something was chasing her. In every dream, she tripped, and the last thing she could see through the tips of the trees as she lay sprawled on the ground was the full moon. Something in the forest howls and she realizes she isn’t alone. Then she would wake in a cold sweat. Again and again.

On the last weekend of the month, the boys had plans to work on a secret mission together. It was probably a prank and Samsara didn't want to know. 

Remus didn't look so good when he left to join them on the grounds the very moment class got out. 

Samsara had held his face between her hands, tracing her thumb lightly over a faint scar on his face. He leaned into her palm, wrapping his arms around her waist. She frowned at his ghostly pallor. He was practically leaning his body weight into her.

“Remus, are you alright?"

His eyes looked blank, like he wasn't even there.

"Maybe you should go see Pomfrey instead. They can manage a prank without you.” She said softly. 

Sirius and Peter stood a good ten yards ahead. Sirius had his hands over Peter’s eyes just in case. But for once, they weren't snogging. Maybe that’s why she felt something was wrong.

No. It was more than that. She was genuinely concerned by the vacant look in his eyes.

Remus winced a little as her hands left his cheeks. “I’ll be fine.”

He glanced upwards to the sky and straightened up, releasing her. Samsara didn't press the issue, but she had a sinking feeling as he walked to his friends. He was practically hunched over. She was certain that something wasn't right.

She stared at his disappearing form for so long that it made her jump in the air when she turned around and found Severus Snape watching her with an odd expression. When she passesd him to go inside the castle, he stayed behind.

She couldn't stop thinking about it as she settled into her usual spot in the library. She looked out the window, and watched the barren Whomping Willow ruffle it’s branches in the sinking sunlight. She was thinking about how out of place the tree looked on the campus when a black cloaked figure appeared and swiftly disappeared into the tree. Or behind the tree?

Samsara blinked, rubbing her eyes. Nothing was there. Her lack of sleep must have been catching up with her if she was hallucinating. She padded closer to the window. The tree was completely still. She sighed, collapsing into her seat with a vow to go to bed earlier that night.

Her anxiety was at an all-time high by the time night fell, and she didn't know why. It was probably the lack of sleep, lack of progress, and stress about the upcoming trip to her new home. Christmas was only a couple of weeks away. It was odd to think that she may not be going back to her home in New York any time soon.

She slept fitfully. At dawn, she walked the castle alone, barely up the first set of stairs when she sees a commotion.

(REMUS’s POV)

I looked out the window in the morning, scanning the backyard of this abandoned shack. My stomach twists when I see it, and it isn't just because I'm bleeding. I see it from here. The fountain. 

“You need to tell Samsara.” James says softly. 

“How can I after… after?” I put my head in my hands before sending a harsh look at Sirius. “I could have killed him, Padfoot.”

Sirius is slumped against the wall, looking as bad as I usually do. “I didn’t think he would actually follow us. I-” his voice cracks. I can tell he regrets it. 

But I have no pity for him. I trusted him with the most important secret in my life, and he betrayed me.

“IT WASN’T YOUR SECRET TO TELL.” I roar, smashing my fist against the window. The shouting takes a lot out of me. The dull pain in my fist is just background noise to the deep, throbbing pain in my side.

Sirius betrayed me, and here James was telling me to trust another person.  
If Snivellus saw me last night… I’d probably be on the first train home. James stopped him, but it wasn’t over. Something was going to happen. 

Everything was going to be ruined. 

My eyes drift outside at the fountain again. I feel disgusted with myself. How many times had Samsara spent hours in the Library, walking dark tunnels searching for tunnels to the fountain. The same fountain I see every time I come up through the hole in the ground. 

I had a feeling from the minute she said she was looking for fountains that I was in trouble. But I have to hold out hope that it isn’t the one, because she can’t know. If she knew, she would need to come here, and if she came on the full moon, I could kill the best person in my life.

So now there were two secrets I was keeping from her. And I knew already how things were going to end if I lied to her. She find out and leave me, or she would know I'm lying and leave me. It was like watching a trainwreck in slow motion. Or maybe I just felt like shit and needed some sleep.

I cough and my side aches where my claws had dragged across my own body. I spit and it’s thick with blood. I needed to get to the hospital wing.

(END OF REMUS POV)

Samsara had just ascended the stairs to the main floor to the great hall when the doors burst open. Peter, James, and Sirius were holding up Remus and each of them looked worse than the others. 

She ran to them. “What happened?”

Remus was being hoisted up by James and Sirius. Peter's nose was twitching uncontrollably. Remus' eyes cracked open to look at her before slowly shutting again. “Sm..sara”

The boys exchanged a look as they approached the stairs. They didn't know how to answer her. They hadn't had time to get their story straight. What had Moony told her he was doing again?

James spoke first. “Prank went wrong. Taking him to the hospital wing.” he grunted, stumbling slightly as he hauled Remus up the stairs.

Madam Pomfrey was quick on her feet, accioing a wheeled bed to catch Remus' limp figure just as they released him to stand. He crashed onto the bed and curled into the fetal position. Samsara's heart beat like a drum in her ears. She felt helpless. She needed to do something to help. Anything.

Madam Pomfrey flicked her wand silently and several vials flew to her hands. She asked for room to work, telling the boys to take a seat each on the free beds and she would look at their injuries.

“How can I help?” Samsara asked, rolling up her sleeves. 

Pomfrey looked her over briefly. “Help me hold him up while I pull off his sweater.”

Samsara wrapped her arms firmly around his waist as Poppy pulled on the sweater. Remus’ skin was cool and there was a large row of deep gashes in his side. They were almost like

“Claw marks…” Samsara gasped.

Poppy fixed her with a stare as she helped Samsara lower Remus back onto the bead. “And what should be used to treat open wounds, Miss Burton? I hear from your professors you wish to become a healer.”

Samsara furrowed her brows. "I'm sorry?"

"Don't be shy, I hear good things about you Miss Burton, now do think quickly. What's the next step? What do we need?" Pomfrey's voice was soothing, and Samsara wondered if she had been to quick to judge her. She was distracting her and empowering her to help.

“Um,” Samsara breathed, racking her brain, “Essence of Dittany. But first the wound needs to be sterilized. After applying the essence, it can be sealed with a skin-mend potion.”

“Good.” Pomfrey said, flicking her wand to bring vials and sterile applicators to the bedside cart. “Will you help me check on the others while I take care of this?

James, Sirius and Peter only had mild bruises. No broken skin. 

“Err Madam Pomfrey? They seem alright to me.”

“Good, good.” Pomfrey glances over her shoulder. “Potter has a bump on his head, have you checked for pupil response?”

“Pupil response?” A bump? She panicked. She hadn’t seen a bump. She checked his head again. There wasn’t a clear bump in sight. She shook her head, and decided to check his pupils anyway

Samsara lit her wand and checked his pupils. A loud yelp came from Remus’ bed and she felt her feet carry her to his side again. Poppy had cleaned the wound, sealed it, and placed some round things that looked like an ice pack on his neck and side.

When Samsara turned around again, she found the boys were at her side. Their concerned expressions mirrored hers. 

Eventually they left and she stayed in a chair by Remus while he slept. When he woke, he assured her he was okay, gently kissing her forehead as he left to ascend the stairs. And he left her without any explanation.

Samsara didn’t see the Marauders again until Sunday. After weeks upon weeks of cloudy skies, the sun was shining brightly despite the brisk, cool air. Students took to the castle grounds to enjoy some of the last sunshine of the season before the rain and snow began. Once it started, it would likely keep up until spring.

Samsara and Lily were bundled up in their coats and hats and had afternoon tea with a muggle device that sounded a bit like a spell. The “Ther-mos” kept their tea piping hot without magic and they took turns sipping from the cap as they reclined in the sun by the lake. 

They talked about their plans for Christmas break and what they might offer to the centaurs when they returned. Samsara invited Lily to come see her new home in London. Lily said she would ask her parents.

They were laughing about the idea of Lily’s shy muggle family attending the VonAugbert family New Years Party- when suddenly they heard shouting nearby. Their eyes followed the sound to the lake.

Severus stalked towards James and Remus down by the water.

“Uh oh.” Samsara breathed.

Lily screwed the lid on the Thermos and stood. “Not good.”

They weren’t the only ones heading over. A small crowd had formed.

“If you don’t tell her, Lupin. I will.” Snivellus spat.

James stood in front of Remus. This wasn’t good. 

Samsara and Lily walked faster.

“You really want to threaten my mate, Snivelus.” James sneered, “After last night?”

“I’m not afraid of you Potter.” Severus scoffed.

“You should be.” James said, reaching for his pocked.

Just as Snape drew his wand, James was faster, shouting “ _Expelliarmus!_ ”

James caught the boy’s wand with a cocky grin. The crowd chuckled around him. 

“How about now, Snivellus?”

Severus winced as the crowd began egging James on.

Before Samsara or Lily could do anything, James flicked his wand and Snape was hoisted up into the air. His pants fell to his ankles and then he was flipped upside down.

Dirty, stained, tattered old boxers were all that was protecting the crowd from a peep show. Samsara pitied him.

Sirius, Peter, and Remus were laughing. Samsara wasn't. James had taken it too far. The crowd was cheering, howling with laughter. Snape’s pale skin was beyond red.

“Potter! Stop it _this instant.”_ Lily shouted. 

“Ooooh" The crowd hollered.

"gonna listen to your little girlfriend?” One of the nearby kids shouted. He was in Gryffindor. Samsara didn’t know his name.

James smirked. Samsara felt her stomach flip because she knew whatever happened next would be disastrous.

“No thanks. Don’t think I will, Evans.” He winked at her and she stepped forward to stand in front of Snape.

But then the unthinkable happened.

Snape spat at her. Lily whirled on her feet at the feeling of his saliva on the back of her head.

“Severus?” She looked mortified, defeated, and angry. Her face reddened.

“Go away. I don’t need help from a filthy mudblood like you.” He said in a tone that was almost... Bored.

Lily froze, grinding her teeth. 

Samsara jumped to action, pushing through the crowd to take Lily by the arm and lead her back up to the castle. Silent tears streamed down the redhead’s face. Samsara looked back only once to give Remus a look of disappointment. His smile disappeared as she glared at him.

The next week, Lily and James had broken up. Samsara had hardly spoken to Remus, although not intentionally. Now that James and Lily were over, she sat next to Lily in class and kept her company after class as she processed everything.

In one day, Lily had lost her childhood best friend and all respect for the boy she thought would be her first love. Samsara could only sit with her, holding her while she cried, and offer her small words of encouragement that things would work themselves out. 

Samsara felt disappointed in the way Remus handled things, but didn’t want to break things off. She had just been busy being a shoulder to lean on. Remus, too, seemed busy with James. But they couldn't avoid dealing with the issue forever.

She confronted him about it in the kitchens on Thursday.

“What happened last weekend?”

Remus paused mid cookie dunk to look up at her. His eyes bore into hers. “What do you mean?”

She didn’t back down. “I mean what happened that you ended up in the Hospital Wing? I mean what happened that made James attack Severus?”

Remus finished chewing and took a long sip of milk. “I can’t tell you.”

Samsara frowned. “Why not?”

Remus winced. “It’s a secret.”

“And you don’t trust me.” Samsara shook her head, standing. “Right.”

Remus was on her heels as she left for the corridor. “Samsara, wait.”

He grabbed her wrist and looked around before pulling her into the supply room. It was beyond irritating to Samsara that she was being left in the dark about something. She didn't even want to look at him.

“What is it?” She snapped.

“I just…” He sighed heavily. “It’s not something I can tell you. I would if I could, trust me.”

“But the others know, don’t they.” She said, looking up to stare him in the eyes.

He blinked. “Well, yeah but-”

“Then I don’t get why we’re having this conversation. You should trust me, I’m your girlfriend.” She went to push past him.

“Hang on,” He said, reaching for her waist to pull her back. 

Samsara was even more mad when she saw he was smiling at her with that sexy, lopsided grin that she adored.

“What did you just say?” He asked, leaning his head down closer to hers.

“I…” Samsara froze, remembering her words. They had never discussed commitment. Had she just declared herself his girlfriend. 

She shook her head, trying to play it off. “I _said_ I don’t get why we’re having this conversation.”

He chuckled, “Just after that bit.” He bit his lip, but it didn’t stop the grin stretching his features in a handsome way.

She pouted. “I said you should trust me. And since you don’t,” She grabbed his hands on her waist and pushed at them. They hardly budged. “I’ll be going now.”

“Just a little bit after that.” He was grinning wolfishly. "Not sure I heard properly. "

She gulped. Their proximity and his stupid gorgeous face was making her heart beat quicker and her brain go mushy. 

She sighed heavily, giving up on pushing him away. His grip was stronger than hers. 

“I _said,_ ” She huffed, “I’m your girlfriend.” she mumbled.

“Come again?” The smug jerk cupped a hand to his ears.

“Remus.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

“What?” He shrugged, chuckling. “I couldn’t hear you!”

“You know what I said.” She sighed, feeling weak as his fingers ran up and down her sides. She was having a hard time staying mad when he was touching her slowly like that.

“I want you to tell me again.” His eyes darkened, and his Adams apple bobbed as he swallowed thickly, “I want you to say it for me.”

Something about the way he was looking at her made her feel a surge of confidence. It was almost as if she affected him as much as he affected her.

“I said,” She said, suddenly playing coy. She paused, trailed a finger lightly down his chest, “I’m your… girlfriend.”

“Yeah you are,” He pulled her into a kiss. 

She deepened the kiss with a tight grip on his neck. His hands slid down her back, grabbing her ass. At her gasp, he slipped his tongue into her mouth. His hands slid lower and he gripped her mid-thigh, lifting her so her legs wrapped around his waist. 

As he walked her over to a nearby table, he kissed down her neck, gently sucking some skin between his teeth.

“Mmmm,” She mewled softly. Her cheeks reddened. Had she just...moaned?

At the sound, he bit harder on the sensitive skin on her neck. She grasped at his hair, trying to hold any part of him. He released her neck finally, looking up at her with dark eyes.

“Samsara I..” He rested her on the tabletop, coming to stand between her legs. She felt something between brush between her legs and flushed furiously.

Something in her made her wonder what would happen if she scooted forward to rub against it. They were both breathing heavily.

Despite his towering height, they were eye level as she sat with his hips pushing her legs open.

She felt braver as she took in his heaving chest. It was then she knew he felt this too. 

“Yes, Remus?” She breathed, reaching up to hold behind his neck again. She held his eye contact as she subtly shifted her hips forward to wrap her legs around him and press against him.

There was a low grumble in his chest that delighted her. He kissed her again before pulling back.

“I just. “ His voice was hoarse. He let go of her, taking a few steps back and she was embarrassed at the whimper that escaped her lips.

 _What on earth?_. She would think about how sinful her thoughts had been, and just what level of hell she would be going to at a later time. She looked at him, waiting to speak as she smoothed her hair.

“I have to tell you something. I-”

The door opened and Hagrid ducked through the door. Samsara was suddenly very thankful that Remus had put distance between them. She crossed her legs shut and picked up something from the table.

“So you think we’ll need this for the spill in the common room?” She said meekly to Remus. “Oh, Hi Hagrid!”

Hagrid eyed them with blushing cheeks as he grabbed a box from a nearby shelf. “Er, hullo.”

He walked silently to the door. “Don’t you two have an, err, spill to clean up? An' I thought ye two were in different houses” He said with a wink before disappearing through the door.

Samsara couldn’t look at Remus. Her cheeks were flaming.

“Samsara I-”

“We should go.” She said, putting her hands over her reddened cheeks.

She shook her head trying to disrupt the train of thought that had her blushing furiously. She remembered that Remus had been about to say something.

“What were you about to say?” She asked as they stood at the entrance to her dorm. Louisa and Oliver passed, and they both winked at them as they entered the dorm, laughing.

Samsara flushed, looking back to Remus. He too, had a faint tinge of pink on his cheeks. 

“I…” Remus looked into her eyes with an uneasy look. “I’m a… I’m happy to be your boyfriend.”

Samsara furrowed her brows. “Okay?”

“I gotta go.” He leaned down to peck her lips. He turned to leave without another word.

Samsara stared at her boyfriend’s lovely backside before tapping the barrels. She was definitely going to hell with the thoughts that crossed her mind then. 

In December, Samsara was having a hard time paying attention in Divination. She had woken from a very interesting dream that morning, and it still had her flustered. 

In her dream she had gone to the Prefect’s bathroom late at night. She was about to enter the girl’s side through the archway on her right, when suddenly a voice called from the archway on her left. The Boy's room.

She tiptoed past the barrier with no issues. When she stepped into the large Room, Remus was standing at the edge of a bathtub that was identical to the one in the girl’s bathroom.  
He stood with only a towel wrapped around his hips, it was hanging pretty low. His muscular chest rippled as he lifted his hand out to her.

“Come here,” he said.

Suddenly he was pulling her into the shallow steps of the tub, their naked bodies pressed against one another.

“Samsara…”

“Samsara.” A bit of paper being tossed at her head snapped her out of her thoughts.

She flushed, looking across the table at Elias. “Sorry.”

“S’alright.” He smirked.

“What were you saying?”

“I _said_ I reckon I’ll be seeing you on New Years.”

“You will?” She frowned. 

The Zabinis had never been to one of her grandparent’s soirees before. Then again, the parties were usually in New York. This would be the first time in Samsara’s memory they would have a party here in London. Samsara would be a UK citizen now, and next year when she turned seventeen she could get a place of her own. She probably wouldn’t bother until after Hogwarts, though.

“Don’t look so excited.” He snorted.

“No, sorry, it’s just... I just hadn’t realized it would be here in the UK. Guess it makes sense though...”

“So I’ll have a friendly face at the party? I do hate a boring social event.”

“Yeah, I mean, I doubt I’ll know anyone else. I don’t know if my friends can make it, so I guess you’ll do for company.” She smirked.

He feigned a gasp. “Don’t tell me! Have I really grown on you that much?” He asked, smiling ever so slightly. “Maybe you’ll let me have a dance, then?”

Samsara rolled her eyes. “I’m not sure Nova would like that.”

Something flashed in Elias’s amber eyes. “Nova? Why’d you bring her up?”

Samsara looked at him with a dubious expression. “She’s your girlfriend isn’t she?”

Elias’s dimples dipped in as he grinned. “Not at all. But I’m flattered that you’ve been keeping an eye on me.”

“I wasn’t _watching_ you like that, you idiot. I just… noticed you two together at Slughorn’s dinner.” 

“I never said you were. I said keeping an _eye_ on me. Although, who could blame you if you were.”

Samsara huffed. 

“Not to worry your pretty little head, my dear Puffle, _I_ am a free bachelor.”

Samsara snorted. “Good for you. I’m sure all the eligible pureblood girls will be fighting for a dance with you at the party, then.”

“Don’t keep flattering me, Burton, it will go right to my head.” He winked, and she rolled her eyes.

“Well _I’m_ seeing someone. So..” She trailed off to scribble some notes from the tarot cards in front of her.

“Is that _so_?” He leaned back in his chair, watching her.

She glanced up, shrugging. “Yes.” 

“What a shame.”

She glanced up, expecting him to be watching her with that infuriating amused smirk that he often wore. He wasn’t, he was looking at her with an odd look, like he was studying her.

She raised an eyebrow at him, scoffing. "Why is it a shame?”

Elias let a lazy grin stretch across his features. “Well, because I’ve been working up the courage to ask you to the Millenium Ball.”

She snorted. His expression betrayed no signs of humor. “Yeah, _right._ ”

Something flickers across his face before it’s schooled into a bored expression. “Don’t tell me you don’t know.”

“What?” By this point, she’s abandoned her classwork. 

He sighs, leaning towards her. He looks her right in the eyes.

“Maybe I haven’t been clear enough, Burton. I like you. Besides being easy to look at, you’re also quite easy to talk to.” Elias said simply as if he was talking about the tarot reading. “Also, I enjoy making you blush.”

Who just says what they’re thinking like that? Samsara suddenly felt flustered, heat rising to her cheeks. She needed to divert this conversation.

“Well, too bad. I have a person,” Samsara stammered, “A g-guy boyfriend.”

“A guy-boyfriend?” There was his stupid amused smirk again.

“Did I stutter?” 

“Yes, actually.”

“Well, even so, I guess you’ll have to find someone else to delight with your stupid smirking smirkiness at the Millenium Ball. _Sorry.”_ She said, staring at her parchment and feeling the opposite of sorry.. "I'm actually not sorry." She amended.

“Is that right? Well, can’t say I didn’t try.” 

She could hear the laughing air in his voice, though she refused to look at him.

“You’re so… ugh!” She grumbled, glaring at him. “So annoying.” She muttered the last part under her breath.

“You know what they say.” He shrugged, still smirking, “Hate and love are reciprocal passions.”

Samsara scoffed. “Believe me, I have no _passions_ for you whatsoever.”

“Whatever you say.” Elias held his hands up in defense. 

She ignored him pointedly for the rest of class.


	22. New Places and Unexpected Faces

Samsara had failed her mission. In the last week of December classes, she had invited her friends time and again to the New Year’s party at her new home to no avail. No one would give her a committed yes, but she still held out hope.  
Remus said he would be travelling with his parents, but he would come if they were back in time. Sirius said that if his mother had received an invite, he wasn’t going. Peter simply said, “maybe” without offering any excuse.

Samsara’s grandmother had been eager to rejoin the likes of the elite society here in the UK. Retired, and with a fortune, the VonAugberts were looking for new friends. Samsara admired their effort, but she knew what elite society meant. Unfortunately, invitations to their New Years soirees had been extended to the “Sacred Twenty-Eight.” The VonAugbert family had once been a prominent family a few centuries ago. The "Twenty Eight" were old family acquaintances which included the likes of the Malfoys, the Zabninis, and the Lestranges.  
Thus, none of Samsara’s friends were keen on going, and she couldn’t blame them.

Lily declined due to discomfort with the pureblood families that would be there. Samsara didn’t know the families very well, but they had a reputation for prejudice about blood purity. While Samsara could hope that there would be more friendly guests present, she couldn’t expect Lily to stick around and feel uncomfortable just so she would have someone to talk to. At least Lily would be coming to stay at the VonAugbert home starting on Christmas Day until just before New Year’s Eve. 

Samsara and Remus found a quiet compartment to sit alone together on their way to London. He put an arm around her and she leaned into Remus’s side with a sigh.

“Are you sure you can’t come to the New Year’s party? I’m sure my mother and grandparents will love you!” She looked up hopefully at him. It was worth a shot.

Remus grimaced. “It’s not that I don’t want to come and be with you, it’s just that my dad wants us to take a trip to visit my grandparents and I don’t know when we’ll be back.”

Samsara sighed, “I know. I just don’t want to have to spend the whole night making small talk with those awful blood purists.”

Remus lifted her chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “I’ll try to make it.”

“Good.” Samsara smiled, “Or my grandmother is bound to try and set me up with someone." At his scowl she added, "It will probably be some inbred looking kid who’s idea of a good time is courting one of his first cousins.”

Remus snorted. “On second thought, my grandparent’s house _is_ cozy."

She smirked back. “Have it your way. I’ll probably just sit alone somewhere stuffing my face with hors d'oeuvres. “

“You poor thing.” He feigned pity, running a thumb over her lip. "Drinking champagne and eating fancy finger foods while the rest of us have Christmas leftovers."

"Well it's not all it's cracked up to be without good company." She placed her hand on his knee. "Although I will be wearing a nice dress."

"Is that so?" He leaned down so he was only an inch from her face.

They were just about to kiss again when the compartment door slammed open and James and Sirius sat opposite them. Peter wedged himself on the other side of Samsara. She and Remus shared a look. So much for alone time.

Now that Samsara was only travelling a short distance, she stayed with Remus at the station until his parent’s came. She held his hand as they waited on a bench, occasionally leaning her head against his shoulder. They kept him waiting for nearly half an hour. Samsara wondered if his parents came from far away. For as long as she had known him, he had always been the last one on the Platform for the holidays. Though typically, the marauders stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas. This was the first year in a while that they were all going separate ways. She wasn't about to leave him to wait alone.

Samsara was a bit shocked at how similar his father looked to Remus. He was quite tall, with the same sandy brown hair. He had a nervous, uneasy expression on his face as he took in the sight of them sitting together. She stood and held her hand out to him as he approached to introduced herself. 

“Hello, Mr. Lupin. I’m Samsara Burton.” She gave him a big smile.

He grimaced a miniscule smile, taking her hand timidly before dropping it as if she were diseased. She tried not to let her smile falter.  
“Lyall Lupin. Nice to meet you, dear.”

He looked at Remus for a moment, though not quite looking him in the eye, before glancing away. “Your mum’s waiting in the car.” He said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Remus did the same thing when he was nervous. Before she could say anything else, Remus kissed her forehead quickly before gathering his small duffle bag to leave.

“Bye, Sam. I’ll write to you.” He gave her a wink before he turned to leave.

Samsara nodded. She waited a minute for them to leave before leaving herself, not wanting his father to feel awkward with her following behind.

She took Pumpkin’s cage and her small suitcase in hand as she stepped through the brick wall.

London was enormous, and it wasn’t long before she was lost. A man at the station had pointed her north and told her to head that way. He had rambled off several instructions more, but Samsara had forgotten all of them. She had been walking for nearly half an hour, unsure of where she was anymore.

Her grandparents had been busy, so Samsara had told them she would find her way just fine. She had been to the house many times, but the problem was that she had never had to get there on her feet. 

She had probably walked down the block she was on twice already. Magical homes in London were few and far between. There were small communities scattered. She had walked north of King’s cross, and she knew had to be close. 

“Are you stalking me, Burton?” A voice called from the porch of a large white townhouse across the street. A familiar tall figure stepped towards the front gate. A tall dark-haired boy grinned at her.

Samsara looked both ways before crossing the street. “Sirius?”

He smiled waving a hand up at her. “Hey.”

She looked past him to the large townhouse. “Wow, you live here?” 

Sirius rolled his eyes as he leaned against the fence. “Unfortunately, yes.”

“What's wrong?” 

“It’s nothing. What are you doing? Walking round in circles?” He sent a dimpled smile at her.

She groaned. “Er, yeah actually. I can’t find my gran’s place. Well- my place now I guess.” She held up the paper where she had scrawled the address with a weak smile.

He chuckled, taking the paper from her hands. 

His eyes scanned the paper. “That’s just a few blocks away. I’ll walk you.”

She grinned. “Thanks.”

He held Pumpkin’s cage for her and she rolled her suitcase behind her.

“So,” He said.

“So…”

“You and Moony, huh?”

She snuck a glance to see his full-on dimpled smile.

“Me and moony what?” She played dumb. She didn’t know if they were telling the others yet that they were together.

“He told us you know.” He chuckled. “That you’re _official._ "

She exhaled. “Oh, good. I didn’t know if he wanted to tell you guys, with James and Lily and all.”

Sirius snorted. “There are no secrets between us. Moony's like a brother to me. I’m happy for you. Took you guys long enough.”

She nodded, “You’re telling me.” 

"Probably didn't help how he kept friend-zoning you." Sirius shook his head. "James and I kept telling him he was blowing it."

She giggled. "Yeah I was surprised when he told me he wanted to be more than friends. I thought you all were pranking me."

He smiled, keeping silent. “Well, it’s well enough now that you’re together. Won me ten galleons from James. He said it wouldn’t happen until seventh year.”

She laughed. “You guys made a bet?”

“Two years ago.”

She whistled. “Wow. Well, you’re welcome for the ten galleons.” She laughed. 

They stopped in front of a familiar fence. All this time, her grandparent’s home had been a five minute walk from Sirius’ house.

“You know, you and your brother are always welcome here if things get too ugly.” She said softly.

He didn’t look in her eyes. “S’okay. I can handle my mother. Reg is the one I'm worried about. And it’s not because he gets into trouble, it’s because he's turning into one of them.”

She frowned. She had only seen his brother around once in a while. He was quiet and very reserved. A princely slytherin, just like Sirius had been bred to be. 

Sirius sighed, “Anyway, see you around, neighbor.” 

She hugged him tightly before he turned to leave. “Bye Siri” She mocked his nickname.

“Shut it, Burton.” He smiled as he walked away.

Samsara turned to the gates then, and they opened on their own.

“Samsara! Is that you Darling?!” Her grandmother practically slammed the door open on it’s hinges and ran to envelope her in a warm hug. “Oh, you must be just _exhausted_ from traveling all day. Come on in, Mipsy will bring in your things.”

At the sound of her name, the little house elf appeared at their side and levitated Samsara’s things, taking them away to her new room. Her grandmother gave her a tour of the new renovations for her and her mother. After a half hour of chatting, she left Samsara to get settled.

Samsara paused in the doorway. Her old visiting room had been redecorated. The walls were painted with black and white pinstripes. Shelves full of unique little antiques and colorful paintings were on the walls. There was a bookshelf, a vanity, and a large wardrobe. Her bed was massive, and she jumped onto it immediately. A few boxes of her things sat in the corner, but she didn’t have the energy to bother with them yet. She sighed, laying on top of the covers and looking up at the ceiling. So this was her new home.

Samsara’s mother was silent all throughout dinner. She hadn’t even spoken except to answer direct questions. When Samsara sent her grandmother a questioning look, she averted her eyes. Something was up, but she didn't press the issue. 

Over the next few days, her mother had locked herself in her room. Samsara’s grandparents busied themselves with party preparations- or at least her grandmother. Her grandfather simply smoked his pipe and stood next to her, occasionally offering a “Yes, dear. Whatever you want.”

Her grandparents still kissed and held each other like they were really in love. Samsara hoped to have that someday.

With her family busy, Samsara would meet up with Sirius and walk around town, talking about things. He showed her some of his favorite places. But it all came to an end when he stopped responding, and she figured he had become busy.

Samsara had written to Remus every day so far, and on Christmas eve, a large brown barn owl dropped a parcel along with his letter.

On the parcel was his handwriting “Do not open until Christmas Day.”

She held it to her chest. She missed him. And there was no way she was waiting. She tore open the square package. 

She unfurled a soft pile of tissue paper. She opened it to find a large red knit sweater with an orange owl in the middle. It looked just like Pumpkin. She hugged it to her chest, heart feeling full. She put it on over what she was wearing. It was so soft and warm. Underneath the sweater was a giant bar of chocolate that was nearly the size of the familiar square shape underneath it. A record.

It was the Beatles White Album. The paper cover sleeve was a bit worn, but what drew her attention was the lyrics sprawled in pen on the cover.

“Who knows how long I've loved you  
You know I love you still  
Will I wait a lonely lifetime  
If you want me to, I will”

Love, Theodore.

Samsara furrowed her brows. “Theodore?”

She tore open the letter.

__

_Dear Sammy,_

_You opened the package early, didn’t you? It’s okay. I expected you to, cheeky girl._

_I asked my gran to make you the sweater. She was wearing one when we walked into their house. Hers had a white owl and when I asked about it she told me how she made it herself in just two days. She was very proud. It made me think of you and that god-awful yellow thing you made that you wear around the castle sometimes. It’s a wonder you weren’t sorted into Gryffindor with such bravery._

_I’m hoping you haven’t sent me one of your creations, but if you have I’ll wear it anyway._

_The chocolate is chocolate. Obviously._

_The record. Well, I saw it in a secondhand shop and when I saw the lyrics on it I knew I had to get it for you. I don’t know if you have a copy at your new place and well, we can’t have you go a whole week without over-playing your favorite songs, can we?_

_Merry Christmas, love._

_Yours,_

_Remus._

_P.S. That Theodore bloke must have been quite a sad fellow when that girl dumped his record in the old secondhand shop. Take care of it, will you?_

__

She fell back on her bed with a goofy smile. She had sent him a record too, a newer Zeppelin album she knew he had been wanting. But his was much better. Her other present was pretty good though.

She wondered if he had seen her gifts yet. She sent a letter of thanks to his gran, as well as one to him.

_  
Remus,_

_I can’t tell you enough how much I adored your gifts. Your gran is a sweet angel cinnamon roll and she must be protected. And I hope you do enjoy your gift. However, with that comment you made, I will be sure to only send homemade socks in the future._

_Miss you._

_Your girlfriend :)_

_Samsara  
_

On Christmas morning, she opened a single black and white box from her grandparents. It was a small black handbag. 

“Don't you recognize the designer?” Her grandmother asked with giddy excitement.

Samsara eyed the dark silver clasp. The initials rang a bell, but she didn’t know or care much for designer goods. She shook her head. “Um, no. Should I?”

“Its from France, dear.” Her grandmother clapped happily, gushing as Samsara removed it from the package. “Can’t have our granddaughter walking around town with that ratty old knit thing. You are a VonAugbert, after all.” 

Samsara only smiled. She loved her knit purse. It was perfect for sneaking around bottles of firewhisky. Her grandparents meant well, probably, so she simply said “Thanks, gran.”

“We’ve also deposited some spending money into your account in Gringotts.” Her grandfather added. “Go on and get something nice for yourself.”

She thanked them with a hug and they sat and drank some hot cocoa, listening to Celestina Warbeck’s Christmas album. They chatted about their family, and plans for the party.

Her mother hadn’t come down from her room. Her meals had been taken in her room, so she hadn't seen her since she had arrived. 

All three heads turned up at the sound of a knock on the door.

“Ah, a guest?!” Her grandmother cried happily, smoothing her black sweater as she stood. “Who could it be?”

Samsara padded along behind her grandmother in her fuzzy slippers.

The door opened to the last person she expected.

“Hello, gran.” Summer Burton said, smiling sheepishly. “Got room for one more?”

Her grandmother enveloped her with a hug. Summer leaned back a little, patting their grandmother's shoulder before breaking the hug.

Summer had dyed her already dark hair a glossy black, and her complexion was glowing. Her hair was cut shorter, and it suited her.

She stepped inside, finally acknowledging Samsara with a hesitant smile. “Er, hi.”

“Hello.” Samsara stood with her arms folded across her chest. 

Their grandmother looked between the two girls with a hopeful smile, but when neither said a word, she had no choice but to intervene. She invited Summer into the living room. Mipsy took Summer’s long black coat, and Samsara was surprised to see a loose, oversized Christmas sweater and some jeans. 

Summer Burton was wearing combat boots.

Samsara trailed behind them and subtly reached up to pinch her arm. Nope. She was awake.

She made room for her sister on the couch, listening numbly as her grandparents made the small talk. 

After an hour, Samsara had enough cocoa to make her stomach hurt. She didn't feel like talking much with her sister present. The perfect escape came in the form of the post arriving. 

She excused herself to take a bundle of cards and parcels to her room. Notes had come from Lily, Louisa, Marlene, and Alice to thank her for her gifts.

Louisa had gotten her a quill and leatherbound notebook. Marlene had sent a jar with a mix to make homemade brownies and a little bag of marshmallows. Alice sent her fuzzy socks with little badgers and a book that read “A Witch’s Guide to Wizards: Answering Your Questions to His “Wand.”

Samsara laughed aloud when she read the title. Alice was something else.

Lily had sent her a box of cookies and some homemade lavender soaps, along with a simple bracelet with a fox charm. It was adorable. A fox was her patronus.

James and Sirius hadn’t sent a reply, and Peter had sent a bar of chocolate with a single word reply. “Thanks.”

The card she was looking forward to most was from Remus, and it didn’t disappoint. 

_  
Samsara,_

_You wonderful girl. You were supposed to let me win at best gift, not spoil me. I love it, thank you. something had been scribbled out._  
  
_My gran was positively tickled at the praise of the sweater she made you. At your suggestion, she’s planned on making a matching one for me, so thanks for that. But really, thanks for writing to her. She loved it._ another scratched out blob of ink. 

_Unfortunately, my dad seems keen on staying here through New Years Day. I’ve been helping around the house, shoveling snow and such. Gran's got an endless list of things for us to fix around the house._

_Be missing you,_

_Your boyfriend,_

_Remus_

She grinned. She had splurged a bit, but it had been her grandparents money anyway. She had gotten him a portable record player and some headphones. And some chocolates stuffed inside some homemade socks. That part she had done all on her own. 

She pulled the sleeves of her “pumpkin” sweater over her hands as she read it over again, smiling. She had worn the sweater every day. 

A soft knock came from her doorway. 

“Samsara?” It was Summer. 

Samsara sat up in her bed. She tucked the letter back into it’s envelope. “Hey. What's up?” 

“Can I talk to you?” 

She nodded, gathering the gifts from her friends and scooting to the side. She pulled her knees to her chest and waited for her sister to say something. 

“I, um, wasn’t expecting you to be here.” She said, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking around the room. “Is mom…?” 

Samsara shrugged. “She’s in her room. Doesn’t really come out.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Look, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me, but I just wanted to tell you i’m sorry I didn’t come to the funeral. I know it's not a good enough excuse but... I was away on an assignment.” 

“It’s fine.” 

“No, it’s not. And it wasn’t fine the way I treated you when we were in school.” 

Samsara looked up at her sister. “You’re right, it wasn’t.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Apology accepted.” At her sister’s smile, she added. “Not forgiven just yet.” 

Summer frowned for a moment before chuckling. “Fair enough.” 

They were silent until Summer gasped, clutching her stomach. 

Samsara eyed her warily. “You alright?” 

“Fine, just… er.” She stood to cross the room and close the door. “I want to tell you something. But I need it to stay between us.” 

Summer cast a silencing charm. It was then that Samsara realized that something serious was happening. 

Samsara furrowed her brows. “What is it?” 

Summer sighed, returning to sit back further on the bed so she faced her sister. 

She exhaled slowly, studying Samsara’s expression. “I’m pregnant.” 

“You’re joking.” Samsara scowled. Her sister didn’t crack a smile. “No way! Is it Hugo’s?” 

“No.” Summer bit her lip. “It’s not Hugo’s, that’s the thing.” 

Samsara gasped, looking down at her sister’s slightly visible bump, now that she was reclining in the bed. “Then who is it? I expect it’s some rich pureblood, right?.” 

“Well, no but.” Summer bit her lip. “I don’t know if I should tell you. 

“What? Who is it?” 

Summer sighed heavily. “Look I'm only telling you this because out of everyone in our family, you are the kind one. I can only hope you’ll understand. But that’s not what’s important. If anything were to happen to me, you should know the truth. To protect it. The baby. My situation… it’s not exactly safe to talk about it openly. There are people out there who might hurt me if they knew, might hurt me and the baby.” 

Samsara frowned as Summer cried for the first time in front of her. She looked… afraid. Samsara hesitantly put a hand on her sister’s shoulder. “It’s okay. I’ll keep your secret. I promise.” 

Despite her abandonment and cruelness, Summer would always be her sister. Samsara would protect her little niece or nephew from whatever had Summer so afraid. 

Summer sniffled. “Not even our grandparents can know, Samsara. I actually came here hoping they could put me into contact with you. But I won’t tell them. There are dark witches and wizards in the pureblood families. It’s like a cult or something. It’s all gone too far. The things they do to people who they think are unworthy of magic... It’s horrific. You can’t breathe a word of it to anyone. I need you to swear it to me that you won’t tell anyone.” 

Samsara remembered when they were little girls and would run their fingers over their hearts with a little “X.” She lifted her hand and “crossed” her heart. 

Summer nodded, recognizing the gesture with a sad smile. She took a deep breath. “Okay.” 

Samsara was not prepared for what came out of her sister’s mouth next. 


	23. News and New Years

“A werewolf, _really_?” Samsara stared at her sister with her jaw hanging. She wasn’t sure she had heard correctly. She thought her sister had just said that the father of her child- her HUSBAND… was a werewolf. Samsara wasn’t sure if her sister was joking or if she had heard something wrong.

“Yes.” Summer nodded. “See I didn’t have much of a choice when I met him. It was love at first sight. “

“Love at first sight…okay. But really, though, you said a _werewolf_?” Samsara was still hung up on that bit, out of shock. 

“Yes Samsara.” Summer rolled her eyes. “I didn’t expect you of all people to care so much about that part.”

“Right, no! Sorry!” Samsara said, shrugging “It’s just a bit of a shock… Is he good looking?”

Summer shrugged. “To me he’s the best looking man I’ve ever seen. He’s tall, muscular. He’s got a lot of scars, though.”

“Why’s that?” 

“They’re from when he was learning how to transform without Wolfsbane.”

“Wolfsbane, right. Sorry um, what?” Samsara didn’t have a clue what that was. Or what was real life anymore. This girl in front of her was nothing like the sister she had known. 

“It’s a potion. His pack invented it, actually. Though, someone’s bound to create it for mainstream use. It’s a simple formula.”

Samsara didn’t quite follow. “His pack? Like a pack of wolves”

Summer exhaled. “Werewolves tend to live together in small colonies. They help each other keep their secret. Entire villages can be packs in some cases, like the one me and my husband live in. To an outsider, you might never know. They’ve lived like that for centuries.”

Samsara furrowed her brows. Why didn’t she know about this. In school they made it seem like werewolves were terrible beasts. Too dangerous to be a part of mainstream society.  
“But in class-”

“In class they talk about werewolves like they do of other magical beasts- savage creatures of the forests. But they’re wrong.” Summer smirked as if recalling some amusing memory. “They are quite dangerous when they transform, but with wolfsbane they can keep their wits about them. It’s something they would share if exposing their secret wasn’t so dangerous. Dark wizards would kill them or worse. They can use a dark spell to make people do their bidding. And for the most part lone werewolves don’t want to expose their condition. So it's almost impossible for the packs to help them without risking their entire villages. It’s sad really.”

“How did you find out? About him, I mean.”

“Well it came down to a case of a language barrier. See, he was the only man in the entire village who spoke a word of English. See, I was sent to his village on assignment for the ministry. It was a really small town. Remote, in the mountains. I was looking for someone who had evaded arrest by escaping to the border. They called him over to translate. From the minute we looked into each other’s eyes I knew.”

Samsara couldn’t help but smile at the dreamy look on Summer’s face “Sounds romantic.” 

Summer snorted. “Well, it is kind of, I suppose. But at that moment I was scared as hell. Something came over me I didn’t understand.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s a werewolf thing. Werewolves believe in destiny. They say that they have one special soulmate destined for them. Their mate. I guess I was Darius’s, because from the minute I met him, I wanted him. It was nothing like I had felt before. It was lust, very strong lust and I-”

“I’m not sure I need to hear about this.” Samsara smirked, pretending to cover her ears. “Though it explains why you’re knocked up.”

“Oh, shut up, Sammy. You’re sixteen. You can handle it. Anyway, I guess it’s a werewolf mate thing. We fell in love fast. Werewolves can’t help but want to be around their mate all the time. They are possessive and protective. And quite good in bed, I might add.”

“Summer!” Samsara squeaked, blushing.

“What, it’s true.” Summer laughed, and it was something Samsara hadn’t heard in years. She looked so happy. “Darius was one of the last in the Village who hadn’t found their mate. There were even little teenagers running around getting all hot and heavy because they had found each other so young. I was a bit scandalized at first, but that’s just the way their village is.”

“So werewolves and their mates just like… have tons of sex?”

Summer gestured to her belly. “Well, yeah. But we’re actually married. Mates can marry as early as sixteen, according to their laws, so it’s not, like, unusual or anything.”

“Sixteen. Wow.” Samsara exhaled. “And I thought all this time that you were going to end up with Hugo.”

Summer cringed. “Yeah, well I know that’s what he thought that too…”

Something clicked in her mind.

“Oh my god!” Samsara cried. “You left Hugo for Darius, didn’t you.”

“I actually just never came back from my assignment. I sent my resignation by mail, and said the village lead had been a dead end. The crime was something so mundane, I couldn’t be arsed to enforce it anyway. Besides, the guy was a member of the pack, Darius’ brother. I wasn’t about to arrest my future brother-in-law. So I never went home to Hugo. He came looking and I told him that it was over. He didn’t take it well, though.”

Samsara smirked, “I bet.”

They smiled at each other. The first smile they had shared in years. The emotion must have caught up to Summer, because she was suddenly crying.

“Oh Samsara, I wanted to come to dad’s funeral but I was away, undercover in the East. I decided to grieve alone, and well… you were always his favorite. It might not make sense but I was in pain, I was grieving in my own way.” Her voice cracked as silent tears fell down her face. “And then I couldn’t write until I was sure the ministry wasn’t looking for me. I’ve been so afraid for years. I’m risking everything coming here, but I wanted someone in our family to know about the baby.”

Samsara scooted over and hugged her. “It’s okay, Summer.” 

“Do you miss dad?”

“Every day.”

Summer sniffled, wiping at her eyes. “I still don’t understand what happened.”

“Well, me either.” Samsara admitted, “We were staying at Gran and Gramps house for the weekend. Dad was supposed to join us, but he never came. We went back to the house to look for him and found a letter.”

“Oh Samsara.”

Tears fell down her own face as she continued. “Remember that little boat he had?”

Summer nodded. 

“Well, they found it drifting with no one on board. They never found a body, but with the letter… And there was blood splattered. in the boat. They think he fell out after he… He…”  
She couldn’t say it. 

“Was there a gun?” Summer asked softly.

“No. I don’t know.” Samsara said. The memory was fuzzy, as if she had blocked it out of her mind. “Mom doesn’t like to talk about it. Gran and Gramps don’t want to talk about it, either. Especially around Mom. She’s completely lost it, you know.”

“Hmm. It was so unexpected.” Summer said, hugging her sister as they laid back against the pillows. “Dad was still going to therapy, wasn’t he? Maybe he relapsed… I guess we’ll never know.”

Samsara nodded. “Yeah, he was going to therapy again. But, well maybe he was having a hard time b-because I-I” She shuddered with fresh tears. “ I stopped spending time with him. I left him for school. I-I”

“Shhhh.” Summer stroked her hair. “It’s not your fault. None of it’s your fault.”

Samsara sniffled, wiping at her eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe I could have helped him.”

“It was his choice, Sammy.” She said, using her sleeve to help Samsara dry her eyes. “You can’t blame yourself.”

“I know.” Samsara nodded finally.

“Hey… Want to see a picture of Darius?” Summer offered in a soft voice.

Samsara smiled as she wiped her face with her sleeves. “Yeah, okay.”

Samsara pulled a picture from her pocket and handed it to her.

It was a moving picture. Darius was at least a whole head taller than Summer. He had dark, curly hair and brown eyes. His face stretched into a dimpled smile as he wrapped his arms around Summer and posed for the picture, before picking her up and spinning her around.

“This is from the day I told him about the baby. A couple months ago.”

Samsara smiled. “He’s handsome. You guys look so happy.”

Summer grinned, taking the photo back. “He’s amazing, Samsara. You have to visit us sometime. I’ll write down the closest floo and the name of the village.”

Samsara agreed to visit in the Spring and the Summer when the baby was born.

“You know what? I have something for you. It’s in my trunk at school. Its the packages from dad that you never opened.”

Summer nodded, her eyes glistening again. “Yeah, okay. I’d like that. Thanks for holding onto them for me. I wish I hadn’t been so blind.”

“Well, at least you know how awful you used to be.” Samsara smirked.

Summer smacked her, laughing, as she dabbed her eyes. “Shut up.”

“Should we go back downstairs?”

Summer nodded. They removed the silencing charm after a while and headed down the stairs. 

“I’m glad you’re doing okay Summer,” Samsara said as they walked into the living room. No one was around.

“Thanks, Sammy.”

Summer was gone by the next hour, setting out to get home through a secret floo network.

Lily arrived as the sun was setting.

Samsara was so happy to see her, she tackled the redhead with a hug. “Lily! Thank god you’re here.”

Her grandparents greeted Lily warmly and Samsara offered her a tour.

As they walked up the stairs to the second floor, Lily was in shock.

“Holy shit Samsara, this place is enormous. Is this how big your house was in New York?” 

Samsara scoffed. “No! This is just one of my grandparent’s places, though. They’re kind of…”

“Loaded.”

“I was going to say extravagant.” Samsara giggled, “But yeah. They’re loaded.”

Lily laughed. “Can you guys adopt me? This place is crazy. I feel like the floors are worth more than I am.”

Samsara laughed and showed Lily to a guest room next to hers. 

“I have my own room?” Lily’s eyebrows shot upwards.

“Well We can always move your bed to mine, though, if you want.”

“Sleepover?” Lily grinned. 

“Sleepover.”

After staying up all night, they slept the next day well past noon. 

At a late lunch that was their breakfast, Lily met her grandfather and mother. Her grandpa made Lily laugh, telling the story of how he and her gran met and all about Samsara as a kid. Then the album of moving baby pictures was brought out and Samsara’s cheeks turned red as they cooed over her little toddler self running around with her stuffed owl.

Lily and Samsara went for a walk later in the day, going past Sirius’ home. He still hadn’t written Samsara back. No one was outside and the gate was warded so it wouldn’t open.

Samsara peered through the bars of the gate up to the windows. One of the curtains ruffled.

“How odd.”

“Let’s just go, Sam. This place gives me the creeps.”

Samsara could swear she saw a flash of short black hair and pale skin from the third floor. “Right… okay.”

They walked to the park. Lily broke the silence first. “Have you heard from Potter at all?”

Samsara frowned. “No, actually. He never wrote me back on Christmas.”

“Hmm.”

“Why do you ask?”

Lily looked away. “Oh, no reason.”

“Do you miss him?”

“Sometimes.”

“Have you guys talked about what happened?”

“Yes. A few days after we broke up, actually.” Lily sighed, “He cornered me in the common room. I told him he needed to grow up and stop being an arrogant git. He said he would earn my forgiveness. So naturally, I told him not to hold his breath.”

Samsara exhaled. “Yikes.”

“Yeah. Well, it doesn’t matter.” Lily shrugged. “There’s always after Hogwarts to fall in love.”

“Love? Well, would you say that you loved James?”

Lily kicked some of the lingering snow. “Yeah. Something like that. But I can’t anymore.”

“Oh Lily, If you love him and you guys are meant to be together, you’ll find a way to work it out.”

“Yeah I guess.” She didn’t seem convinced.

“Well, either way I understand if you can’t come to meet with the centaurs. I wouldn’t want you guys having to be around each other if you don’t want to be.”

Lily sighed. “Nonsense. I’m coming. _he_ can choose not to come if he doesn’t want to, but there’s no way I’m not coming with you.”

Samsara smiled. “Okay.”

They spent the next few days shopping for a new years outfit for Samsara and going to the cinema. They ate out in restaurants together and did all the London touristy things together. Samsara had never been around muggle London, and Lily was the perfect person to explore with. They also went to diagon alley to shop around. 

Samsara was sad to say goodbye to Lily on the last day of December. She left in the morning, and Samsara took her to the train station. She took the muggle underground home and Samsara walked back home. This time she didn’t get lost, but she passed by Sirius’ home again. She looked up into the third floor again, seeing the curtains ruffle again. This time though, as she was turning away, the door opened. She faced the house and a dark-haired figure walked swiftly down the steps with a large duffle bag.

It was Regulus. 

He looked her over and thrust the duffle bag towards her. “Been wondering when you’d come round again.”

“Sorry?”

“Give this to him, will you?” Regulus said, looking into her eyes with a serious expression. “Tell him not to come back. Mom won’t have him in the house.”

Samsara didn’t have to guess who he meant. “Right. Okay.”

“It’s some of his favorite things, I think.” Regulus said. He seemed to want to say more, but he merely turned to leave without so much as a goodbye..

“Regulus?” She called.

He stopped at the door, speaking so quietly she barely heard him. “Tell him not to expect me to join him.”

He didn’t turn back. And so she lugged the heavy duffle to her place, set to write James and Peter to see if they knew where Sirius was.

She paced back and forth in her room, running her hands over her hair, freaking out. She had just seen him. She should have known something was up when he didn’t meet her outside. She should have tried harder to get to the door. Now Sirius was missing and who knew what his mother had done. His family was cruel. She hoped he wasn’t injured, wandering the streets alone.

When pumpkin tapped her window with a letter, she scrambled to open it, practically ripping the parchment from Pumpkins little feet, without so much as a pet for the plump bird. She ripped it open.

James finally wrote back, sending a short message.

_Sirius is here. He’s safe now. We’ll come get his things tomorrow. He just got discharged from St. Mungos. It wasn't like before. He could have died, Sammy._

_He will be living with us from now on. Thanks for the broom cleaning kit. Will bring your prezzy tomorrow._

_See you soon_

_James_

Samsara immediately wrote Lily and Remus to tell them the news. 

Remus hadn’t written that day yet. She was an emotional mess. There was too much happening all at once. It was nearly 5 before she realized she had to get ready for the party.

With a heavy weight on her mind, Samsara set to get dressed for the party. She pulled her floor length dress from the closet.

It was silver and sparkly with thin shoulder straps. It was modestly cut in the front, but It dipped pretty low in the back, and hugged her body down to her knees until it flared slightly in a mermaid cut. The glittery fabric reminded her of something a young Celestina Warbeck would wear, crooning a song in some jazz club. She felt good in it. She curled her long hair into soft waves, pinning one side back with a crystal clip. 

She applied some matte simple eyeshadow with winged eyeliner and a red lip. Her face makeup was light with just a touch of blush. Standing in front of the mirror, she hardly recognized herself. Though her makeup wasn’t as good as when the lady at the department store counter applied it, it was lighter and less cakey. The whole outfit was beautiful, but she felt a bit off. She looked older, more serious. 

It was glamorous but unsettling. She _looked_ like one of the posh purebloods she hated. It just didn’t feel right. With an expensive dress, she looked like she belonged to an entirely different crowd. She wished she could pull on the sweater that Remus sent her and curl up with a good book.

Instead, she tried to pull herself together. She spritzed some light perfume and headed downstairs. There were guests already. She could hear the music coming from the ballroom.

Like all the parties before, her grandmother had gone above and beyond. The downstairs ballroom had been expanded (a very expensive charm applied by London’s finest wizard decorators) There were black and gold decorations everywhere, massive balloon arches, and enchanted glittering lamps floating around the room. The lights were dimmed slightly, and there was a live band playing jazz music.  
Samsara wouldn’t be shocked if Celestina herself had been hired. The VonAugberts spared no expenses when it came to their lavish parties. It was in her blood to enjoy this type of thing, but she couldn’t. Not when there wasn’t a familiar or friendly face in sight.

She found her grandmother, who was dressed in a black sequin gown. She wore a glittering headband tied with lace around her short hair. Her grandfather stood in a white tux, looking particularly dapper. She caught a glimpse of her mother in a green silk dress, staring blankly at the wall. 

When her grandmother saw her, she called her over, complimenting her dress.

“Oh, you look like a film star, darling.” She cooed, taking her arm and pulling her by her side. “Have you met Lucius Malfoy? Oh he’s somewhere around here with his mother. Tall, blonde, very handsome… and SINGLE.” She leaned in to whisper.

“Ha, gran, please don’t try and set me up with one of these stuffy boys. I told you I have a boyfriend.” She laughed, rolling her eyes at her gran’s pursed lips.

“Well, I don’t see him here. He can’t be that serious a fling then, can he?” Her gran giggled, elbowing her, “Besides, Lucius is a man now, dear. And wait until you see him. Why, if I was young and single, I wouldn’t mind pulling on that silky mane of hair.”

“Gran!”

“What?” Her gran shrugged, grinning. “Youth is wasted on the young.”

Samsara only chuckled. Her arm stayed looped with her gran’s as they made rounds, greeting the guests.

Her grandfather interrupted to pull her gran away for a dance as the band began to play their song.

Samsara watched them, grinning. They were so sweet and good together. 

A waiter offered her a flute of champagne and she took it, sipping it as she stood to the side to scan the room.

She sighed, bobbing her head to the music. She really wished she had someone to dance with. She missed Remus and her friends.

She caught sight of Lucius Malfoy on the dance floor, dancing with one of Sirius' cousins. Her gran was right. He _was_ pretty good looking. Samsara wouldn’t be surprised if he was part veela with such shiny, platinum locks. His figure was tall and imposing, with broad shoulders. His suit was all black, tailored to perfection. There was one thing, however, that she would never get past: he was an awful person. That alone made him ugly in her eyes.

She was beginning to wonder if she could slip away. Perhaps she could look out over the city from the rooftop. She planned her escape in her head and started to walk towards the door when a low voice behind her said.

“Well, we can’t have the most beautiful girl in the room standing against the wall by herself. The fact that it’s gone on this long... Absurd, really. It won’t do.” 

Samsara chuckled, still facing the door. Someone was really laying it on thick. She took another step forward to the door when the voice said.

“Wait! Er, I mean, um… Dance with me, Samsara?”

Had they really called _her_ the most beautiful girl in the room? Samsara smiled despite herself. She finally put a face to the familiar voice when she spun around to see a tall, handsome boy grinning down at her.


	24. Having A Ball

She had to admit it. Elias Zabini looked like he belonged in this ballroom. His white suit was just as extravagant looking as the decor. He looked pretty good in a suit. The white color complimented his deep skin color and made his amber eyes appear brighter. Samsara couldn’t help but appraise his outfit slowly with her eyes, but it was probably the champagne.

“Sooo, can I consider that a yes?” His arrogant smirk brought Samsara back down to earth.

“No.” She huffed, “I already told you that I have a boyfriend.”

Elias nodded, searching around the room. “Well, where is he then? Point him out to me.”

“He’s not here.”

He tutted. “Such a shame. Well, I’m sorry but you see, my mother insists that I dance with someone. You see, Only my aunt Helen and you were left. So if you refuse…”

It was Samsara’s turn to smirk. “Have fun dancing with your aunt then.”

Elias smiled. “You’re cruel.” He sighed, walking around her in a small circle to snatch a glass of champagne. “Very well, I guess it’s Aunt Helen and her ghastly perfume.”

She bit back a smile. “You enjoy that.” 

He eyed her up and down again, “If you’re sure.”

“I am.” She raised an eyebrow. “Especially since you gave me such a line. _Most beautiful girl in the room’_ please.”

“It wasn’t a line.” Elias shrugged, downing his champagne. “You’re beautiful, Samsara. My eyes were drawn to you from the moment I walked in. You’ve enchanted me.”

Samsara felt warmth spread across her cheeks. It was probably how she had four glasses of champagne already. “I thought you said your mother told you to ask me.”

Elias chuckled, “Well, I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t thinking of doing so already. I did ask you to save me a dance, remember.”

She smirked, not responding. 

Her grandmother suddenly appeared at her side. Beaming up at Elias, she took Samsara by the arm. “Please excuse us for a moment dear, I promise to bring Samsara right back.”

Samsara frowned, “Gran, what-”

“It’s about the pudding.” She said through a tight-lipped smile.

The dessert? Why did she need to talk to _her_ about that? “The pudding, what do I-”

“Be right back dear!” She said to Elias as tugged Samsara away. He was all smiles for her gran. 

They were about ten feet away, and Samsara could feel Elias watching them. She frowned at her grandmother. “What is it, Gran?”

“That boy is _the_ most eligible young man here. You simply _must_ dance with him. “

Samsara stared at her grandmother blankly. “Gran, are you mad? Why should I?”

“Because he’s dreamy. And his mother and grandmother practically _run_ society here in London.”

“So why don’t you dance with him.” She gave him a false smile as she glanced back at him.

His lips twitched with amusement. 

“Oh no, I couldn’t possibly..” She fanned herself as she looked Elias up and down. “But you’re a host of this party too. It’s your duty. I insist.”

“I don’t know, Gran…” She snuck a glance over her shoulder at Elias, who raised his glass to her, grinning. 

_Smug, smarmy, bastard._ Samsara thought.

“Oh, come dear. You act like a dance with one of the most handsome young fellows here would be the worst thing that could happen to you. Your boyfriend can’t be here, so what’s the harm? It’s just one dance, come on, do it for your dear grandmother.”

Samsara looked into her grandmother’s hopeful expression. Her grandmother smoothed Samsara’s hair. She sighed heavily. “Fine Gran. I’ll dance with him. But only once.”

Her grandmother clapped, beaming. “Oh wonderful.”

“But I’m not going to like it.” She pouted as her grandmother ignored her and practically pushed her all the way back to Zabini.

Elias gave her a smug smile as her grandmother stuck around to see what she would say.

She bit her lip, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of her asking him to dance after just having rejected him a minute before. 

“Samsara dear, I don’t believe you’ve danced a single song. Shame, isn’t it, dear?” Her grandmother called from a few feet away. Samsara shot her grandmother a withering look, and she merely took a sip from a glass of champagne and looked away, as if it weren’t her that said something.

“Is that so?” Elias said, smiling kindly at her gran. 

Samsara internally cursed him and his stupid charming smile. She nodded stiffly.

“Well then, Miss Burton, may I have the pleasure of your first dance?” He held out his hand and Samsara glanced at her grandmother. She nodded ferociously, giving her a thumbs up.

Samsara huffed, taking his hand. “Fine.”

Elias chuckled as he led her to the dance floor.

“Just know I’m only dancing with you because my gran made me.”

Elias laughed aloud. “Of course.”

“And to be clear, I am in a relationship.”

“Noted.”

“Good.”

A new song started as they walked to the middle of the floor. It was a waltz. Samsara cringed. 

“Er, I’m a little rusty as a dancer.” She admitted nervously as couples around them took their places on the dance floor.

“Ahh so there’s your real hesitation.” Elias smiled down at her as his hand slid to her waist. His warm fingertips brushed against the bare skin of her back. “Don’t worry. Follow my lead.”

Samsara’s heart fluttered as she tried to remember the first step. Did she go backwards or forwards?

Luckily, Elias was a good leader. He gently nudged her in the right direction as he took a step forward. Soon, he was leading her around the room in a simple waltz.

After covering the basic steps proficiently, he lifted her arm to twirl her around before pulling her back into his arms. 

She laughed, “Who knew you were such an avid dancer.”

“There’s a lot that you don’t know about me.” Elias smiled as they continued a comfortable rhythm.

“I’m sure.” She offered, smiling politely. He was trying to be charming, but as nice and as good looking as he was, he was no Remus.

When the waltz came to an end, he took her arm in his and escorted her off of the floor.

“There, now your Gran and my mother will be satisfied. Wasn’t so bad, was it?” Elias said.

Samsara snorted. “It was fun. Though you’re wrong, I'm sure.”

“How do you mean?” He asked as he led her towards a table of finger foods. 

“Well, I don’t know about your mother,” Samsara said, “But my grandmother will hardly be satisfied now that we’ve danced together. I wouldn’t be surprised if she started planning our wedding or something.” She giggled at the thought. Her gran was well-meaning, but she was pretty pushy when it came to these things.

Elias raised an eyebrow with a smug smile. “Would that be so bad?”

“Elias! Stop flirting, will you? I told you I have a boyfriend.” She snorted, but it was quite annoying how everyone seemed to ignore that fact.

“The same boyfriend who let you out of his sight looking like this?” His eyes trailed down and up shamelessly.

Samsara crossed her arms. “So? It’s the holiday. Everyone has plans.”

“Well if you were mine, I wouldn’t leave you lonely on New Years. After all, it is tradition to kiss someone at the end of the night.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Samsara rolled her eyes. “Ha. Even if I didn’t have a boyfriend you would be the last person I would kiss at midnight, Zabini.”

Elias sighed, “Oh, how you wound me.”

She set her empty snack tray on the table and it vanished. “I think you’ll survive.” 

He shrugged, still smiling down at her as if she was amusing. “Guess so. I mean, a guy can always hope you'll change your mind.”

She laughed. “That’s unlikely.”

“Well, just think on it.” He gave her a wink before he looked over her shoulder and excused himself.

“What was _that_ about?” She heard a boy’s voice from her side. 

“James?!” 

He was scowling at her, dressed elegantly in black dress robes. She hadn’t expected him to show.

“Dancing round like that with Zabini? Didn’t even notice me, Padfoot, and Moony standing there, did you?”

She shook her head to clear the fuzzy, and somewhat unpleasant spinning from all the champagne. Remus was here? Had she been that oblivious?

“Remus is here? Where is he? I thought you were coming tomorrow. I thought Sirius-”

“Plans changed. You wrote to us saying we could come whenever we wanted. That we could crash in the guest rooms. You said you were desperate for normal company tonight. Guess that’s changed now that you've become some kind of pureblood princess, hasn’t it?”

Her temper flared as he scolded her. James Stupid-Ass Potter had reached the end of her usually plentiful patience. “Oh shut up, James. Tell me. Where is he? And why did Sirius come?”

“Padfoot said his mom isn’t coming. And Moony, he’s outside the ballroom. Sirius had to pull him away. He’s pissed. And I only came in to see what you and Zabini were so chatty about.”

She narrowed his eyes at his accusatory tone. “Then you will have overheard me telling him to stop hitting on me because of my boyfriend.”

“Didn’t stop you from dancing like that?”

She took an angry step closer, “Like what, Potter?”

James shrugged, “Well in a way I wouldn’t want _my_ girlfriend dancing with someone.”

She felt a lump in her throat. She hadn’t danced with Zabini any particular way, had she?

“This is stupid. My gran made me dance with me. We’re friends. It’s none of your business so just stay out of it. This is why you’re single, you immature git. I’m going to find Remus.”

She shoved past him and out of the ballroom. 

In the hallway several couples were against the walls, talking in quiet giggles and whispers. 

“Remus?” She called

No one answered. She looked around, peeking out into the foyer. No one seemed to be on the couches, but the lights were very dim.

She heard glass shattering, and she shuffled as fast as she could in her heels to inspect the noise. 

They were in the kitchen. Sirius patted Remus’ back as he pounded some nearby champagne. There was a broken glass on the floor.

“Um, hello.” Samsara said, and he turned to face her with a fierce expression she had never seen before.

“Helloooo Samsara.” Sirius said, giggling.

Samsara snorted, “Have you just been back here getting wasted?”

Sirius nodded. “Top quality champagne, I must say. Ta.” He raised a glass to Samsara and laughed more.

Remus, however, was quiet. Too quiet.

Sirius set his glass down and stalked to Samsara, to take her arm and give her a spin. 

“Look at her Moony,” Sirius cried, “Burton cleans up nice, don’t you think?”

Remus said nothing, inspecting his empty champagne flute. Remus was the one who cleaned up nicely. This was the first time she had seen him in dress robes, and she was beginning to think she was ruined for anyone else in a tux for the rest of her life

Samsara pulled herself out of Sirius’s swaying hold and walked over to him.

“Hey, Remus.” She smiled at him tentatively.

Something in his gaze softened, but hardened again as she reached out to him.

“Burton.”

Samsara rolled her eyes. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

“You and Zabini dancing and being all close is what’s wrong, Sammy.” An irritating voice chimed in from behind her.

Samsara spun on her feet to face James. “Shut it, Potter. Not another word”

“Why should I...” He burped, letting a lazy smile stretch his face. “Listen to you?”

She scrunched her nose, “Are you drunk?”

He giggled. “Positively so. Why yes m’asdfjkl.”

She furrowed her brows. “I’m not even going to ask what that means. You guys can crash on the second floor in one of the guest rooms.”

Sirius pumped his fists in the air, and Samsara finally noticed the dark bruises on his face and swollen lips. Samsara softened her gaze and went to the freezer to get him an ice pack.

“Here.” She handed it to him and he danced a little at the gift. He burst into giggles.

Sirius whooped, “Merry Christmas to me!” His laugh was hysterical.

He and James began belting out a Christmas carol. 

“UM, YOU GUYS.” Samsara interrupted with irritation. “Want to pick out a room? Second floor. I’ll send Mipsy up with food.”

They stared blankly. 

“Can we have a minute?” She said through gritted teeth.

James and Sirius tried to be serious, but failed miserably. 

“Why, you guys gonna do it in the kitchen?” Sirius snorted.

“Dibs on the Mipsy chick.” James said, and Sirius gave him a high five.

Samsara rubbed her temple. “Mipsy is an Elf, James.”

“Oh.” He and Sirius burst into fits of laughter, nearly falling over.

She crossed her arms and gave them a pointed stare.

“Upstairs.” Her tone was stern. “Any room but the two on the left.” 

“Alright, alright.” They held their hands up in surrender “C’mon Peter!”

Peter scurried in from the hallway. She hadn’t even seen him.

They began to ascend the stairs, shouting some Christmas song.

Samsara exhaled heavily when she turned to Remus.

“Hey.” She said softly. 

Finally they were alone and they could sort this out.

His gaze was focused on the kitchen counter. “Nice place.”

He didn’t sound very sincere.

She frowned. “Thanks.”

He didn’t respond.

“Will you please tell me what’s wrong?” She asked softly, taking a tentative step closer.

“S’ Nuffing.” His accent was heavy. Which could only mean one thing. He was drunk.

These moody and rowdy Marauders were going to be the end of her.

“Remus” She sighed, walking right up to him to embrace him. He didn’t hug her back. She rubbed his back. “Talk to me.”

“Haven’t got much to say.”

She rolled her eyes. She had never seen him angry and drunk before. This Remus was so damn difficult.

“Well I’ll go first then. I’ve missed you _so_ much.”

His jaw flexed as he continued to look away from her.

When he didn’t say anything, she continued. “I wish you had shown up earlier. Gran made me dance with Zabini.”

“I know.”

She raised her eyebrows. “And you didn’t cut in? You know, you were the one I would have rather danced with.”

He shrugged.

She rolled her eyes. He was being such a damn Pisces. 

“Come with me, I wanna show you something.” She grabbed his hand and he huffed, standing up straight.

She leaned up to peck his cheek. “Come on, don’t be like this. I missed you.” She kissed along his jaw to his ear. “Should I show you _how much_?”

His hands finally snaked around her back and he groaned. She smirked against his neck. And whoever said boys were complicated? They had just missed the obvious shortcut.

“Am I interrupting something?” An amused voice from behind her said. The frown on Elias’ face, however, showed little amusement. She shot Elias a glare over her shoulder.

“As a matter of fact, yes.” She tugged on Remus’s hand and tried to walk past Elias. 

Remus and Elias stood at about equal height, and they looked at eachother with disdain as Samsara pulled her boyfriend past him. She had to give Remus an extra tug as he and Elias started to square their shoulders and face each other.

“Come on, Remus.” She said, pulling him with another tug to the stairs. She ran her other hand up his arm to get a good grip on him. Finally, he turned to face her and nodded.

He grumbled something incoherent, but followed her up the stairs. She stopped briefly in her bedroom to grab her pumpkin sweater and let him look around from the doorway before she grabbed his hand again. They ignored the whistling and laughter from a room across the hall.

At the top floor in the master bedroom was a balcony with a little ladder to the rooftop. She kicked off her heels to climb it and Remus followed her.

Atop the roof, she flipped a switch and some string lights came on. They cast a soft ambient light over her little setup. Lily had helped her decorate the roof with her Christmas money. Her grandparents didn’t come up there, so it was her own little oasis.

She took in his surprised face with a smile. 

“You did this?” He pointed in a big gesture at all the lights and the chairs and the potted plants. She had even set up a few heaters that turned on with the light switch.

She nodded, “Yep. with Lily.”

“Wow.”

“I was hoping I would get a chance to show you.” She lowered her voice again as she said this.

Something dark flicked across his expression. “Oh really?”

She shrugged, giving him a smile. “Yeah. Really.”

He took a seat on the little brown couch under the lattice overhang. “S’ not bad, Sammy. Good work.”

“Thanks.” She held the sweater and over her arm as she walked towards him slowly, with purpose. “Can we please talk?”

“What’d you say we were coming up here for again?” He feigned confusion. “Oh, that’s right. Something about showing me how much you missed me?” 

He gave her a wolfish grin and his eyes raked her appreciatively. Suddenly the dress didn’t seem like such a poor choice after all.

She tutted, feigning a confidence she didn’t really feel. “After we talk.”

The smile disappeared. “Fine.”

She exhaled, standing in front of where he sat. She placed the sweater on the couch next to him and sat across from him on the table. 

He frowned, staring at his hands as he fiddled in his seat.

“Remus, you have no reason to ever feel jealous of anyone. I only want you.”

He looked up, eyes darkened. “Is that right?”

She rolled her eyes, “Yes. It should be obvious. You should _know_ that I only have feelings for you. I wouldn’t ever betray you. A dance with someone my gran picked for me is just a dance. I wanted it to be you I…” She ran a hand through her hair, and groaned in exasperation. “I picked this stupid dress out on the tiny chance you would even come tonight and I-”

“You did?”

“Yes you idiot!” She snapped, standing to her feet as she paced back and forth in front of him. “I was going to wear some ugly, modest-looking thing my mother would wear so people would leave me alone but then Lily was, like ‘What if Remus _does_ show up? You should get something sexy’ And I was, all ‘Good point’ Merlin knows what I was thinking would happen if I did. But I guess it didn’t work well because now you’re pissed at me for something I didn’t even want to do!”

“It did work.” Remus said, lips twitching.

She stopped, throwing her hands up, “Sorry, what?!”

He stood up and came to stand in front of her. “You said it didn’t work” He shrugged. “I’m telling you you’re wrong. It did.”

She furrowed her brows and he chuckled, pulling her into his arms, his warm hands sliding around the back of her waist. “It did?”

Remus laughed, “Samsara, you look sexy as hell. Trust me. I almost walked into someone carrying a tray of champagne when I saw you.”

Her stomach fluttered. He couldn’t be serious. “No you didn’t.” 

“I did. You can ask the others. ” He shrugged, giving her a full-on grin that made her stomach erupt into full on butterflies. “You’re stunning. God, you look… unreal.”

A shy smile tugged at her lips. “Really?” 

He smirked. “Really.” He lifted her chin and kissed her.

Warmth spread through her whole body as she kissed him back. She practically melted in his arms, grasping at his neck to keep her grounded. He sucked her lower lip between his teeth and she gasped at the sensation. He tugged her to him and walked backwards until they both fell onto the couch. She was on top of him and his hand slid up her dress to pull it up enough so she could sit in his lap. She watched him with hungry eyes as he rubbed her (thankfully shaved) legs and his fingertips brushed higher and higher. 

“I missed you.” He said in a hoarse voice. 

“I missed you too, Remus.” She leaned down to kiss him, pressing a trail of kisses down his neck. She paused in hesitation for just a moment before she began to suck on the skin of his neck between her teeth, eliciting a deep groan.

She would have to thank Lily for that one later.

His hands slid up her skirt to grab her ass firmly, pulling her tighter to his body. She let out a soft gasp, releasing his neck. Something felt so right, being pressed tight to him like that. She felt so safe, so cared for, and so turned on. She wanted something more than kissing, but she didn’t know how to convey it to him.

She kissed him more passionately and he returned with feeling, running his hands over her body. She grew impatient with kissing as something in her core pooled with desire. He took his turn kissing and sucking on her neck. It felt amazing, she couldn’t help herself but moan a little as he kissed the sweet spot on her neck. 

She blushed and he pulled her lips to his again, with even hungrier than before. She felt him pressed against her through her thin panties. He was hard. Before her talk with Lily, she might have been nervous at this, but instead, pride swelled inside her that she was able to do that to him. _Her Remus._ It meant he wanted her too. Emboldened, she kissed him harder and her hands slid up his chest to the collar of his shirt. She pulled back to look into his eyes and her fingers caressed the top button. 

His eyes were nearly shrouded completely by his dark pupils. He was breathing hard. 

The way he was looking at her spurred her on. She unbuttoned the top button of his shirt as she kissed his jaw. She reached for the second button.

His hands came over hers. “We should, er, slow down.”

She dropped his shirt from her hands like it was on fire and pulled back to sit up straight. “Sorry!” 

She felt so stupid. She shouldn’t have been so aggressive. She should have let him make the first move. It was probably the champagne, but a strange feeling in her chest made her want to cry.

She sat up and slid off of him. “God, I-I’m sorry. Shit.”

She pulled her dress down, grabbing her sweater to tug it over her. She couldn’t look him in the eyes. He sighed.

She snuck a glance at him, and his face was in his hands. Had she been that bad? Maybe she had confused his “wand” for his actual _wand_ or something. Hot tears pricked at her eyes at the sudden feeling of disappointing him.

“Samsara- Shit. it’s okay.” 

His arm came around her as he sat up next to her. She stiffened at his touch. 

She stood up, pulling away from him. “Lets, uh, let’s go check on the others. God only knows what those three have gotten themselves into.”

(REMUS POV.)

I was drinking my sorrows away in Samsara’s kitchen. See, my girlfriend was out there dancing with Zabini, _the guy she was always saying was a friend,_ dressed like a fucking goddess. 

She was a walking fantasy. A slinky silver dress I couldn’t help but want to see pooled in a pile at her feet. It was modest in the front but dipped low as hell in the back. Her smooth, creamy skin was even better than I had imagined. And Zabini had his fucking hands on her.

When I first saw her, my heart stopped beating and I stopped being able to see anyone else in the room. I almost knocked a waiter over as I started towards her. 

James and Sirius stopped me from running into the waiter, but then I heard it. Samsara’s melodic laughter as Zabini spun her.

Something pulsed inside me. I was furious suddenly, like an ember sparking to a flame. Elias Zabini. His hands were on _my_ girl, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

James and Sirius pulled me away and Peter disappeared for a minute.

They had to practically push me away. I was ready to go and rip his fucking hands off of her. But they were right, I shouldn’t make a scene and get into a fight. That could make me transform. I needed to calm down. But I couldn’t.

I let James go after her.

Sirius handed me a glass of champagne every time I finished one. I was feeling it after the fourth.

I couldn’t stop seeing her smiling in his arms. Something dark and insecure had set up home in me, leaving me with an ugly feeling in my gut.

She would be better off with someone like him. Someone normal. But god, I wanted her.

My fists squeezed tighter and the glass in my hand shattered. I dusted off some glass on a towel. No cuts. I held my hands up, chuckling. Sirius was cracking up as he handed me another glass.

“Don’t you worry moony, Prongsy will take care of everything.”

He was right of course.

She was even more stunning up close. And fuck me, _she wasn’t wearing a bra._ She was going to be the end of me. 

I felt the hot anger subside as she wrapped her arms around me. My tension melted, but I felt afraid of snapping, of letting my anger out. 

_She was here._ I told myself, _That was what mattered._

She tries cooing soft words to me and it helps a little, especially when her voice drops to a low voice that I usually only heard in my dreams. She really had no clue how she affected me.

For a minute or five, I can’t even look at her. I’m a split second between snapping and acting in my anger, or worse, lust.

She’s a temptress as she pulls on my hand. I barely notice that the others have left.

“Come on, don’t be like this. I missed you.” 

She kisses my jaw, and I might be hard already. “Should I show you _how much?_ ”

_Fuck, yes._

My mood flips like a switch. I put my arms around her and feel her smooth skin. It must be the wolf in me because even though I shouldn’t let her anywhere near me like this, I can’t let her out of my sight either. 

Elias interrupts us, and my thoughts briefly drift to murder. I am truly out of control. 

If her hands didn’t keep me grounded, I was about to lose it.

Thoughts of her showing me how she missed me overrule thoughts of homicide. I give him a warning look to show him I mean business, though.

“Fucking prick.” I mumble as we walk away.

She stops in a bedroom and grabs a sweater. So this was her new room. It didn’t seem like hers, all posh and neat. So _this_ was what it was like to have a controlling, well-to-do family. Everything decided for you. I pretend not to notice how she has my presents and letters on her night stand. As cute as her blush is, I don’t want her to feel shy around me at a time like this. 

She pulls me aggressively all the way up to the roof and flicks a switch. It’s a neat little setup. This has more of her touch. Potted plants everywhere. My adorable little hufflepuff vixen.

I try to act cool and take a seat on the couch. My mind goes over all the possible ways she could be about to show me she missed me. Her thoughts probably weren’t as lewd as mine.

Nope. She wants to talk. And she tells me what I should already know by now. She’s mine. 

I guess I needed to hear it. I’m calming down and starting to realize how the dirty scenarios in my head could lead to me hurting her, or what she would do if she saw my scars. 

Maybe she wouldn’t like me so much when she saw I was a ruined, monster of a person. Or just a monster.

Werewolves are categorized as Beasts, after all.

The protest dies in my throat as the soft lighting shows how sheer her tight little dress is. The cool air has her nipples hardened into tiny peaks. I can’t think straight. I take a breath and do my best to focus on her words. 

She says how her gran made her dance with Zabini and she only wore this fucking fantasy of a dress on my account. 

“You did?” I feel a puff of pride in my chest. 

“Yes you idiot!” She’s pacing back and forth, and it’s adorable. She always does this when she’s all worked up over something. It’s then I realize she feels just as much for me. She cares that much what I think about her.

“I was going to wear some ugly, modest-looking thing my mother would wear but then Lily was, like ‘What if Remus _does_ show up? You should get something sexy’ And I was, all ‘Good point’ Merlin knows what I was thinking would happen if I did. But I guess it didn’t work well because you’re pissed at me for something I didn’t even want to do!”

I wanted to laugh. If she didn’t think she was sexy…. Fucking hell. She was the definition of sexy. 

Also, I made a mental note to thank Evans the next time I saw her.

I tell her she’s wrong and try my best not to laugh as she pouts up at me with that confused expression. I can’t help myself. I take her into my arms where she fucking belongs.

I tell her, in case she didn’t know, that I almost walked into a waiter because of how good she looked.

I tell her exactly how fucking good she looks, and kiss her. 

Suddenly we’re on the couch and I’m tugging at her dress so she can sit on my lap. I don’t hold back, and she doesn’t either. This is exactly what’s been on my mind for months. 

She’s so perfect and she feels so good, every inch of her I can get my hands on is a new place to worship.

I kiss on her neck and she moans and something inside me snaps. I’m pulling her against me so she can feel how fucking hard she makes me.

Her hands slide up my chest. Every place she touches burns with feeling. 

She starts to unbutton my shirt and it’s like someone threw a bucket of ice water on me.

My body is practically aching for her to continue, but I remember what’s under my shirt. Jagged scars. She would have questions.

And besides fearing her judgement and her questions, I remember what I am. I don’t even know what would happen to her if we… 

I have to stop her, and it’s the worst.

I hold my head in my hands as she pulls off of me. She’s shaking. I see tears in her eyes and I feel like the biggest piece of shit. 

I want to tell her _it’s definitely not her._ I want to fucking worship her whole body.

But I can’t.


	25. Stars and Sorrows

The walk back downstairs was uncomfortably silent. Samsara gathered her heels in her hands and peeked her head into the room where James, Peter, and Sirius were.

“Well that was _far_ too quick to be a decent shag.” Sirius said. 

James looked between Samsara and Remus who were standing several feet apart. “They didn’t shag. Samsara’s hair is still nice.” He sent her an innocent smile.

Samsara exhaled, gritting her teeth at the reminder of what just happened. She had practically thrown herself at Remus and he pushed her away. Again. “No. We didn’t.”

“Well it's good you didn't, if you did, you would have missed the countdown. It’s nearly time, you know.” Peter said, smiling uncomfortably as he looked between the two. “Er, I mean… If we’re allowed to the party.

Samsara snorted, for once thankful for Peter’s awkward self. “Of course you guys are, Petey. Let’s go downstairs.”

She stepped into her room alone for a moment to slide her heels back on, toss her sweater onto the bed, and check her makeup.

She thanked Merlin for magical products that stayed in place. She only needed to apply a little lipstick where it had faded.

She reappeared in the hall standing tall again in her heels. She smiled at the boys, avoiding Remus’s eyes. She couldn't bear to look at him. “Shall we?”

The party was in full swing. The music had picked up tempo, and they headed out to the dance floor. Sirius swung her around, and she threw her head back, laughing. James and Peter were jumping up and down. James’ already unruly hair was flying everywhere. Remus was even goofing around too. They were the least refined of the party, but they were having too much fun to care.

When the music slowed down again after a few songs, Remus took her hand and pulled her into his arms. She didn't fight him, even though being held like this was a reminder that she went too far with him. That he didn't want her that way. As they swayed to the slow song, she pressed her cheek to his chest. 

In his arms was where she felt most comfortable. Like she belonged there. She wondered if he even felt the same. Like his nerves were excited and calm all at the same time when they touched.

“I’m sorry Sammy.” He whispered, placing a kiss on her head.

“It’s okay, Remus.” She couldn't look at him, or the tears in her eyes would spill.

But it was still awkward as they didn’t say much else the entire song. When it was over, Samsara’s grandparents came over to introduce themselves. 

Samsara’s gran was delighted with Remus, giving her a wink. “This must be that handsome young fellow you keep telling me about.”

It was adorable to Samsara how Remus’ cheeks turned pink. “Er, uh. Hello. I’m Remus Lupin. Nice to meet you.”

Her grandfather shook his hand firmly. “Lupin. You Lyall Lupin’s boy?”

Remus shuffled his weight from foot to foot. “Er, yes sir.”

“No giving him an interrogation, Gramps. He’s a guest.” Samsara insisted. And she felt incredibly awkward. 

Her grandfather held his hands up. “I wasn’t going to, dear. Don’t worry. Welcome to our home, boys. Will you be staying the night?”

They answered affirmatively. 

“Right,” Her grandfather said, “Well, no boys in Samsara’s room, you hear?”

They nodded furiously. 

“Right.” James said.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Sirius added with an innocent smile.

“No thanks.” said Peter.

Remus gulped. “Yes sir.”

When her grandparents moved on to socialize with more of their guests, they headed to the chocolate fountain. They all helped themselves to an inordinate amount of snacks. 

Samsara felt eyes on her back, and she glanced over her shoulder to see Elias watching her as she sucked on a chocolate coated strawberry. 

He gave her a wink, and she looked away as fast as she could. She didn't understand where he got the nerve to be so persistent, even as she stood next to Remus. Even after seeing her kissing Remus in the kitchen.

She fought the urge to think about how he had said she was the most beautiful girl in the room. Had he been playing some kind of game with her? Why had he followed her into the kitchens, and why was he looking at her… like he knew what she was wearing under her dress? 

And, if Remus was attracted to her and cared about her, why did he push her away like there was something wrong with her? She felt so confused. He said he cared, and she could feel the connection between them, but he always left her hanging.

Her mind was a mess, even as the clock struck twelve and her arms went around Remus’ neck as he kissed her into the New Year. As confetti fell from the ceiling and all around her cheered, she felt uneasy as he broke away. It had felt like a kiss goodbye.

She couldn’t sleep. The clock said it was nearly four in the morning and she was staring blankly at the ceiling.

Her door knob jiggled and then opened. She sat up in alarm. A dark figure shut the door and her heart began to pound.

The tall figure walked towards her bed and her sleepy eyes were afraid until the moonlight brushed against his face. Remus.

She scooted to the side of her bed to make room for him and he climbed in. She turned on her side to face him. He was lying on his back, looking at the ceiling.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

He shook his head.

“Remus?”

“Hmm?”

“I want you to know that I just… feel so much for you. It’s hard to put it in words. I know I can be a bit much... I’m sorry for attacking you like that. I just. I-I… think I lo-”

“You don’t have to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s my fault.” His tone was monotone, as if he were bored of the topic. Or maybe he was just tired and she felt insecure from his interruption.

“Do you… not want me like that?”

Remus sighed heavily. “You have no idea how much I want you, Samsara.”

“Then why don’t you want to… you know?” She whispered. It didn’t make any sense. She had practically thrown herself at him.

“Because we can’t do that.” 

“Oh.” She didn’t get it. “Why?”

“Just… we can’t.” He said, a pained expression barely discernible in the dark room.

She felt a heated anger in her chest. “Well, can you explain to me why?”  
Her voice wasn’t a whisper anymore. 

He was silent.

“Is it because… you want someone else?”

He was silent.

“Oh.” She whispered. He hadn’t denied it.

Silence.

“No. It’s just,” He sighed. “It’s complicated.”

She felt hot streams down her face. Her heart clenched as she imagined him longing for someone else. “O-Oh. Okay.” She tried her best to keep her voice steady.

“Samsara…” He sighed.

“I think you should go." 

He drew in a sharp breath, turning on his side to face her. She rolled onto her back. She didn’t breathe lest she sniffle and gave herself away. She wasn't trying to cry, and a hot tear spilled from one of her eyes. She stared at the wall. She didn’t dare dab at her eyes. It was enough to have let him down on the roof, she wouldn't make him stick around and console her when he didn't want her. When there might be someone else.

“If that’s what you want.” He said softly. 

“Yeah, that’s what I want.” She was grateful her voice remained steady.

In the dark moonlight, she watched him leave, and when she was finally alone she sobbed quietly into her pillow.

She had been about to tell him she loved him when he interrupted her. Maybe it was best left unsaid.

What did she even know about love anyway? She would pull herself together and protect her heart from further damage from Remus Lupin.

Breakfast the next morning was quiet. She sipped a mug of tea and didn’t touch her eggs.

She couldn’t look him in the eye or her heart might shatter into a million pieces. She only talked to James and Sirius. Peter didn’t say much around her anyway.

Late last night, she had come to accept it: her boyfriend didn’t want her and he had hardly denied wanting someone else. 

If she really thought about it, she had been making all of the first moves. The logical explanation for his odd behavior would be that he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Maybe he didn’t mind the snogging but he never wanted her to be his. 

Her brain was so exhausted trying to figure out why he was so hot and cold. It was simple enough. He didn’t want her like she wanted him. And that’s what counted.

She waved them goodbye, turning her face so that Remus could only peck her cheek goodbye.

She rode the train ride back to school with Louisa and Oliver. They looked pretty chummy. Casual flirtations thrown back and forth. Samsara was happy for them. She missed Lily and wanted to tell her everything, but she couldn’t risk having to sit with the Gryffindors and pretend everything was okay.

As soon as she could, Samsara told Lily what happened. Lily, too, was at a loss. She couldn’t help her think of a valid reason Remus didn’t want her the same way. Samsara had thought that talking to Lily would make things okay again. But without any new reassurance, talking about it only ended up making things worse.  
Samsara hardly slept the night before classes.

Elias seemed to pick up on her mood the next morning. He gave her his notes when she had zoned out during the lecture.

She should have been preoccupied for a different reason. It was January 3rd. The meteor shower would be that night. So why was she moping over Remus not loving her back?

Twenty minutes later she was still staring blankly at her parchment.

Elias had laid off on the teasing and flirting, asking her what was going on “You’re not okay, what’s wrong?”

She met his eyes before looking down to her parchment again. “It’s nothing.”

“Did that Lupin fellow do something? Do I need to beat some sense into him?”

Samsara snorted. “I’m not sure that would help.”

He nodded, looking deep in thought. “Well, If you need someone to talk to…”

She looked up at him. For once he was being sincere, genuine. The princely mask slipping.

“Thanks, Elias.” She forced a smile. “I’m okay, though.”

He nodded solemnly, turning back to his notes.

Things were tense as she sat next to Remus in Defense. She ignored his attempts of humor and charm. She gave short answers and only responded to direct questions. She needed a break from feeling so hopeless. She reminded herself that she shouldn’t allow herself to feel so much for him. She would only end up getting hurt.

As soon as they were dismissed to practice on the mannequins, she switched with James so she could be with Lily. They practiced silent spells on a dummy. When class was over, she brought up the meteor shower. She was telling Lily about the plant Hagrid gave her that would be perfect to offer to the centaurs when James and Remus joined them.

“So when are we meeting tonight?” James said.

Samsara grimaced, “You guys don’t have to come. Me and Lily will be fine on our own.”

Remus frowned. “No way we’re letting you girls go by yourselves.”

Samsara crossed her arms. “Lily is more frightening and powerful than any beast of the forest.”

Remus laughed humorlessly. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

James shot him a look, “We, er, can’t have you guys going and getting yourselves killed. Plus, you invited us, so we’re going.”

Lily gave Samsara a pointed look. Samsara nodded, turning on their fake telepathy again. _Let them come_ her friend seemed to be telling her with wide eyes. _I don’t want to go without James because I still love him_

Samsara smirked, glancing at James. Lily shook her head, clearly telling Samsara _Don’t say anything. I don’t want him to know I still like him._

She winked at her friend before turning back to the boys. “Fine. 8pm. It might be a long hike to the peak. Bring the cloak.”

James snorted “Well I would but it won’t fit us all. Moony here’s at least 6’3.”

Samsara gave him a stern look. “Bring it or don't come, Potter.”

"Okay, okay. Claws away, Burton. I'll bring it." He snorted, ruffling her hair.

She rolled her eyes Was it a crime to want to put on the cool invisibility cloak whenever she got the chance? She didn't think so.

At 8pm, Samsara was all bundled up and waiting outside for her friends. There was some snow on the ground, but it was melting into small patches of frost. 

James, Lily, and Remus all walked out of the main entrance. Samsara could already hear Lily and James bickering. It was going to be a long night.

Samsara was levitating a large potted plant at her side. It held a bush of Dittany. It wouldn’t last long in the pot, as it only grew wildly on an island in Greece. It was only potted for the purpose of bringing it fresh to the centaurs. 

Dittany had excellent healing properties. It was too rare to shove into her little bag, lest it become squashed and ruined. She hoped it would be enough for the offering, and that her levitating charm would hold out. 

Remus nodded at her and she nodded back. They began to walk downhill to the forest.

“We’ll go up that ridge and go west, then across that slope. There’s a path past there we can take to the peak.” James said confidently, pointing out the areas.

“And how do you know so much about the forest, Potter?” Lily asked.

Remus and James exchanged a look. “Er, Hagrid took me once.” He said, the end sounding almost like a question.

“Uh huh.” Lily said, crossing her arms.

They charted their course at the edge of the woods, deciding that James' plan seemed the shortest route to the peak.

Samsara’s heart began beating fast as they stepped into the dark woods.

Even with three lit wands, excluding Samsara’s (which was still holding up the potted plant), the forest was dreary and it all blended together. They didn’t talk much, not wanting to attract attention. Every noise and flutter made Samsara’s heart race. She tried not to let it show, but she was actually rather afraid of what lurked in the darkness. There was a reason it was Forbidden: it was full of powerful and dangerous creatures.

They frequently stopped to use a navigator spell to make sure they were still on course. As they reached a clearing, they saw the ridge they would need to climb. Samsara let the potted plant glide gently to the ground, and she stuck her wand into her pocket to flex and close her stiff, cold fingers. She had been holding the charm for nearly an hour

James started to scale the rocks first. Lily huffed, “Not so fast, Potter.”

James smirked, jumping down from the rock. “Why, you don’t think you can do it?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “No. There's something you still clearly don’t understand since you were born into a magical family. You should always work smart, not hard.”

“How d’you mean?” Remus asked.

“Well... see that boulder over there?" Lily pointed to a large, flat rock. "Samsara get on.” 

Samsara picked up the plant and took her place atop the giant rock. "Okay. Now what?"

"Try to stay still." Lily flicked her wand “Wingardium Leviosa!” 

Samsara’s stomach lurched as she was lifted off the ground.

“Ahhhh!” Samsara cried in surprise. She tried not to move and throw herself off balance.

After the shock passed, it wasn’t too bad- sort of like an elevator without walls. She was very grateful for Lily’s steady hand. She didn’t dare look down.

She was lifted up the steep wall of rocks and deposited on top of the ledge where she stepped off, laughing excitedly. “Nice one, Lily!”

James, Lily, and Remus looked smaller from where she stood.

She lifted the rock and dropped it a bit closer to the bottom. A thundering thud echoed across the forest. Her friends jumped out of the way.

“Sorry!” She called down. From atop the cliff she couldn’t really tell how far the drop was. She had miscalculated.

Next Remus was lifted, then Lily.

Then Remus lifted James.

“Well that was a lot faster than climbing," James grinned as they started to walk west.

Lily scoffed. “Of course it was. I mean what is magic bloody _for_ if not practical use?”

James sighed, smiling at her. “Brilliant _and_ Beautiful. Be still my beating heart.”

“Shut up, Potter. Not another word.” Lily snapped.

“And cruel, so cruel.” James grinned, “That’s okay, I love it when you’re mean.”

Samsara and Remus exchanged a look, snickering.

Her heart fluttered at his smile in the moonlight. She put on a serious face again when she remembered not to let her emotions take over.

“Samsara….” He said.

She held up a finger as she saw something shiny flash in the moonlight. "Shhh! Look” 

A silvery unicorn was walking ahead at the top of the hill. 

“Bloody hell. Sometimes I forget those are real.” Lily gasped.

It stood still, before rising on it’s back legs and galloping into the trees.

Lily was beaming. “Wow, amazing.”

Loud thudding shook the ground. 

“That doesn’t sound good.” James said.

The unicorn was now charging at them through the trees. 

“Ahhh!” they all ran as fast as they could to the top of the hill. When they reached the top, Samsara looked around for James. She couldn’t see him or the unicorn

“Where did he go?” Lily asked

They peeked through the trees. A large stag had his head down, his antlers angling towards the unicorn. Was it… protecting them?

The unicorn neighed and stomped on the ground.

The stag made a louder noise and drew its hoove across the dirt like an angry bull.

“What an odd creature.” Samsara said.

Whatever it was doing, the unicorn backed off. It head down the hill out of sight.

The stag walked up to them. Remus looked very pale, and Lily was beyond herself with excitement.

“Wow, good boy!” She cooed, as if it were a dog. “Thank you for protecting us.”

The stag remained still, lowering his head as she reached out to touch his antlers.

Remus sighed. “Maybe don’t… aaand you’re touching him.”

Samsara joined Lily in petting the stag. He was beautiful. 

“I think he likes me.” Lily said happily. He leaned forward to nuzzle his nose against her chest.

Remus grunted. " _Prongs._ "

The animal shook and made a strange noise, as if it were laughing.

Samsara and Lily looked to each other with wide eyes. The stag was suddenly gone and replaced by a laughing James Potter.

Lily shrieked. Samsara smacked a hand over Lily's mouth. “Quiet! We don’t want anything else finding us.”

“You! You’re the stag?” Lily sputtered. “When did _you_ become an animagus?”

“Well don’t go screaming about it, Lilypad.” James chuckled. “It’s a secret.”

Samsara opened her mouth to protest but Remus steered her back to the direction they were walking in. “Come on, we’ve got somewhere to be.”

Samsara still needed some explaining. “But! James. He- did you know about this?” 

Remus smirked, but didn’t answer. “Let’s go.” 

He pointed up the hill where there were a gathered group of shadowy figures. They were almost to the peak. The group of centaurs were only a hundred yards away.

“Okay how should we approach them?” Lily said.

James ran a hand through his hair to dust off some snow, before replacing his hat. “Maybe we, er, keep our distance and see if they notice us.”

“Right. We don’t want to come off as aggressive.” Samsara agreed.

“But if they’re watching the stars, how will they notice us?” Remus said

“ _Because we see all,_ young humans.” A deep, melodic voice answered them. 

They all jumped, turning to find a centaur with pale white hair and piercing blue eyes. His skin was a deep tone, and he was enormous in size with rippling muscle.

Samsara spoke first, tucking her hair behind her ear as she balanced the pot of dittany. “Hello. My name is Samsara and I come to seek your wisdom. I have brought you this plant as an offering.”

She held the bush forward and… bowed? She wasn’t sure what to do.

“You should not have come to our lands.” He said, walking around her in a circle. "You do not belong here."

The human-ish half of him was quite attractive. Samsara looked away, blushing as he looked her over.

“Why did you bring others, little one?” He asked “Were you planning to attack us?”

“No. They are only here for protection from the others in the woods.”

“Others? Explain.” He stepped closer, and Remus came to stand in front of her. 

The centaur looked at Remus curiously. “How interesting…”

“It’s okay Remus.” She said, stepping out from behind him to look up at the centaur again. “The other beings that belong here in the forest. Like you said, we do not belong here. We do not wish to harm or intrude upon any of the occupants. But our top was necessary because I need your help... with a prophecy.”

The centaur reached forward and Samsara held her breath. He took the potted plant and inhaled. “Dittany is a rare commodity. Nevertheless, we do not consort with humans. I’m sorry.”

He turned to leave.

This was her chance and it was slipping through her fingers. She called after him.

“ _Please,_ the founders of the castle sent me to you. Something is going to happen on the millennium anniversary.”

He turned back around, eyeing her once again from head to toe. His blue eyes seemed to see through her. “Show me your palm.”

She turned her right palm upwards and showed it to him. He took her hand in his large one and traced the lines of her hand. He stared at it for a full minute before looking into her eyes with a curious look. He cracked a small smile, still holding her hand in his. “Interesting.”

Remus cleared his throat. The centaur’s smile widened as if thinking of some little secret joke.

“Very well. Follow me.” He said, still firmly holding Samsara’s hand.

He walked along and Samsara had to jog a little to keep up. 

“W-What’s your name?” She asked as he tugged her along. 

He came to a stop just before the clearing, looking down to her with a smile. “Ares.”

“Fitting.” She mumbled.

But he had heard her. “How so?”

“Well, you know. The god of war and all, lover of aphrodite. It’s a heavily fated name, don’t you think?"

“It would appear so.” He smiled again with something glinting in his glowing blue eyes. “As is _Samsara_ , the cycle of death and rebirth.”

She smiled timidly. “It would appear so.”

He led her into the clearing, and she gulped as she saw nearly a hundred centaurs looking at her.

The three behind them finally caught up, gasping for air from their sprint.

“These humans bring an offering of dittany. This little one bears a mark of fate, and seeks our guidance for a prophecy. The others are merely her guides. They _will not_ speak.”

An even larger centaur steps forward, bearing a strange necklace and something atop his head. He seemed to be the leader. 

“Present your palm, human child.”

Samsara’s hand is released and she scrambles forward to present her palm to the leader.

“A mark of fate. _And_ a faint mark of tragedy. One that can be undone.” The taller centaur says. His skin is deep brown too, like Ares, but his eyes glow red. His hair is red as well. “Very well. I, Ronan of the centaurs, accept your generous offering of dittany.”

He looks up to the gathered crowd. “No harm shall come to these human children in our company, understood?”

The ground shakes as hooves stomp in response.

“Follow me, little one,” Ares says, guiding her further into the crowd.

“Wait!” Remus cries. 

“Not a word, young one.” Ares tuts, fixing Remus with a fierce look. Remus glares back, as he, Lily, and James follow.

Ares leads them to a large tent. He looks from Samsara to Remus with a smirk as he opens the flap of the entrance for them.

“A true _wolfish_ spirit, that one is?”

Samsara draws her eyebrows together in confusion. What was that supposed to mean? 

“I-I guess.” She squeaks. She’s still a little overwhelmed by the situation and the penetrating blue eyes that seemed to have taken an interest in her.

They are all inside when Ronan enters the tent. All others remain outside.

Ronan stands before them and looks at Samsara. “Present the prophecy.” he commands.

She scrambles to open her bag and remove the scroll, placing it on the table before him. Ronan looks at her blankly.

“Oh right.” She says, “Sorry. May I?” She holds her wand out, keeping it pointed at the ground.

Ronan nods.

She takes a deep breath. “ _Liberatum Chartam_ ”

The riddle and the prophecy appear as one, looking like a complete riddle now.

__  
“Wise, Brave, Cunning, or Kind.  
You have been chosen, now is your time

only with those whose desires are true

can you uncover our tomb

when you are fifteen and one

you will be the chosen one,

the stars will align

and the forest will thrum

oh chosen one,

proceed with care

or you alone will find despair."

‘Four legs,

seers of stars,

One the youngest,

Humanity marred,

Dregs of tea,

A scent of rose

A woman born

With rare powers of prose

a path underground,

the fountain atop the tomb,

a thousand years past,

a wish on the brightest moon

“Hmm.” Ronan said. “I’m sorry to say that none of my kind have had a prophecy in many years.”

Samsara couldn’t hide her disappointment. All this time, all this effort, and it had all been a waste. “Oh.”

“It is obvious, is it not?” Ares said, coming forward. “It was fate indeed that brought you to us, for we see things you cannot. In fact, one line is clear as day.”

Ronan gestured for him to step up to the table to look at the parchment.

“Here it is” Ares pointed to the line, and guided Samsara closer to the table by placing a hand on the small of her back.

A deep grumbling sound came from behind them and Ares smirked.

He looked down at Samsara. “Dear human child, the answer has been with you this entire time.” 

“What do you mean?”

“ _One of the youngest, humanity marred._ Centaurs are not human at all, but there are other beastly kinds that can transform a human into a creature.”

She looked up into his eyes with furrowed brows. “Like… vampires and hags?”

“And?” He smiled at her.

She remembered her sister and Darius. It suddenly became clear. “Werewolves.”

“No!” Remus shouted.

Ronan came before him. “Quiet. You _will not speak again_ in my presence.”

Samsara gave Remus a concerned look and he shook his head at them. He looked scared and shaken up. Maybe he was afraid of Ronan or Ares attacking them?

“It’s okay, Remus.” She told him, turning back to Ares.

“Sorry, are you saying there is a werewolf at Hogwarts?” She asked him. 

He nodded, his wicked grin spreading as he glances over her shoulder. 

Samsara doesn't give Remus time to open his mouth again. She's afraid of what will happen to him if he does. “But that tells me nothing about the location of the tomb. I still need to find it, i’m running out of time.”

Ares stroked his chin with his finger. “The full moon _does_ approach quickly. You have only a fortnight.”

He looked at her friends again. 

“Well, have you seen any fountains in the forest?" She asked Ares, "The prophecy states there is a pathway leading to a fountain atop the tomb.” 

“Hmmm. I will give you a clue.” He said, a mischievous smile on his face. “Perhaps try looking where a werewolf would go on the full moon. A place where others would be too afraid to go.”

“The shrieking shack!” Lily cried, then slapped her hand over her mouth. “Sorry.” she mumbled.

“That’s alright, human, do come forward.” Ares said, beckoning Lily forward.

Remus and James began to protest, but were swiftly silenced by a glare from Ronan.

“I will not warn you again.” He growled. Then, with a softer look to Lily. “Your hand, little one.”

She placed her palm in his open one and he hummed appreciatively. “Your fate is _also_ determined by the outcome of this prophecy, even if you are not the one to seek it. You have great intelligence and wisdom. A great love in the cards with your fated one.” He looked then to James. "Though I don't see much _why._ "

“Er, thank you sir.” She mumbled.

“Go on, little red one.” Ares said, gesturing her forward.

“Right.” She said, “The shrieking shack is a place in Hogsmeade that other humans fear, though they don’t know why. While a fountain isn’t visible from the _front_ of the shack, many are too afraid to venture near it. There could very be a fountain in the back somewhere that we missed just because we wrote it off as an abandoned junk yard!”

When she finished, she beamed. 

“Very good,” Ares said. “Go and seek the fountain there. Keep a weary eye.”

Ronan stood at the entrance and opened the flap of the tent.

“The time has come for us to return to our ritual of the meteor shower. Be careful on your return to the castle, little humans.”

The girls thanked Ronan one last time and then the group was led to the clearing by Ares.

“Farewell, little one.” Ares said, placing a kiss on the back of her hand. “May the stars align in your favor." 

She blushed furiously, thanking him before he turned away.

She faced the others, and Remus was fuming. “Well he was awfully handsy.” he grumbled.

“He was right about the shack, though.” James said, chuckling.

“Hang on,” Samsara stopped walking. “You know about a fountain at the shrieking shack?”

James and Remus exchanged a frantic look. “Uh… no?”

Lily crossed her arms. “Unbelievable! We took a huge risk coming here. This whole time you _knew_ something and you were hiding it from us.”

Samsara was getting angry. She jabbed a finger into Remus’s chest. “You said you would help me. You knew I had spent the entire day searching for fountains in Hogsmeade and you agreed to help. You deliberately chose not to tell me!”

“I, uh…” Remus gave a wide eyed look to James, who shrugged. He had his own hands full with the hot-headed redhead glaring daggers at him.

“I don’t believe you!” Samsara said. “Why can't you just trust me?” She was practically shouting now.

"I-"

“I bare my heart and soul to you and you. Y-you just lie and push me away a-and I've had enough.” Samsara was so angry she was stuttering.

“Samsara.” Remus said, eyes wide now.

“What?! Going to lie again?” She said. “Cause I would just _love_ to hear-”

“Samsara!” Lily cried.

Then the ground disappeared beneath her.


	26. Broken

Samsara screamed as an enormous grey hand wrapped around her leg and hoisted her into the air. Her friends disappeared from view. Glowing orange eyes blinked up at her. 

Her anger disappeared as a cold chill crept down her spine. She was upside down and she was dangling from the fist of a massive mountain troll. Over its mouth.  
As she watched the beast lick his lips and growl, she felt certain she was going to die. 

It breathed out, saliva spraying her face with a foul stench and strands of saliva. She couldn’t reach her wand. She could only shiver as she swung in its tight grasp and waited for the end to come. With each wiggle she made to reach into her pocket, the fist closed tighter around her leg. It was going to crush her and then eat her alive. 

“OI! DOWN HERE!” James screamed. From Samsara’s swinging, upside down view, she could see the boy wave his arms in the air. “Over here you big buffoon!”

The troll roared, spraying more saliva across her face. She whimpered, shaking with fear. If James was trying to do something, he needed to do it _faster._

“That’s right, I called you a buffoon!” James started backing away, “What are you going to do about it?”

The troll took a thunderous step forward, shaking the nearby trees. Samsara was swung around as he dropped his arm, her face nearly smacking into the hard ground. 

But he hadn’t dropped her.

She tried to kick her leg free, but the troll’s grip tightened. He roared. There was a sickening crunch. Shooting pain ran up her leg and she screamed.

“ _Diffindo!_ ” Cried Lily, flicking her wand at the troll. It roared louder as it’s arm came clean off and Samsara flew a few feet in the air before smacking into a tree, hard. She scrambled to crawl away, but her leg was limp and couldn’t bear her weight. She felt white hot pain as she tried to stand. She couldn’t. Even as the troll stomped right next to her other leg. It took all her strength to drag herself to behind a nearby tree. The troll smashed his fist on the ground, just missing her.

She scrunched her eyes shut in pain as her leg twisted beneath her.

“James, NOW!” Lily screamed.

Samsara peaked her head around the tree to search for the others.

James transformed into the stag, ramming into the troll. It roared, losing its balance and falling over.

“ _Locomotor Mortis!”_ Remus shouted, and the troll’s legs were magically bound together.

“Samsara! Where are you?” Lily cried.

“Over here!” She shouted, trying to pull herself up on the tree trunk. Her head was throbbing. There were spots in her vision. 

She grunted, pulling on the tree to stand herself on her good foot. She swayed, falling into a pair of arms. Then everything went black.

There were flashes of stars. 

“Stay awake for me, love.” Remus said. “You hit your head pretty hard.”

Was she on her back? She tried sitting up, but found only pain. There were arms around her. She was being carried. 

“Remus?” She grabbed his jacket to crane her neck up. He was holding her bridal style. A chill went through her. They had been out longer than they expected and now snow was falling. She was cold and so sleepy.

As her vision came into focus again, she heard Lily shouting. “We’re going to be expelled! _Samsara_ could have died. _You_ could have died. You're far too reckless!”

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I SAVED HER LIFE.” 

“THAT’S NOT THE POINT.”

“Guys,” Samsara said weakly, “Please stop.” Her head was killing her. The sounds of their screaming echoed in her skull.

“Samsara!” Lily was suddenly at her side. “Here, take this.”

A vial was pressed to her lips. “It will help with the pain.” Lily told her. 

She swallowed obediently. Of course Lily brought potions. She really was the smart one. Samsara hoped it would work. Everything hurt. Her ribs, her head, and her broken leg.

“Here, let me take a turn carrying her.” James said, looking at Remus with concern. “You’ve been carrying her for miles.” 

“No.” It was practically a growl.

“Remus we’re still a long way from the castle. It’s going to be alright. Come on, we’ll take turns.”

“I’m fine.”

James sighed. “Alright, mate.”

He and Lily exchanged a look. Samsara blinked and rested her head against Remus’ chest. He was so warm. She was so sleepy. So sleepy.

“Stay awake now, love.” Remus said. “Can’t sleep just yet.”

They reached the ridge. It was a blur as Samsara was laid down on the rock and lowered. 

Remus protested as James hoisted her onto his back, trying his best to be gentle. He carried her piggyback style down the hill. The castle was in the distance. They just needed to make it down the hill and up the one to the castle.

“Hey Jamie?” She mumbled sleepily. “Thanks for saving me back there. I thought I was going to be eaten.” She giggled at the thought. It was really funny now that she thought of it. 

James sighed, shrugging. “Of course, Sammy. You’re like a sister to me.”

“Hmm. A sister… I like that. Ha. Haha. You can be a big jerk sometimes but I love you, Jamie.” 

He snorted. “Love you Sammy.” 

She was quiet for a minute. “Speaking of love! Can you and Lily kiss and make up already! Merlin! You guys obviously still love each other.”

“Right here, Sammy.” Lily said from behind her.

Samsara was confused. When had Lily shown up? 

She whispered into James’s ear “Oh nooooo! Do you think she heard me?” 

“No.” James shook his head, laughing. “Don’t think so.” Lily laughed too.

Then she remembered Remus. He had disappeared at some point. She pouted, resting her head against James’s shoulder. “I miss Remus.”

James laughed again. “He’s right next to you.”

She laughed, “Yeah okay, Jamie. I think I would know if… oh.” He was, in fact, right next to her. 

She whispered into James’ ear again. “Merlin, he’s good looking, don’t you think?”

Remus smiled at her and she smiled back. If only he knew what she just told James.

James chuckled. “Yeah he’s so _dreamy_ ”

She gasped. “He’s mine.”

James snorted, but didn’t answer.

James was short of breath as they approached the tree line. 

“I’ve got it from here, mate.” Remus said.

And Samsara was being exchanged into Remus’s arms. 

She looked up. The stars were blurry. Everything needed to stop spinning.

“I think I’m going to be sick.”

There was more blackness. When she came to, she was in a hospital bed. 

Moonlight shone through the window next to her bed. She stared at her leg, strapped to the bed.

“What the?” She said, pulling on the straps.

“She’s awake.” Lily called.

Samsara’s head was throbbing. She remembered flying into the tree, and her leg being crushed by a giant grey hand. 

She lifted the straps off of her leg and pushed on the skin. It was numb. She couldn’t feel it. 

“It’s okay.” Lily assured her. “Pomfrey sealed your wounds up and gave you a potion for your concussion and numbed your leg. Your head still might hurt a little, but we decided to let you rest before we went in with the skelegro. You’ve been out for an hour.”

“Where’s Remus?”

Lily frowned. “He’s uh, out in the hallway with James. They were arguing over something.”

“Oh.” Samsara winced as she tried to sit up.

“Take it easy, Miss Burton.” Poppy was at her side almost instantly. “Heard you had a bit of a nasty fall _down the stairs_ hmm?”

“R-right.” Samsara said. _Or a fifteen foot mountain troll crushed it with his fist._

“Well, luckily it’s nothing that good old Skele-gro can’t fix.” 

Samsara groaned. It wasn’t her first broken bone, though the last time she had only broken a finger. The Skele-gro had worked in an hour. This would be a lot more painful and take a lot more time. 

Skele-gro was the nastiest tasting medicine in existence. Samsara cringed at the sight of the white bottle.

Pomfrey measured out a large glass of the drink. “We’ll have you take this three times today, and once more tomorrow. You are not to move from this bed unless assisted by myself or an aide, do you understand?”

Samsara nodded, grimacing at the stench of the drink she now held in her hands. “Yes, alright.”

Pomfrey watched her, “Go on.”

Samsara sighed, pinching her nose as she chugged the sour, chemically beverage. When the cup was empty, she shuddered as it burned down her throat. It made firewhiskey seem like cotton candy.

“There you are.” Pomfrey said, flicking her wand to clean the glass and refill it with water. “Now drink this up and get some rest. I will wake you when it’s time to drink again. Miss Evans, you may return to your room now. We wouldn’t want you missing class tomorrow, would we?”

Lily reluctantly said goodbye, giving Samsara’s hand a squeeze before going.

Samsara’s eyelids grew heavy from the medicine and she drifted off to sleep.

She woke hours later, unsure of the exact time. The sun was just coming up. The soft orange light peaked through the curtains. She hadn’t been out long. They had to have gotten to the castle at 2 or 3 in the morning. Her curtains were drawn shut, but she heard hushed voices.

“Are you going to tell her?” It was Pomfrey.

“How can I? Don’t you think Dumbledore would expel me if word got out?” Another voice whispered.

“Oh I don’t know, love, I don’t see how you can keep her from discovering the truth.” Pomfrey said softly

“I-I just can’t. She wouldn’t understand.” The voice was no longer whispering. It was Remus. He was here, but not by her side. He was only there to talk to Poppy Pomfrey.

An indignant anger bubbled in her chest. Her head throbbed and she remembered their argument in the forest.

“You would think she would have figured it out by now. Burton is a bright young girl when she isn’t falling down stairs” Poppy snorted. 

Were they talking about _her_? Remus was talking about her behind her back with _Pomfrey_? Why? Were they _together_

It all made sense to her. He was always coming to the wing and talking to her.

She remembered the first day of class when she had a panic attack. Hadn’t he come out of her office with his shirt untucked and his hair all disheveled?

Her heart began thudding as her blood boiled with anger. This was worse than lying to her face about the fountain. This was the last straw. She wouldn’t sit around while he snuck around with the freaking school nurse. 

She was disgusted and there was something else. The pit in her stomach was ugly and twisting like a black pool of sadness. Disappointment. 

She loved him. And he repeatedly lied to her. He had even hid information from her when he knew how hard she had been working to solve the riddle.

It was over between them, as far as she was concerned. And at this point, she didn’t care if their friendship survived. Maybe the medicine had her in a particularly foul mood, but she felt a right to be angry. Not just angry, she was livid.

The curtains pulled open and she shut her eyes tight. 

“Miss Burton?”

She pretended to stir, looking up at Pomfrey.

“Morning dear,” She said in a soft voice, “You’ve got a visitor, but first I need you to have some more of that yummy medicine from before.”

Samsara didn’t hide the roll of her eyes. She had enough with this woman and her condescending tone. _Poppy_ really had some nerve for trying to act professional when she was sneaking around with a 15 year old. 

Samsara didn’t flinch this time as she swallowed the thick, nasty medicine. “Alright. Send him in.”

“Sure dear.” Poppy frowned. “I need to go to my chambers for a bit. Ring the bedside bell if you need me, okay? It will ring the one in my chambers.”

She nodded, although she wouldn’t be using it if she was near death.  
Her footsteps echoed away and Remus peeked around the curtains.

“Welcome to my humble abode” Samsara said, drawling in monotone.

He smiled at her and she didn’t return it. His smile faded.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Sammy.” He reached for her hand, and she pulled it out of his reach. 

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Me too.”

They were silent for a minute.

“I have something to tell you.” Remus said, rubbing the back of his neck.

She laughed humorlessly. “I already know.”

Remus looked at her with wide eyes.

“Did you think I was too stupid to figure it out?”

Remus flinched. “Right well-”

“I’m actually kind of disgusted. I mean sneaking behind my back with _Pomfrey_?” Samsara snorted. “I guess that explains why you keep pushing me away.”

Remus narrowed his eyes at her. “You know, you can be really daft.”

She laughed humorlessly. “Yeah I guess so. Maybe that’s why you keep lying to me. Think I’m too dumb to understand it. Well, I guess _I am_ dumb because I didn’t see THIS coming.”

Remus scoffed. “Well why should I bother trying to tell you? Since you know everything.”

“Yeah well I do. I know that you’re my boyfriend and you lie to me. I know that the Millenium Ball is less than two weeks away and you haven’t so much as asked me to go even though you _know_ I would say yes. And there’s also how I practically threw myself at you and you pushed me away like you were disgusted with me.”

She looked at him expectantly.

He ran his hands through his hair. “I didn’t-”

“Oh! And another thing.” She sniffled, hot tears streaming down her face. “I tried to tell you that I loved you and you interrupted me like it didn’t matter. Like you didn’t want to hear it. And I know I woke up in this bed alone while you were in the corner whispering and sneaking around with freaking Pomfrey. Talking about me behind my back.”

He looked at her with wide eyes, shaking his head. She held up a finger.

“And there’s one more thing I’m absolutely sure of, and that’s that this relationship is over.” She snapped, wiping at her eyes in frustration. A look of shock came across his face. “And I don’t want to be your friend anymore.”

“Samsara, you don’t mean that. You can’t believe that… Hang on, You love me?”

She laughed humorlessly. “Past tense, I guess.”

His eyes looked dark, but he said nothing.

She exhaled, looking him square in the face. “Please leave.”

A look of pain flashed in his eyes, but then it was gone. 

His expression was neutral. “As you wish.”

He stood and left without another word. She cried into her pillow until her eyes were too tired to stay open.

An agonizingly boring school week in the hospital wing passed slowly, but it passed. Pomfrey had ordered her to stay in bed while her regrown bones set and got stronger. Now that her anger had faded, she just felt broken. She wanted Remus to come back and hold her and tell her they would be okay, but she knew they wouldn’t be. No matter how many times she dreamt of him lying next to her, she woke up alone. 

Lily came by with the girls and they filled her in on gossip and gave her copies of their notes. They were all so excited about the dance. Lily and James were back together. She had forgiven him since he saved Samsara’s life and vowed to be less immature. Lily and the girls were going to go shopping for dresses that weekend. Marlene was talking about how her and Sirius were now shagging in Filch’s office. 

Samsara wanted to smile and laugh along with them, but she couldn’t bring herself to. 

When she was finally let out of the hospital on the weekend, she hid away from everyone and everything in her dorm, pulling the curtains shut and muffling her sobs with a silencing charm. Her roommates didn’t try to bother her and ask if she was alright, and she was thankful for it.

Saturday and Sunday she cried alone in her dorm, hiding from the world. On Monday, however, she knew it couldn’t go on.

She pulled herself together and got ready for class. She wouldn’t let herself appear as broken as she felt.

She took her time applying light makeup on her face to help cover the dark circles under her eyes from crying and not sleeping. She emphasized the green in her eyes with a warm orangey-brown eyeshadow and winged eyeliner. She coated her lashes with mascara and topped off her blushy, glowy look with some lip gloss that emphasized the fullness of her lips.

It was natural enough to be allowed in class, but dramatic enough for her to feel a small swell of self confidence. She spritzed a single spray of perfume and walked through the mist so it covered her lightly. She could do this.

Her first class was Divination, and Elias’s eyes met hers from the moment she climbed the last step of the staircase. She smiled weakly, holding his eye contact. He was probably annoyed with her for leaving him alone all week. 

His lips stretched into a wide grin as she joined him at their table. “Hey.”

“Hi.” She bit her lip as he smiled at her. She avoided his eyes on her, pulling out her parchment and quills.

He leaned across the small table, “You know, It’s kind of unfair, you looking so good this early in the morning.”

She glanced up, raising her eyebrows. 

“I’ll hardly be able to pay attention to the lecture.” He continued, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

She snorted. “Sounds like a personal problem, Elias.”

After a short lecture, they were supposed to do a reading of candle wax. They silently tapped their empty glasses to fill them with water. 

“Ladies first.” Elias said, gesturing to her to go first. 

She nodded, lighting her candle. Her thoughts drifted to Remus and their first kiss in candlelight.

“Samsara?”

She blinked, holding the candle up quickly. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He watched her curiously as she lifted a shaking hand to drip the wax into the water.

“Steady, now.” Elias instructed, reaching a hand to hold hers still. 

His fingers were warm as they held her hand steady. 

Samsara gasped. In all the times she had used carromancy, nothing had come of it.

But this time the black wax dripped like a stream into the water, forming the shape of a large wolf.

Above the wolf was a closed circle. 

“A moon, maybe?” 

Elias nodded, his expression not betraying anything. He leaned forward to blow hard over their joined hands, extinguishing the flame.

“That was weird.” He said, mostly to himself.

Samsara went to write it down when she saw that their hands were still together. “Ahem.”

Elias smirked, running a thumb over her knuckles before placing her hand down on the table. “Sorry.”

She felt her lips twitch up. “No you’re not.”

She looked down at her parchment as she wrote down the symbol. A wolf and a moon. A full moon. 

“I’m not actually. See, word is that you’re single again.”

She furrowed her brows. “How did you know about that?”

“I went to ask your little Gryffindor friends about you when you didn’t show up in class. The one with glasses was talking about it with the other one. Dunno his name.”

“Oh.” A pit formed in her stomach. If he was talking about it, it really was final then. It was over.

“I should feel sad for you, but I don’t.”

“Oh?” She crossed her arms, sending him a glare. 

“See, now you can come to the ball with me.” Elias said, his lips stretching into a dimpled smile.

He wasn’t _un_ attractive. 

“I don’t know.” She sighed.

“Well, that’s still a maybe.” Something glinted in his eyes.

“Shut up, Zabini.” She tossed a crumpled piece of paper at him. He dodged, laughing.

Difficult wasn’t a good enough word to describe what it felt like to see him for the first time in DADA.

Louisa was in Samsara’s usual spot next to Remus, and the sight made her stomach drop. She didn’t know if she was jealous or thankful. She decided to think of it as her friend doing her a favor. Nothing to be emotional about. She tore her gaze away from the back of his head to walk past him and sit on the left side next to Oliver.

She thought she felt eyes on her, but it was probably just her imagination or her nosy classmates. If Elias knew, then everyone probably did. By tomorrow they would have something else to gossip about. She just needed to keep holding her head high like nothing was wrong.

Oliver smiled, becoming her closer. “Lou figured you might want to trade spots.”

Samsara nodded, sitting up straight again. “Oh. That was nice of her.” She heard Louisa's laughter behind her. “I’ll be sure to thank her.”

She stole a glance over her shoulder and Louisa was throwing her head back, laughing at something Remus had said. 

She narrowed her eyes. Sure, he was funny, but not _that_ funny. He caught her eyes and she turned around, gulping.

She clutched the desk. She was going to lose it in the middle of the classroom. She breathed deeply. She was going to be okay if she stayed calm.

She remembered him lying to her, sneaking around with Pomfrey. She shouldn’t want someone who would hurt her.

She exhaled slowly, releasing her tight-knuckled grip on the table.

“Are you alright?” Oliver said, patting her back.

She nodded. “Yeah. At least, I’m going to be.”

He smiled, taking his hand from her back and turning to face the professor as the lecture began.

Oliver slouched in his seat and his ankle kicked hers, before he jerked it back. “Er, sorry Sammy.”

“It’s okay.” She whispered. 

Her thoughts drifted to Remus pressing his leg against hers, his arm slung over her chair. She wouldn’t have that ever again.

She blinked hard, willing the wetness to dry in her eyes. 

So much for staying calm.

She stared straight ahead as she left class, walking past the entire group of Gryffindors with her head held high. She would act like nothing mattered until it finally felt true. Until then, she couldn’t look at them and long to belong with them like she did before.

In a daze, she grabbed some clothes and headed alone to the prefect bathroom. Her eyes were on her feet as she walked into the bathroom. 

She sighed, sitting on a nearby bench as she bent over to pull off her knee socks.

“I’m probably going to regret saying something” Her eyes looked up to meet amber ones. “but I think you’re in the wrong bathroom.”

Elias chuckled at her as she jumped in surprise. He stood a few feet away, a towel slung low across his hips. Beads of water dripped down his chest, and she had to practically tear her eyes away.

“Unless of course, you’re here to join me. Then I can’t say I mind.”

To say her cheeks burned red would be the understatement of the century. 

“Uh, sorry! I’ll be going to take a shower now. Bath! I mean bath.”

She gathered her things, scrambling to the exit. 

“Hang on.” He called after her. She froze, pivoting on her feet. 

He walked right over to her until he was only inches away, all in his half-naked, rippling-muscle glory.

She raised an eyebrow, trying not to let his body distract her.

He leaned over her with a smirk. “Forgetting something?” He held up her black panties with his finger.

“Oh! Ha. haha!” She gulped, snatching them from his finger. If possible, her cheeks turned even more red. 

“Oh, Burton, what am I going to do with you?” He chuckled.

“Nothing, because I uh” She backed away and his eyes followed her. “I gotta go!” 

His laughter followed her down the hall as she practically ran. She smacked hard into a wall.

But it wasn’t a wall. It was Remus. 

“Remus?” She blinked to make sure he was real.

He steadied her with his hands. “You do know that’s the bloke’s bathroom, right?” He frowned, looking over her shoulder. 

“Y-yeah.” She gulped, “I just got distracted I guess.”

She stepped around him, avoiding his eyes. 

“Wait, Samsara!” He called, and she turned around, a hopeful feeling in her gut betraying her.

A different voice spoke before either of them could. 

“Excuse me, mate.” Elias smirked, stepping around Remus to exit. He gave Samsara a wink as she passed. She blushed all over again.

Remus narrowed his eyes at Samsara. Her eyes went wide. _No._

“No! Remus, I-”

“Forget it. This is just perfect.”

She shook her head furiously. “ _No_ you’ve got it wrong!”

He scoffed. “Sure.”

She gulped back the lump in her throat as she watched him disappear into the archway of the boy’s bathroom. Samsara blinked back tears, until she was in the girls room. After making sure she was alone, she let herself slump against the wall and cry.

(REMUS’S POV)

This is fucking bullshit. It’s all my father’s fault, really. If he hadn’t opened his big mouth and told Greyback he was “soulless, evil, deserving nothing but death.” then I would have been normal.

Greyback wouldn’t have come in through my window when I was four. He wouldn’t have taken my humanity, and I wouldn’t be a monster. 

My father would be able to look into my eyes and I would be able to tell Samsara that I loved her.

But the reality is that can never happen. We can’t exactly be together if I want to keep her safe from me. After seeing her that night, broken and weak in my arms, I knew I could never let something happen to her again. It would break me.

When she pushed me away, I let her. She could believe anything she wanted to about me, just not that we would live happily ever after. It could never happen. That was clear to me now.

I remember her words, telling me she loved me was like a dagger in my chest. She loved me and she hated me.

I was already wounded inside, but now there was an empty hole where all joy used to be. Where Samsara used to be.

I had stayed away from the Hospital Wing. I didn’t beg her to listen. I just let her heal in peace.

Classes dragged on all week. Everyone was buzzing about the upcoming ball. Samsara was absent at the Prefect meetings about the ball. The chair next to me was empty in Defense. 

The cruel thing is, the Ball is on the full moon, so I couldn’t have taken her anyway. She wouldn’t understand.

The lads try to cheer me up, but no amount of pranks or firewhiskey could make it better. I can’t have her back.

On Monday Louisa sits next to me and I try to be civil. She’s a nice girl. 

I smell her when she enters the room. The open window carrying her scent to me. The full moon is this Saturday and my senses are even more heightened. I pick up her scent stronger than ever. She’s wearing perfume and it makes her smell incredible. 

I might be drooling. It’s pathetic. 

She walks past me like I don’t exist, sitting next to Oliver.

He leans closer to her and I snap my quill in half. 

Louisa glances at me with wide eyes. 

I shrug, smiling sheepishly to play it off. “Guess I don’t know my own strength.” I chuckle nervously.

She laughs, loudly, throwing her head back. Phew. Close one.

I see Samsara’s green eyes out of the corner of my eyes, but when I look at her she turns back around.

Her knuckles are white as she grips her desk. Silly jealous girl. 

Oliver pats her back and karma pays me a visit as a swell of jealousy nearly consumes me. 

By the end of class, I’m beyond tense. She ignores me without a glance as she walks out of class with her head held high.

I drop my things off in my dorm and sit on the bed. I’m so angry at everything and so fucking tense. Instead of draining my energy like it usually does, the moon is intensifying it.

“What’s wrong, moony?” Sirius says, collapsing next to me on my bed.

His hands start massaging my shoulders and I push him away.

“I’m going for a bath.” I mutter, grabbing a change of clothes. I just want to be alone.

The absolute last person I expect to be in my arms is the one I’ve been longing for all week. All Day. Always.

She’s red in the face as I steady her. I look behind her to make sure that _I’m_ not walking the wrong way. 

“You do know that’s the bloke’s bathroom, right?” I frown, looking over her shoulder. What the hell was she doing in there? 

“Y-yeah.” She gulps, “I just got distracted I guess.” Oh. Then why is she so jittery and flustered?

She walks around me, avoiding my eyes. 

“Wait, Samsara!” I call out after her. Because I just want her to look in my eyes. I just want to feel grounded again for one single moment. It’s like I’ve been drowning all week.

She turns and looks at me and she takes my breath away. I’m searching for the right words, but someone beats me to the punch.

It comes from behind me, and I smell him before I see him. Elias Zabini. “Excuse me, mate.” He smirks, and dark, homicidal thoughts make me see red. I look at Samsara. 

She said she loved me and the first thing she does when we break up is fool around with the guy she swore was a friend. And she called _me_ the liar?

Her eyes grow wide, realizing I made the connection. _No._ I won’t give in to those big, green eyes that are begging me to understand.

“No! Remus, I-”

I want to laugh at this situation. Of course she went right into Zabini’s arms. “Forget it. This is just perfect.”

She shakes her head furiously. “ _No_ you’ve got it wrong!”

“Sure.”

This is fucking bullshit.


	27. Closure.

It was late and Samsara just couldn’t sleep. Usually a night time bath was enough to make her sleepy, but even after crying her eyes out, she felt restless. In the middle of the night, she had found herself getting out of bed and walking to the kitchens. 

Going to the kitchens when she couldn’t sleep was like a second nature to her now. It was something she had been doing for as long as she had been at Hogwarts.

When she tickled the pear and stepped through the portrait hole, she remembered why she shouldn’t have come.  
In his usual spot by the fire was Remus. He looked up when she walked in, and his eyes met hers.

He didn’t smile, and suddenly the kitchens were ruined for her. She turned on her heel to leave.

“Don’t! Er, don’t go on my account.” He was standing up. “I have some extra cookies here if you want some. I was just leaving.”

“Oh.” She said. He came around the table and stood in front of her. He looked like he was going to pass her by, when he turned to face her. When he looked into her eyes, she almost gasped. He looked pale and sickly. His eyes were bloodshot.

He sighed, “Couldn’t sleep either?” It was like he took an unconscious step closer, before remembering. That they weren’t together anymore. That it wasn’t his place to comfort her.

She shrugged, shaking her head. “No, I couldn’t.”

“Right. Well, I’ll leave you to it.” He sighed. He stared at the floor for a moment, before he walked out of the portrait without a second glance.

Her heart sank. If she had been looking for a sign, that was it. They were really over. She had really lost him, even as a friend. 

That had been what she had wanted, she reminded herself.

She lost her appetite for cookies and cocoa. They only made her think of him. She called for a house elf and asked for chamomile tea. Even the house elf seemed sad about placing the steaming mug in front of her. 

She stared at the crackling logs of the fireplace and thought about everything that had been keeping her awake.

The way she saw it, she couldn’t expect Lily or James to miss the dance on Saturday to help her. They had just gotten back together, and they deserved to enjoy themselves.

Remus couldn’t stand even looking at her. And he never wanted to go to the dance to begin with, probably.

If she had been able to go with him, the dance would have been a good cover for her. An alibi in case she got into trouble. All she would have needed would be to be seen at the dance for a few hours by her professors. Then she could sneak off to the whomping willow without looking suspicious.

Lily had coerced the information out of James. The path through to the fountain in Hogsmeade was at the base of the whomping willow. She would need to use a charm to calm the tree and sneak in unseen.

Then she would need to return the artifacts and then... Well, she didn’t know what would happen after that. Now she didn’t have anyone to talk about it with. She was alone in her quest now. The boys were probably all on Remus’s side and probably hated her. 

That would have to be something she could only worry about after this was all over. There was only so much she could bear at once.

Besides the breakup, she was extremely stressed out over the possibility that she could mess up this huge opportunity the founders gave her. She didn’t know what would come of it, but the prophecy warned her of doom if she failed to complete it. 

But if she did, what would she even wish?

A week ago, she would say that she had everything she wanted. Her sister had turned a new leaf, and came home. And she had been so in love with Remus. She still was.

She could wish for them to work things out… but that seemed selfish. And if he was hiding things from her and seeing Pomfrey, she shouldn’t want to take him back. 

Then what? What could she wish for? It wasn’t like she could ever see her father again.

Besides her own selfish desires to have Remus back and have things go back to normal, there was only one thing she truly wanted.

She wanted her sister and her new family to be safe. She wanted her niece or nephew to have a healthy and happy life.

She wanted her mother to get out of her head and start living her life again.

Samsara knew she would have to wish for something that mattered. But then what would happen? Magic didn’t grant wishes. 

What she really wished was that the founders had chosen someone else. 

She finished her chamomile tea and headed off to sleep. Her eyes were drooping as she walked up the stairs to her dorm. She was finally exhausted enough to sleep.

Despite being sleepy from a lack of rest, the second day of classes wasn’t as bad as the first had been. She had accepted it. Remus didn’t want to fix things, so she shouldn’t either. 

That thought alone should have made it easier to get through Transfiguration, but it didn’t. She still felt a swell of sadness at the sight of his sandy brown hair from a few rows back. But for once, she didn’t feel like crying about it. 

James smiled and waved at her from next to Lily, and it made her feel better. She hoped the other Gryffindors would still talk to her when this had all blown over. Maybe when the wounds weren’t so fresh, she could mend things with Remus and they could at least be friends.

She chatted with Lily in the library before her patrols with Oliver. She told her about Elias and Remus and what a hot mess her mind was. 

Lily agreed that something was up with Remus, and told Samsara that she should just go to the ball with Elias. Lily was walking Samsara to the usual spot where she waited for Oliver to meet her for patrols. Lily was listening eagerly as Samsara recounted how Elias had been nearly naked in the Prefect’s bathroom and she had been all flustered. How Remus had taken it all wrong.

As if his name had summoned him, Zabini appeared in the hallway, smiling as he walked up behind Lily. Samsara’s heart did a weird flippy thing. Lily was going to say something embarrassing. She just knew it. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion.

“I mean, you’re single and he’s single.” Lily said. “He’s a bit of a weird pureblood type but, like, definitely tall, dark, and gorgeous. Just go with him. Remus is acting like a jerk. Screw him. Especially if he cheated on you. I mean, don’t think he did, and you guys just need to talk it out but. Just fuck it. Enjoy yourself this weekend. Go with Elias. This is literally a once in a Millenium event.”

Samsara shook her head at Lily with wide eyes, as Elias’s face stretched with a shit-eating grin. He was just a few feet behind Lily. Samsara was distracted for a moment as he raised an eyebrow at her. She remembered him half-naked in the prefect’s bathroom, and her cheeks grew red.

She hated how she blushed around him all the time.

“And, like, you said so yourself that he had, like, a twelve pack and like, the hottest body you had ever seen.”

“Lily!” Samsara gasped, jerking her head to point over Lily’s shoulder.

Lily ignored her, “So just, like snog this Elias dude and forget about Remus.”

“ _Lily._ ”

“What?”

“Behind you.”

Lily jumped nearly a foot in the air as she turned to see Elias smiling down at her. 

Samsara had never seen the girl look so red. She was practically a tomato.

“Uh, gotta go!” Lily squeaked, suddenly in a hurry to leave.

Samsara looked left and right. Oliver wasn’t there yet. She wasn’t sure what to do.

“Uh, me too!” She turned away from him.

“Not so fast, Burton.” She froze on the spot. He came around to face her, dimples on full display as he grinned at her.

“I, uh, have patrol with Oliver.” She looked around. He should be on this floor, any minute now.

He rolled his eyes at her, still smiling. “This won’t take long.”

She gulped, “Oh?”

“You know, I think I like that redhead girl.” He said. He looked Samsara up and down. “So, the hottest body you’ve ever seen?”

“Uhhh. I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t?”

“Nope. No. Don’t think so, no.”

His hands took one of hers and pressed it to his abdomen. “I hate to disappoint, but this is hardly a _twelve pack._ ” He chuckled

“Oh?” She squeaked. Her face couldn’t get any redder. 

“I’m happy to know you appreciate my body, Burton. But will you just agree to go to the Ball with me, already?” He said, smirking. 

She bit her lip. “I can’t.”

His smile never faltered. “Well you can’t say it’s because of your boyfriend.”

He took a step closer. 

“And you can’t say it’s because you’re not attracted to me.” He continued.

She took a step backwards, and he followed her. “I… uh, don’t have a dress?”

He shrugged, “Easily resolved. I’ll have one sent. I remember what you look good in.” He shamelessly looked over her body again.

He stepped closer and she stepped backwards.

“I, uh,” Her back hit the wall, and he placed his arm over her, caging her in. “uhhh.”

“Just say yes.” His hand came up and brushed a thumb over her lower lip.

Merlin, he was straightforward. It was something she didn’t know how to deal with. 

Her eyes went to his lips. And his did the same to hers. His intention was clear. He wanted her.

She was in over her head with this. She wasn’t ready for something new so soon. She still loved Remus. She blamed the small white towel he had used in the bathroom yesterday and her raging teenage hormones for what came out of her mouth next. 

“I’ll say yes on one condition. Can you keep a secret?”

He smiled, leaning down so that their faces were an inch apart. “Of course.”

She ducked out from under his arm and took a step away from him. She couldn’t think straight. “Okay. Let’s meet after my rounds. I want to show you something.”

His eyes glinted mischievously. “Sure. Name the time and place.”

They headed separate ways as Oliver found her. Patrol was the same as usual. Samsara tried to pay attention as Oliver told Samsara about his latest date with Lousia. Her heart hammered at the idea of possibly getting Elias to help her on Saturday. 

The opportunity to get someone to help with her quest had practically fallen into her lap. She was excited to meet with him. She was sure Elias would be helpful, as an older student with a good reputation. He was smart and he would be the perfect cover. Plus, she would get to go to the ball. And he wasn’t _terrible_ or anything to be around.

Things suddenly didn’t seem so gloomy anymore.

It wasn’t the marauders, and it wasn’t Remus. But it was a start for healing the cracks in her broken heart.

She wasn’t so sure she would ever recover fully, but Elias was her friend. He was clever, and he was charming. He was a start.

Her thoughts went to what her grandmother had told her at the new years party.

_’Oh, come dear. You act like a dance with one of the most handsome young fellows here would be the worst thing that could happen to you.’_

Her gran had been right. It wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen to her.

Elias had suggested meeting in his common room- his dorm room specifically, but she had opted instead for the supply room down the hall from her common room.

He was leaning against a table, waiting for her as she walked in. He was dressed in his button up shirt and slacks from earlier, but now his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The top two buttons of his shirt were undone, and his tie and robe had been discarded. 

She had never seen him look so casual. It looked good on him. His amber eyes watched her as she walked over.

“Hey.” She said, as she walked up to him.

She glanced at him, and then positioned herself atop a table opposite from him. It was a safe distance, she figured. Safe enough from the sudden palpable tension between them. Something that was too much for her to deal with right now.

He smirked, noting the distance placed between them. “Hello Samsara.”

“Elias.” She answered, smiling back.

“Had a good patrol?” He asked.

She nodded, it had been over fairly quickly with no major happenings. “Mhmm.”

“You take any points yet?” He smirked.

“Um… Nope.” She laughed uncomfortably as she realized she had gone on yet another patrol without punishing anyone. “Still haven’t.”

He chuckled, standing up straight.

“So what’s your secret, Burton?” He took slow steps over to her and closed the distance between them. 

She gulped. His warm hands were on her knees, pushing them apart as he came to stand between her legs. Then his arms snaked around her waist as he leaned down over her. 

It all had happened so fast.

Her eyes dropped from his eyes, which had little flecks of gold in them...to his full lips. 

For some reason, she didn’t want to push him away. She was curious.

“I’ll tell you mine first.” He said softly, his warm breath fanning her face.

She was dazzled. Stuck. Practically entranced by his square jaw and amber eyes being so close. She didn’t stop him as he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers.

It was brief, and she did feel _something_ but it wasn’t like with Remus. The memory of kissing Remus in this very room was enough to suddenly need space.

She pulled away, eyes fluttering. “And how exactly was that a secret?”

“Oh, right.” He smirked. “The secret is that I’ve been wanting to do that since the start of term.”

“Really?” She eyed him suspiciously.

“Really.” His amber eyes seemed darker as he studied her.

She blushed. 

She let him kiss her again. The second time was better. Longer. And he was a good kisser. So what was wrong?

She was definitely attracted to him. She was probably just a little heartbroken still. But if Remus was seeing someone else, she shouldn’t feel guilty. Right?

His lips were soft and his hands held her steady as he kissed her. But it was too much, too soon.

She pulled away again. That guilty, sinking feeling was in her stomach again. It wasn’t right.

“Mm. Elias?” She mumbled against his lips.

“Yeah?” He pulled back, hand still gripping her waist.

She didn’t want to push him away, but she needed to. Kissing him was a nice distraction. But her emotions were all over the place and there were more important matters at hand.

“I have to tell you something, remember? Can I show you what I brought?”

He blinked, stepping backwards. “Right. Sure.”

His warm hands were on her knees again, and the feeling sent shivers up to her core. She didn’t really want him to stop, but she couldn’t help but wish she was with Remus instead.

“Do you remember when Trelawney went all rigid that one day while we were helping her out… and she made that prediction?” She asked, ignoring the way her mind was flip flopping.

His eyes searched hers. He nodded “I remember. She saw something. A prophecy. And I knew that you knew more than you let on.” He chuckled. “Well go on, what have you found out?”

He looked excited about it. So she showed him the artifacts and the riddle. She didn’t give many details about the room of requirement, and instead told him she could never find the room again. His eyes darkened at the mention of his brother and her sister. She told him about the centaurs, and left out the parts about remus and james with the whomping willow. She knew the Gryffindors had come to use it as their favorite party spot. Well, it used to be her favorite spot too. 

She told him enough to explain the prophecy, and her plans. But not everything. Not about the Marauders.

He took a step back, looking more serious. He paced back and forth. “Merlin. So you actually have it all figured out. That’s incredible!”

She nodded. “Right, so if we go together to the ball on Saturday, I will have to leave early to go to the fountain.”

He stroked his chin with his thumb. “But how are we getting you to the fountain?”

She shook her head “I know a way, I just need a cover. That’s where you come in.”

He chuckled, “So that’s why you want to go to the dance with me. Oh. _I get it now._ ”

Her eyes went wide. “No! That’s not it at all, Elias. I mean, you have to understand that Remus and I didn’t end on a good note. It’s only been a week. And now we aren’t even friends anymore and I...” Her voice cracked.

His eyes widened, and he embraced her tightly to his chest. “It’s alright, Samsara. I was only teasing you.”

He kissed her forehead, and she felt calm. He was going to help her. She wasn’t going to be alone in this.

That night she slept soundly. She dreamed of being carried in Remus’ arms in the snow. He was so warm, so warm.

Her dream had unsettled her a bit, especially when she woke up to remember what had happened after he had carried her.

In the early morning, she was sorting through her trunk to organize her things. She had lost her favorite ink vial. She just wanted to find it. Then she would be okay. 

She pulled everything out, trying not to make a lot of noise as her roommates slept.

At the bottom of her trunk was the color-changing ink vial, and there were also three small parcels addressed to Summer. From their father.

Dropping everything else, she gathered the parcels in her arms and went to the owlery. She wrapped the packages into a single larger parcel and addressed it to the village that Summer had told her about. 

She frowned, realizing she never had asked for Darius’ last name. Summer’s new last name. It wouldn’t be safe to address it to Summer if she was hiding. So Samsara addressed it to Darius and left no return address. She knew she should be as discreet as possible. 

It was time that Summer got to open the packages and read the cards from their father. Even though her sister grieved differently, she knew that Summer missed him too.

Her sister’s response came on Friday at breakfast. The envelope simply had her first name, with no return address, but she recognized the handwriting.

“Good boy, Pumpkin.” She cooed. It had probably been a long and difficult trip in the middle of winter. He was a little bird after all. 

She hoped he made lots of stops and got plenty of rest.

She pet Pumpkin’s feathers as she opened it up.

_  
Samsara,_

_Good thinking, addressing the package to Darius. Thank you so much.  
I haven’t brought myself to open them just yet, but I will._

_I thought the worst part of pregnancy was over, now that the morning sickness and tiredness has finally faded. But now all I do is pee and feel like a whale. I’m sore everywhere._

_How are things going with Remus? Did he come to the party?_

_S._

Samsara’s heart sank as she read the last line. It had only been a bit over two weeks since she had seen Summer, and so much had changed. Her eyes searched for Remus at the Gryffindor table. He was with the others, laughing. His eyes looked sunken in. He was pale and he looked tired but he was laughing.

While she was over here feeling miserable. Maybe she needed to move on.

Like magnets, his eyes found hers from across the room. He smiled at her. And her heart betrayed her by skipping a beat. She smiled back.

She had missed his smile.

And then their little moment was interrupted as Elias came to stand in front of her, blocking her view.

It felt like the entire school, if not at least the entire Hufflepuff table was watching as the Slytherin boy sat opposite her.

“Hey, Burton.” He said, grinning. “Mind if I join you?”

She shrugged, trying to play it cool. “Nope.”

She was a bit shocked, though. As long as she had been at Hogwarts, she had rarely seen someone from _his_ house at _her_ house’s table. It just wasn’t something that was done.. There were Hufflepuffs who sat with their Slytherin friends, but never the other way around.

“Are you sure it’s okay for you to sit with me? Wouldn’t want the entire Slytherin house to have a fit.” She added with a smirk.

She sent Pumpkin off with a last pet, and tucked the letter into her bag.

He winked. “Don’t worry. It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

She gulped, “If you say so.” 

She watched him with an amused smile as he helped himself to a cup of tea and a piece of fruit, ignoring the awed looks on either side of the table. 

“Lovely morning, isn’t it?” He said to the girl on his right, smirking. The girl nodded enthusiastically. 

Samsara laughed as the girl got up to leave, blushing. “You just can’t turn it off, can you? Guess you can charm the pants off of anyone, can’t you?”

“Well, almost anyone.” He gave her a lazy grin. 

She rolled her eyes, sipping her tea. 

He checked his wristwatch.

“Got somewhere to be?” She teased.

He shook his head. 

“Not exactly.” He said, “Just waiting for something.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “And what’s that?”

And then a large box was dropped in front of her by a massive owl. And then there was another owl with another box. And a third owl that dropped a bouquet of roses. The pile sat in front of her in a neat stack.

“To charm your pants off.” He finished, shrugging.

She gasped looking from him to the boxes. “You didn’t… Elias! Tell me you didn’t.”

“Oh, but I did.” He smiled back at her. “Go on, open it.”

She grinned, her fingers tracing the elegant ribbon wrapped over the large box. She _did_ love presents.

Louisa scooted closer, looking over her shoulder. “Yeah! Go on, open it!”

You could hear a pin drop in the Great Hall. She didn’t have to look to know how many people were watching her.

Samsara shrugged, not able to stop smiling as she opened the big box. There was tissue paper, printed with an elegant floral design, sealed with a sticker with some French name on it.

She raised an eyebrow 

Elias sipped his tea, watching her.

“Just rip it open, already! ” Oliver called from down the table. There were murmurs of agreement.

When she looked up, she saw way too many eyes on her. Even the professors were watching with interest. Her face grew warm.

Samsara rolled her eyes, and reached into the box, pulling the tissue paper apart.

She gasped, lifting a dark green silky dress from the box. “Wow. It’s beautiful.”

Hushed whispers filled the room. She lowered it back into the box.

He smirked. “There are shoes and things in the other one. Not exactly sure. My sister picked them out for you.”

She couldn’t stop smiling, “Wow, Thank you Elias. But this is too much.”

He shrugged. “Only the best for my date.”

She sighed, grinning. “Well, _If you insist._ ” She stood to gather the boxes, blushing as the others watched her.. “I guess I should take these to my room before class.”

“Can I walk with you?” He asked her.

She nodded, smiling. He held out the bouquet to her. “Here. I’ll carry the rest.”

When she turned to look at the door, a tall boy with sandy brown hair was already disappearing through it. Alone.

And her heart sank for a moment.

She pressed the roses to her nose and inhaled. Sweet. Bittersweet.

Elias followed her into the common room, waiting at the base of the stairs as she took the things to her room and placed them under her bed.

She found a vase for the flowers and put them on her nightstand.

She met Elias downstairs again and together they walked to Divination. Samsara couldn’t help but feel a flutter of excitement at the idea of going to the ball in that gorgeous silk dress with a handsome guy who was incredibly thoughtful. He wasn’t Remus, but he cared about her. He was going to help her finally complete her quest.

Things were looking up. Come Monday, she would only have to worry about her O.W.L.’s and fixing things with her friends. She would finally get to relax a little, maybe plan a trip to see Summer during spring break.

The future looked bright.


	28. The Millennium Ball

(Remus’s POV)

The sunlight in the open windows hurts my tired eyes. I can’t believe I’m awake at this hour. Frank is a lucky bastard who can sleep through practically anything. The sounds of his snores almost lull me back into sleep, but then James starts talking again. 

“Alright everyone, let’s go over the plan one more time.” James says, pacing back and forth in the center of our dorm room. He walks like a military general, back straight, arms behind his back. “Tonight is the full moon, and also the Ball.”

Sirius groans from under his covers. “Prongs, we’ve been over this at least ten times already.”

James sends him a stern look. “Oh, I’m sorry, am I interrupting your beauty sleep? Is that more important than keeping our dear Moony from harm’s way?”

I sigh, rubbing my eyes. It really was too early for this. Even for me. James was that type though, the kind of person who obsessed over plans down to the smallest detail. He couldn’t relax unless everyone was on board with his plan. If you gave him any inclination that you weren’t interested, he wouldn’t stop bothering you until you agreed. I’m starting to understand how Lily Evans has felt for the last four years.

Sirius snorts “But you’re the deer, Prongs, _he’s_ Moony.” 

James scoffs, “Overused, but a pun nonetheless. I’ll give you that. Ten points to Padfoot” 

Sirius lifts a fist out of his blanket and James is quick to pound it. Then he keeps on speaking. “Anyway it comes down to this. We will take shifts in pairs to go in the forest and distract Moony so he doesn’t go to the castle. We will also keep him from the Shack where Samsara will be completing her quest. Peter, are you sure you don’t want to go with her and make sure she’s alright?”

“She’ll be fine. I mean, the founders probably chose her for a reason.” Peter shrugs, jumping slightly when he catches my eyes. “Oh Come ON, Moony. This might be the only time I ever get a date.”

He was right of course. No one saw it coming that he would have a date. He was going with some girl from Slytherin in the year below us. We didn’t know he even talked to anyone in Slytherin. It was a bit of a shock, honestly. Wormtail’s a shy guy. Guess he’s just good at keeping his feelings to himself. 

“All I want is someone to make sure that Zabini fellow keeps his hands to himself and that Samsara stays safe.” I remind him, unable to keep animosity from my voice as I talk about him. Elias Zabini. The guy who’s basically been all over Samsara this year, out of nowhere. The kind of guy who used the word ‘mudblood’ frequently and whose friends were all slimy gits. 

James rolls his eyes. “Oh, _please_ Moony. The only reason you and Samsara aren’t together is because you’re an idiot. You should have just told her the truth. And she absolutely will be safe, _hence the plan_.”

He ignores the look I give him because we both know he’s right. I should have told her by now. It would have spared us both the misery of being apart. It would have spared me from watching her move on. When I had the chance, at that moment I just couldn’t bring myself to. Then the moment passed and the next chance she got, she dumped me.

I have to say, I couldn’t blame her for dumping me, but I also didn’t expect her to move on so quickly. It sucked to watch her and Elias walk around school together like they were already a couple. That little stunt he pulled with the dress and the flowers made me want to gag. James is right, though, I can’t say that I didn’t deserve it. To watch her be happy without me.

I keep telling myself it’s all for the best. This ball is a celebration of a thousand year anniversary. It’s literally a once in a thousand year opportunity, both for the ball and the quest. I can’t help her even though I want to. So it’s best I remove myself from the situation entirely. If I had told her about my condition two weeks back, she would have fussed over me and the full moon, and she really didn’t need to worry about anything else right now.

The quest. I know she’s been losing sleep over it. 

As for me and being apart from her? I can’t do this much longer. After this weekend, I will tell her everything. Even if she’s moved on, she deserves to know the truth.

James continues, “Anyway, no matter how good your date looks tonight and I mean I don’t care even if you’re balls, deep Sirius, we _will all be_ in the forest by 11pm sharp. Use any escape excuse necessary. We can handle angry girlfriends, we can’t handle someone getting hurt on our watch while Moony’s away from the Shrieking Shack. Understood?”

Sirius grumbles. “Fine.”

“Alright, lads. Bring it in.” He holds his arms wide open.

No one, especially not me, moves to stand. I’m ready to close my eyes and go back to sleep.

“Fuck off, Prongs, I need my beauty sleep.” Sirius groans. I can’t help but agree with the sentiment, even though currently I resemble something like a living corpse.

James huffs, crossing his arms. “Well as long as you all understand the plan.” He grumbles.

(END OF REMUS’s POV)

The night before the ball, Samsara had snuck out and practiced the charm on the whomping willow twenty times. She had walked the underground path back and forth twice. She had seen the fountain for herself. She had even seen exactly where she would need to place the founder’s artifacts. It was almost comical how obvious it was. There were symbols for each of the houses marked in the center of the fountain.

So why had she tossed and turned all night? Dreams of missing her chance still came to her whenever she closed her eyes. Getting to the fountain too late. A howling in the woods, a full moon obscured by branches. Intense fear. Then she woke up in a cold sweat. Over and over again. Like she had for weeks. She didn’t want to go into the kitchens, that would only make things worse. Seeing him. Knowing she couldn’t lean on Remus for comfort anymore.

She sleepily checked her bedside clock. It was 7:26. She didn’t need to be up so early, but she couldn’t stay asleep. The dance would start at 7 p.m. She would leave the dance at 9 p.m. and make it to Hogsmeade by 1 0p.m. It was all planned out. She really needed to stop worrying, but she just couldn’t.

Elias had been somewhat comforting, walking her through her plan several times, asking her what her contingency plans were in case something didn’t go as planned. He seemed surprised that none of her friends were going to help her. He offered again, and she declined. This was something she would just have to do alone.

When they had parted, he had kissed her hand. The discomfort was still there for her. She wasn’t ready for affection from someone new that she didn’t have strong feelings for. Sure, he was hot. But something still wasn’t sitting right with her about Remus. He was ill again. 

Maybe she had been too hard on him, jumped to conclusions too soon. Maybe it was all a big misunderstanding. Time away from him didn’t stop the longing she felt for him. 

Her date with Elias tonight would just be that. A date with a friend. Someone who had been there for her when all her most trusted friends were too busy. She couldn’t be angry at Remus anymore if she wanted to give Elias a chance. She couldn’t think of him every time Elias flirted with her. It wasn’t fair to anyone involved.

Before she could find it in her heart to move on, she needed to resolve things with Remus.

The trouble was, she still loved him. She needed him to be okay with everything. She needed some kind of confirmation he would move on if she did. 

Deep down she probably just wanted to see him once before her quest. Before the dance. Then maybe she would feel calm. And so her feet carried her up to the Gryffindor tower, and she stepped inside the portrait hole as several students left for breakfast. She walked right into the common room, past all of the inquisitive stares, and up the boy’s staircase. The familiarity calmed her. The smell of the log fire. It felt good. She hadn’t been to this common room in almost a month.

She found the boys’ room and knocked. 

“Fucking hell, can I just get five more minutes of beauty sleep. MERLIN!” a voice shouted.

Something thumped against the door. There were muffled voices and laughter.

“Come on in, Lilypad!” Another voice called. That had to be James.

When she opened the door with a sheepish smile, the room fell silent. 

“Um… Hi.” She mumbled. Her cheeks flushed as everyone including Frank stared at her with an open mouth. Her eyes found Remus’s. He was laid back, watching her with an unreadable expression from his bed. He looked quite pale. 

No one was saying anything. She gulped. This was probably a bad time. 

She cringed, feeling shy suddenly. “Um, I can come back later. Sorry I know it’s early I just… wanted to talk to you.” She cleared her throat, “Um, Remus, I mean.”

James, Sirius, Peter, and Frank all looked at each other with wide eyes. Remus was looking at her with this curiosity and something else. Samsara wondered if it was longing, or maybe that was just how _she_ felt. His tired eyes looked so dark, likely from a lack of sleep.

“Um. Sorry.” She shook her head. “I’ll just go. Sorry if I woke you guys up.”

“Wait!” James shouted. “We were just going downstairs, weren’t we lads?”

Peter nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, for breakfast.”

Sirius exhaled dramatically. “No. I wasn’t.” he grumbled.

Samsara crossed her arms, running her hand over her shoulder. She didn’t know if she should stay or go.

James smiled at her and beckoned her in. As he passed Sirius, he smacked the back of his head. “Downstairs, Siri. Now.” He said through a tight smile.

Samsara smiled uncomfortably, looking at the floor as Sirius put a shirt on and the boys each passed her on the way out the door. James patted her on the back and gave her a wink.

When the door shut, she was still studying the floor intently. She knew what she had to say, she just didn’t feel ready to say it, or to know what the answer would be. Finally she found the courage to look up.

Remus sat up on the edge of his bed, hunched over a bit.

“Are you alright?” She asked softly. This was a question that she already knew the answer to. Neither of them were okay, but it was a starting point. 

He looked up at her then, and there was a deeply anguished look in his eyes. “I’m fine.”

“Oh.” She said, sitting at the end of his bed, a few feet of space between them.

She tried not to think about how his bed smelled like him. She wanted to just lay on the covers and cuddle up in the smell of him. Thoughts like that made her heart hurt just a little bit more, so she needed to stop thinking about things like that. 

It was time to ask him what she had come to ask him.

“You know, I never really gave you a chance to talk that night, and it’s been eating me up inside.” She admitted, staring at the floor. “Will you please just tell me, what happened?”

Remus sighed, and she turned to him. He rubbed his hand over his face a few times.

“I just... Can’t it wait?” He asked. “Please. Can you just wait until tomorrow and ask me the same question?”

“No.” She said, looking him square in the eye. “Because I’m going to the dance tonight. And I’m going with someone who’s really nice. And I should feel happy. But I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Remus sighed, but his eyes lit up. “Then don’t go with him.” 

“It’s not fair, you know.” She said. “He kissed me, and I… I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And that’s stupid because I-I shouldn’t still love you. Not after what you did to me.”

“You kissed him?” His voice was hoarse. She looked up and she could _feel_ the sadness in his eyes. Why did it hurt her to see him like that?

The kissing part. Of course that was all he heard. She nodded numbly. Hot streams of tears fell down her cheeks. “And why shouldn’t I be able to kiss someone? It’s not as if you weren’t seeing someone else, you know?”

He looked so down and defeated, she almost wanted to hug him. “Bloody hell, Samsara. I didn’t do anything with Pomfrey. I never have.” 

She scoffed, shaking her head at him.

He shook his head back at her. “I didn’t. I swear it. And there is something I need to tell you. I just-”

“What?!” She stood. “Just tell me. Tell me so I can stop thinking about you. Tell me so I can stop wanting you back. Tell me so I can stop l-loving you.” She sniffled.

“Merlin, Sammy. Stop it.” He exhaled. “Tomorrow. Please. Why can’t you just wait?”

She shook her head. “Tomorrow is too late.” She was being stubborn, but she had enough of this. The secrets.

“Why?”

“Because it is. I need to know how you feel right now.” She wiped at her eyes as tears of frustration streamed down her face.

“Merlin. Samsara, I love you, okay?” He said. “Did you really think I didn’t? How could I not? You are the best thing I’ve ever seen. You’re like the human version of sunshine. You’re kinder than anyone I’ve ever known. You’re beautiful, funny, and sexy as hell. You don’t belong with Elias. You belong with me.” He stood up, gripping the bedpost for support as he looked down into her eyes.

“If you really love me,” She looked into his eyes with a fierce look, “Then come with me tonight. Be with me when I finish my quest. Don’t push me away. Tell me what’s wrong.” 

He winced, even though his body gravitated towards her. “I can’t. I really can’t.”

She closed her eyes. “Then _I_ can’t do this anymore. I can’t love you.” Her voice cracked and she looked away from him. “Goodbye Remus.”

Before she could reach the door, his arms were around her, holding her to his chest. She stilled, crying into his sweater because it felt so right to be there in his arms.

“Fuck, Samsara.” He groaned. “Don’t leave like this. Don’t go. Stay with me. Trust me. Please. I love you.”

She scoffed, pushing him away. “Trust you? You’re the one who doesn’t trust me. The one who pushed me away over and over again.”

“I don’t want to!” He practically shouted. “It’s not… I don’t have a choice. I shouldn’t have ever let you get close to me. It’s not...” He trailed off, never finishing the thought.

She searched his eyes. “So that’s how you feel.”

“No… no wait!”

She tugged out of his grasp and stormed out of the tower. She was still crying as she passed a group of third years in the hall.

“Yikes, someone just got dumped.” One of the boys said, and his friends laughed.

She whirled around on her feet. “What did you just say?”

Before he could open his mouth, she cut him off. “Ten points from Gryffindor.”

“Y-you can’t!” 

She flashed her prefect badge in his direction, before turning to leave.

“She’s a prefect,” His friends shoved him. “Good going, you wanker.”

She felt a swell of pride as she wiped her eyes and stormed down the stairs. She was going to be just fine on her own. She didn’t need him. She didn’t need anyone. These were all lies, but she would have to do it on her own. Romance would have to take a backseat tonight. 

Lily came to her dorm to get ready for the ball.

She and Louisa chatted happily about the decorations they had from the hallway when they went to lunch. Samsara had skipped meals in the hall, opting instead for a few snacks from the kitchen. She couldn’t really eat. She was so nervous.

She helped Lily and Louisa with their hair and makeup. Lily looked amazing. Her red dress hugged her curves and her long hair had been styled into silky, romantic waves. Her makeup was light enough that her freckles still showed, and her green eyes looked brighter and warmer than ever. 

Meanwhile, Samsara was working on a lost cause. Her eyes were bloodshot, puffy and red. Her chin had a pimple on it from all the recent stress, and her hair looked greasy and limp.

After ten minutes of trying to make her eyeshadow blend, she accidentally jabbed her eyeliner wand into her eye and her eyes watered, sending black ink smudges all over the place.

She gave up and started crying for real. The Ball was in thirty minutes and she didn’t even want to go anymore. She was mad at everything. She was sleep deprived and hungry.

Lily approached her cautiously, rubbing between her shoulders. “Come on, let’s get you in the shower. You’ll feel better.”

Samsara took a hot shower for twenty minutes and let all of her frustrations and tears out. She just wanted everyone she cared about to be happy. Was that too much to ask? She wanted her family to be safe and happy. She could finish this quest, and maybe her sister and her husband would be able to stay safe. 

She also wanted to be with Remus. That part she knew for sure, and that whole thing wasn’t looking very promising.

She dried herself off and tried to pull herself together. She wouldn’t be able to get through tonight if she was an emotional mess. She knew she had overreacted. She would need to talk to Remus tomorrow. She would be okay when everything was over. But for now, it was time to dance with her friends and her date and finish the damned quest for once and for all.

She dried her hair with a charm and left her natural waves alone. She dabbed a pimple cream on her chin and then got to work pinning some of her hair back in one of the crystal hair clips that Elizabeth, Elias’s sister had picked out for her. It had been such a nice gesture. Samsara planned to write her a letter to thank her.

She finished her makeup and added some oil to her hair to tame the frizz. Looked in the mirror, she looked okay. She didn’t look as tired or sad as before. It would have to do.  
Dazed, she found herself staring at one of the candles in the bathroom. It was red, but the melted wax dripped black.

A memory flashed in her mind. Elias guided her hand as wax dripped into the glass of water. A wolf and a moon.

A moon.

Like in her dream. 

“Are you almost ready, Sammy?” Lily’s voice drew her out of her thoughts. “Wow, you look great!”

She shrugged, she didn’t feel great. Lily was the one who looked stunning. “Thanks. You look like a goddess, though. James won’t be able to keep his hands off of you.”

“Thanks, that’s exactly what I was going for.” Lily said, striking a pose in her dress. They laughed “Come on and get dressed already so we can take a picture.”

She grabbed Samsara and tugged her to the bedroom. Samsara’s silk green dress was hanging from the top of her bed. A pair of glittering silver heels sat on top of a box on her bed. Her friends had put everything out for her so all she had to do was put it on.

“Thanks, you guys.” She almost cried again as she smiled at them.

“Oh nooo!” Louisa said, putting her arm around her. “Don’t cry. You’ll ruin your makeup again. And we are so not waiting for you if you do” She grinned.

Samsara chuckled. She dabbed at her eyes with the handkerchief on her nightstand. It was embroidered. E.A.Z. It was Elias’s. She wondered what he was wearing to the ball. If her dress was any indication, he would probably be dressed to the nines. 

There was a happy thought. She was looking forward to seeing him.

Lily helped her tie up the satin dress in the back. It was higher cut in the front and had a low dipping back with criss-crossing satin lacing across her skin. Lily tied a small bow at her lower back. It fit her perfectly, down to the length, which was just at her mid-calf. The silver strappy heels and sparkly crystal earrings finished it off perfectly. 

The three girls felt like movie stars, enjoying the moment as they descended the steps into the common room. Oliver, James, and Elias were at the base of the stairs. Elias stood a few feet apart with an aloof expression, but his eyes found Samsara’s when she reached the last step. 

“Wow.” He said, eyeing her from head to toe with a wide grin.

She grinned, giving him a small spin, before stopping to give him a once over of her own. “Wow, yourself.” He was wearing a black suit with silver accents. His tie was a deep emerald green, just like her dress. He was quite handsome.

He gave her a wink, sliding his hands around her back. He leaned down to kiss her, but she turned to look nervously at James and Lily. His lips landed on her cheek.

“Uh… oops. Haha.” She laughed as if it had been a mistake. It hadn’t been. She didn’t want to kiss him again. Not when she knew she still loved Remus.

He rolled his eyes at her, chuckling. “You’re so awkward, Sam.”

James glared at Elias, and Lily laughed uncomfortably. 

“Should we go get our pictures taken? I think we should go get them taken. Prefects get priority, remember?” Lily said, trying to move them out of the common room.

Samsara placed her hand in the crook of Elias’s elbow as they walked up to the ballroom. It hadn’t been used in almost two hundred years since the last Triwizard tournament. It was a shame, Samsara thought, because it was more magnificent than even the Great Hall or the Library. It was incredible.

Elegant moving paintings covered the ceiling. The ceilings were impossibly high, filled with elaborate filigree. There were silver and gold decorations hanging everywhere. The ceiling had enchanted glitter confetti that swirled along with the music. 

The professors were all in a line just inside the door, dressed up in their finest robes. The students all around them were all dressed in their finest dress robes and dresses. A live band was playing music, and the place was already packed. Everyone had come right on time to enjoy it, because a dance like this probably wouldn’t happen again in anyone’s lifetime.

Just inside, there was a photographer, and Lily led their group to the front of the line, despite the protests of the people waiting. When it was their turn, Elias stood behind her and pressed his hips behind her, wrapping his arms around her hips. She smiled for the photo, albeit feeling a bit uncomfortable with how comfortable _he clearly was_ with touching her. Like she belonged to him or something.

It wasn’t just that, either. Samsara felt uneasy for not keeping the artifacts with her. It had been Elias’s idea to put them in the utility closet by the front doors and hide it with a charm. Then, on her way out, she could just grab her bag and leave. That way, she wouldn’t have to carry them around and worry about losing them. She had also thrown a coat in there, and her yellow converse. There was no way she would walk all the way to Hogsmeade in her heels and dress. 

Without her bag at her side, however, she felt anxious. Especially as she and Elias parted with her friends and he led her over to his own friends. They all eyed her with curiosity and disdain. Some it seemed, eyed her with envy. She could understand why. Elias was a good looking guy, after all, as well as being nice and charming. She had heard the whispers of jealousy when he had given her the dress and flowers. People had talked about her in the hallways as if she couldn’t hear them. As if she had ever expected such a spectacle.

Surprisingly, many of them were polite to her, if a bit uninterested in anything she had to say. No matter the topic, the conversations seemed to drag on as they ate.

She looked longingly across the ballroom to the dance floor where her friends who were all flailing around having a good time. Then her eyes came back to the table where she sat. It was almost 8:30 and she hadn’t danced once. She only had thirty minutes left before she would need to leave. Disappointment tugged at her as she realized what she would be missing out on in order to complete her quest.

Her friends seemed so relaxed, carefree. They had eaten quickly and gone straight to dancing. Knowing them, they had probably shared a flask of firewhiskey and were having the time of their lives. She wondered why Remus wasn’t at the ball. He did look pretty ill. He was always… ill.

She shook her head, watching with jealousy as she studied James and Lily holding each other close as they swayed to a slower song. She wished _she_ could have that.

As if reading her mind, Elias parted from his chat with Severus and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Care to dance?”

She nodded eagerly, anything to remove herself from the intense scrutiny of the unfamiliar group. As she stood to pass them, however, her eyes met with none other than Regulus Black. He looked intensely at her. His eyes dropped to her waist, where Elias was holding her firmly. He frowned, and then looked away.

 _‘What’s his deal?’_ She wondered to herself.

Elias led her onto the floor and twirled her around to the music of the band. She laughed as he dipped her low. “You look good, Burton.”

She smiled shyly. “You look good too.”

“Something on your mind?” He asked, amber eyes penetrating her. 

“Well, I guess I’m just nervous.”

He chuckled, “I hope it’s not because of me.”

She laughed as he watched her curiously. “Of course not. Actually, I’m really thankful for your help. Despite my nerves, I feel ready.”

“Yeah…” His eyes were across the room, on his friends. 

The song ended, and he gave her a guilty look. “Um, listen, there’s nothing I’d rather do than dance with you, but something’s up with my one of my mates. Be right back?”

She nodded. Of course she understood. If it were one of her friends, she would want to check on them, too. Elias really was so thoughtful.

She was almost off of the dance floor, headed to the punch fountain when a pair of hands reached for her and tugged her back onto the dance floor.

“Uh, excuse me!” She looked up at the person who had pulled her away. “Regulus?” 

He looked intensely at her, and then over his shoulder as he pulled her onto the dance floor again. 

“So you and Elias, huh?” He asked her, studying her expression.

“Yeah, well. We’re just friends.” She sighed. In another world where she wasn’t hopelessly in love with Remus, she could see herself developing real feelings for Elias. The last few days had been a nerve-filled, emotional rollercoaster. But she was sure of her feelings now. She still loved him.

They danced for a song or two. Regulus seemed to be watching everyone.

She was confused, and a bit annoyed, so she asked him, “What’s your deal?”

He looked around her carefully, and then leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Don’t go tonight.”

She yanked back in shock, and he held her arms tightly. “W-what are you talking about?” She asked.

 _Did he know?_ If so, how? Had he talked to Sirius? No, that wasn’t likely. Then who?

“Listen to me. Don’t go. Don’t follow him.” Regulus pleaded, looking into her eyes. They were the same shade of deep grey as Sirius’s, but his were sadder, more desperate. “Please listen to me. Don’t do it.”

She ripped herself from his arms. “What do you mean? Who…” She looked across the room to find that Elias and his friends were gone. 

He wouldn’t have. He couldn’t have. She shook her head. “ _No._ ”

He shook his head, “Samsara, _please._ Listen to me.”

“Why should I trust you?” She scoffed. She walked backwards. “Where did he go?” She started towards the door.

He followed her, shaking his head. “Samsara, I can’t let you do this!”

“What’s going on here?” Sirius’s voice came from the side. He crossed his arms, looking between the two.

Regulus stared expressionlessly at his brother. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry, brother. Everything is fine.”

Sirius scowled, “Then why is she so upset?”

Samsara didn’t have time to deal with this sibling rivalry. She needed to get her things. Her things! She shook her head at Sirius. “It’s nothing. We were just going to find my date.” She tried her best to smile in a way that didn’t say ‘I’m gonna kill Elias when I find him.’ 

Sirius didn’t look convinced, but he nodded. “Don’t get any funny ideas, Reg.”

They stared at each other for another moment, and then Regulus was walking for the door, leading the way.

“This is a mistake, Samsara.” He told her as she opened the utility closet. “You’re playing right into his plan. _Please,_ I’m begging you.”

She had no reason to trust him. She shook her head at him. Then looked at the ground. There was her coat and shoes. But her bag was gone.

Elias had betrayed her. But he was missing one thing. She smiled victoriously as she glanced at the ring on her finger. The snake ring that hadn’t left her side since first year.

“He won’t be able to do it without me.” She whispered, smiling to herself. “Regulus, I still have a chance and I’m going to take it. For my family.”

He exhaled and she pushed past him. “Are you coming or not?”

He sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. “Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”  
His hands were practically shaking as he held the door open for her. “Let’s go.”

She could see them in the distance. Several dark figures were disappearing into the whomping willow. She and Regulus watched from behind a large tree trunk.

“Okay they’ve gone in. Let’s go.” She started walking down the hill.

Regulus was on her heels. “It’s not too late to turn back. I’m being serious, Samsara.”

But she wasn’t having it. “Regulus, I have to do this. It’s all I’ve been able to think about for four years now. I have to. For my family.”

“You don’t get it. Any of it. You’re in real danger here. This is dangerous.”

“Then don’t come!” She snapped.

“If I don’t, you’re going to get yourself… hurt.” His voice was shaking with emotion.

Samsara’s retort died on her tongue as she saw a cloaked figure come out from behind the whomping willow. Now they were only about a hundred feet away. That didn’t look like Elias or his friends.

“Why is someone there?” She whispered to Regulus. “The others went in. Is he keeping watch?”

The figure stilled as he spotted them. 

“Shit” Regulus muttered, grabbing her roughly and putting his wand to her throat. “Follow my lead. This is worse than I thought. We really shouldn’t have come.”

“What are you doing?” She gasped, pulling away. Her eyes never left the dark figure ahead. Something was wrong, _very wrong._ “Regulus let me go, now!”

The cloaked figure disappeared into thin air and then suddenly reappeared like smoke. Right in front of them. To Samsara’s horror, the person’s face was covered with the creepiest mask she had ever seen. It was like one from an old masquerade, covering the entire face with a pattern that looked almost like a skull. It must have been enchanted, because no eyes were visible beneath the holes, only bottomless pits of black.

“Well done, my boy. Take her to the others.” The deep voice coming from the mask said. There was no way the person in the cloak and mask was a student. He sounded like a full grown man. “They are expecting this one.”

With a tap of the man’s wand, she felt her mouth seal shut. She couldn’t even scream as another flash made her body go limp. She could only watch in horror as the man threw her over his shoulder and carried her into the tunnel.


	29. The Fountain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo I just finished editing the last few chapters. I will be posting all of them tonight. enjoy the ending of The Founder's Tale. It's been a fun time writing this for you guys. I can't thank you enough for all the feedback, kudos, and comments. You guys are the best<3

Minutes felt like hours as she was carried through the dark tunnel. Neither Reegulus nor the man carrying her said anything. Eventually, Samsara could see light coming from the end and dread sank into the pit of her stomach. They ascended the stairs and the cloaked man carried her past at least fifty other identically dressed figures. It was eerie. They were everywhere, all with the same terrifying masks. Black gloves and boots covered their skin, protecting their identities. 

Regulus joined the back of the circle, watching her with an unreadable emotion. One of the figures handed him a cloak and he pulled it on. She couldn’t yell at him for betraying her. She couldn’t scream for help. She couldn’t say anything. She was deposited in front of the fountain and pushed to her knees. She barely had any feeling in her legs, but she refused to let herself fall over. She stared defiantly into the cold, lifeless mask holes of the figure in front of her. 

“So this is the young, reluctant pureblood I hear so much about, hmm?” The voice drawled. His voice was low, almost seductive. Pure evil. “She is quite a looker, young Zabini.” His mask turned upwards and Samsara followed his gaze to someone at her side. She couldn’t see his face, but she could see his shoes. It was him. Elias.

She glared up at him, tears falling freely from her eyes as she felt the full weight of his betrayal for the first time. She was foolish to have trusted him. She had believed he truly liked her and wanted to help her. Despite her hopes that he was the person she had gotten to know in Divination, she should have known better.

He was no better than his brother. They were the same.

The first man came closer, leaning down over her to look into her eyes, even though she couldn’t see his. Her instinct was to spit at him, but she couldn’t. She could only fix her rage into her eyes as she glared back at him.

He laughed, “Such spirit in this one. Perhaps we can use this... potential.” 

Looking around, she could see that all eyes were on this man. He had to be the leader of this strange cult. As much as she wanted to spit at him, she didn’t want to die. She had to play this carefully.

“Do you know why you are here?”

She shook her head. 

“It’s simple really. Old Trelawney hasn’t made a prophecy in years. How lucky for me that young Elias was present to witness it for himself. Can you imagine my surprise when he mentioned you, young miss Burton. So unlike your elder sister. A blood traitor.

“Young Mr. Zabini promised to keep an eye on you. And I must say, you didn’t disappoint one bit. Unlike your sister, you were so naive. So eager for trust and love. So you trusted him with a quest bestowed on you by Salazar Slytherin himself. When you hardly knew the boy. Must be a Hufflepuff thing.” The man laughed and the figures around her joined in. 

He cleared his throat, silencing them. “Yes, a naive little Hufflepuff. Yet, I still believe you will be most useful, unlike your sister.” He squatted down to stroke her face with the back of his hand. “Elias, you won’t fail me like your brother did, now will you?”

Another man stepped forward. “He won’t, my lord. Elias will fix what his brother has failed. ”

“SILENCE.” The first man bellowed. “I am not speaking to you, Zabini.” 

The other man retreated into the circle. Samsara felt the feeling return to her limbs and it became easier to stay upright. She scanned the circle for ways to run, but she was completely surrounded.

“Now, young miss Burton. Where was I?” He paused, and it became clear to Samsara that the man was a bit unhinged. “Oh that’s right! I’m going to allow you to speak. You’re going to be a good girl and keep quiet unless spoken to, understood?”

She glared up at him. She hated the way he was speaking to her, but he was in charge. As of right now, he didn’t want to hurt her. Besides, who would she scream to? Everyone she knew was back at the castle, blissfully unaware of what was happening there in Hogsmeade. Even the villagers stayed away from the Shrieking Shack. 

Reluctantly, she nodded. She was surrounded and outnumbered. What could she do? Her wand was in Regulus’s hands. She was only sixteen. She wasn’t trained for battle against a strange cult of grown men.

“Good girl.” The man flicked his wand and Samsara’s lips could finally part. She drew in a deep breath through her mouth for the first time in at least an hour. She stared ahead and the man watched her for a minute before speaking again. Her heart hammered in her chest, frightened of whatever was coming next. The man practically radiated power and cruel intentions. She needed to tread carefully if she wanted to leave there alive.

“Gentlemen, you may remove your masks.” The man said, finally removing his mask. The others followed in suit, and Samsara was shocked to see that the man in front of her was almost… handsome? He was hardly what she had pictured for the sinister leader of a cult. In his mid-fifties, he was well groomed and his face lit up in a charming dimpled smile. It was almost convincing, but his eyes were black pits, completely devoid of emotion. “We come here tonight to witness a gift bestowed by the founders, including the great Salazaar Slytherin himself. As the heir to Slytherin, I have more right to such a gift, than a _teenage_ girl, a _blood traitor_ , do I not?”

“Yes, my lord.” The group answered in unison.

Samsara looked around in confusion. This was freaky. Had they rehearsed or something? Samsara looked up at Elias. He shuffled on his feet, staring blankly ahead. Regulus wouldn’t look at her either. Her eyes briefly scanned the crowd. The Lestranges, the Malfoys, The Blacks. All the pureblood families were represented there in several generations. So this was what they stood for. They had literally formed a cult of purebloods.

Before she could recall specific names, her attention was brought forward again as the man got right up in her face again. “Am I boring you, dear?” He arched a brow at her, an amused smirk on his face. His eyes were so cold.

He was expecting an answer.

“No, sir.” She mumbled.

He chuckled. “So compliant. So good. Come forward dear.” He offered her a hand and she stood to her feet. She felt extremely uncomfortable as his eyes raked over her with interest. She wanted to throw up. “And what, my child, is your name, hmm?”

“Samsara, sir.”

“Samsara, ah. What a beautiful name.” He said, smiling over her shoulder at his audience. She wanted to punch the smile off of his face. Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. “And I am Lord Voldemort.”

If she wasn’t so frightened and pissed off, she would have laughed. Who called themselves _Lord_? What a nerd. And yet, she knew he was powerful from the way he carried himself, and the dark energy that she could feel coming off of him in waves. He had loyal followers who did what he told them to. She did not want to openly betray any disgust or amusement at his sake, for risk of danger to herself.

She said the only neutral thing she could think of. Manners, she would use her manners. “Um, nice to meet you, sir.”

He chuckled, reaching out to brush the back of his knuckles against her cheek again. “So sweet. Did you hear that, gentlemen? This one’s sooooo _polite_.”

They chuckled, and the rage burned inside of her. She was just being _polite_ , but he made it sound dirty. She hated the strange energy of the men standing around here. She wanted to get out of there.

The “Lord” held out a hand and someone she didn’t recognize handed him her small, knitted bag. Her wide eyes followed the exchange. This wasn’t going to end well. 

“Now child, come here and show me the prophecy.” He held the bag out to her, and before she could reach it, he pulled it back. “And no funny business, understood? Or I will not hesitate to kill you and your entire family.” His face stretched into a wide grin as she nodded her agreement, and Samsara felt a chill down her spine. It was creepy, how easily he had discussed such violence.

This was too much. She wanted to be in her dorm cuddled up with her pillows. Not staring into the cold, black eyes of a killer. Her hand shook as she pulled the objects from her bag. As she pulled them, she placed them with shaking hands on the stone of the fountain.

She shivered with fear as she held the scroll out to him. “You have to tap your wand to it and say _Liberatum Chartum_ ”

“Hmmm, how curious. And which founder presented this item to you, dear?”

Samsara gulped. “Ravenclaw, sir.”

He laughed loudly, and she jumped backwards. “How lovely. A piece of paper, but what else? Let’s see together, shall we?” He placed his hand on her lower back and guided her closer, turning her to face the circle of the cloaked and now maskless men. She looked with wide, pleading eyes to Regulus as Lord Voldemort tapped his wand to the paper. “Liberatum Chartum”

The paper opened for him and revealed the prophecy. He smiled that wide, predator’s grin as he scanned the words.

“Wise, Brave, Cunning, or Kind.

You have been chosen, now is your time

only with those whose desires are true

can you uncover our tomb

when you are fifteen and one

you will be the chosen one,

the stars will align

and the forest will thrum

oh chosen one,

proceed with care

or you alone will find despair.

Four legs,

seers of stars,

One the youngest,

Humanity marred,

Dregs of tea,

A scent of rose

A woman born

With rare powers of prose

a path underground,

the fountain atop the tomb,

a thousand years past,

a wish on the brightest moon” 

“Interesting.” He purred, and Samsara wanted to puke. “Go on dear, I want _you_ to open the tomb. And remember what we discussed will happen if you do not follow my exact orders.”

“I-I-” She couldn’t. She couldn’t let this evil man finish her quest.

“Quickly now, child, or will your mother meet an untimely end tonight? Hmmm? What will it be?”

She gulped, stepping forward to find the raven marking on the center of the fountain. She stepped up and leaned over to place it in, but it was just out of reach. 

“Go on, get closer.” He chuckled.

Closer? The only way closer would be to get in the fountain. The sadistic smile on his face told her that was exactly what he expected her to do, and quickly. She closed her eyes and stepped into the icy water, immediately feeling the chill to her bones. The water was up to her knees, and it was thick with ice. 

She rolled the parchment so it would fit into the hole. She inserted it in it’s place.

She spun to find the Goblet being handed to her by the “Lord.” 

“And this one, dear. Who gave you this?” He kept his wand pointed at her.

 _Sadistic bastard,_ she thought as her teeth shattered. He could easily cast a warming spell on her if he was feeling kind. It was obvious that it wasn’t in his nature. 

“H-Hufflepuff.” She was shivering, her body temperature dropping swiftly as the wind picked up around her.

She placed the cup in the empty slot on top of the fountain with a badger symbol.

Then the stone was handed to her. “This one is so… inelegant. Must be Gryffindor’s, I assume.” 

She nodded. She quickly placed the rock into the eyeball of the lion on the fountain. Knowing what she did now, it really was a wonder how no one had discovered the use of the fountain before. Though, they wouldn’t have had the items.

“And where is it? The item that belongs to _me_ ” Lord Voldemort said.

Samsara hesitated. Maybe if she played dumb, _no one_ would get a wish, rather than this man using it for nefarious purposes.

“I D-Don’t know?” She tried. She couldn't shake the chill that rattled her teeth.

“S-S-Speak clearly now.” He laughed, mocking her. “Are you cold in there?”

She winced, shaking her head no. But she was freezing. Her legs were going numb, and the rest of her body was getting colder the longer she stood in the icy water. 

“Samsara, give it to him.” Her head spun to face Elias. He looked pleadingly at her. She couldn’t believe his audacity. “Give him the ring.”

“Aha.” Lord Voldemort said, and Samsara’s wrist was snatched by his hand. “A snake. How dainty it looks on your finger. Would be a shame if this finger went missing, wouldn’t it?”

She shook with fear and cold as she looked into his eyes. She nodded. “T-take it.”

He hissed something in a language she didn’t understand. The snake ring left her finger and slithered into his palm. “Beautiful. I think I will be keeping this one after tonight. Very well, put it in there and then _remove_ yourself. No more funny business, or I will murder everyone you hold dear.” He fixed her with a saccharine smile as he placed the ring into her palm and closed her chilled, stiff fingers around it.

She waded through the water again, her legs jolting with pins and needles as she stepped up to the fountain again. This time, the small snake ring slithered itself into place in the mouth of the snake, forming a small tongue.

Shaking violently from the cold, Samsara lifted a leg out of the fountain. Elias was at her side immediately. She felt numb as his warm hands came around her and helped her out of the fountain. He held her steady as the feeling began to return to her legs. She wanted to push him away, but she couldn’t stand on her own.

Tears fell down her face as “Lord” Voldemort stood in front of the fountain as it twisted and rose from the ground. Water began to cascade over an opening in the base of the fountain like a waterfall.

Lord Voldemort paced back and forth, looking over the fountain. “Bring her forward.” 

Elias and his brother, Hugo, held her on either side, pulling her towards the front. She was so cold, so exhausted, so hopeless she couldn’t bear to fight them. Hugo released her at the base of the fountain, and Elias stood at her side, holding her upright. 

As they stepped closer, she gasped. The waterfall displayed flashes of moving pictures, as if it were being projected like a cinema.  
Summer and Darius held a laughing baby boy. Her mother and father walked down the street looking old and happy. And Remus. Remus was older looking and standing at the end of an aisle, grinning at her. Their friends congratulated them as they walked out of some doors together, and she was wearing a white dress. Then a flash of a full moon obscured by tree branches. A large grey wolf.

A wolf. The full moon. Just like her dream What did it mean? The other things she saw were fantasies. Happily ever afters, but the last one was just a recurring nightmare.

“Interesting. I see nothing.” Lord Voldemort said. “What is it you see?”

“You can’t see?” She asked. She looked to Elias who watched her in confusion. Elias let her go, and then grabbed her arm again. The image distorted. It was Elias shaking hands with his father. Elias being… hugged by his father. Elias and… her? And then flashes of green light. Pale, lifeless faces.

Elias dropped his hands from her, eyes wide.

“Answer me.” Lord Voldemort said impatiently. “What do you see?”

“I saw… my desires. What would make me happy. And then… something not happy. Although, I don’t understand what any of it means.” She answered, honestly.

“Sir?” Elias said, wincing. “I believe if you...er, touch her arm, you will see. When I was touching her, I saw my own… visions. Things would bring me happiness. And then, I believe it was… the cost.”

That would make sense, Samsara thought, maybe the fountain showed how to make your wishes come true, rather than actual wish fulfillment.

“Ah, very well, let me see.” Lord Voldemort grabbed her roughly and held her with his wand pressed to her forehead. “Show me, show me, show me.” He whispered maniacally into her ear. She tried to lean away.

She shivered in fear as the images played before her. Lord Voldemort being resurrected from the grave. Lord Voldemort and five strange objects and a snake. Flashes of green light. And then, faces she didn’t recognize.

He cackled with delight. “How _wonderful_. It’s clear now, what I need to do. Thank you, dear. You have done well. You will be spared tonight.”

He kissed her forehead, chuckling, and then roughly pushed her to the ground. Regulus stepped forward to help her up. He pointed his wand at her and walked her backwards to the back edge. His father nodded at him with a proud smirk as they joined the back of the circle.

She wanted to throw up. Sirius had lived with these people his whole life. No wonder he had ran away from home.

“Bring me the muggle.” The lord said, rolling his shoulders and stretching his neck as if preparing for a fight.

The circle parted, and several more cloaked figures dragged a man into the middle, throwing a man to the feet of Lord Voldemort. 

The man screamed into the gag placed around him. Samsara tried to move forward, but Regulus held her in place.  
“Stay put, Samsara. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Close your eyes.” He whispered. 

She wanted to stop it, she knew what was going to happen. She had seen the killing curse in Lord Voldemort’s vision. She struggled again in Regulus’s hold.  
Lord Voldemort held up a little black leatherbound notebook and muttered something. Then with a flick of his wand, a flash of green light hit the man square in the chest.  
Samsara watched as he fell lifelessly to the floor.

Samsara wanted to scream, but her throat had been silenced again. Regulus shook his head furiously at her as she looked into his eyes. “Stay still, _please_.” He whispered.

Lord Voldemort rolled his head back, laughing excitedly like a child. He caressed the journal. “It worked.” He laughed joyously, stepping over the man’s dead body as he held the book up to the circle. “I. Am. Immortal.” 

One by one, the cloaked men sank a knee and bowed their heads to him.

Regulus sank, pulling her down with him. “Keep your head down. “

She sniffled, eyes blurring with tears as he shoved her face down to face the ground. No one was going to save her. These people did terrible things tonight, and they would all get away with it. Her body would likely be found next to the poor man who had been discarded on the ground. A muggle who died namelessly in front of a circle of sadistic cult freaks. 

This all came down to Elias. _He_ had done this.

“Obliviate the girl. Imperius if she doesn’t behave.” Lord Voldemort’s voice came from above her head. “Let’s keep her alive. Let’s waste not one drop of pure blood, especially not for one with such a pretty face.”

Regulus’s grip tightened around her shoulders. “Yes, my lord.”

“I’ll make sure he does as you say, my lord.” Orion Black said, placing his hand on Regulus’s shoulder.

“Very well. Now where is young Elias? He has served his master well.” He ushered Elias forward. “And he has earned a reward. Samsara will replace her sister in the VonAugbert-Zabini marriage contract. And Elias will take his brother’s place.”

Samsara looked to Elias with wide eyes. He looked to her, but it was like he was looking through her, at Regulus instead. He wouldn’t even look her in the eyes after betraying her. The coward.

“Thank you, my Lord.” He replied, smiling. Like he hadn’t just witnessed a murder. “Mister Black, sir, I know you are a busy man. I will help regulus erase the memories of tonight so that our time together will not be tainted in her mind. I want her to be compliant in our courtship.”

Orion smiled at him. “Very well. Good work, my boy.” He shook Elias’s hand. Then, to Regulus, he said, “You see, Regulus, this is a young man who has his head on straight. You would do well to follow in his footsteps.”

“Yes, father.” Regulus responded calmly.

Samsara was shaking with rage. How could they all just act like they hadn’t witnessed a murder. A chill went down her spine as she realized it. 

It probably wasn’t the first time they had seen this happen. This horror was their reality. They had chosen this cult. Their families had chosen this way of life. And now Lord Voldemort was sure to do much worse with his newly found immortality.

Lord Voldemort turned to the circle again. “Death Eaters, I dismiss you.”

“My Lord.” They all said in unison, bowing. Then they all began apparating away. 

“The mark, Mr. Black.” Lord Voldemort said. “Then you are dismissed.”

Orion Black grinned, tapping a snake tattoo on his arm with his wand. A mirror image formed in the sky in green light. A snake slithering into a skull. And then he apparated away.  
Just Elias, Regulus, and Lord Voldemort remained.

“Now, Mr. Zabini. Do it.” The “Lord” commanded.

Samsara’s eyes went wide as Elias exhaled, drawing his wand and pointing it at her. She gulped, shaking her head as tears fell silently on the ground. 

She pleaded with him silently. _Please. Don’t._ She was so cold. She just wanted to feel warm again. Safe and warm.

He squinted, rolling his shoulders back. He swished his wand in the air. “Obliviate.”


	30. The Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the final chapter! enjoy <3 please be sure to read the epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to each and every one of you for reading my first fic. I plan to follow this up with a sequel, likely a shorter one. For now, I will leave you guys with the temporary epilogue which may satisfy some of the questions you may have.

A flash of blue light flew straight at Samsara. She screwed her eyes shut and braced herself for it’s impact. When Regulus’s grip went slack behind her, her adrenaline kicked in and she figured it out. She immediately fell limp and dropped herself to the ground onto her knees. She blinked, looking up to Elias with wide eyes. He hadn’t obliviated her. He had obliviated Regulus. 

Elias winked at her. Behind him, Lord Voldemort apparated away, satisfied with his young follower. 

“Elias, what are we doing here?” She asked, glancing around nervously. It was an act. In case any Death Eaters were lurking in the shadows. 

Elias sighed, pulling her to her feet. She resisted the urge to push him away like she wanted to, just in case anyone had stayed behind to watch them.

“Come on, Sam. I think you drank too much. Let’s get back to the dance.” He laughed, draping his arm over her. “You coming, Reg?”

Regulus nodded, looking slightly dazed. When they stepped back through the passageway and it sealed itself, Regulus was quick to grab Elias by the throat and slam him into the wall.

“What the fuck, mate?” Regulus shouted. “What have you done to me?”

Elias chuckled “Calm down, I just erased your memory of what you ate for breakfast today.”

Regulus dropped his collar, laughing. “Fuck. That’s pretty good, actually.” 

He and Elias began laughing heartily. And it was too much. She needed to get away from them.

As they laughed hysterically, Samsara took the opportunity to run. She backed away from Elias’s wandlight, and then broke into a sprint, tears falling from her face. Her shoes squished from the cold water still soaking her feet inside of them. 

She never looked back, but she could hear them running after her. She breathed hard, pushing her legs forward with all her strength. She had made it almost halfway to the end when Elias caught up with her, grabbing her and pushing her into the wall.

“Samsara,” He huffed, catching his breath. “Wait, Please.”

“You betrayed me!” She slapped him with all her strength. “ _Bastard._ I wish I never met you.”

He watched her with wide eyes, his mouth forming a scowl. “Don’t be so naive. I was put in the class to report my findings to my father. I would never have chosen to be in that class. I didn’t seek you out on purpose. I had no choice in any of this. Once you told me, my father would have seen it in my memories. He forces me to show him my findings every weekend. I did what I had to do.”

“You stood by and watched as a man was murdered. Both of you did, you’re sick. Disgusting.” She sobbed, looking between Elias and Regulus.

“We really don’t have a choice, Samsara. And I warned you not to go. Though, they would have come back for the ring and you anyway.” Regulus said, breathing heavily as he rested against the wall of the tunnel. “We didn’t choose this. Our parents chose the Death Eaters. We are expected to do the same when we graduate… maybe even earlier, now that he has the power he’s been looking for.”

“Bullshit.” She spat. “You always have a choice. Sirius chose not to do this.”

Regulus chuckled darkly. “You think Sirius is so pure, don’t you? Well Sirius left me alone with the wrath of my parents. They punished me for _his_ choice. You have no idea what you’re dealing with, Samsara.”

“Try me.”

“There are dark spells,” Elias said, taking a step closer. She glared at him, and he held his hands up, staying put. “They use them to torture anyone who steps out of line. They can even force you to act against your will. They’ve used it on all of us. Their own children. Samsara, we really don’t have a choice. It’s either follow in their footsteps or die. There’s nowhere we can go to escape from this.”

“You could try to. At least then you would die a man, not a coward.” She said through gritted teeth, and his eyes widened. “You could join the other side and help take him down. The Lord.”

Eias laughed. “You’re so naive. There is no other side. He has no opposition. And he will wipe out anyone who tries to go against him.”

“What about Dumbledore?” Samsara said, crossing her arms. She was still shaking from the cold.

Elias and Regulus exchanged a look. Regulus stepped forward. She took a step backwards. “Samsara… you will not tell anyone, understood? He’ll murder us. He’ll murder your whole family. You _must_ pretend for your own sake that nothing happened tonight. That you danced and had a good time. Any suspicious behavior and you’ll be taken out. This is serious. This is the start of something bigger.”

“Bigger?” She whispered, backing into the wall as he walked closer. 

“A war, Samsara.” Elias said softly. 

Regulus sighed, and pulled her wand from his pocket. “Here.”

She took it timidly, ready for any trick he might have up his sleeve. “How do you know I won’t hex you?”

Regulus almost smiled, and for a moment she could see Sirius in him. “Will you?”

She slumped her shoulders. She was so tired, so cold. She just wanted to take a warm shower and go to bed. And then their warning be damned, she was going to see the Headmaster. “No, I won’t.” 

He handed her wand and she immediately muttered a warming spell. Feeling spread through her toes again. She dried her clothes. They walked to the entrance of the Whomping Willow in silence.

Samsara was in disbelief. Her mission had been an utter failure. She had been forced to watch a sadistic cult leader kill a man and take from her everything she had been working towards. She had been betrayed by someone she trusted and rescued by someone she never expected. None of it felt real. It felt like a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from.

Just before the entrance, she voiced her thoughts to Elias “So when I see you now, am I supposed to pretend like I don’t know anything? That we had a _swell_ little date or something?” She laughed darkly. 

“Yes.” Elias said simply. “And when I approach you to court you properly as a pureblood, you will go along with it as if nothing’s wrong.”

She chuckled. “Like _hell_ , I will.”

Elias smirked down at her. “You will if you want your mother and grandfather to stay alive. And I will if I want to make my father proud. It’s just how things are. And in time, I’ll grow on you. You’ll get past this.”

She rolled her eyes. “I will nev-”

“GUYS!” Regulus whisper-yelled, and they both turned to face him. He had flattened himself against the wall of the tunnel. The whomping willow had opened up. Samsara looked at Regulus with a confused look as she pressed herself against the wall.

He held his finger to his lips, urging them to keep quiet.

There was a low growl, and then the glowing blue eyes of a large wolf peered into the tunnel. It’s snout twitched as it sniffed the tunnel. They pressed themselves against the walls, not daring to even breathe as it growled again. 

Glowing blue eyes found hers and the mouth of the wolf stretched, revealing rows of sharp teeth. It ran its tongue across them, and Samsara tried not to react. It had smelled their scent. It wasn’t just a regular wolf either. It was too large.

Tonight it was a full moon. This wolf was like what she had seen in her textbooks. Larger than a normal wolf with glowing eyes. This was a werewolf.

A perfect ending for a perfect night. Being slaughtered by a werewolf. 

It reared back on its hind legs, preparing to leap into the tunnel, but before it could, it’s ears twitched up at the sound of howling. It growled, turning to run back towards the noise. 

Samsara looked up and out of the tunnel. The branches of the whomping willow moved, shifting to show the full moon. Just like her dream...

“GO!” Elias shouted, scrambling to leave the tunnel first. She followed him and Regulus was hot on her feet. As they sprinted for the castle, Samsara heard the ground pound behind them. 

When she looked over her shoulder, she saw the wolf, racing after them. He was closing in on them.

“Let’s split up!” Elias shouted. Elias darted to her left, going up the lawn to the castle and she feinted to the right. The wolf followed her. There were other animals running around too, but she couldn’t see what was going on. If she stopped, she would die.

“Samsara!” Regulus shouted. But it was too late. She felt a chill down her spine, the sensation of something right behind her.

“Go! Go to the castle.” She screamed. The wolf knocked her to the ground. Her heart pounded in her chest as she fell on her back. The wolf stood over her. It looked down at her, sniffing her face. Tears fell as she shook in fear. 

This was it. This was the end.

The wolf whined, sniffing her. She held her breath. There was the howling again, but it wasn’t working. The wolf was intensely focused on her.

A large black animal jumped onto the wolf, pushing it. The wolf bared its teeth at the dog, growling and snapping at it. The wolf stood in front of her. She tried backing away. Suddenly, a familiar stag had appeared, ramming its antlers into the wolf.

“Is that you, James?” She said, unable to contain her confusion.

The wolf’s ears perked up at the sound, and he ignored the dog and stag completely. It came back to sniff her. She froze, watching the large black dog around the wolf.

The dog shifted into Sirius. He was running his hands through his hair. “Fuck, what do we do, Prongs?”

It all clicked into her head.

James was a stag. Antlers. ‘Prongs.’

Sirius was a dog. Padded feet. ‘Padfoot.’

If James was the stag, and Sirius was the dog, then that meant…

“Remus?” She whispered. The wolf leaned its snout towards her neck, and she felt her heart beat out of her chest. It was him. Remus was a werewolf, and because was transformed, he wouldn’t know what he was doing. Not without the potion her sister had told her about. He could kill her and he wouldn’t even know what he was doing.

This was why he had pushed her away.

“Dammit, Samsara, we had him distracted.” Sirius shouted. “Stay still, we’ll get him to go to the forest, and then you run to the castle and don’t look back. Okay?”

James transformed into a human, too. “Shit, Sammy, what happened to you?”

But she was a little too preoccupied to answer either of them.

The wolf sniffed her again before walking around her in a circle.

“Just stay still, Samsara.” Sirius told her softly, trying not to provoke Remus. 

As she felt her heart hammer in her chest, she took her last moments to think about everything. So this was why he had let her dump him without trying. He didn’t want to tell her he was a werewolf. How ironic that he would probably never get the chance. His giant wolf jaws would snap her neck in half. She supposed she could understand now why he had kept the secret, although, one could argue that this would have been useful to know. 

She inhaled sharply as his snout leaned down to her again, sniffing against her hair. He was like a giant, deadly, curious dog. She prepared for the end. She closed her eyes. 

Then something long and wet licked her neck and up her face. The wolf made a noise that wasn’t quite a growl. A purr? She exhaled, opening her eyes to laugh. The wolf nuzzled against her. Her jaw dropped as she looked up to James, Sirius, and… Peter? Where had he come from? More importantly, why wasn’t Remus killing her?

James watched in disbelief. Sirius sprang into action, shifting again. He barked loudly, running in a circle. The wolf jumped up, excited. Sirius started running away, and the wolf sniffed her one last time before running after him. 

She waited only a moment to watch as James shifted into the stag and Peter shifted into… a rat? That was a question for another day. And then she ran for her life.

She sprinted up to the castle, not looking back until she stood at the steps to the entrance doors.

In the distance, the wolf and stag disappeared into the Forbidden Forest. 

After catching her breath, she walked into the castle. There were a few people wandering about in their dress robes. The dance had ended at 11. She didn’t know what time it was, how long she had been going through it all. She wanted nothing more than to go to bed, but it would have to wait. 

She wasn’t going to sleep tonight because she needed to speak to the headmaster, and she needed to make sure Remus made it safely back to the castle. 

Because when he came back inside safely, she was going to _kill_ him. The idiot! He had let her be miserable, and all because he was a stupid werewolf. So what? Like that mattered to her? Oh, he was in big trouble when she saw him again. He was going to get an earful.

She looked through the halls, scanning the faces for the person she was looking for. She spotted her atop the stairs. Samsara was too exhausted to run, so she walked slowly behind, following McGonagall to her office. When she finally reached the office door, she knocked.

“Come in.” The voice called from behind the doors.

She looked over her shoulders and scanned the hallway. No one was in sight. She still hadn’t caught her breath from running up the hill and then climbing all those flights of stairs. She was heaving for air as she stumbled into the office and shut the door behind her.

“Professor… I need to see Headmaster Dumbledore. It’s urgent. Please”

McGonagall’s eyes took her appearance in with a wide, disturbed look. “Good lord, Burton. Take a seat. What’s happened?”

“I’m sorry professor, but I need to speak to him this instant. It’s important. _Please_.”

Professor McGonagall was already nodding her agreement. “Very well.”  
She tapped her wand to her lips. “Albus, urgent meeting. Your office.” She flicked her wand and a patronus appeared in the form of a silvery cat. It bounded away with her message.

Samsara couldn’t find it in her to care much about Elias and Regulus’s warning, but she didn’t want to be caught on her way to Dumbledore’s office. Who knew what other students had Death Eater parents. “I can’t be seen. They’ll know I’ve told someone.” She opened her mouth to try and make sense of what she was trying to say, but she couldn’t. Her brain was growing fuzzy. The adrenaline was fading away into exhaustion.

Mcgonagall flicked her wand, transforming Samsara’s dress and coat into entirely different colors and shapes. She tapped a piece of paper with her wand and turned it into a scarf, which wrapped itself Around Samsara’s head. “Come now, quickly.”

Samsara followed the woman through the door and up the stairs. It all felt like a blur. As if it were all just a dream. Before she knew it, she was standing in front of a large gold statue.

“Sherbet Lemon.” McGonagall said. 

Samsara followed her onto the steps that appeared as the statue spun upwards. Flashbacks of the fountain in hogsmeade made her shiver. She sat where McGonagall had pointed, staring blankly ahead until she heard the sound of her Headmaster’s voice.

“Miss Burton, are you alright? What’s happened?”

She opened and closed her mouth. Where to begin?

Dumbledore watched her in silence, waiting patiently for her to speak.

“Can I trust you?” Samsara whispered. She didn’t know what to believe anymore. Maybe even Dumbledore was one of the members of the cult. 

Nothing seemed real anymore.

“Samsara?” Dumbledore drew her out of her thoughts. “Whatever it is, you can trust me.”

She looked into his eyes, shaking. “Headmaster… something terrible has happened. Someone has been murdered… there was a man… he… I…” She opened and closed her mouth. She couldn’t find the words. The fear had snuck in and seeped into her bones again. A war. A war had begun.

“Samsara you are safe. No one is going to hurt you here.”

She shook her head. She looked at the portraits hanging on the wall. Most of them were asleep, but she couldn’t trust it. She didn’t know which eyes would betray her to the purebloods, but there was bound to be _someone_. “They were everywhere. They’re everywhere.”

She wasn’t making any sense, and she knew it. She wasn’t saying what she was thinking. It was all a jumbled mess, like she had lost control.

“Samsara? You might be going into shock. It is common for those who have been through any form of trauma. Listen to my voice.” She watched his blue twinkling eyes, watching fearfully as he stood over her. “Do I have your permission to extract your memories of tonight and view them for myself?”

“N-no.” She shook her head furiously. “I can’t forget. I need to remember.”

“You won’t forget, Miss Burton. It will only allow me to view what you have been through. So you don’t have to relive it yourself.”

She shook her head. She didn’t want him messing with her head. 

“It’s best to do when the memory is fresh, dear. Then Minerva” He looked over the Professor, “Can give you some calming draught to help you relax. How does that sound?”

Her mind was still reeling. She knew she had to tell him. Dumbledore was the only one who could stop such dark magic. He had to know what to do. 

She looked into his eyes and nodded. “Okay.” She whispered.

“Very well.” He said softly. “At the count of three. One. Two. Three.” He held his wand to her head and she felt a light tugging sensation as a silvery wisp pulled from inside her skull.

Dumbledore walked the wisp over to a strange stone bowl inside a cabinet. It floated down into the bowl.

“I will watch this, and I will back in a moment, dear. Be calm. You are safe here.”

He leaned over the bowl, and she felt tears drip down onto her hands, which were wringing themselves nervously. She hadn’t realized she had been crying. When had she started crying?

McGonagall was at her side with a calming draught. Samsara shook her head. “I’m okay, professor. I don’t want to be… sleepy when he returns. I need to speak with him.”

And she needed to see Remus. 

McGonagall looked like she wanted to argue with her, but she simply nodded her agreement. “Very well.”

The clock ticked by several minutes in silence. Normally sitting next to a professor would prompt Samsara into word vomit, trying to make polite small talk. Her mind was blank, now. For once, she had nothing to say.

Dumbledore reappeared a few minutes later, with a grave expression on his face.

“Minerva. Send a message out to the Order. We have identified the leader of the Death Eaters. Tonight a man we once knew as Tom Riddle has done unspeakable things to gain immortality. As of tonight, I’m afraid... that we are at war.”

Samsara shrunk into her chair. If what Dumbledore was saying was true, things would never be the same. When she had woken up this morning, she had hoped her problems would all end tonight, but they were only just beginning.

McGonagall rose to her feet. “Right away, Albus.” 

The professor left without another word, silently placing the calming draught next to Samsara. She understood the gesture. _Take it if you want._ After her talk with the Headmaster, she would probably need it, but she still had a werewolf to yell at. And snog, probably.

For a minute, neither of them spoke. Dumbledore offered her a box of tissues and she took it gratefully. When she dabbed at her eyes, black smudges wiped across the tissues. She didn’t have to look in a mirror to know she looked awful. 

It seemed silly to even concern herself with her appearance. The world itself had changed in front of her eyes. 

“I am sorry for all you have been through tonight, Samsara. I admire your bravery in coming to me, despite the threats you faced tonight. You did the right thing. Now that you are seated in front of me, you must have questions for me. So tell me, what’s on your mind?”

“How is he immortal?” Was the first of many questions on her mind.

Dumbledore sighed. “I believe that Tom Riddle used a form of dark, ancient magic called a Horcrux. He used that man’s life force to split a piece of his soul and store it away for safekeeping. Thus, if he died, he could be reincarnated with dark magic using that black book you saw.”

“So his soul is in that book?” She said

Dumbledore nodded. “A part of it, yes. I believe so.”

“Uh, okay.” She nodded, although she felt overwhelmed. It was all too much. Her head hurt trying to wrap her mind around it all.

“Um, Tom Riddle... the ‘Lord’ guy… He said Elias had earned me. A marriage contract. What does that mean?” She asked. He had also mentioned her sister, as if Summer had been in a contract with Hugo. A contract she never followed through upon. 

She had said it herself. That Hugo had thought they would be married... 

But then Summer found a werewolf. The irony did not slip past Samsara’s mind. Summer was living happily in Romania. While she was over here being offered up to the Zabini family like a lamb for slaughter. Like she was their property.

Like she wasn’t in love with a werewolf of her own.

Dumbledore sighed. “Ah, yes. Pureblood society customs are quite ancient and outdated, but still followed by some families. A contract was likely drafted between the eldest Zabini boy and your sister. A contract that would have been signed by your parents or grandparents.”

She shook her head. Why would her grandparents or parents ever… “No. They wouldn’t. She… No.”

It was a thought she couldn’t bear. That her family would sell her sister or her off like a prized pig at the fair.

“In some cases, the contracts are arranged without the children even present. Though, it might be a matter of public record, it likely will not be. Pureblood rituals are not backed by the Ministry. The contract cannot be enforced, although…” He trailed off. “There’s something we need to discuss. I must ask a favor of you, Samsara. A favor that will come at a heavy cost to you, but will serve the greater good.”

She laughed humorlessly. A great cost to her. What more did she have left to give?

“What is it?”

“I would like you to carry on and allow Elias Zabini to court you. It will be a facade. You will pretend to know nothing of tonight. I will have an expert teach you to protect your thoughts and your memories with Occlumency. If you insert yourself in their circle, you can help my team find and destroy any the horcruxes Tom plans to make. What he has seen in the fountain. Those objects. Thanks to your memory, we can review them at a later date.  
Tom has seen a version of the future in that fountain, and exactly what he will need to do to achieve it. We can help stop his evil deeds before they begin.”

Samara shook her head, “I can’t just... I can’t pretend.”

“Samsara, you could save many lives. Innocent men and women. Muggles and Muggleborns who are innocent, incriminalized to Lord Voldemort solely because of their birth circumstances”

She looked at her lap, her fists closed tightly around her used tissues. She could never pretend to be with Elias. Not after what he had done; who he had revealed himself to be. Not when she knew what Remus was and they could finally be together. “But I love someone else, sir.” She said it quietly.

“Ah, young Mr. Lupin, is it?” Dumbledore smiled kindly.

She looked up at him. _How did he?_

“Even professors have a weakness for gossip, Miss Burton.” He laughed, “I overheard several of your teachers express their surprise at the spectacle young Mr. Zabini made yesterday morning at breakfast. You see, they had been rooting for you and Mr. Lupin to work things out.”

Samsara snorted. “Do I even want to know how they knew?”

Dumbledore merely smiled, looking over his half-moon spectacles. “Not likely, no. But despite your affections for Mr. Lupin, I do have a piece of information that could potentially sway your alliance. ”

“I’m on your side, sir. I just need time.” She sat up straight in her chair. “What information?”

He sighed, flicking his wand to accio a piece of paper onto his desk. It was a newspaper.

He beckoned her closer. “There. Page Three. Take a close look at the photograph.”

She looked over the desk at the paper. It was a muggle newspaper. The pictures were still. 

On page three there was a large black and white photograph of a man and woman in front of a new store. 

Samsara looked up in confusion. “Um, professor?”

“Look in the background.” 

She searched the picture for whatever it was she was supposed to see. There were several people walking in the street. Just behind the woman was a man walking along the sidewalk, who had happened to turn his face towards the camera at the exact moment the picture had been taken. The sunlight shone on his face, making him clear to see.

Samsara shook her head in disbelief. “But there’s no way. It couldn’t be him.”

Her father. The image of her father was staring back at her.

THE END.


	31. EPILOGUE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here’s The Epilogue. Enjoy! <3

**March 10, 1976.**

Samsara checked over her shoulder before closing her eyes. She imagined the room, exactly as she had seen it every Wednesday for the past two months. It wasn’t like the room she and her friends used to meet up in to have a drink and goof around. It was a wide room with a large chalkboard. Practice spell dummies lined up against the wall. Large windows overlooked the grounds.

The doors appeared and she stepped through. She was one of the last to arrive. She wandered through the mass of huddled bodies to find him.

Remus.

She had missed him. He hadn’t been in class all day. As was routine, he had been excused following the full moon. It just so happened that today was not only the day after the full moon. It was also an Order meeting _and_ his birthday.

She came up behind him and put her hands over his eyes. She put on a fake accent to try to throw him off. “Happy Birthday.”

Remus stiffened, laughing. “Samsara, that would work a lot better if I couldn’t smell you from the moment you walked in.”

Blushing, she pulled her hands back and placed them shyly behind her back. “Right, sorry.” She had forgotten. That he could smell better than anyone in the room. Because her boyfriend was a werewolf. Before and after the full moon, his senses were especially heightened.

He chuckled. He reached for her hands behind her back, pulling her in for a hug. She shivered at his touch, a warm feeling coursing through her. It was like electricity. 

Gasping, she looked up into his eyes. They were almost _glowing_

She gulped, “Um, Happy Birthday?” 

His eyes darted down to her lips. “You said that already.”

“Get a room, would you?!” Sirius shouted, cupping his hands over his mouth to project his voice over the crowd.

The voices stopped murmuring for a moment before starting up again. She and Remus were old news. The whole entire Order knew that they were together, and there were _a lot_ of students in the order.

Everyone was abuzz for the announcement Dumbledore said he would be making today. They paid them no mind as they stared into one another’s eyes. 

“Actually.” Remus practically growled, eyes still glowing. “That’s _exactly what I’d like to do.”_

Her mouth felt dry as she swallowed. She felt it stronger than ever. The instinctual pull towards him. 

“Skip the meeting?” She said, licking her lips. Oh the things she could do to him if he’d let her. And, well, it _was_ his birthday. Maybe they would finally get to do what she had been wanting to do for a while. 

Remus bobbed his head up and down, pulling her by her hands to the back of the crowd. “Mhmm. They’ll fill us in later.” 

She squeaked as he put an arm around her shoulders tugging her tighter into his body. He wasn’t usually so possessive in front of everyone, but she didn’t really mind it. 

They were almost at the door, too, when Albus Dumbledore himself entered. So much for their escape. They backed into the room sheepishly. 

Remus gritted his teeth and Samsara reached up to stroke his cheek with her hand as Dumbledore walked up to the front of the makeshift classroom. 

“It will be over soon, love.” She said. He relaxed a little at her touch as she rubbed his arm As everyone else’s attention shifted to the front, she stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear, pressing her body to his. “And when it’s over, we can just take a trip to the Prefect’s Bathroom together, what do you think?” 

His body went rigid. He cursed under his breath. 

She smirked at the effect she had on him. 

His warm breath fanned against her ear as he leaned over and growled. “You’re such a tease. You’ll pay for that later, love” 

She stifled her giggle with her hand, not wanting to draw the attention of the group. “I’m soooo scared.” She whispered, rolling her eyes. 

“Merlin. you guys could at least _act_ like you aren’t together around me.” Elias was to their right, rolling his eyes. “She is my future fiance, you know.” 

Samsara rolled her eyes at him, remembering the night of the Ball. 

**TWO MONTHS AGO**

  


She had been looking down at the photo of her father, Dumbledore’s supposed bargaining piece for her to join the Order. As if she wouldn’t have been motivated solely for the revenge on Voldemort for ruining her quest. But spying on the purebloods after everything she had seen didn’t seem like a good time. She wasn’t ready to give her answer tonight, even if Dumbledore had information on her father. 

At her silence, Dumbledore had spoken first. 

“The photo was taken a week ago, Samsara.” Dumbledore said. “The American branch of The Order has been looking into your father’s appearance. I had planned to call you here into my office tomorrow to show you this. _This_ is what The Order does. We are committed to justice. You would be joining our ranks to help others protect their families. And in return, we can help you find your father. Help you find out what happened to him.” 

Samsara sighed, “So you want me to spy on murderers. Essentially, you want me to risk my life for information.” 

Dumbledore was silent. She took it as an affirmative answer. 

However, she couldn’t decide then. “Can I have a little time to think about it?” Her voice was hoarse. She just wanted to crawl into her warm bed and rest. After, ahem, speaking to Remus of course. 

“Very well, Miss Burton. Please visit me when you have your answer.” 

She nodded, standing. “Yes, sir.” 

The statue staircase appeared, and she stepped onto it. She walked away from the Headmaster’s office, and she set off for her next destination. 

There was one thing she would need to do before she slept or she made a decision. She needed to kick some werewolf butt. She thought back to everything he had put her through. All of the miscommunication. All of the hurt and lies. He had let her believe that he was _sleeping with Pomfrey,_ rather than tell her the truth. 

_And for what?_

She was livid. She was steaming. She was _furious._

She stormed into the Hospital wing, and saw him on one of the beds, sitting upright. Good. He wasn’t injured. _Yet._

_“REMUS. JOHN. LUPIN.”_ She bellowed. 

He had the audacity to look behind him. As if there were anyone else in the ward or the entire school with that name. 

James and Sirius looked on in awe as she stalked over to him. “YOU _FREAKING_ DUMB-- UGHHH. AHHHHHHH! I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU.” She threw up her hands. She wanted to throw something at him. 

“So _this_ is what an angry Hufflepuff looks like.” Sirius whispered to James. 

She whirled on them. “AND _YOU._ YOU BOTH KNEW AND YOU SAID NOTHING.” 

Remus tried to intervene. “Samsara, calm down, I asked them not to-” 

There are two words which you should never say to someone when they are pissed off. 

_calm_ and _down_

That’s when she saw red. She looked around for something to throw, settling on the pillow next to Remus. She picked it up and smacked him with it. “I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT. *smack* AS IF I WOULD CARE ABOUT THIS. *smack smack* AS IF IT WOULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE TO ME. GOD YOU’RE THICK. NO I MEAN HIS SKULL, STUPID. SHUT UP JAMES. I HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN HIS-” 

She honestly couldn’t remember now everything she had shouted at him. But the message had been clear. Eventually, he found a way to shut her up. By pulling her onto his lap and snogging her face off. 

An effective method, to be sure. Her anger had all but disappeared and so had James and Sirius, eventually. She had refused to leave his side until he was done being treated. Then, at the staircase, when she went to go her separate way, he had held her wrist, pulling her up the stairs silently. 

“But Remus, I-" 

“Shut up.” 

“I can’t just...” 

“Just shut up. I’ve been without you for two weeks. I’m not getting any sleep tonight unless you’re with me. Now _come on._ ” 

Her cheeks had warmed at his words. “Okay.” 

And they had slept together in his bed, his arms holding her tight to his torso. She had never felt so safe, so warm. 

By morning she knew there was no way she could pretend to want to marry Elias. _Unless…_

  
  
**PRESENT TIME.**

  


Remus gripped her so tightly as he glared at Elias that he nearly knocked the breath out of her. 

“Remus!” She squeaked. She couldn't breathe. 

“She. Is. Mine.” Remus growled. 

Samsara looked up at him in confusion. What was _wrong_ with him. 

Elias was was still a flirt, but now he had joined the Order and was trying to make amends. He still vowed to win her over. 

After that night, Elias had seen his father torturing his sister for speaking out against him on something trivial. Samsara had slapped the sense into him, probably, because he went to see Dumbledore. Dumbledore convinced him to join the order. Elias agreed to help him dismantle Voldemort’s group from the inside. 

The whole marriage contract thing was too far away for them to even worry about. They would get all the horcruxes before then. In public, she pretended to be getting closer to Elias. Sometimes they held hands, but never anything more. She reminded him every chance she got that she thought he was a coward and a traitor. She took every chance to kick him under the Divination table. She had yet to find a good enough idea for revenge. 

He had a long way to go before she would ever trust him again. 

Remus hated watching them together in public. He hated that he had to pretend he and Samsara weren’t together so she could keep up the charade with Elias. 

She knew that he hated how she had to spend time with Elias and his friends. But he had never reacted this… intensely before. 

She looked between the two boys with wide eyes. “Remus, let’s go outside for a minute, hmm?” 

He didn’t answer, but didn’t resist her as she led him out of the room. She sent an apologetic look to Dumbledore, who surprised her by smiling impishly at them as they left the meeting together. She flushed, hoping the rest of the Order hadn’t seen. 

She let him lead her down the hallway. She knew he was angry, tense, but he looked like he was going to shift again or something. There was something in his eyes that she had never seen before. 

He led her to the entrance of the Prefect’s Bathroom. 

“Remus! We can’t miss the meeting to _canoodle_ ” 

“You’re so right.” He said simply. He leaned down to pick her up and throw her over his shoulder. “And that’s because we’ll be doing a lot more than just _canoodling_ , baby.” 

She gasped, “Really?” 

He chuckled lowly, “Really.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my first book.
> 
> -gryffindorcutie
> 
> p.s. since a few people have asked and I did talk about it while initially posting this, a sequel is on an indefinite hiatus as I work on a few other novels. I do think about it often though and could see myself picking the story back up when I have time. Thank you so much for reading my first ever fic <3 I appreciate it


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